Life is Hard When You're Six

I don't know about you, but there are so many times in my life I would just love to go back to Kindergarten. I'd love to spend most of my day learning to write my name, coloring pictures of puppies, and singing my heart out in between two recesses, a lunch break, and a rest time. Yesterday when I mentioned my desire to go back to the "easy" life of a six year old, Adolpha let me know that I have a pretty jacked up memory. 

According to Adolpha, life is incredibly hard when you're six. 

She gave me a look that said:

Adolpha's Favorite Finger

I picked Adolpha up from school and I heard her ask from the backseat, "Hey Mom, do you have a favorite finger?"

"Ummm . . . no.  I don't think so," I replied as I navigated through the hell that is the elementary school pick up line.

"Really?" she asked surprised.  "'Cause I do."

I figured she'd tell me her favorite finger was her thumb, since she has been sucking it since she was in the womb.  (We've been trying to break her of this habit, so if you have any words of wisdom - don't hold back!)  "Is it your thumb?" I asked.

"No, silly!  A thumb isn't a finger.  It's a thumb!"

"Right."

Adolpha's Obsession with Public Restrooms

A few months ago I told you about Adolpha's close relationship with the school nurse. Well, tonight I noticed that she's got another strange obsession: public restrooms.

The girl hasn't met a public restroom that she hasn't been curious to try. It's ridiculous. Every time we leave the house she must visit the closest public restroom. It doesn't matter if it's a quick run to Target for socks and underwear, she feels compelled to leave them a deuce. If we take a 30 minute road trip somewhere she needs to stop on the way to check out the filthiest Quik Trip.


It's becoming a real problem, because not only does she have to go into these vile places, I have to go too. The girl can't go alone, don't you know.

My Kid VS. The School Nurse

I have a tummy ache ... oh wait, it's time for recess?  Never mind.

OK, seriously.  Is anyone else on a first name basis with the nurse at their child's school?  On Thursday I received the second call this week from the nurse.

My child - I'll give you 10 guesses WHICH child I'm talking about - is in the nurse's office just about every day it seems.

Yes, of course it's Adolpha.  The nurse has called home, because she's had a tummy ache, she bumped her head on the playground, she needed a band aid after gym class, and the list goes on and on.

Adolpha on the Lunch Line

School has started and we are all back in our routine. Adolpha started Kindergarten so I finally have both kids at the same school.  Ahhh!!!

It's so interesting to see the differences between my kids now that they're both in school.  Gomer is cautious and a rule follower.  He makes the smallest waves possible and keeps his head down.  Adolpha has never flown under the radar.  She prefers to make a splash every where she goes.  Adolpha is settling into Kindergarten like she owns the joint and today she proved that to me.

Adolpha at Cheerleading Practice

Tonight I entered the hallowed halls of my former high school for the first time since 1990 and I about broke out in hives.  The high school years were not the best for me and I am definitely not one of those people who would love to relive those "glory" days.  Instead, I gave that school the bird as I peeled out of the parking lot on my last day and vowed never to return.  Tonight I had to break that vow.

Not only did I have to venture back into that den of douchebags and dipshits, I went because I was bringing Adolpha to a cheerleading clinic.  The irony is not lost on me.

Some of Adolpha's friends signed up for this clinic and they asked if she'd like to join.  Adolpha has been telling us for years that she'd love to be a cheerleader and I keep re-directing to her to anything but.  I don't know why exactly.  It's not like the cheerleaders were any more horrible to me than the girls' tennis team.  I guess it's because when I think of cheerleaders I think of everything I am not:  girly, perky, bendy, and like totally adorable with soft and silky hair that bounces just right when they jump.  I couldn't avoid it any longer.  I want Adolpha to have fun with her friends and she might as well try cheerleading with some friendly faces surrounding her.  I took a deep breath and wrote the check.

I told a friend today that I was taking Adolpha tonight and that I wasn't looking forward to it.  She replied, "What's so bad about cheerleading?"

Toys for Todds

A couple of weeks ago the kids' school did a toy drive for Toys for Tots.  We sent a couple of toys with the kids.

Ever since then we've seen dozens of Toys for Tots bins and boxes all over town.  The other day Adolpha and I went shopping and Toys for Tots was there with a list of items for older kids.  I always buy toys for little kids, but so many times I forget the big kids.

Last year I volunteered for an organization that lets low income families come in and shop before Christmas.  Everyone gets to pick a personal gift for themselves that isn't a hat or a coat or food.  There were tons of toys for little kids, but the tweens and teens kind of got the shaft.  Their wants are just so much more expensive than the little ones.  When the Toys for Tots volunteer handed me the list I saw that they'd come up with lots of reasonably priced items for tweens and teens (AXE Bodyspray, make up, sketch pads, curling irons, books, DVDs, etc.).  I told Adolpha that we'd buy a few of these items.

As we perused the make up aisle, Adolpha said, "Are you sure he's going to want make up??"

I was busy trying to decide if electric blue eye shadow is back in style again (I think it MIGHT be) and I didn't really listen to her question.  "Hmmm?" I asked as I put back the Electric Eel eye shadow and chose Aquadisiac instead.

I'm pretty sure I wore this color in 1984 and it didn't look good on me then either.

"Are you sure this boy is going to want make up?" Adolpha asked again.

"Who are you talking about, Adolpha?" I asked.

"Todds.  The boy who gets all of these toys.  Y'know, it's called Toys for Todds.  That Todds kid is getting a lot of toys."

Happy Birthday to Gomer and Adolpha

On this day in 2004 we welcomed Gomer into our family.  He arrived a month early and freaked me out when he ended up in the NICU.  After a rocky start he ended up being the easiest, happiest baby.

Happy Birthday Gomer AND Adolpha!

On November 9, 2006 we put Gomer to bed and he had just learned how to say "Happy Birthday!"  He was practicing for the next day and I felt the first pangs of labor.  I knew that the next day wouldn't just be his birthday.

I Hear You, Tina, Loud and Clear

Many of you know that I have a mean girl crush on Tina Fey.  On Valentine's Day I wrote a letter to her and I asked everyone to share it so it would hopefully get to Tina.  I whored myself out that day by tweeting it to just about every castmember of "30 Rock" and "SNL" with the hopes that someone would get it to Tina so she would call me and let me take her to lunch.  I still haven't heard from Tina...directly...but I'm no dummy and I'm pretty sure she's trying to contact me and I want her to know:  Message received - loud and clear, Colonel.

I'll fill you in.  I was watching the "Murphy Brown Lied to Us" episode of "30 Rock" the other night and I saw that in the first minute she sent me a clear message that she's been reading the blog and she's been starting to understand me.

I'm a moron and I can't figure out how to embed a video from Hulu so I'll just put the link here.  Watch the first minute of this episode of and you will see Tina's homage to me.  I'll just wait 'til you're done.

Did you see it?  It was right there.  It was so obvious.  OH.  EM.  GEE.  Hellooooo.  She's wearing overalls!  If you've been reading for awhile now, you'll know that overalls are very meaningful to me.  I wore overalls on my first date with the Hubs.  Have you ever really seen overalls on a TV show?  Nope.  This is definitely a message for me.  A message that says, I totally get your love and fascination of overalls, Jen, and I am right there with you.  They are comfortable and perfect for any kind of project.  You are a genius for re-introducing me to them.

Annndddd....did you notice?  She has a baby book with the name "Adolph" circled in it.  I call my daughter "Adolpha" on the blog.  It's not a real name and it would sound entirely made up if she used that name on "30 Rock," so instead she had to use Adolph.  It was a little cryptic, but I got it.  I saw what she was doing there.

"Are you getting it, Jeneral?"

It was so simple to crack her code, don't you think?

Tina is communicating with me!  I think she's still a little nervous to reach out directly, because she's worried I could be a crazy lady.  I don't blame her.  She's got to be careful.  I understand.

So I just want to tell her:  I'm not crazy, Tina, I swear.  I know, I know.  Crazy people always say that, but I mean it.  I don't know if you heard or not, but I'm looking to expand my circle and add another friend or two.  I think you could totally make the cut if you wanted to, y'know...hang.  Or we could just be pen pals, I'm good with that too.  You let me know.  Until then, I'll be watching for more signs.

UPDATE:

Judah AKA Frank from "30 Rock" says "I'm on it."  If Judah will make this happen, he will get my vote for President!