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Douchey Dads

Last night I attended an auction at a chic country club.  I arrived early to help the organizers set up and I was surprised to find the bar full of young, well dressed (if you can call expensive plaid shorts well dressed), golf playing, thousands of dollars a year for dues paying men sitting around drinking and yukking it up.  I wanted to say, "Hey...where do you guys work that you can spend half of a Tuesday golfing at this expensive club?"  (I also wanted to hand all of them my real estate business card, because these guys look like the type who might need a good divorce attorney and Realtor in their Rolodex's at all times.)

I started setting up tables, but I just couldn't control my irritation at these guys.  Everything about them rubbed me the wrong way.  Their stupid plaid shorts, their expensive drinks and the yukking.  God, the yukking.  I've never heard laughter that was so phony and so forced.  It sounded like a combination of sea lions and parrots barking at each other.

Who are these guys?  I wondered.  I've never seen anything like them.  Most dads I know are either jocky or goofy.  Most dads I know only take off work this early if it's a family emergency or their child is in a performance at school.  And then I realized.  I know who they are.


They're the husbands of the overachieving moms.  They're the Douchey Dads.  Their time spent at the "cluuubbbb" (you gotta stretch it out when you read it) enables and/or forces the OAMs to create memories, because the Douchey Dad is missing everything, but his golf game is ah-May-zing!  The OAM needs a scrapbook for each month so she can show Douchey Dad what she and the kids do all day while he's bringing home the bacon and frying it up on golf course.

Their status as Douchey Dads was confirmed to me a few minutes later when one DD stepped out of the bar to take a call.  He didn't want to disrupt his cronies, so instead he stepped right into the middle of the room where we were working.  Yeah, don't mind us.  Keep acting like you own the joint and we just work here, dick.  

"Hello?"  he answered with a deep, professional voice that said I'm a businessman doing important work, not sitting in the bar at the cluuubbbb in the middle of the day.  Immediately his voice changed and went straight to an accent I've never had the pleasure of hearing before.  I will call it the "ritzy suburban golf club voice."  It's like the Dolce moms' voices only just slightly deeper, but with just as much affectation.  This voice makes the Dolce moms' voices sound human.  This voice made me want to scream at him:  "No one actually sounds like that, you dumbass."

Instead of screaming, I went silent, though so I could listen to his whole conversation and share it with you now:

"Heyyyy, Champ!  How are you, Buddy?  Uh huh.  Uh huh.  Mmm hmm," he droned on and checked his fingernails (Truly!  Like a bad movie!).  "Wait," he looked up from his manicure.  Something had caught his attention and now he was listening closely.  I thought maybe Champ/Buddy was hurt and calling for help.  "What did you just say?  You did?  You lost a tooth?  At school?  How did that happen?  The nurse just pulled it out?  Wow.  With her fingers or something?  That's unbelievable.  Which one?  A bottom one? Wow, Champ.  You must feel incredible!  Hey, Buddy?  Let me talk to mom, OK?"

He was completely in my way at this point, so I asked him to move.  He sidestepped six inches.  Obviously Tooth-a-geddon was far more important than what I was trying to do.  Thanks, asshat.  Now I don't feel so bad that I'm going to document your idiotic conversation for the ages.  

"Hey, Baby.  (Champ and Baby.  I wonder what his name is?  Stud?)  First tooth, huh?  How are you doing?  (I'm a wreck, Stud.  You know I'm going to need Botox.  Once your kids start losing teeth, that forehead wrinkle firms up and becomes permanent.  Bitsy told me and I totally believe her.)  So the tooth fairy comes tonight, huh?  Are you ready?  (Of course I'm ready, Stud.  I'm a good mother.)   I mean, do you have everything for what you wanted to do?   (I don't leave anything to chance.  I've been ready for this night since he turned 3.)   Right.  Right.  No, no, no.  Of course you're ready.  Do you have time?  (There's never enough time, Stud.  I'll need at least 3 hours just to work on lighting so I can get great photos and set the mood.  I'll need to make the tooth fairy punch and choose between his 6 tooth fairy pillows I've bought over the years.  I'll need to change his sheets, because right now he has tacky ones on there and I want the ones that complements his bedspread.  Of course, some things like the fairy dust will have to wait until he's asleep.  It's going to be a long night and I could use a little help.)   Oh, OK.  Well, I could come and get him and take him out for dinner while you get your tooth fairy business done.  I could be done here in a couple hours.  OK, I'll see you then.  Oh wait, hey Baby....?"

He touched some of our auction items and pretended to look closely at a gift card for an all you can eat buffet that he's probably never set foot in.  He was having some kind of internal struggle I could tell.  He wanted to ask something, but now he was afraid.  "How does it look?  Honestly.  We have that photo shoot with my family this weekend.  Does he look OK?"

It struck me.  No wonder this DD spends so much time at the cluuubbbb bar in the middle of the day.  He was raised by an OAM and a Douchey Dad and now he's just repeating that vicious cycle.  He's afraid to tell his OAM wife the fear he has of telling his own OAM that his kid might ruin her perfect family photo - actually, I think these types of people call them "portraits."  It was (almost) unbearable to watch (and eavesdrop on), but I managed.  "Right.  Right.  No, you're right.  I'm sure it's adorable.  But...I should probably call my mother...and, y'know...warn her."

Stop the cycle!  There should be a telethon for these people!

Here is the response post from the Hubs.  Douchey Dads revisited. 

227 comments:

  1. LOL I work in catering, I know JUST the type!!!

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  2. Wow. Just wow. That's all I got. My heart goes out to Toofless (sighs).

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  3. This is right on point!!! I know these men and their yucky families. The are crawling all over the South, and I avoid them every chance I get.

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    1. OMG, yes, they are all over the South! I live in MS and she totally described 93% of the males between the ages of 25 and 45! I work with lawyers and yes, this is them!! Ugh.

      Loved the article! :)

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    2. I agree! I live in MS as well and this spot on. Lol.

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    3. MS girl also..these douche canoes are everywhere!! It is really bad in the "bold, new city" I am an interior designer and have to try to fake it, but feel like I am going to lose it very, very SOON!! When I do, it will spread like a wild fire and I will end up unemployed and banned from all country clubs in town!

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    4. Where do you ladies live in MS because we need to have drinks!!!

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    5. I have no idea what part of MS y'all are from but where I am it is mostly laid back country folk who frown on Kuntry Cluuuubs.... Sure there are some very stuck up "got daddys money" brats out there but I guess I don't have to deal with them and just deal with the rednecks like me who like mudriddin, dirtbiking, bonfires, and an occasional gathering. But atleast you didn't say we are illiterate like most of the country says we are. Most of the males I know between 25-40 are normal people. Where is the bold new city? Im in Central MS.

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  4. why is that this DD asked his wife if he should take the boy to dinner so she could get ready! I am ready at 2am when I wake up to realize the fairy is has not come and I scramble to find money! or they wake in the morning crying because the TF didn't come and I go in there room and pull out from the corner of their bed saying oh she must have enough teeth so she left yours and look your money fell beside your bed!

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    1. That's what happened to us earlier this week. Damn tooth fairy. And damn dad for not reminding me about the tooth fairy like I asked him to! Did you know the tooth fairy makes day time visits sometimes? If everyone goes to school and cooperates with mom, and mom has errands to do, and the dogs stay in the garage, the tooth fairy stops by in day light hours.

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    2. The tooth fairy doesn't come when it's raining either. Her wings get wet and she can't fly. Used that one a couple times now.

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    3. Or too windy, she doesn't want to get blown away!

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    4. I forgot the tooth fairy once and told my son that he must not be brushing his teeth good enough and the tooth fairy might not want them. He brushed really good after that. He even brushed the tooth that fell out and put it back under his pillow the next nigh just in case. I felt bad so I gave him 5 bucks. I am never going to win mom of the year. Oh well.

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    5. LMAO! That's just too much effort for me! Just fess up to the kids and be done already. Hand them a buck when they hand you the tooth and it's all good...they just want the cash. It's the parents that want the kids to "believe" in the magic! ;)

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    6. I have to disagree with u, while I'm for sure not an OAM, I do a simple buck under the pillow, perhaps some glitter... But my girls came to me at ages 3, 4, and 7, my stepdaughters, when their biomom didnt want them anymore, only she'd given up long before... My 7 year old (now 20) never got to believe, in anything. And she truly missed out on some magic of childhood. Let them believe, till its not appropriate...make up a story if you forget...they need the magic :)

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    7. Sometimes the tooth fairy is busy that night and will come the next night. Sometimes she is on hard times and cant afford as much as last time....it happens...

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    8. Ha - hiya G :)

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    9. Mom got the tooth fairy's voice mail.. Daddy will try to email her tonight.

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    10. I had to leave The Girl a Tooth Fairy IOU once. A shining parenting moment.

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  5. You're freaking hilarious!! I'm a dad, not a douchey dad, and I catch your blog ever so often and you always make my day!! My incredible, super talented non-OAM wife and I laugh hysterically at your blogs! Keep up the good work!!!

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  6. It ain't stereotyping if you witness it firsthand!
    In the 80's they were called "Preppies."
    The 90's... "Yuppies."
    The new milennium... "Douchey Dads."
    PERFECT!!!

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  7. I could actually "hear" the conversation as I read it. You should hire me to tag along with you. I would be HAPPY to FORCEFULLY punch people like him in the throat!

    Thankfully, I have an amazing Dad (who drives 4 hours each way just to visit with his grandson for a couple of hours and heads back home in the middle of a busy work week) and an incredible husband who is a terrific dad.

    My Dad was at almost all of my events. The painfully boring and horrific piano recitals and all of the basketball games where I was the best bench warmer ever! We never really missed the over-time pay he didn't make although we could have used it. But, I will NEVER forget that he was always there. Maybe these DD's will figure it out before it's too late.

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    1. I know what you mean- My dad's great! But seriously, I'm in high school and I've met some serious DD's in the making.

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  8. I work with a douche dad in trainin, no kids yet, but a yuppy scumbag none the less

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  9. Total douche BUT my husbands job requires long hours on the golf course trying to land his and seal deals so I can imagine the scene is similar to what you described, but it's how we survive. Also the company pays the club fee or else we certainly wouldn't one.

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    1. Meant to say land JOBS and then seal the deal

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    2. LOL I read that as "land his seal deals"... like he sells seals for a living.

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    3. No one is equating a golfing hobby, or job requirement, which in many fields, it really is a requirement, to being a douchey-dad. The douche part is revealed when these sperm donors really, don't know their own kids. These are the types of "dads" who are banging the secretary and babysitter.

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  10. Please tell me you at least whispered something Jen...please tell me you didnt let this one go without a word...He deserved a "oh honey dont worry about his missing tooth...your missing soul on the other hand could be an issue."

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    1. LOL That would have been golden!!!

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    2. LMAO!!!!...that would have been so appropiate!

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  11. Seriously? He has to call his mother to "warn" her? Most grandmothers would be ecstatic that the kid lost his first tooth. Poor kid. Poor douchey dad for being raised like that and not knowing any better.

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  12. This was awesome! Loved every bit of it.

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  13. Hmmmmm wonder how much the toothfairy is leaving champ...or maybe just car keys to the new Jag...

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  14. You are so angry you sound jealous of these men and wish it was you? Or you like to judge everyone... wow let it go

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    1. talk about judging, look at yourself. BTW, if you don't like jen calling people out on HER blog, then maybe you should quit reading? she's just pointing out that this dude is bullshitting with his buddys instead of at home with 'champ' where he should be-unless it really is his job like one other poster posted-but still, he should have used a REAL voice to convey excitement and should have gone to a more secluded area to take his damn phone call and not in the way like he owned the place.

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    2. WHAT???? Did you actually read her post? Where in the world did you get "judging" and "jealous"? Sounded to me like her heart was breaking for a poor little boy who's dad is more worried about presenting the perfect family in a portrait than actually BEING a family!

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    3. Hope for Jen's sake she doesn't actually know any of these people (or the story is made up for humor sake) cause if OAM of DD figures out she is taking about her man...well, I'm pretty protective of my man and wouldn't take to kindly to it....

      Also, just a point...
      If DD is a member of the country club, technically, he DOES kindof own the joint. Doesn't excuse rude behavior, but technically the charity would be the guests.

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    4. @RN-Mom...of course she was judging. She thought they were douches because they could afford to play golf and they were dressed the way you're supposed to dress when you go play golf. She was also judging the way they talked. When you're obsessing over things like that, it does let people know you're jealous.

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    5. Umm, hello. I thought the title Douchey Dads implied judgement. This entire blog is about judging people, it's the bread and butter of her work. Punching people in the throat would be nearly impossible without making judgments.

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    6. I think this reply wanted attention at the end of the week rap up lol. How funny to judge a blog you dont even have to read. Seriously this screams "Pay attention to me!" lol

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    7. Oh Anonymous, you know you sit around the table at the trendy restaurant eating your cobb salad with your other OEMs and judge the waitress or whoever happens to not be in the same "class" as you. Everyone judges. It's human nature. Like this morning when you were dropping Connor off at school and there was a mom who didn't look like a Barbie wearing sweats wiping her kids nose with her sleeve. You know you told your "friends" that you wanted to gag.

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    8. Wow - I am thinking that the anonymous poster was the Douchey Dad!! Break the pattern, guy.

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    9. OMG Anonymous, give it a rest. Tanya has you nailed. Go back to your OEM so-called friends and leave us alone. Judging people is a way of life for some of us and we enjoy it. We love our lives and our families and would do anything for them. However, you are offended coz Jen saw your DD husband. By the way, you have a chip in the nail polish of your middle finger. Signed, love to judge.

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    10. Seriously! God forbid a woman tries to look nice, or a man for that matter. Everyone should half ass it through life. If they don't they are a douche....just know that your husband (the one who is in the t-shirt on the couch drinking beer) probably checks out all the women who care about their appearance whenever he gets a chance. Are you really telling me that none of your husbands do anything without their families? Judgement going your way doesn't feel so good does it?

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    11. Bwahahaha! A man is a man is a man when it comes to women. They all like to see some T&A and it is laughable to suggest that men only look at the ones who have their nails done and their hair perfectly coiffed with a bump-it and perfectly made up at all times. Get over yourself...and yes, my husband does stuff without his family, but it is maybe once a month and usually constitutes talking with his buddies about his latest project. The rest of the time he actually *gasp* plays board games with his children, helps them learn to read and write, tucks them in, tells them he loves them and otherwise spoils them with his time. Truly, there is no way you can spend too MUCH time with your children. They want to know you care and setting them up with a babysitter every other night so you can attend ritzy events to show off your cars, clothes, and money isn't really the same thing.

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    12. A T-SHIRT and a BEER?! Heaven forbid!

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    13. It's judgment, not judgement. And that's just because I'm the friggin' Grammar Police, and I am here to grade your comments. Bwahahaha!

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  15. oh jen, i love you and you totally brighten up my day. we're far from affluent, but we're not poor; but reading stories like this make me realize that some of these idiots make me look smarter and smarter.

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  16. I just died and went to HEAVEN!! Loved it every last word!!

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  17. Oh trust me she's not jealous. She tagged them right on cue. These are NOT true southerners! Warning! and I am rofl about the non-oam's takes on tooth fairy visits. My kids were late getting their payola many a time b/c I would 'just forget'.

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  18. Shelley in So. ILApril 25, 2012 at 2:41 PM

    Okay, this post is how I know I am neither an OAM nor do I have a DD for a husband. How have you confirmed that fear for me? Well you see, when one of our kids loses a tooth, the tooth fairy regularly gets held up by bad weather. No joke. I had the kids watch a weather report on TV one time just to prove that it was a huge blizzard up north and I was sure that was why the tooth fairy couldn't come by and leave something under the pillow. Honest.

    I think this has happened about 4 times? I do have 4 kids so that should average out to only once per kid so I am not a hands off parent either, right?

    The tooth fairy now sets an alarm on her phone so that she/he remembers to leave something under the pillow. And that was my husband's idea.

    Love this post, by the way.

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  19. Living in the south (and at the coast), I see these guys all the freakin' time--at the golf course, at the beach, at local restaurants and pubs...They drive me insane!! They are trained early on to emulate this behavior too. Most of them start as soon as they receive their first pair of Vineyard Vines bermudas for their 2nd birthday... It's almost like some sort of rich people inbreeding :)

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  20. You think DD's are married to OAM's? I would think they are married to the missing mom's who are too busy with their charity events and social calendar's, so they have nanny's and maids and cooks and personal trainers...

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  21. I live in Southern California. Douchey Dad capital of the world. At times, I'd like to punch myself in the throat for living here.

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  22. I know this type & they seriously piss me off. I went to school with people who had parents like this & I thought "You'll grow up to be the same way. Your poor kids will never know what it's like to have a normal family." I ran into a few since graduation & yes, they ARE OAMs & DDs.

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  23. Love your humor and wit, but really, YOU go to a country club and are surprised by this? Your organization specifically hosts their fundraiser there because they know all of the DD's will open their big, fat luxury wallets and fork over loads of cash. You really shouldn't bite the hand that feeds you.

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    1. Touche! Excellent point!

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    2. Excellent point! I occasionally read this blog, and think it is entertaining, but it HAS to be judge mental and over the top with labels and name calling for it to work. That's what people want and that is what will continue to identify with; otherwise, it won't be successful.

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  24. frickin asshat is right.

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  25. I live in MA, and we're just crawling with DDs and OAMs up here. My hubby golfs on weekends but he'd end up in divorce court if he spent more time on the course than with us. Honestly, I feel bad for those wives. They are likely miserable or value the $ their men bring in more than anything else - either way, that's sad.

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    1. where in MA? I'm in Marlborough and I haven't run into anyone like this. Though it does bring up LOTS of bad memories from living in Northern Virginia - SERIOUS OAM/DD capital of the world.

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    2. I'm in Marlborough, too! I think the DDs and OAMs live in Sudbury, Lori.

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  26. All I can muster is oh.My.god.

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  27. There's a lot of these types in my town. It drives me CRAZY! Absolutely top notch hilarious post Jen! Down with the Douchey Dad!

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  28. I used to be married to this guy!!! So glad to be free at last! Thanks for exposing this problem!!

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    1. Im divorcing a DD now!!! he wasnt rich, nor did he belong to a country club... but he is a TOTAL DOUCHE!!!!!

      CANT WAIT FOR IT ALL TO BE FINAL SO I CAN BE FULLY FREE TOO!

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  29. OAM and DD were made for each other. Champ, sadly, has no choice in the matter. Let's all hope he can either break the vicious cycle or at least torment his OAM by becoming the dark and moody type that listens to emo music and abhors sports.

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    1. lol! And refuse to wear anything but black to the next family "portrait".

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  30. Hmmm--Here is my perspective. I was raised by a doctor (dad) and a stay-at-home mother. My mother was NOT an OAM, nor was I "spoiled" despite being fortunate. My family belonged to a country club which the whole family used--Golf and Tennis for Mom and Dad, Tennis and Swimming for me and my brother. Since doctors work on-call and overnight shifts many of them work 4 day work weeks every other month. My dad had weekdays off from time to time. He spent them many of them playing golf. This was his stress reliever as he worked very hard. My dad never put Golf ahead of his family. He religiously attended band concerts, swim meets, ect. While It sounds like these men probably were DD's but I just wanted to put in my 2 cents that not every man who hangs out in a country club midday is one.

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    1. I agree with you Lindsay. In this case, people have seemed too quick to judge. Are the dads not allowed to have time to spend with their friends, too? My husband and I trade off so I can go to dinner with my friends sometimes and he can hang out with his friends other times. And this guy was on the phone sharing the excitement with his son about losing his tooth. He even asked his wife if he could help by getting the son away from the house so she could work on whatever she had planned for his first tooth. I thought this entire post was way over the line and screamed jealousy.

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    2. Kate - why do you read this blog then? I don't get it! It's funny! It's humor! Get a grip. Simmer down! :)

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    3. Don't misunderstand, I have loved this blog since Elf on the Shelf. I still do. This one just made me strangely defensive. It made me think about my (now deceased) father.

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    4. I don't understand what people think Jen would be jealous about? This is the part I don't get....

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    5. She didn't say men that play golf are all douches. If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it. :)

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    6. Amen, Kat1e. This wasn't about the fact that the guy was golfing. It was about him being rude with taking his call in the middle of where others were working, changing his voice for the call into something ridiculous, and then worrying about whether the missing tooth was going to screw up the family pictures.

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  31. Not all dads can be as cool as us!!! Definitely not a DD.

    whowouldathought-kevin.blogspot.com

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  32. The women who feel the need to DEFEND themselves and say the post is mean, jealously, blah, blah, blah. Douchy Moms who are defensive. hahaha

    Great Job Jen. The haters must sleep with the DD's or they wouldn't be so defensive.

    Oh, and, haters--make sure that you find a private place to air all your dirty laundry when you are on the phone. Next time, it could be your conversations recorded. You whiney asses are always running around on your phones telling the world every freakin thing. Argggg

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  33. Poor kid is all I have to say. Hopefully, he will one day get tattoos and piercings and make his parents oh so proud when he decides to forgo college and join a band. :)

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  34. Wow. Time to cut the hubby some slack. He is at least very involved with the kids (too bad not the house, ha!) Now, am I grateful enough to add some special touches to the bedtime routine? Probably not. But I'll give some "Thanks for doing bathtime while I read blogs" sex. That should do. :)

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  35. You are crazy judgmental. He sounds like a nice dad who took a call from a kiddo and left his buddies and went into a quiet room so he could hear. You have no idea what was going on. It could have been his birthday or a friends and they took off. You don't know. Who are you to leave you kid to go decorate. This post is just dumb. OR maybe he worked his ass off and is successful enough to take off. Why do you care???? Are you parent of the year? I thought you were funny, but you are actually kinda douchy AND on a high horse.

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    1. Except for the part where he asked how his kid looked without a tooth and that he may have to warn his mother before the family photo. Screams creepy. PS....you are reading a blog. You dont have to.

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    2. Ummm...did you read the title of this blog? By definition, she's on a high horse -- that's the point.

      They guy went to a "quiet room" where he planted himself in the middle of someone's way, didn't move even when asked, and then worried about how his kid looked missing a tooth b/c it might screw up pictures. Yeah, definitely nothing to call out as douchey here.

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    3. He also LIED about being out golfing!!

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  36. participating in events at my kids school wouldn't be so painful if i could hang out with you at every 'event'...

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  37. He probably has to say Champ or Buddy because he couldn't be bothered to remember the poor kid's name. And couldn't he come up with a more original nickname for the kid? Next he'll be calling the kid Sport.

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  38. We call these people either a suite douche. Generally suit douches are business men dressed in expensive suits who talk way too loud on their smart phones to let everyone in a 20 ft. radius know how important they are. On the weekends the suit douche turns into the scarf wearing tool, he generally sports a tweed blazer with either a turleneck or button down oxford and for warmth wears a cashmere scarf when it 10 below. You know because that 4 inch piece of cloth will keep you nice and toasty. I hate suit douches AND scarf wearing tools!

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  39. Love it! I live in a "gated golf community" in Texas and I know exactly the type. I call them Golfy Golfersons. :P

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  40. Seriously? I waited for my son's tooth to fall out to take his portrait! What is cuter than their first missing tooth?

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  41. And they were all wearing top-siders or loafers without socks, amiright? *shudder*

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  42. I don't know what's funnier: This post or the OAM defending their DD husbands in the comments.

    And this post is plenty funny.

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  43. I am new to your blog and I hope all of the comments sections are as good as this one! People who are deeply offended by this post seem highly unlikely to be regulars though...damn :-(

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  44. Says the lady who doesn't know how to clean. So she has to hire some one to clean her filth so she can play online and avoid divorce court.

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    1. Why do you even read this?

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    2. ..Which is why she offered to punch herself in the throat.

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  45. Did all those angry at this post forget to read the part at the end when he asks his wife how the kid looks without a tooth and that he may have to warn his mother before the family portrait??? Am I the only one who finds this scary? Is that anyone's picture of a dad who ISN'T completely judging the outer appearance of his little son? Come on people! This guy is all that is douchey!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  46. I just moved out of a town full of OAMs and their DDs, who beget nothing but AAOs (Absolutely Appalling Offspring)!

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    1. oh I just LOVE "AAO"s - I am SO stealing that. And since you are posting anonymous I plan to claim credit for it as well. ;-)

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  47. OMG...I can't recall the last time I've laughed so hard! Thanks, Jen! I particularly love the "sidestepped six inches" line...Gads! Don't you love how people on cell phones are so oblivious to the world around them?? No, no! That was just my foot you stepped on when you backed up but don't feel like you need interrupt your oh, so very important conversation with a person WHO ISN'T EVEN HERE to apologize...I totally understand. Asshat!

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  48. Whoa... I feel for you, Jen. Nobody should have to experience that. Had a "moment" myself this evening when I had to restrain myself from blurting out, "Keep your hands to yourselves!" or "Get a goddamn room already." We were at my daughter's high school's National Honor Society induction and cording ceremony. Proud Ma and Pa in front of me had to be all rubbin' on each other. Nobody else in the room was getting handsy. Shit, they were pissing me off; sighing as loud as I could was all I could do to express my annoyance.

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  49. I was amen'ing this whole post. i think i might be related (my sister) to an OAM that is married to a DD. Most of our family functions have a similar vibe to this scene. So glad the hubs and I moved across the state to get away from it. Unfortunately there are a lot of OAM and DD's in Nevada, MO.

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  50. I know many wealthy people who are not asshats or DD's or OAM's - it CAN be done!! Just because you have money doesn't suddenly elevate you to a point where you can be so ridiculous. Seriously - these people are so out of touch with reality. I'm happy that someone had the guts to call them out. And we all got a laugh about it cause it's funny as hell and it's true. The best comedian's make fun of real life situations that people can relate to.

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  51. I am dying!! This post was so great!! I know people just like this, which makes it even greater!! :)

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  52. Maybe they can get him one of the flipper things for the "portrait". OAM probably has one left from her own days in the beauty pageant circuit.
    Poor kid. He'll grow up to be like DD just because that's all he knows. It's definitely a cycle!

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    Replies
    1. lmao! yes, get that boy a flipper so grandma doesnt have a weirdo grandson without a tooth.

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  53. What the fuck is wrong with people. How can they stand their own douchiness (is that a word)? I'm from the south and yes-- rampant douches. But now I'm in CA and there's plenty of DD and OAMs here too. Maybe you could sell 'I Hate Douchy Dad" T-shirts online.

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  54. LOL I'm wondering if the particularly nasty, hissy fits above were from any of those oh so pleasant family members from the whole over the top birthday party entry? Sorry for the run-on just no other way to put it hahaha. More power to ya' Jen, keep punching!

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  55. really people? at least these Dads actually talk to their kids and support their families. It's a hell of alot more than some kids have. My kids would be greatful for just a phone call from their father. So this guy might not win a superdad of the year contest but at least he answered the phone and obviously thought that his family was worth 5 mins of his time.

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    1. opps i mean *grateful not greatful lol

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    2. and you think he deserves a pat on the back for taking a phone call? thinking throughout the conversation how dreadful Champ would look in the family portrait? Really? I would hope my kids would rather have no Dad at all than a fake one who cares more about appearances than accomplishments in their lives

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    3. Actually I must agree that sometimes having no dad is better than a douchey one. Mine was an abusive asshat and I wished every night that my mother would divorce him or that he would get run over by a bus and it never happened and now I'm paying for really expensive therapy just to figure out why my father couldn't love me. So no having a douche for a dad is not better than not having a dad. At least if you don't have one, you don't get the shit kicked out of you by him.

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  56. HAHAHA!! Funny blog post, which I read on my own free will, in America where we are free to judge, write, read, not read what ever we want. If I don't agree I can laugh and move on, I can mutter "what an asshat" at my computer screen and move on, I can chose not to read it EVER AGAIN if I want. Sure am glad no one makes me read something that I hate every day, like apparently some people are made to do. Whew!
    Funny Jen, I agree, we don't know everyone's situation any given day, but these guys you can just tell.....poor kid.
    Devan

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  57. I love this post. I have seen these DD's and so glad my husband is not one of them! I too wonder what the mom had planned for the tooth?? I didn't even know there could be more to the tooth fairy than leaving money under the pillow??!!

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    1. Melanie, that's what OAMs do they take something simple and go over the top with it. I'd imagine there may have been a special pillow, fairy dust sprinkled on the bed, footprints as well as a personal over the top greeting card included. They really set themselves up by setting the bar as high as it can go.

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  58. I think it's okay to both laugh at this post and appreciate the humor and perfect illustration of a LOT of guys out there... and then also acknowledge that IRL this particular DD probably isn't so bad. Love this blog!

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  59. I call my son, bud all the time. I know his name. I like his name. Really, a post about this? And if you want to be snarky, maybe his son is named Gomer and prefers to be called Champ ;-O. Glass houses.

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    1. Come on, how can you even compare the two. Gomer is a sophisticated and adult name, while champ is the name of a dog. Also, Adolpha is probably a family name, Jen's great-great grandmother who arrived on a rowboat from the Titanic was probably named Adolpha. I'm sure you could have gathered as much if you read more than the titles of a couple posts. And granted, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, but they also have a great view of the douchiness around them.

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    2. if you read Jen's blogs regularily you would know her children are not named Gomer and Adolpha. those are their online blogging personnas. Good thing Sarah can see your douchiness

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    3. Welcome to the blog Douchey Dad.

      I suggest you read a bit more of the blog so that you understand the purpose of it (sarcasm) and the fact that Gomer is actually not Jen's son's real name.

      Many commenters have said it before: Reading is essential.

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    4. I don't think anything she described is remotely douchy. Guys dressing nice for golf (kinda required if you aren't redneck), going to a quiet room to talk to his son and show his excitement over his tooth loss...What is so bad about that? Oh, and being at the course during normal "work hours"? Most of those guys probably work all kinds of hours and if they take off it is because they are successful enough to do so. I have read her blog a few times (I work and all), so no I didn't know her son wasn't Gomer (thank god, that is a horrible name), but it doesn't change the fact that someone calling their son Champ or buddy is hardly a bad thing. Give me a break. Success doesn't make you a douche and if you think it does, you are likely jealous. Nor does it make you a bad parent or a sad family. BTW, I am a photographer, and if someone is spending a lot of images, they do sometimes wait until a tooth comes back in. It isn't for a snap shot...it is for a portrait. Again, not douchy. She is grasping for material and it irritates a lot of us to see a dad who seems really nice and connected to his family belittled by someone who spends a huge amount of time on her computer and pimping her blog.....

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    5. No one said that success makes you a douche, being a fucking douche makes you a douche, you idiot. I think people with tons of portraits of themselves in their own homes are weirdo creeps. And it is absolutely douchey to worry more about how much a "portrait" costs than your own child. Who gives a flying fuck how much it costs, (bringing up the cost of something is douchey) if the kid doesn't have the tooth then you are memorializing something, isn't the the g-d point of a "portrait" anyway, to capture a moment in time?? This guy described sounds like a typical douchey dad to me. My hubs and I make fun of these people all of the time. I'm sure they make fun of us too. As a matter of fact I've had people say some really shitty things to my face before, so I don't feel bad for judging them at all.

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    6. I think you are missing the underlying tone of the situation.

      The 'quiet' room was actually a room that volunteers were working in to get ready for an event. Not an empty private room. He was unapologetically in their way.

      Conversations made on your cell phone in public are open to public scrutiny.

      Success and playing golf does not make you a douche, being an insincere phony does.

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    7. Large round of applause to the anonymous poster above me!

      Delete
  60. Very funny post. To generalize all country cluuuubbers this way would be narrow minded, and I don't think that is motive here. I read this to be like a caricature of the DD golfer and his family. Lighten up people.
    I am not a member of a cluuub, and believe me there are plenty of OAMs and DDs that do not fall into the country cluuuub financial bracket. To be in the OAM/DD club you do not need to have a lot of money, you just project your douchery in other arenas.

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    1. 'project your douchery in other arenas' BAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is hysterical! I agree...money doesn't = douchiness. I know plenty of middle class/lower class asshats I'd love to punch in the throat!

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  61. My goodness, I usually am right on target with you, Jen, but this post was just "different". To me, this post didn't have your usual sarcastic wit that brings a funny twist to certain things we all encounter. Nope, this one was just, what's the word, oh yeah, MEAN. Typically, people are only this mean when there is an underlying JEALOUSY. I think, maybe, you have finally cut through the surface, and delved into who you really are... an incredibly unhappy and bitter woman who is jealous of those who lives you covet! Wow, I must say, I really liked the fake Jen a whole lot better!

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    1. My family is "part" of this crappy class - fortunately we were raised differently trust me, she is right on! It isn't jealousy it is calling a spade a spade! See my comment below.

      Only ours was the "horse" set - read about the "Horse Murders" nevermind the other disfunction of these families!

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    2. did you not read the final part of him worrying about a family photo? If that doesn't scream douche canoe, I don't know what would

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    3. Awww, there's the famous "Jealousy" word. The lifestyle in question isn't anything to be jealous over. People who are FULL OF THEMSELVES use the J word ;) think about it.

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    4. Of course--it must be jealousy. It couldn't possibly be throwing a sarcastic light on entitled self-involved douche canoes who care more about appearances than being real with their children and having a genuine interaction with them. And if you are pushing the jealousy idea so much, did you ask yourself why? Me thinks the douches doth protest too much.

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  62. Do you have any idea what these families raise? George Huguely's - seriously! That is what type of person they raise. Or a Halsey Minor. Google them - those where their parents!

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  63. You totally described my clients, as a travel agent, we deal w/ a group of investment bankers. That is exactly what they do, their wives are all jr league types, their kids go to private school, and are named after cheese (Colby and Brie), or furniture, yes I have a client named after a piece of furniture. They go to the Caribbean for spring break, own homes on exclusive islands along the east coast, and wouldn't dream of putting a foot in Disney World. Still, they pay us the bucks to do it, and are very nice to us, but they have their moments. Not all of them are like this, but quite a few are. Great blog, tell the haters to suck it.

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    1. BAHHAHAHAHHHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Named after cheese! Too funny.

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    2. Well,I'm out of the running for OAM because the first cheese name I could think of was Velveeta.

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    3. I gotta ask, as I hear the term thrown around every now and then....

      WTF is a "junior league"?

      Must be something I wouldn't know about as a redneck lol.

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    4. "Junior Leagues are educational and charitable women's organizations aimed at improving their communities through volunteerism and building their members' civic leadership skills through training."

      Mostly, it's wealthy OAMs, who must be "sponsored" by another OAM to join and pay dues to hang out with other OAMs.

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    5. The Velveeta coment was hillarious!!!! LMAO!

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    6. the names of kids in the DD/OAMs in the south is even funnier. I knew someone who named their child Cot. I don't get it. It wasn't short for anything, they just named their child Cot. The cheeses are funny though, I really like that. HA!

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    7. I think Cot is a nickname for Cottage....as in Cottage Cheese. :)

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  64. Did you see any golf groupies lurking at the bar looking to spend time with those asshats while the OAM is at home? Psssstttt....they're really hookers!!!

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    1. Velveeta would be an awesome hooker name. Who knew a golf game could have a happy ending?

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    2. HAH! I didn't even read these comments until I read Hubs' post today. THIS ONE wins the prize - hysterical!

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    3. What about 'Cheesy Blue' Ivy Carter ??

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  65. I am going to believe, for young Champs sake, that OAM said to DD after his comment about warning his mother "you go ahead and warn her, and if she says one snarky word about his missing tooth I am going to punch her in the throat"

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    1. Yes....lets pretend she didnt bite her tongue and say nothing. Because he deserved a "since when is YOUR mom in our protrait? You better come correct Dirk."

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  66. My sister and I joke about these people, here in Raleigh they are known as Inside the Beltline, or ITB. These parents are Chip and Buffy and they have 2 kids, (one girl one boy) named Elizabeth and Chip Jr. They have a perfectly trained Golden Retriever named Max and they have a housekeeper named Rosa who has been there so long she feels like a member of the family - untils he screws something up and then they report her to INS b/c her green card expired in 1997. The kids go to a private school or one of the ritzy public schools that the parents donate so much money to they practically run the darn place. Elizabeth wears bows in her hair that are the size of a dinner platter and Lilly Pulitzer dresses and has a Vera Bradley backpack. Chip Jr looks just like Chip Sr, down to the plaid shorts, polo and dock shoes. They talk to those of us that live Outside the Beltline, or as I like to say, reality, like we are second class citizens. Well I certainly hope that Champ's mom was able to fulfill his dreams of what it would be like to loose his first tooth. I'd love for my son to make a memory for that pansy about loosing his second tooth!

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    1. Crap, now I'm thinking about chips and velveeta.I wonder if the kids would be open to just having rotel dip and chips for dinner.

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    2. Hahaha! we live outside of the beltline too and we are constantly amazed at what goes on inside the belt line. We can't help but make fun of these people, they really bring it upon themselves. Do you notice that everyone drives the same exact car? It is like the Lexus dealership exploded and put one in every garage one day.

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    3. my sister in law teaches at the ITB school that the parents run b/c they give so much money to the foundation the school has...like what public school has a foundation???!!! anyways, she pulled up at school one day in her subaru and a kid cracked on her for driving a POS car. they all probably drive the same car b/c one of the dads at the club sells the darn things and they all went to him to get a new car for a christmas present, i mean really, we all know it is the ITB folks who are the only ones who could be like the people in the Lexus commercial!

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  67. I really like your blog but found this post a bit sad and cruel & not funny at all. I'm not sure why people say they "almost died laughing". The dad sounds like he's part of a cycle as you say but not a douche and he took the call to talk to his wife about the exciting occasion. Maybe I'm just having an off day but I didn't like this one at all, sorry.

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    1. I agree, Pam. Not being mean or anything, but I have to give that dad the benefit of the doubt. He took the phone call, spoke with excitement to his son, offered to help...what's douchey about that. Maybe his MOM is the douche, and he was trying to prevent a fight. It kind of seems like you are extrapolating a lot of info from a quick conversation. Again, he could have just not taken the call. Oh, and my VERY non douchey (and I am NOT an OEM, trust me) husband travels for work and puts in 40+ hours in 4 days. Leaving his Fridays off. Where he just might play golf sometimes. A bit of a stretch here.

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    2. The blog is meant to be funny. Like how comedians make fun of their audience. The guy probably wasn't as big of a douche but what is funny about ordinary guys hanging out on a Tues afternoon while Jen sets up for an auction? My friends and I used to point out strangers and see who can come up with the funniest story about them, for entertainment purposes. Dont take life so serious, it will eventually kill you.

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  68. I deal with a lot of DDs. How do they play golf on Tuesdays? Their salesmen> thgose motherfuckers get paid oodles of cash for taking clients out to "dinner" which ususally involves at least one girl named Montage and one named Cherry. They are usually married to Princess Moms who drive expensive GIGANTIC SUVs while texting their “girls” with one hand and sipping their Venti Decaf Soy five-pump Raspberry No-whip extra Horseshit mocha from Starbucks. The get “push presents” and are probably getting it on with the next door neighbor’s wife or the hot looking Mexican guy that mows the lawn. They annoy the shit out of me by using the word gift as a verb and saying a-MAH-zing while they discuss how smart their brain damaged progeny are, or how much it costs each year for said offspring to attend private school, at which both will have their first gay experience. They haven’t worked a real job since they first got out of college, know all the best plastic surgeons and drone on endlessly about shoes, bolt-on breasts and cupcakes/macarons/whatever food fad is going at that day. They don’t how to cook, think the Poors are that way because it’s their own fault and probabl;y go to a church where Jesus is more like Eddie Vedder, including the rock and roll, than a role model.
    But I digress.

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    1. My rage overcomes my ability to type.

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    2. HAHAHAHA! pissing in my pants. I think you have nicely summed it up. I hate push presents by the way.

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    3. My sil is pining away for a push present, isn't the baby the present??? I mean really? I roll my eyes and want to punch her in the throat daily. She is a spoiled, selfish brat.

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    4. A push present?! You have got to be kidding me. I received 2 beautiful kids and a lifetime of incontinence as a "push present".

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    5. This is the funniest thing on here! I really did laugh out loud! Extra horseshit....hysterical!!! Very witty and clever poppymann!

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  69. As judgemental as the douche-supporters are accusing Jen of being, they are tenfold! Jen is anonymously broadcasting HER opinion (which I believe we are all allowed to do, think I read that somewhere...) on HER blog, and the lot of you are rudely telling her that her opinions, largely written for entertainments sake, are wrong. Wrong opinions? Judgemental opinions? That is what opinions are, right?? If I don't like the message a tv show is putting out, I change the channel, the internet is huge...find somewhere else to play! Spewing your ugly at Jen cause you disagree with her delivery doesn't make you a better person...

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    1. Reminds me of something I recently read, beside a picture of Gene Wilder in his role of Willy Wonka. Ahem, and I quote,

      "Oh, you were offended by something you read on the internet? ...You must be new here."

      Grow up people, and get a life.

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  70. I'm laughing at this because a guy I work with has got to be one of these Douchey Dads. There's something just so smarmy about him that we ladies can't put our fingers on (and we've never seen him in plaid pants) but his conversations are far too loud, he always calls people, "Buddy" or "Champ" and has to overtalk everyone in agreement. He looks like your preppy aging fraternity boy but has this high-pitched giggle that doesn't fit in with ANY of it. He's fake like knockoff cologne and about as repelling.

    He's a recent transfer to our company and his wife and four kids still live a flight away until he sells the house there he's upside down on despite the sh*tload he earns here. My DH hired him but doesn't see any of this. I wondered once what his wife was like and my DH's reply was, "I get the feeling he keeps her on a short leash," whatever that means. I'm actually rather curious to see their natural habitat and how much it resembles what you describe, since he clearly lives higher on the hog than we do with fewer kids and much more income.

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  71. We have a family rule: Only go after the hypocrites, the snoots and the ones who seem to have it all.

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  72. I know this type of person.
    As someone that went to law school, I know LOTS of them.
    I think the reason this post was a sore subject for people is that they can't hear the inflection that I have no doubt was present in his voice.
    In theory, it's awesome that he cared about the tooth and was willing to help the tooth fairy out. A little over the top? YES. But sweet? I guess. However, it's the popped-collar-got-to-have-the-best-wallet-pic that solidified that this man might suffer from a bit of suckdom.
    It's just hard to know out of context.
    Was he fist pumping when he said it?

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  73. My husband is a golf pro...so he WORKS for these people...try being the workers wife...it's oh so glam...

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  74. What really annoys me about this self-important douche of a dad is the fact that he was all up in your business while you're moving tables and doing heavy lifting. Next time, tell him to get his head out of his 'manscaped' ass and move out of the way!

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    Replies
    1. Not a good visual, I gotta tell you. I'm having visions of a bald ass topping off two very very hairy thighs lmao.

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  75. This is meant to be funny, why are people taking it so seriously? Have you ever observed someone and then poked fun at them to a friend? If the answer is no, you are probably lying. Don't read it if you don't like it. Jen- you are a funny lady, keep it coming.

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  76. Last I checked, EVERYBODY is entitled to their opinions. The OAMS & DD's need to get over themselves, jealousy is famous word for your type. It's hard to be jealous when WE laugh while you get defensive and snarky. SOOOOOO stfu =)

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  77. As far as I am concerned, this dad would have been equally as douchy if this scene had occurred ANYWHERE. The fact that it occurred at the country club is almost irrelevant. It paints a pretty backdrop, but I really didn't find it to be critical to the story. The people who take offense to this post and get hung up on the country club aspect of it all are missing the bigger picture and the intent of the blog. Oh, and also, Jen is a super psycho jealous hag who would straight up skin your man just to get those sweet plaid shorts ...

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  78. Douchery is not a class issue. Jen was just pointing out this particular flavor of douchery in this post. She was not saying that rich fathers are automatically DDs. Good people can belong to country clubs and have money. She was just pointing out just how self-entitled and phony this class of douche is.

    For me, where he really became the douche was when he was worrying about what his MOMMY thought about the gap in his child's front teeth because it may "ruin" the family photo? If he were a real man and his mother complained about that, he would tell her to piss off. Somehow, I think he is more worried about his inheritance.

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  79. Oh and calling someone judgmental is instant hypocrisy, just add holier-than-thou tone.

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  80. If you care enough to leave a defensive, deeply hurt comment, there's a good chance you're connected to and/or guilty of the behavior. Food for thought :)

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  81. Please thank The Hubs for pointing out this rich field of hilarious comments! I've never seen so many people get their panties in a bunch over someone else's opinion of a stranger! Good grief! If your best friend was making fun of your brother-in-law, I might get the defensiveness but no one here KNOWS any of the parties involved. I just don't get the moral outrage. Jen & Co. - you are hilarious, thanks for making a fun end to a LONG day for me!

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  82. I've just read every comment hear,along with the original post and the"hubs" post. And i have to comment. ANYONE who is "offended" "upset" "made any comments about Jen being 'jealous'" is a fucking idiot. Are you such alittle puss bag that you can't handle a blog that doesn't discuss " flowers" or you kids "darling little spring outfits"? Get the sand out of your vagina or the dick out of your ass and learn to take a joke. Or,, let me guess, did the post hit home alittle bit? It may suprise your rich pricks to know that we don't envy you and we are not jealous of your "lifestyle " (i use that term loosely) . We laugh at you and your fragile sensibilities. You are truly pathetic and all the money in the world can't make you someone to he envied. Laugh alittle more and start with the thing looking back at you in the mirror.

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  83. I have several OAMs and DDs in my neighborhood which makes neighborhood events a perfect time for us to douche patrol. And all these posts about "having money doesn't make me a douche", you're right, being a fking douchebag makes you a douche. The money just allows you to flaunt your douchiness in douchier places, that you drive to in your douchewagon. So shut your douchehole, continue practicing your doucheswing, and next time your minidouche calls you while you are at the douche cluuuuub, try acting like a dad and not a ooberdouche dad!

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  84. Hope poor champ doesn't end up wearing a "flipper" like those toddler & tiaras pageant girls for the stupid fake-ass family portrait. Douchey Dad is a mofo. Don't grow up to be Douchey like your dad, champ. Love your blog, Jen.

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  85. Love, love, love this. And the Hubs addition the next day. I want to marry you both!

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  86. Love this blog! Rock on Jen. We belong to a cluuuuub and live in the "right" neighborhood but are not an oam or dd in the slightest. The one point that wasn't made was the big to do over the stinking tooth fairy. Good lord OAMs calm down! Your kids are going to have no clue how to deal in the real world. I'll give ya elf hynix (spirit of the season yada yada) but chill with the other stuff. They don't need Easter swag etc. We don't do the tooth fairy. When my son was 5 we had some very good friends that also had a 5 yr old boy. We were always together. So one am we were at their house when her son comes out of his room looking bewildered. My friend said honey did the tooth fairy come? He said yeah I guess buuuuutt I think she stole from me. She asked what he meant. He went on to explain that the money left under his pillow was already his. It was from his saving jar in the kitchen which he had written his name on in red crayon days before. Apparently she hadn't noticed that when in a panic because they had forgotten about toothfairy she took money out of his jar to be repaid later. Well we all stood there looking dumb when my five yr old says to the other one you know I heard the tooth fairy was a thief and possibly does drugs so know I guess we know it's true. I almost peed myself right there. So my son never wanted that thieving crack head in our house so problem solved. We just kept his teeth in a cute box. Sorry so long but he's 12 now and that story still cracks us up had to share. And someday I'll master these internets and not have to post anonymous.

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    1. seriously just spewed my coffee out laughing at this "thieving crack head" tooth fairy. That was way too funny

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    2. Oh. My. Damn. I'm freaking dying! I wish my kids thought the tooth fairy was a scary crackhead klepto! It would save me a lot of trouble, as I always forget and have to make up some redic lie about why the bitch didn't show. Maybe I'll tell them it's because she was trying to score some rocks downtown. Shoot, while I'm at it, maybe I'll tell them Santa is really a black market organ broker who is just coming for their kidneys.

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  87. Am I the only one who doesn't know what a "flipper" is? It sounds like something you should have to be 18 to purchase.

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    1. It's basically dentures for little kids. Mostly the pageant set use them. They are almost as stupid as the wigs for babies. Almost

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  88. What is wrong with some of you idiots? Ever hear of "satire" ?? Or "irony"???? I don't come here to be bored shitless. This blog is supposed to be funny. If Jen's blog wasn't sarcastic and if she didn't embellish a bit regarding the flaws of the asshats in our society, then it wouldn't be FUNNY!! This post obviously struck a nerve with some people. Cuz it hits home maybe?? I know douches like you. I live in a town full of them in northern NJ. The comedy factor is unreal. A bunch of classless idiots who will take calls like that where people are trying to work. Look at yourselves in the mirror.... My name is "so and so", and I am a DOUCHE!

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  89. Sounds suspiciously like my brother-in-law. An up and coming Douche Dad!

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  90. Why are there so many people saying "Give the Dad the benefit of the doubt". This is pathetic. Why is it that when a father does something he SHOULD do, he is appaulded? WTF? Seriously? I know that there are a LOT of so called men out there that don't do the right thing, but this is ludicrous. Why do we allow ourselves to let it slide when "men" don't step up. The reason this Dad is a Douche is because he wasn't sincere. His wife probably gave him the heads up before he answered the phone what Champ was going to call about. Your Damn right he SHOULD have taken the call. What he also should have done is taken the call outside or to a really privite room where people were not clearly working to get an event set up.

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  91. This is hilarious, I have know that type of guy my whole life. I come from a family of Wednesday afternoon golfers, dad, brother, cousins, uncles, all go golfing wednesday afternoons.

    Of course they also go to all our sporting events, horrible band concerts (you know the ones where its not even music yet just kids blowing into instruments), they have all been coaches for our teams, read to us at night, bbq at all the birthdays, pick us up from school, got our favorite ice cream when we were sick, and beleive it or not sometimes they would pick us up from school to take us golfing with them. Every morning my dad goes to my grandmas to make sure she takes her dementia medicane. He was the one taking care of my mom when she was sick, taking her to the doctors, learning her medicane routine, he would go to work extra early while she was sleeping, while me or my brother watched her, then be back before she was awake so he could be with her those last few months and because he didn't want her to be spent them in a hospital. If my dad was there you probably would have thought of him as one of those guys, he takes calls all the time and he keeps a list of property for sale in his back pocket.

    What I am trying to get at is, not all afternoon golfing dads are douchey.... but a fair majority are.

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  92. Keep up the good work, Jen! The more succesful you become the more Douches will come out of the woodwork - ignore them!

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  93. It makes me laugh that people get so bent out of shape about Jen stereotyping these guys as douches. To the crazy OAM's defending your golfing hubby, it's no different than saying everyone that lives in a trailer has a toilet and car without wheels in the front yard, homeless women are crackwhores, or Sheqeil is a better ball player than Ted. But all of that would be funny to y'all. Get over yourselves... Please!

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  94. Haaaa...very well written and to the point article and this is coming from A DAD!!!! Some people like the idea of being a father then the actual job of being a father and you came up with the perfect name - DOUCHE!!!! Keep writing and we'll keep reading!

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  95. Ok, so I have been thinking about all these comments, and I do see some of the opposing points. I agree that you can't know any given persons specific situation. This particular guy may or may not have been a DD, this occourance just made it sound that way. Any one given guy out there that does something douchey may not be a DD, BUT that does not change the fact that there are DD's out there. Ok, maybe the yucking and fake tone and douchey 'in the way-ness' and "concern" over the tooth may have all been accidental coincidences, maybe the guy is an on call doc and is hardly ever at that club, does not change the fact that we all know the KIND of person Jenn is talking about and you can picture them and that false tone and the yucking - the GD yucking....and it is f'n funny!!
    Adressing the people that say "well at least he is around and involved" - the title is not "Bad, jackass, POS, deadbeat dad", it is Douchey Dad, so I don't think Jenn was trying to address that particular sort of dad at all. (correct me if I am wrong, Jenn).
    I admire the people that politely disagree, they say "hm, just didn't get it Jenn, and I don't agree but I will keep reading", as Jenn is, you are also entitled to your oppinion and you make it easy for me to respect your oppinion when you put it respectfully without angrily lashing out with evil rants.
    I fear the people that were the most ANGRY about a funny light-hearted jab at a general type of person either KNOW this person, his wife or are a whooooole lot like them.
    That is all (for now), Devan

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