DFP


FB

Who Is Jen?

I'm Jen (my real name) - I write this blog and best-selling books.

The books I wrote:

People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Daycare Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges (Random House, September 2014).
Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat (Random House, Fall 2015).

The anthologies I published:

I Just Want to Pee Alone (2013)
I Just Want to Be Alone (2014)

If you like my blog, then you'll love all of these books. You can get them all right here.

I am married to the Hubs, I have two kids: Gomer and Adolpha (not their real names - their real names are worse).

I started this blog in April 2011 and in a few months time I grew to 70 regular readers. In December 2011, I wrote a post called "Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies." It sat dormant for a week and then suddenly out of nowhere it went viral. Over night I gained several thousand followers on Facebook. At last check I had 460,000 with my two Facebook pages combined. Since then I've worked really hard to entertain my readers and to keep people coming back for more.

I live in Kansas. It doesn't blow as much as you would think. I've lived in New Jersey, New York, Iowa and Illinois before and I can say that Kansas isn't the worst place I've lived.

This blog is called People I Want to Punch in the Throat not Rainbows and Unicorns. I'm a funny writer who was once described as "acerbic with a surprising warmth." I like that description a lot, so I keep using it. I've also been described as Erma Bombeck -- with f-bombs. Erma would hate that, but I think that's high praise. If you don't have a sense of humor, then this isn't the place for you. Thanks for stopping by, but don't waste your time leaving in a huff, it just makes me want to hire a band to see you out the door.

I write a lot and it can be a bit overwhelming. If you're not sure where to start reading, try Jen's TOP 11 Favorite Posts, these aren't the most popular, but they're my favorites. Or the Weekly Wrap Ups - they'll give you an idea of what you've been missing.

I've been published on Huffington Post, Headline News, and Babble. I've spoken at numerous conferences and events around the country. I won a 2014 Bloggie Award (Best Parenting Blog) and was a Finalist for the 2013 Bloggie Awards (Best Parenting Blog and Weblog of the Year). I was a reader at Kansas City's first Listen to Your Mother show. I was a BlogHer Voice of the Year (2012 and 2013), I was named a Circle of Moms Top 25 Funniest Mom Blogs (2012 and 2013), and Circle of Moms Top 25 Author Moms (2013). I've been a speaker at Mom 2.0 Sumitt 2014.
 
If you laugh out loud, almost pee yourself or spit out your drink when you read my blog, then do the world a favor and share it with your friends.

Thanks!!

PS. If you like what I've written, PLEASE feel free to share the link.  But DON'T cut and paste the entire blog post on your blog or anywhere else and THEN link back to me.  I'm not cool with that.

Disclaimer: My site is full of affiliate links and if you buy stuff through my ads, I will make some money from your sale.

62 comments:

  1. I have a similar theme to my life motto. While I do generally want to punch people in the throat my creed is "I hate people". The person that insists on pulling out of their parking spot in front of me then proceeds to drive down the 4 stories of the parking garage at .1 mile per hour and makes me late for daycare pick up or the security guard in my office building that insists on unplugging my industrial coffee maker at night making it take an extra milla-second to make the MUCH needed coffee in the morning! Thanks for your negativity! Really does brighten my day!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  2. Hi, I'm not a mother, but seriously I have a dog and I can't seem to pick up after her let alone children. I get supremely annoyed at "do it all Moms" that ooze perfect everythings. Thank you for making me laugh and knowing that some one will hold the person down while I punch them in the throat. I would also like to deliver a kidney shot if that's ok with you.

    Andrea

    ReplyDelete
  3. I think I love you, Jen. Happily shared (repeatedly) "Elf" post on Twitter last night, and discussion spilled right over into today... internationally, too! Was thanked for sharing with friends on Facebook. I wanted to go out and scream from my mile high hell - Highlands Ranch Colorado - "READ THIS BLOG!!" after one of my friends turned me on to it. You write how my heart wishes my brain could make my fingers spit stuff out onto my keyboard. I write the most depressing blog on www. My name is Lil... and I'll say it again: I love you.

    Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  4. okay hilarious Blog. End of story.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are my type of person. Love you insight and wit. If you are ever up in Mass. I will gladly assist in some throat punching. Holiday letters are almost as annoying as the elf. I am sure man invented the elf. One more annoying thing to do this time of year. If I moved my elf now, the kids would be suspicious, as they believe he is injured.

    ReplyDelete
  6. We might actually be siblings, I am married to a Korean, so that makes our kids siblings! LOL, I have enjoyed your blog, you are a talented writer (there goes the we are related thing) and keep up the funnies....

    ReplyDelete
  7. might have to punch KatieDidn't in the throat for her "I'm married to a Korean, so that makes our kids siblings!" comment. Chinese-American and Korean-American kids are not siblings. I'm Japanese and was married to a caucasian American woman. Our kids are not siblings just because of the similarity. You know what? Know why Koreans hate Japanese? Google it, KatieDidn't and be glad I don't punch you in the throat.

    ReplyDelete
  8. kyodan75, I think we are siamese twins because I've never been to Japan and I only pretend to love sushi! And I'm white with a Vietnamese last name, wait, who the hell am I? hahah I'll hold KatieDind't down for ya!

    Jen, Why don't you see about writing in a Newspaper Column or wait idiots don't read newspapers! Maybe a craiglist ad? One that will edjuwmacate those people who need throat punching? I hate em! So I guess you're pretty famous now and I'm hooked too. I can't wait to send out my "What A Fuznuck Year This Has Been Christmas Letter- scratch letter, changed to Demands!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ok, I signed up so I can comment, as per your request. Plus that school supply blog had be crying and peeing (I had weak bladder before my two kids also, now worse!). I love all your stuff, and I am following you on facebook too. #fairlyaddicted

    ReplyDelete
  10. I live in kansas too! :) Love your blog. Made my day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. The Elf blog cracked me up. Wished I had written it. My blog is mrsbeansblog.blogspot.com. I linked over to yours-- I think we share a similar reader base.

    And I will not be a douche and steal your material!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hysterical blog - Great work! Our elf comes out during the year to threaten our child into doing normal things like cleaning his room and brushing his teeth. Why would I have him to naughty things and make additional messes for me to clean up? I have a kid and a husband for that. I actually lost the elf for a few days this week. I thought that I accidentally wrapped him until my husband found him in the chandelier. Good times.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I adore you. My BFF and I have back n forth's very similar to this. She writes - I bitch. You are welcome to move into the old folks home with us.

    ReplyDelete
  14. My husband suggested we should put our elf under the trusty old minivan and roll over a portion of his leg so he couldn't break free to wreak havoc in our house at night. Worked for me, but the small children who overheard that comment were slightly traumatized.
    http://webberstories.blogspot.com
    I am the Southern version of you...which means I'd be ex-communicated if I dared use grown up language. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. As someone who spends a good portion of the day being surrounded by people I'd like to punch in the throat, I find your blogs so refreshing. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I read your writings, so that I won't kill...THANK YOU!!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good stuff. Keeping it real.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hi,it's me, still cyber stalking you...Have you read thebloggess?? She is hilarious, I think you two would get along great!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Great blog! It's the only one I have ever followed. You are writing what I have been thinking!

    I need more friends like you!

    Thanks for making me laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous20:49

    I find you so relatable! I have 3 girls (2 of them share a birthday 2 years apart). I share many of your same views, sometimes I could swear you are in my head!

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love, love, love your blog. Keep up the great work!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm glad to have come across your blog ... now I know why I can't find MY keys ... LOL :) Thanks for the laughs and smiles!!!

    ReplyDelete
  22. The fact that you have to explain that your blog is a joke is sad... Sad that there are douche canoes (thank you for that term, BTW) that don't get that. I've followed you on twitter for a couple of months now and yes, we were separated at birth. My girls are 2 years apart minus 3 days. You'd think we planned that... Thanks for making me laugh out loud.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I am so glad I found this blog. Please keep me smiling !!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Ive been laughing so damn hard reading through your blogs. I share similar views on this wonderful world we live in. Seriously, if we can't find humor around us on a daily basis, that's really sad.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I'm quite short in stature, so I end up wanting to punch most people in the taco. Can we still be friends?

    ReplyDelete
  26. I just discovered your blog today when my cousin shared on FB. LOVE IT!! I agree with everything I have read so far, I learned about "douche canoe" and have added it to my vocabulary, and I can't wait to read more!! Keep on throat punching!!

    ReplyDelete
  27. You went to LPHS, right? I graduated in 93 and I vaguely remember someone telling me your maiden name, though I'm not stupid enough to post it publicly. I have a blog as well if you ever wanna check it out. It's been a few years since I updated it, because it's about dating and I'm currently in a relationship that's facebook private, lmao. Anyway, I love your shit. http://frogsandmrbig.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hmmm...wonder if you are talking about the same LPHS that I went to??? Hmmm...that would be pretty cool!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I list one of my favorite things on Facebook as "sarcasm." I'm married to a mom of 2 that can be a little satirical and bitchy. What fun is a sweet woman. I actually said today before stumbling upon your blog "I'm going to punch that guy in his throat." Keep punchin'. Feel free to visit my pretentious travel blog, yeah I know it's pretentious and do it anyway, all in an attempt to make the kids one day believe we loved them because we took them places!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Hey! I've nominated you for the Kreativ Blogger Award. For more info, go to http://thespotts.wordpress.com/2012/01/25/kreativ-blogger-award/.

    ReplyDelete
  31. ive only read two posts of yours but i already can relate and love it!!

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hmm...i'm eclectic mix between your attitude and DIYness. I do it myself because it's cheaper. I refuse to pay $120 for tutu dress (made one, it cost $45 and I learned to sew). I have always contemplating doing a "me" blog. The me that your parents don't get to meet unless they piss me off and I forget. I'm happy to see someone did it.

    ReplyDelete
  33. You live in KS? I live in KS! Well raised here, then moved to the East Coast. NOw back again. You're right, it doesn't blow as much as you'd think. I love all the Wizard of Oz references don't you? What part of KS? I could totally see myself plotting to punch the same people in the throat. You say all I want to say aloud, but would probably be frowned upon. Keep it up, you make my days bright ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  34. Ok I live in OP, Ks and I knew you lived in Ks when I read your carpool rant! The bus is expensive and we also don't have sidewalks from our neighborhood to our school - hmmm.

    ReplyDelete
  35. So glad a friend sent me to your blog! Hilarious. Ironically, I have a real life list that I started about 2 years ago with the title "People I Would Love to Shank, Prison Style" based only on their abilities to annoy me. Glad I found a sister in arms. :)

    ReplyDelete
  36. Anonymous11:10

    i live 15 minutes from you. south. i love you in the way that I could totally be your twin; you are the bold one and i'm the chicken shit one that won't say anything. thank you for giving my thoughts a voice!! la, in spring hill ;)

    ReplyDelete
  37. I used to live in NY and NJ .. now I live in Buenos Aires.
    I am so happy to have found your blog through one of my "followers" and I am sure I will start my days laughing more often now.
    And yes, definitely, your blog is my kinda thing !
    chau, besos, C

    ReplyDelete
  38. OK hey Jenn, have you heard of this thing called John C Mayer'ing someone? Where you strive to be #1 on someones google search. Aunt Becky of mommywantsvodka wrote all about it back in ought 10 -
    http://www.mommywantsvodka.com/for-being-pranksters-we-dont-do-nearly-enough-pranking-right-john-c-mayer
    Then I was reading some of the peoples stuff that took the challenge with other celebs and found a Tina Fey one...
    http://amberpagewrites.com/2010/09/why-cant-i-be-more-like-tina-s-fey.html
    And she was actually #1 on the google when you typed in Tina Fey....genius. I bet you were on the top page when you wrote your letter to her.
    Anyhoo....Aunt Becky tells all about how to make it happen. Funny, I thought.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Well, arent I terrible at linking? I am clueless. :)

    ReplyDelete
  40. Love the Kansas legislator's post and I'm scared shitless. I'll won't be voting for Republicans, either.

    P.S. Great to meet you today!

    Kari

    ReplyDelete
  41. Your posts always make me laugh so hard I end up having to read the posts out loud to explain why I'm falling out of my chair laughing. I can related to every post... Strangely I have not known many people I relate to at all (wink). Thank you for making me laugh when I need to so badly, and for reminding me of the lighter side of the things that make me so insane. Keep sharing and inspiring those of us who feel the same way, we just can't put it into words as eloquently.

    ReplyDelete
  42. I feel like I'm home... or in your home and it's a lot like my home. Anyway, good to be here!

    ReplyDelete
  43. JoCo is one of the strangest places I've ever lived. Thanks for being funny. We need more of it around here.

    ReplyDelete
  44. It's probably a good thing that there wasn't a thing called blogging when my kids were younger, I'd be in all sorts of trouble with my kids. I love your stuff, its great to come home to a laugh after work, although it was at work that I found out about your blog. I had never even heard of you, your blog, or the damned elf on a shelf until a customer told me all about it. Its amazing the things you can learn while asking your bar patrons how they like their iPads/tablets. Keep it coming.

    Any help you could give a technology challenged person join your message boards would be greatly appreciated. I tried but apparently I can't click the damned signup buttons correctly. If you can help me, I create a drink for you.

    ReplyDelete
  45. Love, love, love your blog! My best friend Heather and I talk about it all of the time. We think you would be an awesome person to know in real life. Didn't realize you lived close to us! We are Northlanders. (Kansas City, MO) Keep up the funny stuff and maybe we can make it to your next mixer. :)

    ReplyDelete
  46. Jen, love love love! People always looked at me funny when I said I had a punch in the face list, I think punching in the throat is both funnier and more efficient...

    ReplyDelete
  47. You are hilarious and I always enjoy your posts here and on Facebook. I nominated you for the "One Lovely Blog Award." Check out the details here: http://thecoffeeclubandme.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  48. I just found your blog. I obviously took way too long to find you since I just spent 2 hours reading everything...I could have spent 3 minutes each day, but nooooo, I have to wait and find you after tons of posts that I had to read all of because they were all so freakin' awesome. LOVE it. I found you from Let Me Start by Saying and all those BlogHer posts. Thanks for writing what you think ~ I'll be following for sure.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Anonymous15:35

    I saw something and started dying laughing, it totally reminded me of you: I used to be a people person, then I met people.
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  50. I just finished reading your article on sports bras and you had me at 38ddd. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  51. You in Your awesomeness is absolutely wonderful. Love ya.

    ReplyDelete
  52. The worst place is Iowa wasn't it? Iowa blows (sorry Iowanians)

    Thank you for keeping me laughing when I really want to go postal.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Just found your blog (via the Over Achieving Elf on a Shelf Mommies post) I just have to say one thing about over-achieving moms: they're not just competing with other moms! Oh, no! It turns out, they're in a general competition with anyone with a pulse. I am not a mom, but I learned long ago not to ever mention that I'm tired, busy, stressed, or anything along those lines to one of these moms. They will be quick to remind you that there's NO WAY you could be as tired/busy/stressed/whatever as they are! Yes, even being tired is a competition, people!!

    Well guess what, crazy-ass, overachieving maniac moms! You win! You can be as tired/awesome/anal as you want! Bake your Elf little elf cake pops with homemade sprinkles and organic food coloring, decorated to match the little elf apron you made right after you canned those heirloom veggies you grew over the summer. I'm exhausted just thinking about it!!

    ReplyDelete
  54. Funny stuff, except for the part where you live in Kansas. That sounds like it stings a bit.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Hello, Jen. I think you are a genius. I was browsing for an apt book that would reflect the feelings I had during the past holiday season and found yours. I had to post a photo of it in my blog and linked back to this site. I didn't even have to finish reading this blog (but which I will do and follow after), just to post this message, because I believe your mind is like an extension of so many who posted alongside with me here. It is euphoric. My name is Lone Ly -- or Lonely Wife for some. Not my real name, of course, and I write in a very angry blog, called, “I So Hate My Husband”. Shameless plug, sorry. But unlike you, I am a coward who can't even show myself up in writing about those who I hate -- particularly, the family of my husband. I am from across the globe (Asia), but travel to the West/East Coast for a vacation with my parents and siblings when my dear husband's time (and money) would permit. I would gladly assist you in your adventures in punching people in the throat when I am there. I see there are a lot of us here who would join you in that, and that is good. The more, the merrier. I wish you could someday visit my city (Manila), so we could put our hands together and punch away those I want to annihilate. Congratulations for being bitchy, negative, and all -- like me. Now I can honestly say I am normal!

    ReplyDelete
  56. This blog caught my attention after seeing a share by a FB friend. My 17 yo daughter has been talking about punching people in the throat for months now so I was intrigued. Her adoption of this sentiment precedes slightly her stated desire to become a cop, and I hope the 2 are not connected. I did point out to her that being a duly appointed officer of the law may actually prohibit her ability to actually punch people in the throat, but in her infinite wisdom and optimism of youth, she remains unfazed and has gotten herself accepted at a college that will teach her to be a cop... anyways... I read your top 11 and even the elf/shelf thing and it is quite amusing. I am a father of 2(20 yo son) and husband of 1 (23 years or so...). I read The Hubs stuff too and like it's brevity but prefer the tone of your blog. There is an almost innocent appeal to a throat punch vs. other imagined forms of violence, and I like it. I will continue to read and enjoy.

    ReplyDelete
  57. you are one of my heroes!!

    ReplyDelete
  58. holy crap, i also live in kansas. living large in the north op ghetto. if you know where the op is, we can be pals. i write and blog, too, and make fun of stuff. you rock.

    ReplyDelete
  59. Love it keep it up!! I will read you everyday

    ReplyDelete
  60. Copying content and linking back to the source (aka scraping) is not considered content theft by US law, just an FYI. If they do NOT link back, then there is an issue. But if credit is given in any way then legally...there is not much recourse. It is not considered content theft by law, but is a moral gray area for sure.

    ReplyDelete