You Can Have My PJs When You Pry Them From My Cold, Dead Body

I don't know about you, but my mornings are a bit hectic. There are two kids who need my constant supervision (ie, yelling) to:

Get dressed - "Didn't you wear that shirt yesterday, Gomer?"
Brush hair - "Adolpha, shaking your head upside down doesn't count as brushing your hair."
Brush teeth - "Adolpha, you have more than enough strength to squeeze the toothpaste tube."
Eat breakfast - "Gomer, goldfish don't count as breakfast."
Pack lunch - "Shoot, we're out of bread again! Everyone's buying lunch today!"
Check backpack for homework - "How did you 'forget' that you had homework to do last night, Gomer?"
Find shoes - "Adolpha, you have easily 10 pairs of shoes. Find a pair on the put them on. NOT flip flops."
Wear a coat - "Yes, a COAT. It's 40 degrees outside, put on your damn coat!!!"
Get in the car - "Let's go, go, go, go! We're five minutes away from the school how are we always late?"

Let's End the Mommy Wars

This video will literally make you laugh and then make you cry.  Not sponsored, just love it.


WTF Files: Random Sh*t on the Internet

I don't know if you've noticed, but I haven't been hanging around the blog much these last several months. It's not that I don't want to, it's because I have to. I've been super duper busy working on a new book. Only this one is taking me a little longer, because it's not a PIWTPITT book, it's my first fiction book. EEEEEK!!! I've been working on it for a long ass time, but it always got shoved to the bottom of my to-do list. I finally decided that this year was the year I'd move it to the top of the list and make it a priority. Even blogging can't get in the way.

BUT ... I couldn't help myself today. See, even though I haven't been blogging much, I'm still keeping up with all the shenanigans on Facebook. I have to have SOME fun distractions while I'm writing. Luckily, my friends on Facebook never fail me. They send me some of the weirdest, freakiest, funniest shit and I wanted to share it with you.

Tooth Monster Dolls - OK, this is probably the scariest thing I've seen in a long time. You know how when your kids lose their teeth and you collect them. What do you do with them? I have a Ziploc bag full of teeth hidden in my sock drawer. I have no idea what I'll do with them. I didn't want to throw them away because they were so sweet, etc., etc., but now I have a bag of teeth in my drawer. Like a serial killer or something. Well, don't worry, Pinterest has come to our rescue. Now you can make a Tooth Monster Doll and glue or sew the baby teeth into the mouth and your child can be too terrified to sleep at night because his new doll has a mouth of gleaming choppers poised to take off a finger or two. Also, what are those eyes made out of????

Christian Bodybuilding Swingers Will Save You

If you've read my book, then you'll know that the Hubs and I had a brush with swingers. I didn't notice the white rock in the yard and even if I did, I didn't know what it meant. (Spoiler alert: swingers like to landscape with white rocks!)

My initial concern that day was that the swingers weren't exactly my type. This made me think that swinging isn't my bag, man. Maybe if they'd been really good looking I might have decided to stay. Who knows?

Adolpha's Obsession with Public Restrooms

A few months ago I told you about Adolpha's close relationship with the school nurse. Well, tonight I noticed that she's got another strange obsession: public restrooms.

The girl hasn't met a public restroom that she hasn't been curious to try. It's ridiculous. Every time we leave the house she must visit the closest public restroom. It doesn't matter if it's a quick run to Target for socks and underwear, she feels compelled to leave them a deuce. If we take a 30 minute road trip somewhere she needs to stop on the way to check out the filthiest Quik Trip.

It's becoming a real problem, because not only does she have to go into these vile places, I have to go too. The girl can't go alone, don't you know.

How Real Men Get Flu Shots

You may remember the Great Man Flu Epidemic of the Punch Household. Before the Epidemic I always got a flu shot and I always made sure our kids got a shot or the mist too, but the Hubs refused. However, ever since the Epidemic, the Hubs has been diligent about getting a flu shot. Even though the Hubs is convinced he needs to vaccinated, he has a real fear of needles and every time he must psyche himself up to get the shot. (Before you ask, he won't do the mist. I'm not sure why, but he's even more opposed to snorting something up his nose than he is to a needle in the arm.)

Don't make me get a flu shot

Today we were out running some errands when the Hubs said: Should we get our flu shots today?

Me: Yes.

Lotus Birth Bags

Alright, so I thought the placenta pills were horrible and the placenta bear revolting, but now there is something worse.

Apparently, it's a thing to carry your days old placenta around in an adorable sack. WTF, placenta lovers?? Can't you people just discard it as medical waste like the rest of us??? Actually, I don't know if this is a placenta lover thing ("The placenta is special and should be kept for all time!") or if this is just one more way to accessorize and/or decorate everything in our lives ("Oh my God, how cute! An ah-may-zing bag for our placenta, honey!!") or if this is a competimom thing:

"I gave birth in a bath tub in my living room surrounded by friends, family, neighbors, three midwives, a Druid Priest, and an astrologer, during a full moon. I delivered in complete silence except for the sounds of the musicians we'd hired to play the pan flute while using only acupuncture to control my pain."

Which Downton Character Are You?

I am a huge fan of "Downton Abbey" and I have spoilers in this post, so if you are not yet caught up, go watch it now and come back. And if you haven't yet seen it. Ugh. Get on Netflix right now and get caught up. You can thank me later.

I missed the first two seasons and had to catch up on DVD once I realized my error. I'm not sure what took me so long. This show is right up my alley:

The Best Wedding Present I Received

Last night I went out with the girls for some much needed girl time (this is different than alone time, Hubs).

My mother's group was getting together to talk about New Year's Resolutions. We went around the table where you hear the usual: lose weight, eat healthy, hang up my coat and then there was Joni. "Spice up my marriage. Rawwr." You might remember her from mom's night out at the gun range. Joni is always good for a laugh and it was especially funny to see her Facebook check in from the day before. We had all seen Joni check in to the local sex shop - right after school.

Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

By now we have all heard of the adorable little Elf on the Shelf . Almost everyone I know has one.  Some people even have two!  (Now I'...

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