People I Want to Punch in the Throat: I Got a C-String and It Looks Good!


I Got a C-String and It Looks Good!

Remember when I wrote about c-strings? Well, once I wrote about it, I started getting a hankering to try one on. I went to Amazon and I ordered one. Imagine my surprise when I found out it was backordered! What a popular little piece of fabric and wire! I went ahead and placed the order and proceeded to wait.

This week, I received a special package from China. Finally! I tore open the padded envelope (yes, it was padded as if this piece of scratchy lace attached to a wire hanger might get damaged or something) and found a teeny tiny twat topper. That's really the only way to describe this thing.

I was promised that the device was a "one size fits all," but upon closer inspection (but without an actual test drive) I could tell immediately that this thing was never going to cover my lady area. Lucky for me, I had a back up plan. I had sort of suspected that this would be the case, so I had really planned to wear it as a headband. At four bucks and free shipping, it's now one of the cheapest headbands I own.

I didn't want to try it on my head at that moment, because I was having a bad hair day. Yes, I will put underwear on my head, but I must have good hair at least. I threw the c-string on the counter and was immediately distracted by something shiny.

I didn't think about the c-string again until yesterday when Adolpha came to visit me in my office. I was busy working and I heard her come in, but I didn't look up at her right away.

"Mom, this new headband you got me is weird," she said.

"Huh?" I looked up and saw my precious snowflake standing there with my new c-string on her head. Thank goodness I didn't give it a test run!

"It won't stay behind my ears," she complained, fidgeting with the wires.

I wasn't sure what to do. I wasn't in the mood to tell her that she had panties on her head, because I didn't feel like demonstrating how the c-string would work if I were smaller.

"Adolpha, please take off that headband. It's mine," I said. It was easier to lie.

"You don't even wear headbands," she complained.

"Please take it off and put it in my room."

She stomped upstairs and I thought that was the end of it. Until my mom came by.

My cousin is getting married this weekend and my mom was there to see Adolpha's dress. "Adolpha, go and put on your dress for Cassie's wedding," I said.

Adolpha returned wearing the dress and the c-string on her head. "I want to wear this headband to Cassie's wedding. It matches my dress perfectly," Adolpha announced.

I could only imagine the look on my grandmother's face when Adolpha shows up at my cousin's wedding wearing a c-string on her head. Actually, my grandmother probably would want one too and then what would I do? I couldn't lie anymore.

"Adolpha, it's underwear. You're wearing underwear on your head. Now take it off so I can take a picture of me wearing it. My hair finally looks good today."

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  1. It really does look fabulous.

  2. Something makes me think Adolpha didn't bat an eye when you told her it was underwear...

  3. I have laughed till I have tears flowing....

  4. Oh God this is too funny!! You should really let her wear it to the wedding.

  5. Perfect! You could sew a little ribbon flower on there if you want to!

  6. I love that she got it out again a separate time after you told her not to use it. I also love that it matches her dress for the wedding. At least she's color coordinated.

    You look fabuous in this. Please tell me you'll wear it the next time we see each other. To clarify: I mean you'll wear it as underwear. Duh.

  7. Now order the guy version....but be careful. You can never unsee it.

  8. What you need there is a little glue gun to embellish it a bit...

  9. I always have to comment twice in order for it to stick. Grr. Anyway I was saying "so pretty... we need to have these in our swag bags at the next BlogU" =) It doesn't seem as funny when I write it twice. lol

  10. Hahahahahaha! I'm dying! Thanks for the much needed pick me up!