|Underwear or cuff bracelet? You decide.|
Today when I was getting dressed, I was complaining about how hot I was. It's 90 degrees today and I just can't cool off. It doesn't matter what I wear, I just can't stay cool.
I was walking through a parking lot with the hot sun beating down on me and all I could think was, Man, I'm sooooo hot. I wish there was something I could do to make me cooler. I was wearing a skirt and I gave it a little flip so I could get a breeze up in there and then I realized what was making me so hot.
It was my stupid underwear!
I'm so stupid. All summer long I wear these ridiculous full coverage undies and I sweat my butt off (literally) when really I should be wearing a c-string! The c-string would fix all of my troubles!
Wait. You don't know what a c-string is? It's this amazing, wonderful, magical product. I don't know that it's actually magic, I'm just assuming it is, because otherwise I don't understand how it stays put.
It's not just for the granny panty set like myself. It's also for the thong thong thong girls. I mean, who wants all of that material on the sides of your thong when you can just pop this sucker over your hooha and up your butt? I imagine it's like a lacy feminine napkin that clings to your nether regions by a flexible wire and a prayer.
I can't imagine how anything could go wrong with this little number! I can't imagine you'd ever stop clenching your ass cheeks long enough that it would accidentally fall out from under your skirt as you walk across the stage at graduation. I can't imagine that you'd ever sit down quickly and not have everything in the exact place it needs to be and the wire in the back goes exploring your back door. I'm sure that these things NEVER happen with this revolutionary piece of underwear technology.
Even if things might get dicey with a c-string, I was so hot, I was willing to take a chance. I'll try anything to cool down! I was just about to order seven of these (and get them embroidered on the front with the days of the week) when a review caught my eye. It was titled "This is awesome except for the vagina sweat puddle."
Well, shit. I was only buying this contraption to prevent a vagina sweat puddle!
You know what? I'll still order one and try it out. If I get a sweaty vagina, I can always use it as a super cute headband.
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Pssst .... I got a c-string and it looks fabulous and fits like a glove! Check it out here. (Don't worry, the pic is COMPLETELY safe for work. Pervs.)