People I Want to Punch in the Throat: How to be a REAL Friend

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How to be a REAL Friend


I know this will be hard for many of you to believe, but I don't have many friends.  (This is where you say, Duh!)

I have many acquaintances, but not too many close friends.  It's hard for me to find people who I can stand to be around and who can stand to be around me.

The other night the Hubs and I were lamenting that summer is coming and we don't have anyone to play with other than our 2 or 3 friends who we probably overwhelm and drown with attention.  We realized we probably need another friend or two to take some of the heat before we run off the few we actually have.

(Actually, the Hubs doesn't give a shit.  He'd be happy to hang out with me all day.  Awww.  Blech.  No offense to the Hubs, but I need more than him.  I need some social interaction and not with a bunch of douchey dads or Dolce moms.)

So I'm on the hunt for another friend or two.  I don't think it's going to be easy.  I am no peach.  I get it.  A lot of the reason I don't have many close friends is because I am a fairly crappy friend.  I'm going to be honest with you.  I tend to forget important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, scheduled surgeries, lunch dates, etc.  I have great intentions to call and catch up with my friends more than once a month, but I blink and suddenly it's been 3 months and then I think, Eh, if she wanted to talk to me, she would have called me.  We must not be as close as I thought.  I would love to have my friends over for a meal, but I'm a terrible cook and it would just be better for everyone if we went out for a meal.  I have a sense of humor that can be tough to accept.  I show I love my friends by teasing them and not everyone can take a good teasing.  I'm getting better at this and I've figured out who can take it and who can't and I'm dialing it down, but it's still hard for me to remember.

Sometimes it's like grade school all over again and trying to find someone you enjoy eating lunch with.  I'd just like to find a friend (or two) who has these qualities:

1.  Be real.  That's all I want.  Just be real.  Just be yourself, even if yourself is annoying, I'll respect you and like you for being yourself.

2.  Be able to laugh.  A lot.  Laugh at yourself, laugh at people around you, laugh at situations you find yourself in, laugh your ass off at me.  Just laugh.  I can't tell you how many women I've met lately who are afraid to laugh.  They smile a bit, but no one guffaws anymore.  Not even a chortle.

You gotta just let it go.  If you think something is funny, I want to hear your donkey bray laugh and your snort.  I'd love a good coffee spray.

3.  Be spontaneous.  I'm not the best at this, but I'd like to get better, so I figure if I find a friend who is spontaneous, you'll force me to be too.  It doesn't have be a Thelma & Louise-style cross country excursion, it can just be Let's grab some dinner and hit the park in an hour or Let's go get pedicures tomorrow.

4.  Be accepting.  I am who I am.  I can't change anymore than you can so I need you to accept me the way I am.  

5.  Be a little crass.  I drop the F bomb like a truck driver and I think it's funny to talk about things like:   "Who would ever think it's a good idea to freeze their hand blown glass dildo?  They actually have to warn you about that?"

6.  Be confident.  We all have our down days where we need someone to give us a pep talk and that's fine, but I can't be friends with someone who is constantly down on herself, her marriage, her abilities, etc. and won't take the advice she gets when she asks for it.

7.  Be open.  I want to know you.  I want to know alllll about you.  I live for your dramas and I love to hear them over and over again.  (Seriously.)

8.  Be open and dramatic, but don't be crazy.  I don't know how else to say this.  I just don't want to ride the crazy train all the time.  I don't need a friend who is warm and friendly one minute and then cold and bitchy the next depending upon who she's hanging with at the time.  That's the kind of drama I don't want.

9.  Have a spouse the Hubs can play with.  It's much easier for me to sneak away for Girls' Night Out if he can have some friends to hang with too.

10.  This pretty much sums up my ideal friend:


11.  Be unique and interesting.  I don't know what exactly makes a person unique and interesting, but let's start with her being able to keep up her end of a conversation and it can't be about the weather.  I won't mind if all my friend can say is "I think the Kardashians are smart businesswomen."  I may disagree with her completely, but at least she has an opinion and I like that.  BTW my response to that statement would be, "Those women may run 'businesses,' but their entire business centers around staging fake, headline-grabbing relationships and being rewarded for leaking sex tapes and music videos that are sex tapes set to music.  I will call these girls and their Machiavellian mother many things, but busineswoman is not one of them."

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292 comments:

1 – 200 of 292   Newer›   Newest»
Michelle said...

I think you and I would be great friends.

lilysnowflower said...

I think we would get along abso-fucking-lutely famously. Unfortunately, I live in the middle of bumblefuck nowhere in PA and you're half way across the country. FUCKKKKKKK! I have the same friend in real life problem. Probably for a lot of the same reasons. I think the meet up idea is awesome. Chester County, PA bitches holler at a homie! Whoot, whoot!

DomesticPirate said...

Crazy, my hubby and I were just talking about this the other day! We have 1 really good friend couple that we love the shit out of, but I'm pretty sure they're sick of our faces. We used to have one other, but they were relocated by the Army. I will drop a friendship BOMB on you, muahahahahahaha! Now... where do you live, so the stalking, I mean... friendship can commence?

Robbin K. Tungett said...

Good stuff! A lot of that sounds just like me... scary! I think the only thing that I found otherwise was the F bomb, but I can handle it.

Good luck in your hunt. A good friend is hard to find.... and even harder to keep once they know the real you. At least you're up front and honest!

Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

sounds just like me, no hubby tho, widow. I can forget almost anything and rarely pay attention......not really willing to be anonymous tho..... I AM ME !!

Anonymous said...

OMG, you are me!!! I don't have a lot of friends, partly because my neighborhood has turned into a stepford-wife environment. I love nothing more than to step out of that box and embarrass them all. Even my hubs goes out of his way to ignore them. I can't use the parents of my kids friends coz the youngest is at college. We have friends that we knew from little league but they're getting a little boring. I'd love to find someone one who can get a little crazy sometimes, without the simple smile (and they know damn well it was funny). I don't mind it anymore, I'll find someone who is as immature as I am yet can still pull themselves together for an event. I can drop f bombs with the best of them! My husband even told my son's high school football team that I swear like a truck driver. They thought I was so cool!

Michelle said...

now see, my husband wold never go for the "I made a friend hang out with her husband while we play" bit. He hates people. Esp. those married to the one's I love. :/

bassenav said...

Oh, if only you were in the Seattle area! My only good friend lives 350 miles away. We can go 6 months or longer without communicating. But when we do, it's like we just picked up our conversation from 5 minutes ago. We also do not have hurt feelings because of forgotten b-days etc... And it is nice to be able to be my complete crass self around her! I have yet to find someone like that nearby!

Nikki said...

Oh I will Soooo be your friend..I feel EXACTLY the same way. Hubs and I were just talking about my upcoming 40th bday. He asked did I want a "surprise" party..i replied "who would come?" I dont have that many friends either, just 1 or 2 who have accepted me the way I am..

Sarah said...

I have a close friend and she calls us Thelma and Louise because every time we hang out we end up doing something a little odd.
The first time we ever went anywhere together we went spray tanning for a wedding we were in together and the lady asked us if we wanted to go in together, and not knowing any better we said yes. Well after we spent 2 hours covering our nipples and talking we were good friends and always seem to find some sort of shannanigans to get into!

Jenn said...

People have actually asked me if this is my blog when i share it. I think we would be fabulous friends

Nika Corwin said...

I tried to "fix up" friends of mine on facebook once. A friend from middle school (yes it WAS a hundred years ago) who I lost touch with after ninth grade and a college roommate who I still chat with on occasion. I realized that they lived in the same town, so why WOULDN'T they be best friends? Maybe because the MS friend had worked in the same building with my actual friend and had gone off the deep end. Maybe because the MS friend was quite possibly on her way to jail. Maybe because THIS is how things happen in MY world! But I am always happy to make new friends...even if they ARE as crazy (or crazier even, if that is possible) as I am!
http://anothertiredmommy.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

This sums it up for damn sure! Absolutely love this as I can TOTALLY relate! Thanks for saying it like it is!

Anonymous said...

I NEVER comment (even though I think you're funny as shit), but I find ALL of this to be true. I'm crass, sometimes vulgar, think ridiculous things are funny, and am pretty down to Earth. I'm sick of stuck up, is my face/hair perfect, how much money does everyone make, women!! I feel like my sister and I (and luckily our fiances) are the only normal ones in the Richmond, VA area. Set me up with these women. Puhhlleeasse.

Jenthebeachbum said...

Interesting that we have the same issue with making/keeping friends and we have similar personalities. I keep attracting crazies myself, but that is because I want to save every stray I see walking by. I also have social anxiety so it is hard for me to do certain things, like pick up a damn phone and call people. Once people get to know me (where I'm comfortable) I'm as loyal as a lab and more fun than a barrel of monkeys, it is just that I am extremely shy at first.

Well, if there are any non-crazies in the Raleigh area, please do let me know. I'm game for meeting up.

ldmay said...

Your list of friend criteria is almost exactly the same as mine....which is why I only have about 3 friends....and I hold them very very dear to my heart. I've had a lot of other friends come in and out of my life, but only a very tough and resilient few have been able to handle me, which is why the rest are gone now.

You are seriously my Tina Fey. I <3 you.

Domestic Goddess said...

PICK ME, PICK ME! I will gladly fly out there and entertain you with my gaffawing.

My dad used to tell me and my girlfriends who would spend the entire time together in highschool laughing at everyone and everything.."it's not polite to cackle.." It's the best advice I have ever ignored from him! Not only do I still cackle, but I throw my head back and cackle from the depths of my diaphragm. He was wrong - it is more than polite - it is a must. xo You would be a great friend to have. Real, gritty, and damn funny.

Robin C said...

OM (dear) G! You are me! I think we could make it work...que Laverne & Shirley jingle. I could've written all points above. I'm all for a PIWTPITT in Cincinnati area...as long as they don't piss me off! ;)

Bluaqua said...

I'd love more friends! I like to keep it real too. We can be email pals! Laugh. Chortle. Donkey Bray. Wait, that would mean we have to remember to write...ummmm okay maybe that won't work. :) See, we would be great friends!

Bitch said...

Too fucking bad we don't live close to each other. You would be my ideal friend, someone to sit next to me and bang her head against the wall every time a DM or DD open their fucking mouths to talk utter nonsense. We'd make so many enemies, and laugh our asses off shocking the world talking like truck drivers but looking like a million bucks. Fuckin a, we'd have the best time!!!
<3 u~ Bitch1 (Bitches in the Burbs)

Anonymous said...

I'm looking for someone in Fullerton (Orange Co.) CA. I'm an opinionated, sarcastic, older stay-at-home-mom. Being a liberal in a conservative area makes it hard to connect with like-minded women. My three closest friends don't live anywhere near me and with the demand of all of our families, we don't have much chance to get together. I have often wished for a "match.com," for friends. Wish you were closer Jen!

Jen Giroux said...

My criteria:
Don't take the mommy crap so seriously. Remember you are a woman first, mom second. Know I adore my kids and would never hurt that, but that I am half-joking and understand when I say i would like to sell them on ebay.

And be willing to enjoy a cocktail or two.

Sandi said...

This is so totally me, too. Funny that I have been thinking of writing a blog post about this, but you did it much better!

roxy said...

Finally, after all these years there is ONE female that feels the same way as me! F.Y.I....Pretty sure that females are not suppose to feel that way... :) We would have an absolute blast together..and I dont mind if you dont call me for months..because chances are...I will get busy and forget to call you for months anyways. Not sure where you live but I am in Iowa...so if you ever make it this way...hit me up :) https://www.facebook.com/roxannejharris?ref=tn_tnmn

LisaS said...

Jen, I don't want to sound stalker-ish but I could have written this post myself. I am local, too! (On the MO side.) Friend me, read my FB wall, see if I bore you. We probably have a lot in common!

Anonymous said...

Creepy, I had someone accuse me of this being my blog when I shared it. Then she went on ranting at me for an hour.

Jillymo said...

It's surprising to me that someone else is looking for new friends and has the exact same requirements as I do. I thought I had a new friend, but she was totally lacking #6. All the time with the "whoa is me" ... I can't take a Debbie Downer. It is really hard to make new friends, people either work, have little kids, or are just annoying. But I'll keep trying :).

LisaS said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KelleyB said...

2 things in the way - my NY address and the prospect of pedicures. Never had one, never want one. I know this about myself. Everything else is mirror image. I would never remember your scheduled surgery; and you can tell me about it, and I will also forget what you were having done. My mantra: FISH - Fuck It, Shit Happens.

Kevin said...

I have a few friends, but the way I see it, I don't piss myself off so I am y own best friend.

Whowouldathought-Kevin.blospot.com

Unknown said...

I totally relate to this post. My problem is that I keep meeting a Mom who I think is going to be an awesome good friend. I do all of these nice things for that person, and then something happens (they flake out too much, I don't like how their kid plays with my kid, etc.). Then I realize that this good friend should be more like a "sometimes friend" or I just stop hanging out with them altogether. I'm still on the lookout for that fun Mommy friend(s). BBQ season is coming up and my husband and I just remodeled our backyard. I'm ready to have some cool parents and their kids over for some ribs, but there's no one that I like that much at the moment. I'm gonna keep my eyes open for that fun Mom and Dad. If you were in Portland, Jen, I'd invite you guys over.

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

Sounds like we need a Kansas City blogger meetup thingie. Our friend in common, Elizabeth P, can report that yes, I am crass but not crazy. Not too much anyway.

Jaime Grund said...

I think your an easy friend. :) We have that same check in once a month, Holy crap, has it been a year?? thing goin on. But always able to pick right up where we left off. Miss you! You fit my #1 criteria...don't be boring!

Anonymous said...

I don't know where the fuck Chester County is but I will google it! Haha!! York County, Pa!!

Rachel

Anonymous said...

Would love to "apply" for friendship, but think you're too damn far away - I'm in PA. I can, however, offer one hell of a email/facebook/phonecall/texting friendship and promise to be honest - whether you like it or not. Its not in my chemistry to be anything but honest. Plus, I think our hubbs' would click. But if you ever make a trip to go old "Amish Country" (Lancaster, PA), YOU LOOK ME UP GIRL!!

Anonymous said...

Sadly I've noticed that relationships change as we get older. I have maybe 3 good friends now and we only hook up maybe every 3 mos or so. We're into our kids, and sleep, and putting food on the table. Nothing wrong with that. Once our kids are older we'll have time for each other again... or so I keep telling myself. I cut all the fake people out of my life. I don't have time anymore for them. When you have surprise twins you find out who your friends are!! I'd love to hook up with other sleep-deprived women like me with an irreverent sense of humor, pottymouth and a love of all things absurd. In NJ here! <3 Great post! Donna Saville

Amy said...

Aw Jen, I'd be your friend but its hard to be spontaneous from upstate NY! LOL Your list pretty much matches mine. Problem is most people want to have or say they have the qualities you're looking for, but it all comes down to #1- BEING REAL!

Wendy said...

And don't friend their ex-husbands, boyfriends, etc... on Facebook!

Ali said...

You should add: Don't have psychopaths for children (Charlotte, from your post, "I Hate My Friend's Kid")

The Judge said...

Getting along with other women is a bitch.

Anonymous said...

PIWTPITT Meet a New Friend Night <--- GREAT idea!

Anonymous said...

I'm in Lancaster County!!

Anonymous said...

I feel the same way. To top it off, I move around A LOT so that makes it even more difficult but I am really trying because of the kids now. Ugh. My husband hates other people and I think that he means it. I tried joining a mom's group but couldn't stomach going to another meeting. I am nervous that I am going to raise antisocial stranger haters that are more sarcastic then I could ever hope to be.

BrandyC said...

Finding new friends is so hard! I'm on the hunt but so far I seem to be surrounded by the Dolce Moms. Aren't there any sane people in Suburban ATL?

Kristen said...

I totally agree - match.com for friends ... apparently it's NOT 'adultfriendfinder.com' though! ;-) I actually met one of my very best girlfriends (I have three also, all of whom live at least 7 hours away) through craigslist, even though that sounds really creepy.

I think a match.com for friends could be a great business opportunity for the right entrepreneur!

Nepsi said...

We were in Portsmouth, NH this weekend and I thought of you. :)

I think finding other mommy friends is like dating in high school. Sigh.

Maitri said...

Hey hey another Iowa PIWTPITT Mom here - Cedar Rapids! You?

Kailuamom said...

The friend situation is almost impossible...you gotta add in there that you respect their parenting...and I am no rockstar parent! But seriously, calling the teachers constantly so your kid gets a second chance, or doing their entire school project yourself...or the flip side of not even knowing your kid's teacher's name? Why isn't anyone normal, and respectable, and reasonable when it comes to parenting? I can't hang with you if I think you're a dickwad when it comes to parenting. I also have the single thing going...which honestly knocks out most of you that are married. Makes the husbands worry and there is a huge portion of our lives we don't have in common. Sucks because that makes the pool of potential friends even smaller...single NORMAL moms in Chandler AZ????

Stacey said...

Love, love love this post and TOTALLY understand your dilema. I am single, so I don't fall into your criteria, that and we live nowhere near each other.....I have one true friend in the entire world who understands (or puts up with) my inappropriate, loud, obnoxious behavior and she's moved two hours away now. Of course all the other people in this small (minded) town wouldn't be caught dead with me.

-- A said...

I don't know how successful or legitimate it is, but there is actually a social network for finding girlfriends called Girlfriend Social...(never would have guessed from the name, I know.) Like a personal ad for women friends. Okay, it's sounding creepier by the second. I thought I'd throw it out there anyway, because I figured you maybe, just maybe, needed another platform where people could stalk (find/follow/gawk at) you.

I'm in the same boat as you with the friends issue, but have been too lazy to do much about it.

Good luck! (And hit me up if you want - we're not all that far from you.)

Anonymous said...

I would so hang with you and the Hubs. We're in the Denver area -- KC is what? 12 hours? I'd make the trip!

christa9198 said...

My daughter says my hub's favorite word is the "F word" LOL. She's 13 and of course I won't let HER say it. We were at the movies the other night and afterwards, as we were walking to the car her phone rang. When she tried to answer it she accidentally hung up and said SHIT!!! Then looked at me like OMG I can't believe I said that in front of my mom. I just died laughing! Girl, you hit it spot on when it comes to the essentials of a good friend. If you do a KC Happy Hour, I'm in! The only thing I'd have to add to your list is that you can't have grossly annoying habits like smacking or popping gum continuously, unless you want me to get punchy! LOL

Kailuamom said...

YES! What is up with that bullshit???

kmr said...

I would show up and sit quietly and make juvenile jokes in my head if there were a get together in KC.

Kit Kat7 said...

I soo wish you lived in the the same prehistoric swamp (also known as southwest Florida) that I do. I have alot of the same friend issues, particularly numbers 6 and 8. There seems to be a disproportionate number of women down here who fit those categories. Obviously you would have no problem with my complete lack of a verbal filter. I would have a problem getting my hubs to hang out with a new friend though because as he says "I don't like people. I can barely stand the ones I know now." But I'm all about making some new friends and I'm guessing the women who read this would make excellent partners in crime. (A figure of speech... my escapades are usually not criminal. )

GroovyNerdMandy said...

Great post. I'm in the same boat as you and I would love a PIWTPITT Meet a New Friend Night. We have a great couple we are good friends with and we are lucky enough that both our kids are best friends but we don't want them to become tired of us (as much as we can help that at least). I've moved around much of my younger life (Army brat) but I've never really kept in touch with people, i'm bad at that. But social media has helped a bit. It's hard to find working moms who make their kid(s) take turn so she can she can get to the next level on her video game :). So yeah, i would love a PIWTPITT Meet a New Friend Night, please and thanks :)

Kristen said...

Great list of ideals. I found, though, from my days of internet dating, you can't take anything for granted. For instance, I like friends who don't mind dropping the f-bomb or talking about frozen dildoes, but they should also have some awareness of current events, be able to understand the menu at a restaurant that has cloth napkins instead of paper ones, and not roll their eyes when they learn I was in a sorority in college. I like friends who can relax over a glass of wine but not ones I always have to drive home because they bring the wine glass that fits an entire bottle's worth in it and throw up on my floor.

I think my one summary requirement for a friend is - care more about what kind of person you are than OTHER people care what kind of person you are. In other words, wake up every day trying to improve but don't live for what the next-door neighbor is whispering about you behind your back. People who live by this generally are not only more fun to be around but they raise their kids responsibly and you never want to punch anyone in the throat.

I think the PIWTPITT Meet a New Friend Night is a great idea - I'm in southwestern Virginia (NRV). It's sure a better solution than the one the Bloggess (I think) pointed out of making friends with other women just because your birth control happened to fail during the same month. ;-)

Brandy E. said...

I'm in Iowa too. I freely admit that I ALWAYS mix up Cedar Rapids and Council Bluffs. I's not a moron....just a little impaired when it comes to geography. :)

Anonymous said...

You have completely stolen the plot to my life.

NT05 said...

Ok, it sounds nuts, but what about a PIWTPITT reunion of people we've never met but would love to meet! lol. Your description is me (and my friend Janine.)

Thanks! If there's a Boston chapter of friends without issues, sign me up. Hell, I'll even organize the whole thing but no complaining about dates/times. Either show up or don't we won't judge you.

Kristen said...

Thanks for the link to Girlfriend Social. As I mentioned in a reply to another commenter above, I met one of my best girlfriends in the Strictly Platonic section of Craigslist. There's probably nothing creepier than that.

Just Another Day said...

Your wish list describes our group of friends to a T. We have two couples that we hang out with the most that we would do anything for. When we get together the laughs never stop, the (for some people) not proper conversations come up and we just laugh some more. It's great because our kids also love playing together which makes it easier for everyone as well. Our motto on vacation is, "It's vacation. If you are not having fun, it's your own f'ing fault." That pretty much describes us in everyday life though too.

cbsprague said...

I am from CC, Malvern to be exact but moved to State College 2 years ago. We must have been friends, I am a little hard to take sometimes but I think I am a hoot!

skooter8 said...

My sister and I were just talking about this (she is eight hours away) and since moving to the town I currently live in it has been really hard to find friends, let alone anyone to share a cocktail with. (even if it's noon, it's four o'clock somewhere right?)I also have a teenager who is giving me the gears right now and don't need some judgemental asshat to tell me how they would do things better. I need a friend to laugh about it and understand that is the only way to hang onto any form of sanity. Wish we lived closer!

Anonymous said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you!! I too have only a few real friends, with many acquaintances that are too scared off by me (I'm only assuming). I like your list of wants; to add a few more:
1. Please understand that I speak with the vocabulary of an adult, I use descriptive words, and although I may sound like an intellectual snob, I am also fun, spontaneous, and witty.
2. Also, I don't think it's a laugh riot to get completely wasted at any and all gatherings of friends (always HAVE to have a beer in you hand, do you???). Your children are there, you freak, watching you, and maybe one day, they'll emulate your behavior, which is sad for them. Grow the f*** up.
3. No talking behind my back, EVER. If you don't like something about me enough to gossip about it, grow a pair and say it to my face - not necessarily in a confrontational way, but if you value our friendship at all, BE HONEST (which can't be stated enough).
4. Judging other people is for amateurs - lighten the f up, realize that no one is perfect (not even you, sweetie), focus on the positive in our friendship.
As for the meet a friend night, I'm all for it! I'd love to meet a few semi-insane moms like me in suburban Colorado.

Flor Mowery said...

YES!!!!!!! Let's have a PIWTPITT night! I'm in the Vegas area.

Wackichick said...

That list sounds like I wrote it and that's the kind of person I am. I have a hard time with women because I am real and so many are not.
I don't turn off my "realness" at social gatherings either. I'm always joking around and some don't know how to take it. Oh well! I'm not going to be fake. I just gotta be me!

insomnia said...

Delaware county, checking in!

Bev Green said...

Would you be my best fucking friend??? Totally agree..if you can't open your mouth and let out a belly laugh at yourself and/or your friends, then frankly, my dear, your life is totally screwed up. Thanks for a great post!!!!

insomnia said...

Excellent list. Not asking too much!

Amanda said...

You should hold open auditions for your new BFF. Hmmm...reality show, anyone??

Sincerely, Jenni said...

Oh lordy, I could have written this post myself. Too bad you don't live in IOWA, because I'd totally hang out with you and be your BFF.!!!!

Anonymous said...

I would qualify for all but #9. No husband and my boyfriend doesn't like people. He's like your husband and is ok with just hanging out with me or alone at home, when I go out.
I lost one of my best friends due to my sarcasm, she thought it was real and got offended. She was a TOTAL Debbie Downer anyway, so I'm ok with that. My other best friend gets so drunk every time I see her, that I can only do lunch with her and always say I have something planned an hour later to have an end time, and my third closest friend I suspect is a pathological liar, but we don't have other friends in common, so I can't be sure and I've never been able to confirm it in 20 years. I don't have children so it's difficult because all my other friends do and all they do is talk about their fucking kids and all the great things their kids do.
I like your blog because you realize your kids are not perfect and you seem to have the same personality as me. But you'd probably spend all our time together talking about your kids too... so fuck it, forget I commented. LOL

Rebecccccca said...

Meetup.com is like match.com for friendships. I have been trying but down in SD all I have found is Dance groups/yoga/ military mommies. Blah.

But I'm still trying.

Kristin said...

Good friends are definitely hard to find! I want to be friends with people who are honest and sarcastic and can see the good AND bad in every situation. Because if you can't be ironic and laugh at yourself, what's the point??
I hope you find someone you can remember to meet up with in your area :)

Anonymous said...

Apparently, this is more common than most women think. Two book recos for you to assist in your search: _MWF seeking BFF_ and anything about the Sweet Potato Queens. The first has some good ideas about making friends and the second will make you laugh until your drink (coffee or cocktail, although the cocktail is probably less painful) goes flying through your nose, so even if you don't make any new friends from book #1, you'll at least be fucking hysterical from #2. Good luck!

Pamela said...

I think we would make great friends because I forget things too! And we are alike in many ways! So I hope you find you some new friends! In my little town, very hard to find one that is not stuck up. My mother-inlaw, sis inlaw and my own mother are as close as it gets! Thanks for the great post!

melissa said...

Ia your long lost twin, except I thing you are a little older! I can't find anyone who I can deal with and can deal with me and my smart ass comments. I also have great intentions all the time but seem to never follow through and I do not want drama! All the friends we hang out with are my husbands friends and I can honestly say, I don't know that the wives even like me...what to do what to do...

Jess said...

I love your list! I am in Lenexa, KS. Moved back recently and am looking for new friends as well. A PIWTPITT Meet A New Friend Night sounds like a great idea.

Sarah S. said...

I would definitely be down for a Boston chapter. I am in need of some real girl friends!

JC Mayhem said...

I want a friends night in San Diego!

Lanie Malone said...

You ma'am, have been added to my list of heroes, right there next to Jen lol.

That right there is why I don't have a lot of friends.

Crazy Cat Lady said...

I would totally apply for friendship status, except for the fact that I'm a gamer girl. Like old school RP games that involve dice and paper. Plus Sims addict. I learned along time ago people and me arent a good mix. However if anyone in the Southport, NC area wants to run the risk or do a dungeon crawl....

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heather said...

Ok...I'm pretty sure I didn't post my diary online, but it seems as though you've stolen a page from it.

sherrifly said...

We would be great friends...because I'm a 'difficult person' magnet!

MamaWithACause said...

This sounds like me. The SA and the crazy-attract-er factor both. Maybe crazy people see us as being accepting and open so they flock to us. For some reason I have lots of acquaintances who seem normal but none of them are really what I call friends.

Jamie said...

LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!! You had me at "guffaw" and "chortle" Pretty sure until I read this that I thought I was the only one who used those words. You're fabulous - which is good for me. Why? Well because I have said everything you just said (along with many of your other blogs). So, if you're fabulous - and I've said these same things (albeit no where near as eloquently as you) then I must be fabulous too!

THANKS! You made my day.

cbsprague said...

If you weren't the writer of this blog, I would be. If your ever in State College I will buy you a cup of coffee!

Anonymous said...

I'm on the other side of the state, but gotta give love to the PA girls!!

MamaWithACause said...

You KC people have all the luck. There are not only lots of you PIWTPITT readers there but you have a cool city to hang out in. Topeka just has the mall and the races:(

Of course, plenty of laughs can be had listening to the nightly gun shots in TopCity and attempting to determine their point of origin. #thuglife

goeckie said...

This is totally me. I live in PV and all of my family and friends live in other states. I'm not from here but my husband is. We even live in the house his Mom grew up in. OVER IT! I'd like to meet my own friends and expand beyond the wives of my husband's friends.

Anonymous said...

It is possible to find that kind of friend. I have her. For over 20 years we have shared various stages of our lives, we call each other on our shit when needed and there is nothing in this world that I can not trust her with. Our hubby's are friends! It does help if they can get along but it is not a requirement. And don't make the friendship about your kids. My teenager and her teenager just do not mesh.

Don't aim for quantity! There are folks I am friendly with but they are my neighborhoods version of The Real Housewives of (Insert small fucking town name here)! Wanna be's! Stepford Wives of the 757! They make my ass wanna suck lemons. Pretentious fucks.

I would love to meet some other throat punching bitches in my hood! I live in the Virginia Beach area, the seven cities, Hampton Roads, Tidewater, thats right, three name changes in my 45 years. Crazy shit. Dont get me started on politics. Good luch with your search....when you meet her, you will know... and she may never even say the word fuck, but she might snort when you do.

Christie said...

First of all, get out of my fucking head! When I read your stuff, I feel like I must be a sleep-blogger because I could have wrote this! I love teasing the hell out of my friends and cussing like a sailor. Do you want to be long-distance BFFs? I'll remind you any chance I get of any stupid shit you do and embarrass the hell out of you in public: "Jenn, don't forget to pick up the anal lube!! Last time The Hubs just had to spit on it." I'll make sure to say that extra loud in the Target.

Any Maryland peeps up in here?

cakeburnette said...

It is too bad that you live in KS and I live in GA. I think we would be well suited to each other. I'm even Asian. But I sound like Holly Hunter. That qualifies as "interesting," doesn't it? heh, heh...

Anonymous said...

Finding a good friend is worse than finding a husband. Not only do you have to be able to talk about something other than the offspring (and she won't look at you sideways when you curse like a sailor or suggest margaritas before 3pm), but the hubbies have to have at least one hobby in common. And the kids, my Lord....There is nothing worse than making a great connection to a new friend and then realize that her kids are whiney little shits who rat on one another all day and you can't stand them. Friends are not only hard to find, they can be a bunch of work to vet. I just wish we could have friend resumes (with video snippits) and get that shit all out in the open the first date, so I don't have to waste weeks figuring out that my vertebrae shatter when her 8 year old daughter screams.

Anonymous said...

Berks County here!

Lisa said...

Me too!

mod mom beyond indiedom said...

I was just thinking about this actually. I was just talking to my son's friend's mother who I can't stand to be around and she was talking about her weekend plans with friends. She's always got weekend plans with friends. I have lots of friends but not many plans. Maybe my friends are just unmotivated and cheap.
it's a jungle out there once you're older and have a family. Most of my girlfriends are single and childless btw. I'd finally found a fun friend to hang with and she moved. So...great idea Jen. I'm in. Too bad you live in Kansas, I'd spray coffee on you and drop the Fbomb while talking about frozen dildos.
Sounds like a good time.

Anonymous said...

I'm in Chester County!!!!

luvgreen said...

I think we are twins from different muthas. Ditto dat! I just may move to your back ass perv state (see dropping the cuss words and insults) to hang out with you. I appreciate the hell out of my authentic snort. You only get the snort when you're damn funny, so it's a freakin' compliment people. BTW, everybody loves my husband, me not so much. He'll be your all night drinking buddy, workout partner, fence builder, landscaper, taxi to the airport, beer fetcher, etc. etc.. Last week he dug a grave for a neighbor's dog and buried him, then planted a tree on top. See what I mean?

shermanmomma said...

I don't have a lot of female friends, but I get along great with my hubs friends. I fucking wonder why???

Only Me said...

I love that there are other Iowa PIWIPITT moms and feel this way too! I'm in the DSM area and I enjoy my few close friends, because it saves my sanity.

Peacock said...

We could totally be friends. I have a handful of really close friends and they all live in other states. We IM all the time and talk philosophy and get together once/year for a girl trip and talk about other people and how stupid they are and how great we are. haha. I could probably use another friend. I think my neighbors tolerate me. Not sure they actually like me. Not sure I actually like them either. But I know I am hard to love. You have a lot of people who want to be your friend though... so I get that I'm probably not your #1 choice. No worries. I'll keep reading even if you don't pick me for your BFF.

Leigh said...

Yeah, totally get this. I get fulfillment from my job (which is a radiation therapist) and my patients. By the time I get home, I want to just relax and not have to worry about entertaining someone else. Im independent, say what is on my mind (most of the time its unedited and tactless but oh well), and I cant tolerate stupidity so that rules out about 98% of everyone. Im fortunate enough to have a husband who is in the 2% and is just like me. We dont have kids (cant) so the people who have them just exclude me, which is fine in all acutality.
Jen, I think you are awesome along with Bitches in the Burbs. My cancer patients love you and them as well. I have 2 patients that come at the same time now so we can all three sit down and read your daily words of wisdom and follow up with the Bitches. You have made a difference to them and they both say that you guys have made them laugh which is hard for them these days.
So thank you for being you and anyone who doesnt like it can kiss your ass and move right on along!

stollkc said...

At least have a Kansas City meet-up. I'm having fun thinking of a roomful of sarcastic, cynical, swearing, snorting non-Stepford moms. Preferably somewhere "classy", lol.

Becky said...

I'm over in Charlottesville. Richmond does have a tendancy to suck.

Tree Hugging (Almost) Attorney said...

I'm in DC and would love to meet other smart asses. I also kind of suck as a friend - but I own it - and try to work through it. Takers? Ha.

BMC0229 said...

Worcester County, Mass anyone?

Cabin77 said...

I could have written this. Except most of the time my f-bombs go off only in my mind.

Anonymous said...

AMEN. AMEN. AMEN.

Christel said...

I live in state college too!

Anonymous said...

Youre funny as shit. Last night at trivia I made fun of a douche wearing salmon colored pleated slacks. The chick next to me was offened and like "did you want everyone to be the same?" Uh, no, but when Im being catty and youre sitting with me at my table I expect you to join in. I mean right? It is hard to find good "bad" people to hang with.

Just Me said...

My 30th birthday is coming up this summer and I have no plans. Mainly because I just had a college graduation night out and only 3 friends showed. We still had a good time, but it just reiterated the "friend-less" fact.
I'm in Maine so it's not like I live in a metropolis to meet new people.

[email protected] said...

My hubby gave me a surprise party for my 30th, sad, it was just f-ing sad! We were suppose to go to Hawaii, but the money wasn't there in time, so there was only half of family there...oh mylanta I want to cry thinking about it, having 6 people yell surprise after you had a shitty day thinking about not going to Hawaii for your 30th...:0/
I'm in the Twin Cities, anyone else in MN?

LyndaS said...

I don't write a blog, but I'm in Kansas City. :)

Amber said...

I've started just telling people that get offended by me or think I'm "mean" that if I'm not picking on your or giving you a hard time then I don't really like you much. My poor husband.

Anonymous said...

id love to hang out with ya, but i too am trapped down at the end of the dirt road on the backside of bumfucked egypt.

Kelly and Sne said...

I feel the same frustration - especially living in JOCO where it is just a little too vanilla with too many OAMs (or, frankly, holier-than-thou nutcases). However, you and I would probably get along pretty well (many times I get along better with guys than gals since I don't do the fakey over-the-top kissy kissy remember your cat's birthday stuff too well either). And you would love our dinner club group and/or girls' book club - the former is a small but diverse group of highly opinionated couples (we will be doing Thai food in June) and the latter a group of independent diverse funny women (though my hubs accuses us of doing more wine drinking than book analyzing). If you want to try either on for size, talk to the KCUR "Up-to-date" producer Stephen S. (who probably contacted you for your interview) and have him put you in touch with Karen or Kelly.

Just Me said...

I'm in Maine and would make the 4-hr drive.

brookelmt said...

I'm in SLC, UT and am not the conservative religious norm around here. I'm also a 45 year old mother of one 6 year old which is not the local norm. Finding people with whom I blend is not easy. I think REAL friends are hard to come by everywhere. Many people seem satisfied with many aquaintances though.

Anonymous said...

Bucks County!!!

Grass Oil said...

holy shit, i had to get a new computer to get the end of this freaking comment thread.

if you lived near me we'd be in prison, that's all i can say. i'm trying to clean the house right now because that's what i aspire to and all i can say that Led Zepplin is putting a real kink in it because i'm jimmy paging myself all over the house. and then that song by Greenday... fuhgedaboudit.

anyway, i often laugh to the point of peeing my pants; i snort and cough up my drinks and my friend and i once got ourselves laughing so hard we were asked to leave an auction. i kept on saying under my breath, "igotityouwantithowboutityouwantitigotithumminahhuminah75!"

it's too bad you live near nuns.

Heather B. said...

YES!!!! I am in Pittsburgh, PA. I would love this!

kateco2 said...

Passaic County, NJ... but I know where all you guys live! I used to work out there.

hip-hopopotamus said...

I'm in Southern NH, essentially a suburb of Boston.

Anonymous said...

Damn! I grew up in West Chester, but now live in North Idaho. I'm guessing I won't have much luck meeting too many PIWTPITT appreciators up here.

B said...

I love this! I am always finding it hard to find good, true, keeper friends! My Hubby is no help, he's an 'aquired" taste most people never aquire. Any PIWTPITT'ers in my area? South Bend IN.

SumGeek said...

I have just started reading "MWF Seeking BFF" by Rachel Bertsche which is about how much harder it is to make friends as we get older.

I have heard it's funny and I'm only a few pages in, but she's about 10 years younger than me so it could go either way.

Has anyone read it?

Brandy E. said...

I'm in the DSM area too. I love the friends I do have, but they're....unreliable? I think I just need to branch out to other friends to keep from killing my current ones. lol

Anonymous said...

Montgomery County!!

Anonymous said...

Bwahahaha!!! Any one who is 'Jimmy Paging' while cleaning is definitely someone I can relate to...Rock On. Getting kicked out of public places, peeing your pants and snorting from laughter are a bonus. I, too, know those things well. My friend and I were asked to leave the dressing room of a department store for those same reasons. Except we were on the floor laughing. People probably didn't like that. Good times.

Samantha said...

I'm in Lee's Summit with all the wanna be OAMs. Let me know if you get this started!

Anonymous said...

Ugh...I feel all of your pain ladies! Anyone in Dallas?

Samantha said...

It look me forever to meet people who I didn't really want to punch in the throat/nose/really anywhere would do. Most of my husband's friends were a little too stuck in the high school mean girl mentality. From NY originally but I've been in LSMO for 10+ years.

Sherri Spichiger said...

Boy howdy, you are gonna get a lot of BFF offers now! I'd like to put my own name in for consideration even though I live in Metro Atlanta (actually I'm west of Atlanta, in Douglasville). I have the same problems you do. I like to swear (which goes over really well with the ultra-uptight Christian bitches around here, I can tell ya), I get preoccupied with writing (I long to be a novelist) so I don't call or write or email for weeks sometimes, and I just generally have a really weird sense of humor (one of my fave books is Zombie Haiku by Ryan Mecum. Seriously. Funny. Shit.). So there you have it. Wanna be internet friends? You can friend me on Facebook. I like to post my semi-psychotic ravings there. And yes, I know that Zuckerberg's a twat. Friend me anyway...

Clarice Vick said...

San tan valley! But I'm not single....my husband works weekends does that count? Lol

Anonymous said...

my bestie and I call each other Becky as in "oh my God Becky look at her butt...." we decided a while back that 3 or 4 good ones are all you really need so when a nutjob starts lurking around trying to sneak in, the answer is "sorry, the friend quota has been met." LMAO!

ClariceV said...

Booooy you said it! I moved to Arizona (San tan valley for all the grand canyon state friend's) to get away from everyone that knew my ex. And managed to get knocked up and become a stay at home wife and mommy before I could establish good working relationships outside of my house!! I live in a religious conservative land and I'm hard to swallow sometimes. But I know my tattooed heathen brethren are out there....

Erica Gutowski said...

Amen to that. Lately all of my 'old' friends and I have drifted apart, and I've found your statement particularly true.

twinsx2 said...

I wish you and I could be friends IRL, but unless you move to St. Paul, I'll just be stuck laughing at your blog because there's no way in hell I'm moving to Kansas...sorry. I don't have a playmate for the hubs but I think he can deal. My favorite word is Fuck...my mom always yells at me for saying it in front of my kids who are too young to talk. One day I"m sure it will bite me in the ass because it will probably be their first word..oops. Anyway..love the blog!

Lauren said...

Well, I'm not holding my breath...Fort Smith, AR anyone??? I might be the only one here who wasn't born in Arkansas...ei-I moved here on purpose. I blame pregnancy hormones.

Still, would love some friends who could reminisce with me about how great life was before we were ARKANSANS.

pottymouthmommy said...

I feel your pain!! Doesn't help that I moved from bumfuck nowhere manitoba (in canuckland) to bumfuck nowhere northern albert where I know absolutely no one... I have exactly one friend who is crazy enough to put up with me.. and she's a single woman- no kids, no hubby... and me brewing spawn numero three... boourns!! I'm totally game for a friend hook-up if there's anyone out in my corner of the woods!!

Preppy Pink Crocodile said...

Oh I just wrote a (scheduled) post about how friends. Or how hard it is to make friends as an adult and how one of my friendships just ended in an explosion this past week. I really struggle to make new friends. I'm great at keeping them long term but making them is a total struggle for me!

KK

Erica Gutowski said...

As someone else above said - get the fuck out of my head!!! I feel that way every time I read your blog, but today resonated more than ever. I have few friends, and nothing in common with the old ones that remain and I can feel us growing apart. I need some sarcastic, fun, non-douchy moms in my hood pronto. My hubby's friends have to be sick of me hanging around-but they are more fun than any of the women I know. And without all the drama and b.s. Any non-stepford moms in the greater Milwaukee area?

Anonymous said...

Berks county here, moved here 2 years ago...have yet to meet a true friend!

Anonymous said...

Pack your kids and their bikes up and head to Gods country (Lees Summit in Eastern Jackson County). Come join the driveway divas the only prerequisites are an adult beverage and a kid who can ride a bike. We drink and talk and the kids ride bikes. The ultimate summer therapy. Men are allowed to join but they usually head home - we are a little too sexist for them. LOL

A. Faith Golden said...

Oh! So close but still far away...lol. I'm in Indiana but central indiana! :( I was looking for indiana peeps! lol

notsoblond said...

Your list is almost identical to mine!

Andi said...

I'm a fellow Minnesotan! I looked at your profile...I am a SAHM, too! Feel free to drop me a line sometime!

andihays.net

Moline Madness said...

I am from MN, so that would make it even harder to keep in contact to remain friends. I can totally relate to your post and feel the same way

Lilliana said...

Damn, lots of potential friends up in here! Let's start with a date. How's about a Facebook friendship and we can see where it goes from there? ;)

Anonymous said...

I can totally relate. I had a "friend" who was exactly as you described in point #8 - we were both struggling with weight loss so we spent a lot of time together exercising and getting fit. We both dropped a lot of weight but she ditched me for new friends and doesn't even speak to me anymore, even after we traveled together for a month! I am in desperate need of new friends, however I am in Ireland...

JennInAustin said...

Ooooooooo.....if there's an Austin, Tx group coming together I want in! (Unfortunately, by the time I posted this there were already 152 comments and my laptop kept scrolling all crazy-like, plus I'm crazy tired, and my husband will probably be coming out of his vasectomy appointment soon and need a ride home.) So...if other Austin-y moms are out there and wanting to find friends as described above, I wanna play too! :)

colleen said...

I'm in the Boston area! It's soooo hard making friends around here. People are just "too busy" to be bothered looking at anyone let alone talking to someone.

Siobhan said...

I hear ya. Only after marrying and having kids did I venture out into my new community. I've been fortunate enough to find a group with whom I get along and enjoy spending time with, but I feel like I'm still on the look out for that woman who will be my new BFF. It was really frustrating til I just came to accept that it may not happen and just enjoy those good friends I do have around here. That said, I'd love a PIWTPITT meet up - I'm in the Bronx, NY

Anonymous said...

MOVE BACK TO CALIFORNIA!

pamb said...

I think the older you get, the harder it is to meet people. Also, the older you get, the more people are not interested in meeting new people! There is only so much free time, they don't want to waste it on someone new...

I've moved twice in five years, and it's harder the second time around. When the kids were younger it was easier to meet people at the playground and pool, but now that they're older, I'm not really meeting/hanging out with the kids' parents (my kids don't play sports, either).

In my last city, I joined a Newcomers group, so I would suggest that, or a Woman's Group at your place of worship. Of course, I've done neither in our new city!

I'd love to get a meet up of Mineapolis punchers, though...

Anonymous said...

I agree! It is very hard to find real friends! They seem real when you first meet them and then all of the sudden you turn your head and the drama starts.
I consider myself as real as they come!
Upstate NY'er as well

Josie said...

Over the years friends will come and go. You will know which ones you will have for a lifetime! You have the friends from high school that you have grown up with, so they have see you at your worst! Then you have the mom acquaintance, she is the "friend" that you see at school events. She is the "friend" that always tells you that you guys should get together but never calls you! The drama friends and backstabbers can go in the same category because you just need to get rid of these friends! The friend you need is one where you meet and feel like you have known each other for years, and you just met! By the end of the conversation you are discussing personal issues you can't believe you just told her! A friend that makes you feel comfortable and is non judgmental:)

Josie said...

Upstate NY:)

Nina said...

I could have written this, if I could actually put words together coherently. I live in South Carolina, and do you have any idea how fucking hard it is to find people who don't get offended? Much less women with their own opinions and who will tell the truth. The few friends I have LOVE me because I am brutally honest with them. If you get your hair colored, and it looks like shit, I will tell you instead of pretending you look great. If anyone else is in the upstate of SC...let me know!!!

Boeingirl said...

My hubs doesn't like people either. We've tried the couples thing, and the other guy will like my hubs, but hubs never likes anybody else. :(. And so he wants to spend ALL his time with me. It's smothering!!! I NEED to get away sometimes (often) . And all my friends are scattered around the world. Anybody in the Pensacola-Fort Walton Beach Florida want a really cool new friend?

Kerry D said...

Chicago group??

Brandy E. said...

Maybe more like a penpal for you then. :) What part of Ireland are you in? We visited there last year and loved it. I can't wait to go back, one week was not enough.

Faith said...

I dropped you an email last week when I discovered your blog, so if you haven't checked that out yet, then here's a comment for you instead. :) I'm pretty sure we're almost neighbors. I'm in South JoCo. I have a nifty husband who used to be a chef and is a damned good cook/bartender. We have a pool in our backyard. NEED I SAY MORE? Email me if you wanna meet. I'd love to meet you guys!

Anonymous said...

I'm just glad to read that my hubs being the anti social goon he is isn't the only one, we hae NO friends and he likes it that way, and we have none because everytime I try he grumps and makes them uncomfortable. So I have a few..no I have no close friends anymore.. that is really sad...

Amber said...

We could so be friends :) I completely agree with number 6! I have a "friend" from high school who is just like this! It's exhausting. Unfortunately she doesn't have any other friends b/c of this, so I can't exactly drop her. Ehh... Glad I'm not the only one who can't stand that kind of behavior! Any Columbus, GA friends out there?

Anonymous said...

Chicagoland, Western Suburbs??

jc. said...

I am in...anyone in Central Illinois?

Anonymous said...

I have the same list!

Alison said...

I'm in for a Boston meet-up!

Sarah said...

Hallelujah!! I feel the same way!!! I've always chalked it up to being "introverted"...but I know I'm not shy or reclusive, I just don't have a ton of friends. The ones I have I mostly tolerate because if I didn't, I wouldn't know anybody! I'm in NKC area, I'd love a PIWTPITT meetup! :)

Anonymous said...

Ditto...! I just got back from Cali. And I'm already planning our next trip. LOL!!

Anonymous said...

my husband thinks we don't have any friends because he isn't into the kids sports rather is interested in politics and art. I tell him it has nothing to do with him. I fully know it's because there are so many PIWTPITT

Anonymous said...

Yes there are, in Alpharetta for 1 1/2 years but I have not found too many others.

Jessi G said...

Well Jenn it looks like everyone reading your blog is in the same boat! I had kids really young (they are 10, 9 and 7 and I turn 30 in July...) so most of my "friends" bailed shortly after the first pregnancy. Having a friend with a baby doesn't jive with the clubbing scene. Now me and the hubs just hang out with the little men. I found a picture the other day that describes us perfectly. It said "True love is hating the same people together"! LOVE that mentality. We laugh, guffaw and talk shit. I read him excerpts from your blog (like most people, the Elf hooked us.) I think we'd get along fucking famously. If anyone is down my way- the hell that is central Alabama- I'd LOVE to get together!!

Árný Hekla said...

Wow, this sounds like me exept I can cook ;)Luckily I do have a bunch of friend like you are looking for. If you ever come to Iceland we could take you out for a drink or two and teach you some icelandic swear words ;)
(my spelling is probably off since english isn´t my first language, oh well)

Jennifer H said...

I hear ya!! I'm a military wife and I have made some awesome lifelong friends but everyone knows we can't all live in the same place forever! :( I'm trying to make some new ones now at our current base, but it's hard to find some! I'm in bossier city, Louisiana! :)

ClariceV said...

Lmao did Anon Creepers just stalk my Facebook? Not an option but thanks for the suggestion :)

My Daily Jenn-ism said...

Hi, I'm Jenn - I'd like to apply for the friend position... I'm a Jersey girl, so you already know that I an dish it out AND take it. I'm not afraid to be me or let you be you... If your bill is full, it's all good - put me on the waiting list. I'll also forget too - so if one of us calls the other at random for a drinkie poo - I'm all in! :)
PS. Loved this ... I will be another to say, "Were we separated at birth?"

Lawra Loo said...

How funny. I don't even want more friends (because they're a total pain int he ass) but I sure wished you lived in Wyoming! lol We'd get along just damn fine :)

toosmartforherowngood said...

I read this post earlier. When I was waiting for a late appointment. Do late people piss you off? They sure do me. Anyways I think we'd be great pals. I don't yearn for much attention but I love to laugh, cackle, and resemble retarded seals. My husband is willing to mingle. However, I live in the middle of Louisiana, Ft. Polk. A military post but I've got to be sure there's at least one other puncher in the area.

Jennifer said...

Story of my fricking life, Jen. I once told a gaggle of neighborhood busybodies that I would rather prostitute myself on a street corner than send my kids to our local public schools. That was five years ago and they still hate me. It's fun in the neighborhood, let me tell you. Of course, half of them are now sending their kids to private school, and I take smug satisfaction in that.

I'll volunteer ... let me check Facebook and see if there's anywhere close to me.

Jennifer said...

Jessi G, where in Central Alabama? We were in Tuscaloosa for four years (no, not for college, but everyone thinks so when I say that), and go back semi-regularly.

Anonymous said...

Oh shit. I think I just found my new Best Friend. I do that shit to my husband all the time! He thinks I'm a lunatic... Will you come to Calvert County and be my new Partner In Crime?!?

Jennifer said...

I'm in Gwinnett, but I think I'm alone in my sanity. So maybe that makes me insane.

Tara said...

This is a great idea but I suck at making friends and keeping them. I too have the best intentions but the next thing I know school is starting again. But if anyone is interested I live in the Ohio Valley area.

mosaicmaddness said...

We would be SUCH good friends. All the women I do consider FRIENDS, are all the things you just described. I hate drama, I hate having to babysit drama queens and whiners...

I'm checking out the FB page!!!!

Fritter said...

So I have a couple of friends that I like and like me (which is a rare and interesting combo). I also have 3 boys under 3 so I have no life and need friends that dig that.
Anyhow. I'm leaving my friends and moving to the Netherlands. If by chance any of your readers are in the Tilburg, vicninity- I'm coming this October. Let's hook up so we can make fun of wooden shoes together.

Kailuamom said...

Absolutely! You don't need to be single, just understanding that it is just me...I don't have a play pal for your husband!

Anonymous said...

Jen you are at the top of my fantasy friends list, right next to Tina Fey and Clinton Kelly. I would love to find a couple of new friends, I might be a little too blunt for most people. Anyone in Essex County, Mass. looking for a slightly crazed mom of 7month old twins, 19 yo son (did I say Slightly? crazed hmmm) give me a holla.

Heather said...

Dude.. we would be the best freaking friends since Lucy and what's her name, Laverne and Shirley..you get the drift.

Anonymous said...

Me! No kids though, so if you're going to just talk about your kids the whole time forget it. I have enough friends like that already.

Anonymous said...

Awesome! I wish you were in MA. I need a Jimmy Paging friend!

Anonymous said...

North of Pittsburgh!!!!

Tammy Petersen said...

It amazes me that there are others out there like me (and my 2 friends from jr. high school that I am still friends with). I get annoyed by people around me very quickly so I am thrilled to death that both of my closest friends live too far that I can't just force them (or them force me) to hang out with each other. (1 is 2 1/2 hours North of me, the other 14 hours South of me). There is nothing like sending inappropriate texts to them, I know they won't be offended. Someone at work pisses me off, I can text them why I am pissed and they don't ask me to explain, they just call them a fucking ass-wipe along with me. Most people are so fucking judgmental, just because I drop an F bomb here or there, why is it ok for men to do it???? Oh, and dont get me started on religion. One co-workers favorite lines of bull shit "He/She is so nice, I have known them forever" and "he/she is such a good Christian, I can't believe they haven't paid their bill" the whole time I am thinking, oh so only non-Christian's don't pay their bills??? Since when does ones religion have the fuck to do with how they manage their finances!!!!

Oh I am off track, where was I? I was enjoying myself bitching, how nice to bitch to the cyber where I don't have to worry about hurting anyone's feelings........
Yeah, I think we could be cyber friends.......

Gina said...

I am in Delaware Country. I am new here so no friends really. I have a truck driver mouth and could care less about most things but I need a friend to swear, drink and make fun of people's shoes with!!

Where is Jenn from?

Roxy said...

I am Southern Iowa near Ottumwa. Feel free to add me to facebook that I posted above in my reply earlier. :)

Anonymous said...

Panama City!

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