I know this will be hard for many of you to believe, but I don't have many friends. (This is where you say, Duh!)
I have many acquaintances, but not too many close friends. It's hard for me to find people who I can stand to be around and who can stand to be around me.
The other night the Hubs and I were lamenting that summer is coming and we don't have anyone to play with other than our 2 or 3 friends who we probably overwhelm and drown with attention. We realized we probably need another friend or two to take some of the heat before we run off the few we actually have.
(Actually, the Hubs doesn't give a shit. He'd be happy to hang out with me all day. Awww. Blech. No offense to the Hubs, but I need more than him. I need some social interaction and not with a bunch of douchey dads or Dolce moms.)
So I'm on the hunt for another friend or two. I don't think it's going to be easy. I am no peach. I get it. A lot of the reason I don't have many close friends is because I am a fairly crappy friend. I'm going to be honest with you. I tend to forget important dates like birthdays, anniversaries, scheduled surgeries, lunch dates, etc. I have great intentions to call and catch up with my friends more than once a month, but I blink and suddenly it's been 3 months and then I think, Eh, if she wanted to talk to me, she would have called me. We must not be as close as I thought. I would love to have my friends over for a meal, but I'm a terrible cook and it would just be better for everyone if we went out for a meal. I have a sense of humor that can be tough to accept. I show I love my friends by teasing them and not everyone can take a good teasing. I'm getting better at this and I've figured out who can take it and who can't and I'm dialing it down, but it's still hard for me to remember.
Sometimes it's like grade school all over again and trying to find someone you enjoy eating lunch with. I'd just like to find a friend (or two) who has these qualities:
1. Be real. That's all I want. Just be real. Just be yourself, even if yourself is annoying, I'll respect you and like you for being yourself.
2. Be able to laugh. A lot. Laugh at yourself, laugh at people around you, laugh at situations you find yourself in, laugh your ass off at me. Just laugh. I can't tell you how many women I've met lately who are afraid to laugh. They smile a bit, but no one guffaws anymore. Not even a chortle.
You gotta just let it go. If you think something is funny, I want to hear your donkey bray laugh and your snort. I'd love a good coffee spray.
3. Be spontaneous. I'm not the best at this, but I'd like to get better, so I figure if I find a friend who is spontaneous, you'll force me to be too. It doesn't have be a Thelma & Louise-style cross country excursion, it can just be Let's grab some dinner and hit the park in an hour or Let's go get pedicures tomorrow.
4. Be accepting. I am who I am. I can't change anymore than you can so I need you to accept me the way I am.
5. Be a little crass. I drop the F bomb like a truck driver and I think it's funny to talk about things like: "Who would ever think it's a good idea to freeze their hand blown glass dildo? They actually have to warn you about that?"
6. Be confident. We all have our down days where we need someone to give us a pep talk and that's fine, but I can't be friends with someone who is constantly down on herself, her marriage, her abilities, etc. and won't take the advice she gets when she asks for it.
7. Be open. I want to know you. I want to know alllll about you. I live for your dramas and I love to hear them over and over again. (Seriously.)
8. Be open and dramatic, but don't be crazy. I don't know how else to say this. I just don't want to ride the crazy train all the time. I don't need a friend who is warm and friendly one minute and then cold and bitchy the next depending upon who she's hanging with at the time. That's the kind of drama I don't want.
9. Have a spouse the Hubs can play with. It's much easier for me to sneak away for Girls' Night Out if he can have some friends to hang with too.
10. This pretty much sums up my ideal friend:
11. Be unique and interesting. I don't know what exactly makes a person unique and interesting, but let's start with her being able to keep up her end of a conversation and it can't be about the weather. I won't mind if all my friend can say is "I think the Kardashians are smart businesswomen." I may disagree with her completely, but at least she has an opinion and I like that. BTW my response to that statement would be, "Those women may run 'businesses,' but their entire business centers around staging fake, headline-grabbing relationships and being rewarded for leaking sex tapes and music videos that are sex tapes set to music. I will call these girls and their Machiavellian mother many things, but busineswoman is not one of them."
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