Anyone Who Spends $7 on a Cup of Coffee

This one sort of goes along with anyone who would pay to have eyelash extensions.  Y'know, people who just spend money on crazy shit.

In case you don't know what I'm talking about, let me explain.  Starbucks has come out with some stupid, super rare coffee that they're selling for $7 a cup.  They are hoping that we're all either too stupid to care about the price and we'll line up like lemmings to drink their magic elixir or so fucking elitist and competitive that we'll HAVE TO have it.

Toys for Todds

A couple of weeks ago the kids' school did a toy drive for Toys for Tots.  We sent a couple of toys with the kids.

Ever since then we've seen dozens of Toys for Tots bins and boxes all over town.  The other day Adolpha and I went shopping and Toys for Tots was there with a list of items for older kids.  I always buy toys for little kids, but so many times I forget the big kids.

Last year I volunteered for an organization that lets low income families come in and shop before Christmas.  Everyone gets to pick a personal gift for themselves that isn't a hat or a coat or food.  There were tons of toys for little kids, but the tweens and teens kind of got the shaft.  Their wants are just so much more expensive than the little ones.  When the Toys for Tots volunteer handed me the list I saw that they'd come up with lots of reasonably priced items for tweens and teens (AXE Bodyspray, make up, sketch pads, curling irons, books, DVDs, etc.).  I told Adolpha that we'd buy a few of these items.

As we perused the make up aisle, Adolpha said, "Are you sure he's going to want make up??"

I was busy trying to decide if electric blue eye shadow is back in style again (I think it MIGHT be) and I didn't really listen to her question.  "Hmmm?" I asked as I put back the Electric Eel eye shadow and chose Aquadisiac instead.

I'm pretty sure I wore this color in 1984 and it didn't look good on me then either.

"Are you sure this boy is going to want make up?" Adolpha asked again.

"Who are you talking about, Adolpha?" I asked.

"Todds.  The boy who gets all of these toys.  Y'know, it's called Toys for Todds.  That Todds kid is getting a lot of toys."

Weekly Wrap Up 11.25.12

Did you guys have a Happy Thanksgiving?  We had a good holiday over here.  We ended up with 21 people at my house on Thursday.  Not too bad.  Lucky for me my family all pitched in and we ended up having a pretty relaxing day.  Of course, our Elf on the Shelf came out on Thursday night and I've already forgotten to move them.  Yup - I said, "them."  This year we have another Elf - a girl Elf now.  We received her as a gift, because I didn't have enough elves to move.  This morning I was perusing Facebook before the kids woke up and I saw the word "bastard" in someone's status update and it reminded me to go move that little bastard and his girlfriend!  It's going to be a long Christmas season if this is any indication.

Black Friday Weekend Book Sale!!!


Happy Black Friday!  I know it's not a real holiday for anyone, but for me and my mother it is.  This year I died a little inside because when I looked at all the flyers yesterday after my pie coma set in I realized there wasn't a darn thing out there that would force me to roll out of bed at 3 AM and sharpen my elbows.  I feel good and well rested this morning.  I've never felt this good on Black Friday!

In honor of my love of Black Friday I have lowered the e-book edition of my book SPENDING THE HOLIDAYS WITH PEOPLE I WANT TO PUNCH IN THE THROAT to 99 CENTS!

Want to know where to get it?  Here you go:



APPLE PEOPLE - Buy it at SMASHWORDS for your iPad and iPhone and iTouch.



If you have an iPad or iPhone, you can download the Kindle app and get it from Amazon CLICK HERE.

If you don't have an e-reader you can download a PDF HERE and read it on your computer.

If you still want a copy of the paperback, that is available at Amazon and if you want to have a signed paperback copy, that can be ordered as well.  CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS.


I'm not the only author dropping prices today, my friend Denise Grover Swank who writes a lot of fantastic YA and mystery is also dropping the prices on some of her books today.  Check out Denise's blog for a list of other sale books!

If you or someone you know LOVES a GREAT deal and great BOOKs, please share this post.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!  I hope you're having a great day celebrating just the way you want to.  I've got 21 people at my house today.  Not to worry, I won't be punching anyone today - I don't think.  Lucky for me, my family pitches in and everyone brings food to share and no one drinks any thing stronger than Diet Coke so I don't have a drunk uncle telling me that Obama is sending us down the shitter.  We watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (starring that pesky Elf this year), Disney movies, play board games, eat pie and more pie, get the damn Elf out and start Christmas.  Really.  You can't make this stuff up.

Wrap Up 11.17.12

Today is a pretty good day.  I'm sitting here writing my wrap up listening to Air Supply while my kids clean the house.  We have 20 people coming for dinner on Thursday and I've literally called the donation truck to come on Wednesday because I have so much shit I need to get rid of before people arrive.

This week I've been nominated for Circle of Moms Top 25 Book Author Moms.  If you nominated me, thank you.  Circle of Moms is a great place to get my name out and help me sell some books.  You might recall that a few months ago many of you helped me win Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms contest.  I'd love to win this one too.  Would you mind voting for me?  You can vote every day until December 7th.  Don't worry, I'll keep reminding you.  Thanks!!

Want My Book for Free? How About a Kindle Fire?

The holiday season is fast upon us.  Do you realize Thanksgiving is next week??  I will have twenty or so of my closest family members descending upon my house in one week's time and I have done nothing yet to even prepare.  Does sliced turkey from the deli and instant potatoes from a box count as a Thanksgiving dinner?

Weekly Update 11.10.12

Top Read Posts This Week:

Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - And so it begins.  This post has been lighting up Pinterest this week and has easily claimed the number one spot for the week.  I doubt it will have as big a run as it had last year (over 1.2 million reads), but wouldn't that be cool if it did??

Happy Birthday to Gomer and Adolpha

On this day in 2004 we welcomed Gomer into our family.  He arrived a month early and freaked me out when he ended up in the NICU.  After a rocky start he ended up being the easiest, happiest baby.

Happy Birthday Gomer AND Adolpha!
On November 9, 2006 we put Gomer to bed and he had just learned how to say "Happy Birthday!"  He was practicing for the next day and I felt the first pangs of labor.  I knew that the next day wouldn't just be his birthday.

Who is The HUBS??

I guess I learn something everyday.  Here are some odd things about The HUBS.  Guest post today.

If you are reading this list, that means you have come here to learn some unknown and obscure facts about me.  Some of these facts are so obscure even my wife does not know.

I will tag some other bloggers and hope they will post some sort of list that will reveal some interesting, random, or obscure facts about themselves.  This is a great way to know someone a little bit better.

Week 7 of My Transformation - The Dirty 30

Yesterday was the start of week 7 of my transformation. Believe it or not, I woke up yesterday morning and thought, "What do I have to do today?" When I remembered it was a day to work out with Kris I actually thought, "Good."

Yup. "Good." Can you imagine me thinking that 7 weeks ago?? Not "Ugh" like I usually do or "Sigh. OK. Let's get it over with." I was pretty happy with myself for being so positive.

I arrived at Starting Line Fitness in a good mood and ready to work. All I can say is it's a good thing I was in a good mood, because Kris had an (evil) twinkle in her eye when she said, "Today we're going to do the Dirty 30."

The First Time Gomer Pitched a Fit

If you've read my Who is Jen page, then you'll know that both my kids, Gomer and Adolpha (no, not their real names - I cannot stress to new readers enough to read the About Jen page), share a birthday but two years apart.

This Saturday will be Gomer's 8th birthday and Adolpha's 6th birthday.

Although they share a birthday and are best friends, they have such different personalities.  Adolpha was high maintenance in the womb and Gomer has always been the most easy going and loving kid you could meet.  In fact, Gomer never threw a fit until he was two years old.

We'd had a pretty good run until the day I took him to Old Navy.

Weekly Wrap Up 11.3.12

This week has been a lot to handle with Sandy.  I'm in sunny, dry, warmish Kansas, but I have many friends on the east coast who are still suffering almost a week later.  Hang in there!  

Top Read Posts This Week:

When I Realized I Wasn't Tough Enough for NYC - Part 1 - This was the first part of my two part story about my worst day ever.  There was a lot of talk of me punching the guy in his nuts.  I didn't want to touch his dirty penis and the guy was crazy enough to stick his bare penis in my face on a public train - I was not about to get into a fight with that guy.  He'd probably kill me.

Mayor Bloomberg and the New York City Marathon

Despite the devastation that Sandy has brought on New York City, Mayor Bloomberg has decided to go ahead and hold the New York City Marathon this Sunday.

I feel my spirits lifting already.  Not.

Halloween is Over

Well, it's 8:30 PM on Halloween night and my kids are already back from trick or treating, they've washed the makeup off their faces, they've brushed their teeth and they're in bed.  I would bet Adolpha is already asleep.

Trick or treating tires them out. We hit one side of the main drag of the neighborhood and Adolpha was ready to call it quits.  At each house she would weigh the pros and cons of carrying her heavy bucket full of candy up to another door.  "What do you think they're giving out?" she'd ask me before she'd sigh heavily and plod up to the door, curiosity getting the better of her.

Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

By now we have all heard of the adorable little Elf on the Shelf . Almost everyone I know has one.  Some people even have two!  (Now I'...

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