How Real Men Get Flu Shots

You may remember the Great Man Flu Epidemic of the Punch Household. Before the Epidemic I always got a flu shot and I always made sure our kids got a shot or the mist too, but the Hubs refused. However, ever since the Epidemic, the Hubs has been diligent about getting a flu shot. Even though the Hubs is convinced he needs to vaccinated, he has a real fear of needles and every time he must psyche himself up to get the shot. (Before you ask, he won't do the mist. I'm not sure why, but he's even more opposed to snorting something up his nose than he is to a needle in the arm.)

Don't make me get a flu shot

Today we were out running some errands when the Hubs said: Should we get our flu shots today?

Me: Yes.

Hubs: Nah, the more I think about it, I don't think we have time.

I felt like he was stalling. I'd tried a few other times and he always had a reason why we couldn't go. The flu season is upon us and I didn't want to waste anymore time. I was ready. Whether he was or not.

Me: Look, Hubs, I know you want to do it together, but I'm telling you right now: we go now and do it, or I go by myself later today and then you're on your own.

Hubs: I can't go alone, Jen.

Me: Then we go now.

Hubs: But we don't have time.

Me: Not true. We have plenty of time. We have nowhere to be.

Hubs: Fiiiiiiiine.

Me: But listen to me, Hubs. We wait. As long as it takes. It might be half an hour. It could be forty-five minutes. I don't care. We wait. You bail on me and I will go alone.

Hubs: Yes, yes.

We stopped at the nearest drug store and went to the pharmacy. We filled out the paperwork. And then we sat down to wait. I brought a book to read. The Hubs read the specifications of the various blood pressure cuffs.

Hubs: Hey Jen, maybe we need one of these.

Me: No.

Hubs: But it would be good information to know.

Me: No.

Hubs: What about a pulse ox machine?

Me: No.

He harrumphed and sat down next to me.

Hubs: How much longer?

Me: Doesn't matter. We're waiting. As long as it takes.

That's when the entire computer and phone system went down. The pharmacist had to yell through that little drawer to people on the drive through line. The nurse had to find a pencil to write down information on actual paper. It was chaos.

Me: We're not leaving.

Hubs: But ...

Me: No.

Then they called our names. Actually, they called the Hubs' name first. He stood up reluctantly. The nurse said I could come too if he was OK with that. I followed him into the room.

Nurse: Who is first?

The Hubs volunteered. He sat down on the table.

Hubs: Should I take off my shirt?

Nurse: OK. Or you could roll up your sleeve.

Hubs: I'll just take off my shirt.

I could see what the Hubs was doing, but I didn't care. The nurse was young and cute and the Hubs had forgotten he was old and pasty.

Nurse: Are you ready?

He flexed his bicep. I snorted and went back to my book.

Nurse: You'll feel a prick.

Hubs: Jen!

I looked up from my book.

Me: What?

Hubs: Hold my hand.

The young cute nurse looked stunned. She stopped what she was doing and looked at me.

Now he wants me? What am I? His mother? My kids don't even hold my hand anymore when they get shots. He did look a little scared though. Big eyes and a little tremble in his hand. I felt bad. What did he think I could do? I'm not good at soothing people or reassuring them or making them feel better when they're nervous. He knows that!

I only know how to behave in one way: be an ass and make them laugh.

Me: Yeah, yeah, I'll hold your hand. You want a bitch sticker and a lollipop too?

Hubs: You know I do!

We may not have the perfect marriage. I know that people look at us and wonder about the way we treat one another and tease one another, but it works for us. The way we see it, is if you can't laugh at yourself, at least laugh at your spouse.

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