Over Achieving Moms and Their Kids' Birthday Parties

It seems like we will never run out of areas for over achieving moms to dominate.  Birthday parties have been a recurring theme that keeps popping up from my readers.  Every week I get emails begging me to take on the over achieving birthday party moms.  All of these emails contain links that send me to over the top birthday parties - each one more outrageous than the next.  Since I've recently been called a "troll" for sending coveted page views to public blogs such as these, I will refrain from posting links to the parties (their loss).  I can say, these are all real parties and I bet with a little sleuthing you will be able to find them.

One was a whimsical Cat in the Hat first birthday where the baby has no clue who Dr. Seuss is or why it's hysterical and adorable all at the same time that he's eating green eggs and ham in a house covered (literally COVERED) in red and turquoise bunting and crepe and balloons and other Dr. Seuss-themed shit.  I think there were at least 5 different kinds of cupcakes to choose from besides the striped hat cake.  No matter how much the parents paid for a professional photographer to take pictures of this birthday, beautiful pictures can never cover the fact that the cake was melting because of the heat and they dressed the poor kid in some kind of linen one piece jumper thing with his initials embroidered on the front that will haunt him into adulthood.

F*ck Yeah!

Look what I saw on the news! The British did a research project about swearing. The guy in charge got the genius idea when he witnessed his wife cussing up a storm during labor and wondered if maybe it was a release and helped her endure more pain. Ya think? He didn't need to waste so much time and energy researching that. A simple phone call to me could have told him what he needed to know: I curse because I have the feels (because I'm surrounded by idiots and assholes) and sometimes those are the only words that will work to either give me the release I need or to convey to you, dear reader, how much I'm feeling. I've always said that ranting keeps me off of medication. A good fuck you, you cocksucker is like Valium for me.

I think this was my favorite quote from the whole article:

"The stereotype is that those who swear have a low IQ or are inarticulate is wrong. It is rich emotional language."

Boom, motherfuckers. I'm full of rich emotion -- whatever that means. All I know is that it's now official. I'm swearing because the doctor ordered it.

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9 Things I Learned at the Water Park of America

We took a road trip to the largest indoor water park in America.

I know a lot of people get skeeved out at water parks, but I really don't mind them.  I figure there's so much chlorine in the water it's killed off all the germs.  I'm more afraid of the Kum & Go bathrooms!

Looking around the park, I learned a few things about water parks and I wanted to share them with you:

I Got a C-String and It Looks Good!

Remember when I wrote about c-strings? Well, once I wrote about it, I started getting a hankering to try one on. I went to Amazon and I ordered one. Imagine my surprise when I found out it was backordered! What a popular little piece of fabric and wire! I went ahead and placed the order and proceeded to wait.

This week, I received a special package from China. Finally! I tore open the padded envelope (yes, it was padded as if this piece of scratchy lace attached to a wire hanger might get damaged or something) and found a teeny tiny twat topper. That's really the only way to describe this thing.

I was promised that the device was a "one size fits all," but upon closer inspection (but without an actual test drive) I could tell immediately that this thing was never going to cover my lady area. Lucky for me, I had a back up plan. I had sort of suspected that this would be the case, so I had really planned to wear it as a headband. At four bucks and free shipping, it's now one of the cheapest headbands I own.

Just Another Night With the Hubs

I'm grumpy tonight.  It's been a very long week. I think all that fun made me anti-social tonight. Tonight everything the Hubs says pisses me off.  I'm irritable and I'm definitely letting him know. Here's the latest conversation/squabble we just had:

Me:  Be quiet.  You're really getting on my nerves.
Hubs:  Well you're getting on my nerves.
Me:  Shut up.  You're annoying me.
Hubs:  You're annoying me.
Me:  Shut it!  You annoyed me first.  End of discussion.
Hubs:  You're funny.
Me:  (laughing now too) Stop it.  I'm pissy.  Don't make me laugh.
Hubs:  OK, let's just cuddle.
Me:  You bitch.  You never just want to cuddle.
Hubs:  It will relax you...
Me:  Go away.

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Me - At Zen Massage

So I've been having a lot of stress-related (and, let's face it, age-related) pains lately and I figured I needed a massage.  I bought a massage gift certificate at an auction a few months ago and I decided on the spur of the moment to book a last minute massage last night.

I was going to try for sometime later in the week, but after I looked at my calendar for the upcoming week I felt the knots in my shoulders tighten.  I asked if they had an appointment for that night and the receptionist said I could get the last one of the night.  Perfect.

Or so I thought.

PIWTPITT's 10 Rules for Grandparents

If you've been reading me for any length of time you will know that I love to make a good list of rules. Rules for daughters. Rules for sons. Rules for my kids when they're at playdates. Rules for moms who host playdates. Rules, rules, rules. I enjoy a good list of rules, even if I hate to follow rules (don't we all?).

Now I have a new list.

Rules for Grandparents.

Disclaimer: Now, now, I know my parents read this blog and before they get their knickers in a wad, I will say: You are good grandparents and even better free babysitters, so just relax over there these are not all about you. Just have a laugh - and maybe stop watching so much "CSI" in front of my kids. Adolpha knows what "blood spatter" means. 

Actually, that's a good place to start:

Summer Reading List for Tweens and Teens

If you follow my personal Facebook page or my Instagram, then you know I'm always sharing book recommendations. I even run a book club that you can join.

Today I shared a recommendation for a middle grade book Adolpha recommended to me. Someone asked if I had a list of books that my kids enjoyed because she's having a tough time getting her kids to read.

I have one good reader (Adolpha, 11) and one tough reader (Gomer, 13). Adolpha devours books and loves series that she can read over and over again. Gomer is a very slow reader and so series kind of intimidate him, but once he finds one that hooks him, he reads them all. He's also started wandering into the adult section at the library and bookstore. I really don't mind. I'm that parent that lets her kids read pretty much anything. I just want them to read. I was reading The Shining and Jackie Collins in middle school, so I get it.

I've made a list of the favorites and I've tried to group them into Middle Grade and Young Adult and I've even got some Adult Nonfiction that Gomer has tried and liked. Hopefully you'll find something good on here for your kiddos.


Are You There, God, It's Me, Margaret (Judy Blume)
A Wrinkle in Time (Madeleine L'Engle)
Babysitters Club (Adolpha wants me to be clear that she ONLY likes the graphic novel versions illustrated by Raina Telgemeier)
Blubber (Judy Blume) *There's a lot of Judy B. on here, this is the set Adolpha has and I think every one of them are on her "must read" list.
Coraline (Neil Gaiman)
Crenshaw (Katherine Applegate)
Deenie (Judy Blume)
Dork Diaries series (Rachel Renee Russell)
Esperanza Rising (Pam Munoz Ryan)
Ghosts (Raina Telgemeier)
Greenglass House (Kate Milford)
Iggie's House (Judy Blume)
I Survived...series (Lauren Tarshis)
Joshua's Island (Patrick Hodges)
Land of Stories series (Chris Coffer)
Number the Stars (Lois Lowry)
Princess Diaries series (Meg Cabot)
Sisters (Raina Telgemeier)
Smile (Raina Telgemeier)
Swing It, Sunny (Jennifer L. Holm)
The Meanest Doll in the World (Ann M. Martin)
The Name of This Book is Secret series (Pseudonymous Bosch)
The Shadow Children series (Margaret Peterson Haddix)
Who Was...series (assorted authors)
Wonder (R.J. Palacio)


An Ember in the Ashes series (Sabaa Tahir)
Caraval (Stephanie Garber)
Dear Martin (Nic Stone)
Dorothy Must Die (Danielle Paige)
H2O series (Virginia Bergin)
Legend series (Marie Lu)
My Lame Life: Queen of the Misfits (Jen Mann)
One of Us is Lying (Karen M. McManus)
Order of Seven (Beth Teliho)
Red Queen series (Victoria Aveyard)
Seeds of America series (Laurie Halse Anderson)
Speak (Laurie Halse Anderson)
The Book Thief (Markus Zusak)
The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (John Boyne)
The Gay Teen's Guide to Defeating a Siren (Cody Wagner)
The Giver (Lois Lowry)
The Hate U Give (Angie Thomas)
The Hunger Games (Suzanne Collins)
The Internet Girls series (Lauren Myracle)
The Maze Runner series (James Dashner)
The Resistance series (Tracy Lawson)
The Selection series (Kiera Cass)
Then Again Maybe I Won't (Judy Blume)
Throne of Glass series (Sarah J. Maas)
We Were Liars (E. Lockhart)


Jurassic Park (Michael Crichton)
Ready Player One (Ernest Cline)
The Martian (Andy Weir)
Wool (Hugh Howey)


Into Thin Air (Jon Krakauer)
Manhunt: The 12-Day Chase to Catch Lincoln's Killer (James L. Swanson)
The Lost City of the Monkey God (Douglas Preston)

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Do You Make Your Kid Share?

Do you teach your kids to share? Do you enforce some sort of sharing rule in your house? What about outside of your house?

An article was brought to my attention recently. It's called Should You Teach Your Child to Share? The author is firmly in the camp of "my child does not need to share." EVER. Her child attends a preschool co-op where the children are not required to share toys. They can even call dibs on a toy and a teacher/parent will hold that toy for them while they go to the bathroom, break for snack, etc. They also don't have to share the swings or the monkey bars at recess.

Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

By now we have all heard of the adorable little Elf on the Shelf . Almost everyone I know has one.  Some people even have two!  (Now I'...

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