That's assuming I'm hosting the playdate. I feel just as bad for the mother hosting MY kid at her house.
Believe me, it's not like I think that when my kids go to their friend's house they are angels. Far from it. I know they're not. As much as I try and drill my rules into their heads, I know that as soon as they're out of my sight they're swinging from a chandelier like a monkey. (BTW - If my kid EVER swings from your light fixture, you have my permission to spank him/her. That shit is unacceptable.)
Actually, sometimes my kids don't even wait until I've left the building to be complete and total nightmares. For instance, last week we were invited to a friend's house for a water gun battle. Unbeknownst to me, Gomer arrived locked and loaded. We were waiting for everyone else to arrive, so I told him to put his gun down and have a seat. Within 5 minutes he'd soaked a friend. Are you fucking kidding me, Gomer? You shot someone with a water gun in my friend's living room?!
His response? "I only shot him in the face, mom. I barely got any water anywhere else." Oh yeah, that makes it so much better.
"You know better," I hissed at him. He does. Or at least I think he does...yes, yes, he does. He knows all of my playdate rules and now I'll share them with you.
Here's what I came up with and I'm sure you can add to the list. These are my rules for my kids:
1. No firing loaded water guns anywhere but outside. This was never on the list before last week. I always assumed it was implied and understood, but apparently I need to make it its own item on the list. WTF?
|Not in the house, brainiac.|
|"You can't tell me what to do. You're not my mom."|
5. Do not trash someone's house. You do not need to get out every single toy, Lego, costume, stuffed animal, block, sword, Barbie, book, gun, sticker, marker, etc. to have a good time. Pick a few toys and play. Better yet, go outside to play and let the mom have a quiet (and clean) house to herself for a while.
|"Thanks for having us! Gotta go!"|
8. If you are offered food and it is something you don't care for, politely decline. Acceptable answers are: "No thank you, I'm not very hungry." or "No thank you, I'd rather just play." NEVER say, "I don't like _____ what else do you have?"
|"You call this a Bento box snack? Have you even Google'd Bento box? Your aesthetic sucks. Oh and so does the food. What else do you have?"|
9. Turn off the TV and play. You can watch "Phineas & Ferb" at home. You're there to play with your friend. Go play.
|"Now this is a Bento box snack, lady!"|
11. Do not put on makeup without an adult's permission and supervision. This one is obviously for Adolpha. She and her friends are a bit obsessed with lipgloss and such and they love to "beauty shop" it up when no one is watching.
12. Be gentle with your friend's toys. Toys are expensive and dear to your friend. Do not handle them roughly or lose parts. If you do break something, admit it. Tell your friend's mother and tell me when I pick you up so I can replace the toy you broke.
13. Never torment the family pet. I don't care if Anastasia "always" puts her cats in casts and plays vet. I am not Anastasia's mother, I am yours and I'm telling you that's cruel. Leave the pets alone.
|What are you looking at?|