Craziest Baby Names of 2014 Are Crazier Than Usual

What did you call me?
I've been ranting -- I mean writing -- about the same things for years and one of the recurring topics that I can't quit is baby names. I think many of you know this by now, because many, many, many of you sent me the same article over the last few days.

It's the 12 Craziest New Baby Names from 2014.

These are the whackadoodle names that whackadoodle parents invented for their babies.

For instance, there were 11 boys named Million this year and one named Amillion. I'm going to go ahead and say that 2015 will be the year of Gazillion and Shittonofmoney.

I'm a Good Mom. Or Why I Shaved My Legs Before Summer.

Some day when my children are complaining that their childhood sucked or that I didn't love them, I will remind them of the time I took them to Great Wolf Lodge.

I even put on wolf ears and posed for a picture!

We are lucky, because GWL (that's what the cool people who go there all the time call Great Wolf Lodge) is very close to us. I've never been though. Every year my parents like to take all the grandkids for a weekend and the Hubs and I run around the house screaming for joy and eating junk food without anyone bugging us for a bite.

MotherFreakingHood! Who's With Me?

There are several things I love about blogging. One is the friendships I make with YOU (my fabulous and wonderful readers) and another is the friendships I make with my fellow writers. We've got quite a nice community going, don't you think? I love laughing and commiserating with all of my "Internet friends" about things that make me want to punch someone in the throat. A topic that never gets old is vaginas. Wait. That's wrong. It's MOTHERHOOD.

Or as my amazeballs Internet friend, Julie Dunlap, calls it: MotherFreakingHood.

My Funny Bone Probably Needs Some Fixing

You might remember that this year I've partnered with as one of their #TalkEarly bloggers. It's been a really good partnership for me, because I'm learning a lot about myself. Last month I took a closer look at mydrinking habits. This month I'm re-examining my funny bone with their #RefreshYourFunny campaign.

Anyone Who Would Try and Give Me a Birth Wreath

It was recently brought to my attention that there is yet another event that needs to be memorialized and decorated to the nth degree: giving birth.

I know what you're thinking. But Jen, when I gave birth I got flowers and cards and balloons and some meals. What more could I need? 

Well, girl, you missed out. Your birth experience wasn't perfect enough, because your ugly, drab hospital room door was completely and totally unadorned without a Birth Wreath. (I would have put a picture of a birth wreath in here, but shocker, no one would give me permission to use their pic. It was like they thought I might make fun of them or something. Click the link above and you'll see a picture there.) Yup. You needed some bling on that brown, (probably faux) wood thing that just stood there sneering at your guests when they arrived to see your little miracle. How embarrassing for you! Is that how you want your friends, family, and hospital staff to remember your birth experience? What about you? Do you want to remember your friends and family turning up their noses at your horrible hospital-issue (probably handwritten - the horror!!) signage? Baby Boy Jones. Ugh. You should be ashamed!

Qualities We Want in Our Future Son-in-Law

I've been thinking about Adolpha a lot lately. She's growing up very fast now and before I know it, she'll be bringing home some young man and telling us she wants to get married. I'm hoping it's still 20 years from now, but you never know. All the more reason to start training her now, so she doesn't bring home some asshole that no one wants in this family. I need to make sure that she's got a good list of qualities she needs in her future husband.

Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

By now we have all heard of the adorable little Elf on the Shelf . Almost everyone I know has one.  Some people even have two!  (Now I'...

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