Top 12 Lessons for My Kids in a Trump Presidency

Photo: whitehouse.gov

Well, the inauguration is over. It finally happened. Some of you are jumping for joy and yelling "Praise the Lord!" Some of you are cowering in your basements, recounting your hoarded canned goods because surely this is Armageddon. But I would bet that a lot of you are like me: nervous, agitated, frustrated, emotional, all rolled into one exhausted ball. I feel like I've been living with a weight on me since November 8th. A weight of "What's going to happen?" Well, now we'll find out. Now we'll finally start our four years with Donald J. Trump. Now we'll see if he's all lies and smoke and mirrors or if he's going to do the things he promised (and threatened).

NASA Needs Lazy People

Do you really ever have enough money? Aren't we all looking for a little extra cash? Especially now after the holidays?

Well, I'm here to help. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I told the pregnant ladies how to make a little more dough on the side? This time I have a tip for the rest of you. In fact, the pregnant ladies can't even apply for this job. Sorry, preggos, just go pee on some more sticks and sell them to jokesters around the world. You'll feel better.

The money making opportunity that I've found for you is a part time gig. Your new employer would need you for 70 days and in return you would earn $10,000. Also, you can add NASA to your resume when you're done with this one. Hello, Smarty Pants!

Sounds good, right?

The only thing that would make this job better would be if NASA needed to know how full body massages affect microgravity too.