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Open Letter to Silly Celebrity Moms

Dear Silly Celebrity Moms,

Hi, it's me again.  Jen, the opinionated one.  Or, as my friend, Tina will someday call me:  The Jeneral.

I know, I know.  I can't stop harping on you guys, but you just keep putting your bat shit crazy out there and I can't help myself.  I just have a few suggestions for you and then I'll go back to ranting and raving about minivans and elves.

OK, to start with - can we please, please, please just stop with the semi-naked pregnancy pictures (or post-multiples pregnancy, crazy Nadya Suleman)?  I simply cannot stand to look at another (obviously airbrushed) magazine cover of you guys in all your glory.  No one looks good.  Not even Demi Moore looked that great and she's pretty banging, so the rest of you look fairly revolting.  Please, I beg you, stop posing nude when you're pregnant (or not attractive, Nadya) and unleashing that shit on the world.  ("My eyes!)  Get your attention fix some other way - for instance, start a blog, I find that works for me.

Also, it's bad enough when the young actresses are doing this, but when you trot your sad, desperate ass out and release an old nude pregnancy Polaroid of yourself (on your grown son's birthday - Happy Birthday, Sweetie!  Ewww.), I just want to smack you.  I'm talking to you, Kris Jenner!  At least you weren't airbrushed, but that actually backfired, because everyone else is and so you looked especially bad.  I'll give you props for working the granny panties, though.



The next strange thing I'd like to address is the new phenomenon of "Silverstoning."  You know, when you chew up your baby's food and tongue him down with the paste that you make.  I know the video has been everywhere, but in case you missed how Momma Bear feeds Baby Bear, here you go:


A lot has been said about this parenting technique and I'm ready to add my two cents.  WTF?  Don't you own a blender and a spoon, Alicia?  You're not a cave dweller without modern day tools.  There is no reason to chew up your food and spit it into your child's mouth!  (Actually, it looks a little too close to French kissing for my taste.  I wish you'd just stand back and spit, it would make me feel less icky when I watch the video.)

You're worried about what your baby eats?  You want to make your own baby food?  Fine.  No problem.  Just do what everyone else does!  Get out your blender or buy the Baby Bullet and puree the hell out of your vegan feast and then take a spoon and feed it to your child.  Also, some of us like to feed our children at the table.  Maybe you don't care, but I'm not as wealthy as you are and can't replace my couch when the kid urps chewed up avocado on it.  My children don't spew food anymore and they still aren't allowed to eat on the couch.

I digress.  Let me get back to my point, you've already done a pretty good job screwing him up by naming him Bear, please don't feed him like an animal too.

Next up is January Jones and her placenta eating fetish.

When you're pregnant, the first book someone hands to you is What to Expect When You're Expecting.  There is a chapter in there about weird food cravings.  They cover the basics like pickles and ice cream and whatnot.  Tucked away is a strange chapter about the preggos who want to eat dirt and soap.  I do not remember the chapter about wanting to eat your placenta after the baby is born, dirt was as weird as it got.

I have a crunchy mom friend who reads this blog.  She is a chiropractor and a doula.  If anyone I know would eat her own placenta it would be this girl.  The other day I was in her office being forced into a human pretzel and I asked her if she ever ate her placenta.  It could be my imagination, but I think she almost broke my arm when I asked her.  "Are you crazy?!" she asked.  "Of course not, Jen.  That's nuts!"

So there you go, if my crunchy friend thinks it's nuts, then it must be fucking bonkers.

I read about the procedure and I have to say it's not as gross as you'd think.  The placenta is cooked, dried out and ground up into capsules - much a like a Tylenol.  You just swallow it and go on with your day.

I realize that celebrities aren't like the rest of us.  I think you'd have to be a little crazy to want to be a celebrity and I think being a celebrity would make you a little crazy, so it's a vicious circle.  All I know is that the pressure put on "regular" women to be good moms is tough, I can only imagine what the celebrity moms feel.  

The next celebrity mom who comes along has a high bar to get over.  She'll need to pose naked each trimester when she's pregnant, YouTube the home/water birth live for the world to see, fry up her placenta and eat it like a steak, chew up a few bites of placenta and mouth feed them to the newborn with breast milk, the dad will need to eat a piece too so he can properly bond with the baby, pose naked a week later to show that her body has "bounced" back, practice diaperless potty training and unschooling,  and co-sleep with the child until adulthood, oh yeah and then pose naked again at this point to show she's "still got it."


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186 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:24

    gross

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  2. Probably shouldn't have read this while eating lunch (and pregnant).. nearly lost it.

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    Replies
    1. LMAO! This made me laugh almost as much as the blog post...

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    2. Anonymous12:24

      I was just thinking the same thing, Claire! LOL I'm in the same boat. celebs are strange and makes me feel just that much more normal! :)

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  3. Anonymous11:28

    couldn't. agree. more.

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  4. megan11:29

    Ricki Lake already did the home/water birth video. It's in a movie called "The Business of Being Born". Check it out. It's disturbing on a good day.

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  5. Anonymous11:31

    Eating placenta isn't a fetish. It is helpful for women with post-partum depression issues. Also, it is not eaten like liver and onions, it is dehydrated and put into capsules. People take krill oil via capsules for the health benefits and we don't bat an eyelash...do you know what it takes to oil all those damn krill ;0) ?

    I admit that the idea of eating my own placenta initially squicked me out, but learning more about what it entailed and how it may have helped me changed my mind a lot. It does help, and many women do this, and I give you a thumbs down for shaming women for trying to help themselves stay healthy after having a baby in a new way.

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    1. Thank you, Buzz Killington

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    2. Anonymous11:39

      You sound crunchy.

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    3. Anonymous11:53

      you know what else helps women with post-partum depression issues? Margaritas, cigarettes and hopping on one foot twice a day... not three times, just twice. That is very important. Lastly, it's very important to play Jenga every other Thursday and dutch oven yourself after each poo. That Postpartum will be gone in a jiffy! Good luck!

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    4. I definitely don't take fish oil capsules, I don't know what's in them, but the burps taste awful. ;)

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    5. Anonymous12:31

      Buzz Killington. Best reply ever.

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    6. Anonymous12:39

      Good grief! Just plant the placenta under a tree...which I also find strange but don't eat it! Capsuled or not!

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    7. Anonymous12:57

      Ok Hannibal Lecter. Eating ANY part of the human body is cannibalism in my book. Yuckers.

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    8. Anonymous13:30

      It you think fish oil burps are bad you should try a placenta capsule. Tastes like lochia. I am vegetarian but decided to eat my placenta as I was fucking psycho while pregnant and very worried about ppd. That first burp almost made me think ppd was a better option.
      Ps- have some left over for bad days if anyone wants to try one. Hahahhaahahaha!

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    9. Anonymous14:00

      ~xanax washed down with percocet and a cold beer have the same effect:0)

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    10. Anonymous14:03

      My friend did the placenta capsules and her post-pregnancy has been so much easier than mine was. Less trouble with those roller-coast hormones post-partum and she has a lot of energy. I wish I'd taken placental pills! Most cultures (and animals) consume the placenta because it has hormones and nutrients that a Mom's body needs to recover from carrying a baby, giving birth, nursing, etc.

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    11. Anonymous14:17

      Response to 'eating placenta is not a fetish'- Ummm, I beg to differ...some people cook that shit up like a stew. Fuck it, add a glass of amniotic fluid and make a toast to a healthy post birth mother. WTF

      This is so stupid. Are people going to eat their own shit next because dogs do? Get a grip.

      Christina O.

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    12. Anonymous16:47

      Honey I bounced back awesome from my pregnancies and did not eat the freaking placenta. It's bizarre. Completely and utterly bizarre.

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    13. omg what is happening here? This is a train wreck...I can't look away! lol

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    14. I had absolutely no post-partum issues with my second and third babies (a little bit with the first I will admit) and no eating of my own body products was involved. Ever.

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    15. Anonymous20:28

      How the hell can you call yourself a vegetarian and eat a piece of the human body?! What is wrong with you?!

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    16. Animals eat their own placenta to prevent predators from discovering they have a helpless newborn or because they're so damn hungry and eating the baby is not an option (yet).

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    17. Anonymous21:27

      Go through severe ppd and see what you wouldn't do. There are actual benefits to it.

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    18. Anonymous22:49

      Ya, I went through severe ppd. Let me think back... Nope. Didn't eat my placenta. And I'm still a healthy, decently adjusted human being. Imagine that!

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    19. Anonymous01:24

      I say do whatever floats your boat, but for those citing medical benefits of eating placenta there is no medical and/or scientific evidence of any benefit in humans. For those citing the animal kingdom they eat it for nutrition--- plus animals in the wild do a lot of shit we don't like eat shit. I never understood the reasoning of " if it's done in the wild it must be natural and the right thing for humans too"

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    20. Anonymous13:04

      Placenta-eating is not cool. There's a reason we discharge the placenta after giving birth - it is a waste product. Placenta pills can be dangerous, and most docs recommend *against* the procedures. There's been no studies on humans regarding the practice either. http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/03/25/i-regret-eating-my-placenta/
      ((Also, as PP stated, animals in the wild eat the placenta to cover the evidence of birth and not advertise to predators))

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    21. Animals eat the placenta for the variety of reasons posted here. We humans usually consider ourselves a bit more evolved. I think those extra rungs on the evolutionary ladder mean we don't need to eat waste products that exit through the vag. I'm suffering ppd right now and I'll gladly chuck your placenta pills down the toilet in favor of a xanax and an uninterrupted hot bath.

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    22. Anonymous14:29

      To those who have eaten their placenta's, your not "stupid" or "not cool" or "a cannibal". Jeez "ladies"' judge much?

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    23. Anonymous right above me, I beg to differ. Cannibalism is the practice of eating flesh or internal organs of human beings. The placenta is an internal organ, at least during the pregnancy. So by that definition and standard, that=total cannibalism.

      And yes. Yes I do "judge much" (which, BTW ending things with much makes me stabby) when people go to far extremes such as these to "cure" themselves and eschew every kind of medical help. They then make themselves believe that it is working. It's not. Sorry, but eating the dried up internal organ your baby lived in does nothing for PPD and there is not a shred of evidence outside anecdotal from the woman who lives in the VW bus at the old commune and who smells like feet and wet burlap, that proves otherwise.

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  6. I think I <3 you. You just summed up everything I feel towards these crazy ass Hollyweirdo's.

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  7. Okay, Silverstoning is disgusting. Yuck. Seriously people, wtf? When the police start finding bodies in this kid's back yard, this will be why. He is going to have mommy issues on a scale never seen before. Just Nasty. And GERMY! OMG! Why would you want to spread your germs to your child like that? And at what age does this stop? When they are 5? 10? Are you afraid your child cannot chew on his own? We already have a generation of kids who think everything shoudl be done for them. Now parents are chewing for them too? Clearly I have so many problems with this!

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    1. Anonymous13:00

      You nailed the main concern! According to answerbag.com, the human mouth is dirtier then a toliet seat cause of all the bacteria!

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    2. I would appreciate it if moms who Silverstone would move out of their brownstones and go live in the woods. If you can't use a food processor and a spoon, you don't deserve to have indoor plumbing or air conditioning. Also, pull your kid's teeth out as soon as they come in. Babies are born without the bacteria for cavaties...vomiting food into a baby's mouth introduces that bacteria. Good job, supermom!

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  8. Anonymous11:35

    Lawd have mercy! I've been waiting for SOMEBODY to say something about the naked maternity photos! I can't stand them! I loved being pregnant as much as the next person & felt beautiful but DID NOT feel the need to pose nude & post them for the world to see! It creeps me out, even more than all the weird over-posed baby pics that are so popular. Eck! I do not want to see a pic of your 9 month old in ruffled panties & high heels anymore than I want to see your nude baby bump! It's CREEPY!

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  9. Jessica11:35

    This poor child, (Bear). If he winds up having friends someday, imagine when they dig up this old you tube video. His social life will be killed instantly. I miss the days when people kept their freaky shit to themselves.

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    Replies
    1. I feel bad for his eventual wife. Imagine what she has to look forward to!

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    2. I think this is hands down the best comment! Love it! Thanks Jessica for making me squirt coffee out of my nose! :)

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  10. I've heard of people making placenta soup (I have a doula friend who Highly recommends it, I think it's beyond nasty!).
    The video of Baby Bear I've seen before and I don't understand WHY she would post that for the world to see. I enjoy my own food to much to taste it and spit it out. *Shuddering*
    I don't have an issue with celebs posing naked while pregnant BUT I wish they wouldn't photoshop it. Show the stretch marks!! It's nice to see them HUMAN and not "perfect".

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  11. Anonymous11:41

    I didn't even want to SEE the placenta when I gave birth.

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  12. Let's be honest here for a minute. What with the pretentious douchy parents in hollywood and all, isn't there just a small part of all of you that hopes bullying isn't completely eliminated by the time these kids go to elementary school. I hate to take it out on the kid, but I have no problem admitting that hearing a story about Lil Apple Paltrow being attacked with a piss filled water gun, ruining his $800 shoes, wouldn't really affect my day in a negative way at all...

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    1. That is so wrong and evil..... I LIKE it!!! Piss filled water gun..... hmmmm the fun I could have with that!

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    2. Anonymous12:50

      And it wouldn't be because of who her parents are...it's becuause she's named Apple.

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    3. Anonymous12:51

      *because

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    4. Anonymous16:31

      I'm 20 weeks pregnant and early on, I started referring to the baby as "Apple Seed" on facebook... Apple has stuck so far... Didn't think about the kuckadoos who REALLY named their kids that crazy shit. BTW - the baby's name will either be Eleanor Edna or Xander Cole. Thank you normal names that make sense when the kid is 70.

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    5. Anonymous18:44

      HA!

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  13. and can we add a paragraph about the ridiculous names celebrities give their poor kids? Rumour? Scout? Apple? Blue? Seriously people. It may seem cute when they are babies (and we all have nicknames for our kids - I'm down with that) but kids eventually grow into adults! "Hi, I'm Blue and I'm here to apply for the job as grief counselor." Yeah, that's going to work out.

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    1. Anonymous14:03

      If I had a drink in my mouth I would have spit it all over the computer screen! (Blue the Grief Counselor... good one!)

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    2. Not that I'm saying they are "normal" names but Scout is named after a fantastic character in To Kill a Mockingbird and Rumer is named after an author Rumer Godden. At least those make sense as opposed to Apple and Blue. Blue reminds me of the character in the movie Old School.

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    3. Anonymous00:53

      Yeah, because chances are with who these kids have for parents they're going to end up having to apply for "normal" jobs.

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    4. Scout is the character's nickname in the book, Her real name is Jean Louise.

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  14. suz197711:47

    this shit is just gross. period. there isnt much to say besides that. except you are "almost" a celebrity mom, so tread lightly. people actually read you for parenting advice *shudder*

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    1. I was thinking the same thing! Well, not that you need to tread lightly,(that's not your style) but that you are working on celebrity status with this here blog.

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  15. megan11:47

    I'm sorry, if you want to eat your placenta, that's cool. It's trendy, I get it. But don't claim that it's not healthy or natural to eat your placenta, it's not. Animals eat their placenta to regain nurishment because they don't have grocery stores. If you gave birth to your kid in some hollowed out tree and you can't run to the store to get some food afterwards, eat it. But there's nothing natural about boiling your placenta, turning it in to jerky, grinding it up like coffee and then putting it into pills made from gelatin. No other mammal does that.

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  16. It seems that we forget just being a celebrity does not make them smart nor does it mean they have good judgement. You know those crazy moms out there, the ones that are borderline CPS open? They can be celebrities too. Being famous + having children does not equal being a "good" mom. What is said is that there are plenty of celebrity crazed people out there that follow their lead and do it because a celeb is doing it, not because it is what is best for the child. Celebs are human, some smart, some dumb, some nice, some mean. And some are good parents while others aren't.

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  17. Hahaha. I was pregnant in 1966...the glory days of pregnancy when you and your doctor would enjoy a cigarette in the examining room and he would advise you to have a couple of drinks to relax your pregnant self. Breastfeeding? Never came up - they just told you what formula to buy and home you would go after a week in the hospital. At that time only cats ate afterbirth and those little swimming pools were still in the back yard for kids to play in.
    My kids survived it but these poor Apples, Pipers, and Dakotas and Blues? Will they be able to deal with those
    naked, pregnant moms when they're teenagers?
    Thanks for the laugh! Nancy

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:15

      Great reply, Nancy! You remind me of my mom who enjoyed alcohol, cigs and tons of coffee during each of her pregnancies. She also raves about the joys of c-sections in that era, describing them as 7-10 day vacations!

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    2. Anonymous12:54

      had to smoke, wanted to keep that birth weight down...

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    3. Anonymous21:32

      First, What's wrong with the name Piper? I whole heartedly agree with not eating the placenta, but why are we trying to make it seem like the good ol days were awesome when Mom's didn't know any better and gave their kids asthma from smoking while pregnant? Not to mention smoking while pregnant doubles the risk of being still born and can even triple the risk of sids. How can giving your child a stupid name like blue or snapping a nasty naked pic while pregnant possibly be worse than your "glory days" of risking their lives before they are even born? I have been to the funeral of a child who's mother smoked while pregnant. He was stillborn... because she smoked.

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  18. Anonymous11:53

    I can't even handle the thought of putting a video monitor in my home let alone any of the above crap! Its not just about raising the bar for us "regular" moms, but also about how those kids will turn out when they are adults themselves. I can see it now, Alicia's son will be picked on in middle school because he's going to be known as the kid who's mom french kissed him to feed him. GROSS! Last I checked we were civilized humans (most of us). Use a damn spoon or at least your fingers!

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  19. Anonymous11:54

    I just threw up in my mouth. yuck. thank you Alicia Silverstone for an image I will never get out of my mind.

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  20. Anonymous11:55

    I seriously adore your writing and you make me laugh SO much. thank you. as a working mother of three, it really helps to have someone on my side with perspective, humor and a strong cocktail in hand.

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  21. Just want to say that I really enjoy your blog. I love your...passion :) Even when I don't agree with you, it's a very fun, and entertaining read. Thanks!

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  22. Oh, and I completely agree with you about celebrity moms being crazy and slightly disgusting.

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  23. Shelley in So. IL11:57

    I have heard of the placenta eating in several different arenas. One was a "trying to conceive" book so I mentioned it to my OB/Gyn at the time. I think he might have done a spit take if he had been holding a beverage. His reply was that he practiced in California and if he didn't run into it there, then it must be very strange. I have seen it mentioned on several forums that I follow since then. While I think that if you want to do something strange, then go for it in the privacy of your home and without my knowledge, I also think that folks that put this out in the open-and believe me you don't want to go googling this topic because there is jewelry to commemorate this little weirdism and that is the BEST image you will come across-are completely bonkers.

    Now you need to mention that breast milk will cure pink eye and see the shit storm that starts. You need to be visiting Mothering Dot Com for some research. Then look at unschooling. You are straying into some really crunchy topics.

    And I love it!

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  24. Anonymous11:57

    I have never in my life heard that reingesting your placenta helps with PPD. I have only heard it is to help get back some of the nutrients lost with child birth. Vitamins do the same thing. For that matter, anti-depressants help with PPD. You don't have to eat your innards. Sorry, that's disgusting. Whether it's 'eaten like liver and onions' or ground up into a pill.

    The celebrity pics needs to stop. The first one was ballsy and daring, though unattractive. Now everyone just looks like an ass.

    The names? The names are infuriating. I feel so sorry for those poor kids. Talk about being bullied. I'm all for 'originality' in naming your children, but for God's sake, pick a NAME. Not a thing or a fruit or a color or a material.

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    Replies
    1. "you don't have to eat your innards" just totally sent me into a fit of giggles :)

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    2. I usually like unique names but, remember "Zowie" Bowie? He goes by Joe nowadays.

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  25. Keep the damn belly covered!
    And I'm preg with number 5. You'd think I'd be all over this. But, um, no. Keep it to yourself.

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  26. Leah Davis11:58

    Welcome back Jen! This is the kind of post I've been sticking around for. *cyber high-five* Can I get an amen, sista!?

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    Replies
    1. Umm...*cyber high-five* right back at you.

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  27. Anonymous11:59

    Ummm yeah, while the placenta eating thing may become a "great idea" and everyone starts to do it cause it is put into a little pill, I for one would never be able to get the image of my sheep eating their placenta out of my mind long enough to swallow the pill. BLECK!!!!!

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  28. Trisha12:02

    Holy hell! I hadnt heard of "silverstoning" and I am beyond disgusted! What is she, a momma bird? If the kid cant eat it on his own then I have a great idea.... DON'T FEED IT TO HIM! She will probably continue to breatfeed him thru highschool as well.

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  29. Ok, I would say to each their own if it was something Alicia believed was healthier in some way but she only does it because it "makes her laugh" according to the article below.

    http://aww.ninemsn.com.au/family/parenting/8449665/alicia-silverstone-defends-mouth-to-mouth-baby-feeding

    She also says, "He attacks my mouth and I think it's adorable."

    Hey moron, when your child attacks another child's mouth, how adorable will it be then? Will you be laughing then?

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  30. Anonymous12:10

    OK....there's another that just chaps my hide? I want to punch the first time mom celebs that come out a week after their birth all dressed to the 9s, make-up done, looking well rested. They have a photo shoot and squee "we are can't WAIT to have another baby!" BULL. 1 week in and you look well rested and you can't wait to do it again. No mom or dad in their right mind (well, actually, sleep deprived you're not technically right in the head) would say "I can't WAIT to do this again!" You're in the middle of sleep deprivation HELL, your vagina has been stretched to oblivion and is quite sore (or you're nursing some pretty mean stitches), hormones bouncing around all over the place, lucky to get a shower.....you're trying to figure out how to care for a newborn....umbilical cord stump and all. OK - y'all get it. It's survival mode.

    OK ....onward to my point. These people have night nurses. They have nannies. They're not in the trenches doing the dirty work. Hell....they probably haven't changed a dipe yet! If you're a celeb and you're doing all the work normal mommies and daddies do once they're home from the hospital, I applaud you! And if you have twins+ and got a night nurse...good for you! I would have too. Damn. I'd love a night nurse for my second, but then I wouldn't get to earn that badass mama badge of honor. Feels pretty good when you come out the other side!

    OK. Rant over!!!

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    1. Thank you! I'm the proud mama of a 9mth old son. Just saw on another message board that the average 9 mth old sleeps 15 hours a day!! Are you kidding me???? I've been at the doctor (and as a critical care nurse of 15 years, I DO NOT go the doctor until it is the last possible option) to see why my son only sleeps 4 -5 hours in any given 24 hour period. I haven't slept more than 2-3 uninterupted hours since last August. I would KILL for a good night's sleep.

      I'm one of those Army wives that the government forgot to send the Night Nanny to. And, since apparently my husband didn't negotiate the million dollar salaray that ALL officers make, (insert sarcastic eye roll here) I work from home,take care of the baby, and am trying to finish my LAST degree!

      So, I appreciate that I can look forward to the Badass Mama Badge of Honor one day!! I haven't gotten my flat belly back (not that it was all THAT flat to begin with), my hair is in desperate need of some color, I greet my husband at the door each evening with a strained pea and Desitin covered t-shirt over ill-fitting pants, and the last pedicure I got was 2 weeks before Junior arrived. But, NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING is worth as much as knowing that I am raising my son, not some stranger. Perhaps if I'd eaten my placenta, spit in his mouth and named him Blue Banana Cub he would be sleeping through the night. He's happy and smiling and meeting his milestones!! I'll be waiting on my BMBH in the mail!! :-)

      And, at Jen PIWTPITT - I'll be waiting for you to lay into the DNC chic that said Romney's wife "Never worked a day in her life" b/c she was JUST a SAHM of 5!!! PUNCH HER TWICE FOR ME!

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    2. Anonymous13:38

      Oh, can I get a hallelujah on the DNC chic getting punched!?!?!?

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    3. Anonymous20:29

      Oh Nursemom I feel you!!! My son woke every 45 minutes the first 6 weeks. I broke down in our ped's office BAWLING not knowing what to do! He got much better (medicine for reflux) and got to 2-3 hour stretches ...but really only started sleeping reliably through the night at 11 mos. BUT....the GREAT news is that he's now 21 months and I think he's woken up a handful of times in the middle of the night in the last ALMOST YEAR!!! Omg. It's the BEST! We're having another baby though. Highway to the danger zone. Startin' over!! SO ....basically what I'm trying to say is...soon you're gonna be sleeping tight!!!!

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    4. Her name is Hilary Rosen. And she said the most nescient thing I've ever heard when she said a SAHM "never worked a day in her life."

      That... baffles.

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  31. Eva R12:11

    hahahha I think I love you! right on sister, right on. I kind of admired Demi when she did it, it was bold and unique. Now it is just passe. But Hollywierd is full of imitators, eh?

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  32. Another great post, Jen! Here is a more in-depth analysis of "Silverstoning." http://abbysleftovers.blogspot.com/2012/03/clueless-about-kindness.html

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  33. I love that you are the Jeneral. In my social circles, I'm "Jenocide". Yeah. Fear me. RAWR. ;)

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  34. Anonymous12:18

    seriously almost lost my chewed up food on my keyboard!

    I've never heard of either the mouth to mouth feeding or placenta eating until these two whacko's came along. Alicia - go rescue a baby bird or something and feed it. Give your poor kid a spoon so that it can learn to feed itself! January, really WTF??? Buy a multivitamin and go see a shrink.

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  35. Anonymous12:21

    Premastication is practiced all over the world. There have been studies that show that it helps to build and boost the child's immune system.

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    Replies
    1. Anonymous21:13

      So does Enfamil.

      Delete
    2. Haha Anon7:13! This is why you need to use your name; so you can get credit for that.

      Delete
  36. There are already warnings not to use your mouth to clean off a baby's pacifier or bottle nipple because if there is a cavity starting in the mother's mouth then that bacteria can be transferred to the baby's mouth and cause issues there. Why risk that?!?!

    ReplyDelete
  37. If you throw up in your mouth, are you silverstoning yourself?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous13:43

      That is HILARIOUS. And will now be a phrase in my house..."ewww, I think I just Silverstoned a little."

      Delete
    2. "ewww, I think I just Silverstoned a little."

      I can't stop laughing!!

      Delete
    3. Anonymous20:33

      Awesome!!! .... Wait. If you've already chewed your food up, are you still regurgitating pre-masticated food? Or what? What if you do this with a placenta pill? Are you getting like four times your proverbial money's worth?? I'm so effin confused now!!!

      I should have found out about this self-cannabalism a few years ago before I found out about xanex.... think of all the co-pays I could have saved!!! ( gags, pre-chews, re-gurgs.... etc...)

      Jen, your blog is the deal, and I love the commenting too!! Fight the power!!! Thanks! --Ginger

      Delete
    4. "I think I just Silverstoned a little."

      Hahaha, nice one! I'm using that all the time now!

      Delete
  38. Anonymous12:29

    Great, she just spread the "Cavity causing germs to her child" nice job, dumbass!

    ReplyDelete
  39. Anonymous12:29

    Today coffee was spit on my screen. Thank you! Between your rant and some awesome comments, this day has gotten off to a giggle filled start. Still wiping tears away from laughter.

    The whole placenta eating thing, ew gross. I live in northern California, one of the crunchiest granola places. When the crunchy ones around here are grossed out..... Yeah it's a sign. Silverstoning, ew. And really people original is good, but don't fuck your kid over when they're going to want to go in real public someday.

    Love, love, love your inside voice running amok today!

    Mimi mom of three kids who I have lovingly nicknamed my guinnea pigs. :)

    ReplyDelete
  40. Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god! I love you! xoxoxo! All of it gross and funny and sad and weird and why are people so weird? Why?

    ReplyDelete
  41. There was this one time, when my mom was in band camp, that she was forced to take naked pictures, of me, eating what she said was 'bird food'. Now, I finally have made the connection ! Ewwwww.....

    ReplyDelete
  42. Jennifer H12:33

    Ewwwwww that 2nd hand chewing for your baby is just nauseating!!! I dont think I can eat my lunch now....:/

    ReplyDelete
  43. The fact that Kris Jenner felt the need to fish out that oldie but not goody kind of explains a lot about her daughters. And what the fudge does Kim have to talk in that stupid voice?

    ReplyDelete
  44. Anonymous12:44

    Saw a doctor talking about Silverstoning the other day...the amount of bacteria and germs she is spreading is far worse than the benefits (if you can call them that). Also, why in the world would you release that video...besides to stir up controversy...but I think exposing your child is much more controversial. Take a page out of some other celebrity handbooks and keep your children out of the spotlight!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous13:13

      She did it because the world had forgotten about her and her clueless, talentless career....if you can call it a career....the best thing she was ever in was an aerosmith video.....

      Delete
  45. I laugh because Silverstone probably wants to make sure her kid never eats anything that's not vegan. So, she chews up her vegan mush and spits it into his mouth because you know the first time that kid gets a taste of beef or pork or chicken there's no going back. I mean with a name like Bear, it's only a matter of time before he becomes a card-carrying carnivore!

    ReplyDelete
  46. First time ever ...I have no words

    ReplyDelete
  47. Maria Watson12:50

    God, that's nasty shit. I wouldn't even let my kids drink out of my glass, more or less chew up their food and spit it back at them. No backwash here.

    As far as naked preggo pix, nothing here. Resembling a beached whale is not what I want to remember!

    Thanks Jen, you're hilarious!

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anonymous13:16

    I have a pretty strong stomach..but about 75% of this article made me want to puke. What's the deal with Alicia(?)..I'm sure her kid is already screwed for life with a name like "Bear"..but really..I don't see why she had the urge to post a video of her feeding her kid like a bird. That should really be some sort of Child Abuse. That child will never be right. And on the other note..Eating Placenta. Who does that??? I love my kid to death but I am not willing to eat placenta for my well being, nor his. That's beyond outrageous. What in the hell is this world coming to? Naked, old pregnant women from the 80's, Momma bear feeding her cub like a disease carrying bird, and Eating your own placenta. No wonder society is the way it is. Our world is FUCKED. I love your blog Jen..but this one made me a little queasy.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Ewwwwwwww. I think placenta eating rates about a 9.5 on my Ickometer.

    ReplyDelete
  50. Robyn13:42

    You forgot to mention the worst one of all right now - Jessica Simpson. If I see her and her prego self one more time, I will punch her in the throat. Way to come up with the nude magazine cover, already been done there oh smart one. I am sick of seeing her royal dumbass in heels that are ridiculously high, her mumus, having to be helped down the aisle of places because she is too damn stupid to wear 5 inch platforms when she looks like she is going to topple. I wouldn't doubt if when she has her kid, she posts the video on YouTube then tucks into a big old sloppy meal. And also, I don't think that she has only gained 25 pounds... maybe 25 in each boob. God, she pisses me off!!! Ok, I'm done!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Oooh, THIS is what the next celebrity mom will have to do to get over that "high" bar... Orgasmic birth- having orgasms while in labor... I shit you not. I wish I was kidding, but I am not. Here's the video a friend sent me... I wanted to die. Some things you can never unsee.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5bm9-B6Ec4

    Any guesses on which celeb is going to do this next?

    ReplyDelete
  52. Anonymous14:30

    Some animals don't stop at the placenta, they eat their own children too. Something to consider you celebrity freaks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. hahahahahaha My kids are grown. Is it too late?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous20:32

      I'm with both of you.

      Delete
    3. "My kids are grown. Is it too late?"
      HY-f'n-larious! I peed my pants!!!!

      Delete
  53. Great, I can see it now, some celebrity will publish a cookbook, 50 Way to Cook Placenta.

    ReplyDelete
  54. Wow. Since I try to stay out of the celebrity-world, and all related pop-news, I am reading some sick stuff here! I had heard something about a pre-chewed food fad, but gross.

    Glad to NOT be a mom!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You can be a mom without doing this freaky shit. :)

      Delete
  55. Lindsay15:13

    Ugh...I HATE naked preggo belly pics...not just celebs, but everyday Facebook friends. I especially detest the ones where the husband is kissing the belly of a less than 20 week pregnant wife. Your baby is not making that belly...that is bloating and fat stores...husbands...you are kissing your wife's water retaining chunk belly, and it is being posted all over Facebook. Gives me the creeps. If you must capture the beauty of the bulge, please file it away for your own enjoyment. I see that shit, and I 'hide' that person from my wall.

    ReplyDelete
  56. Anonymous15:18

    Ok, this made me laugh because I was thinking the same thing about the naked preggie photos. REALLY? Why do you think ANYONE wants to see you big and pregnant? And I recently heard about the Alicia Silverstone thing and thought she has lost her everloving mind. WTF? Really? Are we birds?? Does this child have teeth? Why are you putting all of your mouth germs into your child's mouth? SO GROSS! When does she plan to stop this? Is she going to go to his elementary school at lunch and flippin' regurgitate food for him? That kid is going to be barking at hubcaps by the time he is 4. Don't even get me started on the placenta thing, why not wash it down with a little amniotic fluid while you are at it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Barking at hubcaps! Lmao. Love it!

      Delete
  57. Hey Jen, I've left post open all day; re-fresh every now and then to read all the incoming comments... would hate missing out on any of this. Priceless!

    ReplyDelete
  58. Lindsay15:54

    You forgot to mention the actress who used to play Blossom (I can't remember her name). I heard on the radio that she still breastfeeds her 3 1/2 year old, all of her children sleep in the same bed as her and her husband, and none of her children have ever worn diapers. I'm not sure how that worked with babies in the bed with them! Nuts

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kelly21:34

      I think thats where the co-sleep thing came in thats what she does its Mayim Bialik.

      Delete
    2. THREE AND A HALF??? If you're old enough to spell "T-I-T-S," you're too old to drink from them.

      Delete
    3. Lindsay15:26

      @Kelly. It's not the co-sleeping thing alone that's weird. It's the no diapers plus co-sleeping!!!

      Delete
  59. Agreed. Also you should right about the extremists that use breastmilk for everything...I know a mom that shot it up her kid's nose when he had a cold. I have also heard of using it for pink eye. Thanks but I'll stick to the drops the doc prescribes!

    ReplyDelete
  60. "I wish you'd just stand back and spit, it would make me feel less icky when I watch the video" -- I can't stop laughing!

    ReplyDelete
  61. Mother infant nurse here with my 2 cents. I deal with a lot of crazies that aren't celebrities. You'd be surprised how many NOT normal people out there that have the nerve to procreate.
    Its so bad that when we have normal people we like fight for them. I have seen TONS of placentas and its hard to gross out nurses BUT EWWWWWWW...although I think Alicia and rechewing the food for her kid tops the list. YUK That even beats the married couple and the gal who joined them for a threesome and oops..the extra gal got knocked up! Then there was the mom who left the hospital to go to Burger King for 3 hours or the couple who locked the door so they could have sex ( they hadn't delivered yet)
    My expectations are low for celebrity couples..I just want everyone to wear some kind of panties or at least learn how to get out of a car and not take our photo.

    ReplyDelete
  62. Nadya is so fugly. That's all I got today.

    ReplyDelete
  63. Anonymous17:22

    Wow.....I am nauseated at the thought of all of the above. The woman swapping spit with her baby needs a punch in the throat! WTF is wrong with people, just screw your kids up the normal way, no need to over achieve there.

    ReplyDelete
  64. Kristin17:39

    This post and the following comments are one of the best since "Elf on the Shelf"! Thanks for the laugh today, Jen! When I giggle out loud at my computer all alone in my kitchen, you know you got me :)

    ReplyDelete
  65. Anonymous17:47

    Ok Started to write a comment and lost all of it. Dang.


    I am one of the weirdos.
    I chewed food for my babies , although only occasionnaly. No blender in sight, hungry baby wanting solids, not breastmilk. You do what you need to de you feed the hungry monster. If that meant chew and giving some slimy lump to my baby heck, I did it. I did not question it much, thought of the bacteria but when a screaming bloody murder baby is hungry you do what you have to do.I thought I had all the food they needed (as I was lucky to breastfeed them for 10 to 16 months each). My rationnal for it was the world has been feeding babies this way for ages when no blenders were available and milk was not either. Still I would not do it unless I could have done otherwise.

    Next. Placenta encapsulation.
    I had PPD for 9 months+(the dark phase, more if you count the finaly alleviating phase) resistant to pharmaceutical medications. Not able to bond properly with my baby and take care of my toddler.
    I would have try it. Believe me. Even encapsulated dog poop if it meant to have a chance to get better. It was the worse time of my life (almost did not make it) and I have survived abuses. I would relive my darkest childhood moments over living one more day of PPD. Not being able to love your babies, not even able to see the stranger that your baby is wa smy worst feeling. If boiling my own placenta and eating it would mean a chance at not suffering from PPD I would do it in a heartbeat. Mine was resistant to meds. I tried all of them.
    Voice your opinion, I love it. Just keep in mind that for some people , some practices can be lifesavers.If you could see the tears and pain as I am writing this, maybe you'd see why some people do eat their placenta. I would do it if it meant being able to enjoy the 1st year of my second baby's life , not losing my first born 2nd year of life and having difficulties to this day bonding with baby number 2 (now 6 year old...).
    Sounds horrible, crazier than eating placenta. Yes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous19:23

      Awkward in what way?

      Delete
    2. Anonymous22:07

      Thank you for sharing this. I too suffered from serious ppd, that almost turned into psychosis. I had never suffered depression before and had no idea it was coming. I never knew how bad it was until my son was a little over 2 and I made a plan to kill myself.

      Thank god I had the wherewithall to seek help and get medicated. If swallowing encapsulated placenta means I won't go to that place again, guess what? I would do it in a heartbeat.

      On a lighter note, this blog is hilarious and celebrities really do make it too easy to mock them.

      Delete
  66. Lisa E17:48

    I literally retched when I read about eating the placenta. There is no reason why a sane person should do that. The body expels the stuff so it must no longer be needed. The ABC food for the kid is almost worse than the placenta. Poor kid can't even speak up about the crazy and must go along with it. I will never be mom of the year but I know my son will never tell his therapist his problems go back to the time his mom per-chewed his food.

    ReplyDelete
  67. This has got to be one of your funniest posts, Jen, and all the comments...I can't stop laughing!

    This shit is glorious.

    ReplyDelete
  68. Ha ha!! Love it!! I'm sorry. I don't care how "beautiful" a pregnant woman may be... nude photos still fall into the "nobody needs to see that sh*t" category - as far as I'm concerned!
    Thank you for clarifying the whole placenta thing... not like I'm running out to get some or anything. It's way better to know that it's freeze dried and capsulized,lol. Have a happy :)

    ReplyDelete
  69. Not eating anything that has passed through a vagina. Just sayin'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous20:35

      Do you eat meat? Because if you do, I'm pretty sure that alot of that has passed through a vagina. lol

      Delete
    2. barbie20:54

      Bahahaha..I'm dying! And I cant believe nobody has brought up the hcg diet...u know...where they collect other pregnant women's urine and use it to make drops and pills for fatty mcfatterson. If I were pregnant id bottle my own urine and sell it to the freaks for half of what they pay at gnc. You could even market it as fresh. Or guaranteed morning piss for those that need fast acting weight loss.

      Delete
  70. It's bad enough that most people in society treat children like little golden deities and rulers of all time, space, and THINGS, but to treat them like they are baby birds and spit chewed up food in their mouths? That's just a mess. Next she'll be making recycled onsies out of his poop.

    ReplyDelete
  71. this is exactly why I crack up reading our blog. I love your whit, honesty, and humor. A+

    ReplyDelete
  72. New reality competition "Baby Bat Shit." Minor celebrities line up to compete for post-delivery plastic surgery and have to perform semi-nude photos, placenta eating, etc. Think of it as "America's Next Top Model" meets "Fear Factor."

    ReplyDelete
  73. I laughed so hard I snorted. One of your funniest blogs ever. You want to know what helped me with PPD? ZOLOFT!

    ReplyDelete
  74. "Crunchy mom friend" haha. You know that if they crunchies aren't doin' it, it's definitely nowhere close to normal.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Anonymous21:20

    On the premastication front: I had a friend who chewed up her kids chicken nuggets from Chic Fil-A when they were maybe 10 mos. old, I think. First time I'd ever seen it, and I have to admit, kinda threw me for a loop! Naked preggo pics....um....ick! I've read about eating the placenta and that would definitely not be my choice! And if I did choose to partake? I sure wouldn't be sharing it with the rest of the world!

    ReplyDelete
  76. I was totally wondering if you where going to bring up the whole Mayim Bialik deal. I get the sling and being close but I draw the line at a 15 year old still sharing my bed :) hopefully she does not take it that far. Plus I was a horrible sleeper if I had to do that with my partents! Blah. Given I would be the mom worried about rolling over on my kid! Plus I am just sick of Celbs anyways and don't have cable and never really look at mags much. Maybe my iphone in the middle of the night when I can't sleep!

    ReplyDelete
  77. jessica21:30

    Ok so I think I watched a show on National Geographic about this indigenous tribe that would chew their fruit and spit it into a big tub. everyone sits around all day and does this.Then at the end of the day. voila... WINE!!!! That Silverstone baby's gonna get drunk!!!
    Anyone else following my train of thought here???

    Also...the only reasons animals eat their placenta is so it won't be left to ATTRACT PREDATORS! Not for its nutritional or mental health benefits! WTF?

    ReplyDelete
  78. Sheri21:50

    You just keep getting better. For me, a good day of parenting means finding out someone did something I wouldn't dream of doing...I think my boys are going to be alright if people keep this shit up! Let the celebrities have at it....narrows the playing field for our kiddos!

    ReplyDelete
  79. Anonymous21:55

    somebody told me this shit was funny.
    like an asshole, i believed her.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Uh, oh, someone pissed in her pre-chewed placenta flakes.

      Delete
  80. When do the comments get their own like buttons? Not only is the blog fab, but the comments are equally laugh-inducing!
    comes down to having too much time and money...what fubar-ed idea can we come up with next to be original in our truly individual experience of birthing and raising babies that no one has ever done before!
    Anyone see Tony Romo's wife in the hospital pic this week? at least she had the backless/assless gown on, but she still looked like a fucking debutante. just like i did.
    i wonder if the placenta needs to be pre-chewed??

    ReplyDelete
  81. Anonymous22:28

    I love your blog, I haven't read it for awhile, been pretty busy with 3 kids and trying to "not" get them to eat dirt or anything weird! This has to be my favorite blog, it always makes me laugh! Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  82. Anonymous22:57

    So if you are pregnant and not planning on eating the placenta, why not make some extra money and sell it on Ebay?

    ReplyDelete
  83. Anonymous23:18

    I strongly dislike when women feel the need to tear down other women. Knowing one person who is crunchy does not make you an expert or even remotely knowledgeable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous01:07

      I am just curious... Why do you read this blog?
      Jen writes this to be sarcastic and funny. She has been very honest about what this blog is about. If you don't have a sense of humor, can't take a joke, and don't like (or "strongly dislike") what she writes, then why do you even read the blog? I am pretty sure Jen doesn't consider herself an expert on any of the above things she wrote about. She is just giving her opinion on them and everyone is entitled to their opinions! I think you are entitled to "strongly dislike" anything she writes or Jen, herself, for that matter... but I just don't get why you read the blog then!?!

      Delete
    2. I agree with Anonymous 11:07. Why read the blog? This is not Mothering dot com.

      Delete
  84. Jen....I think you've done it again...this thing is going viral. This shit is so hilarious and the comments...OMG!! I have been crying laughing so hard! Why is disgusting, nasty shit so f'n funny?? You are the bomb-diggity!
    Devan

    ReplyDelete
  85. Suzie04:37

    I really believe that so much of the crunchy mom shit is for the benefit of the neurotic mother and not the kid. Let's strap the kid to me 24 hrs a day, and watch his face to see if he needs a crap instead of putting diapers on, and pre chew his food, and give him booby milk every time he cries till he's 8, and basically anything else that is that most inconvenient way to do anything so they can be the Best Mommy Martyr and look down on those 'mainstream moms'.

    Have you ever read 'The Mommy Myth' by Susan Douglas? Great book and there is a whole chapter in there called 'Attack of the Celebrity Moms' which is all about this crap. Well worth a read, and almost as funny as you.

    ReplyDelete
  86. Oh my gosh, I just love you and your blog to death! One day I'll have a blog that inspires amazing convos in the comments section, like yours does. Until then, I'll just keep laughing my head off about Silverstoning, Buzz Killington, crunchy mom friends, and the questionable practice of eating grown children. :D

    ReplyDelete
  87. omg. I hadn't seen that "silverstoning" video. I feeling like I'm going to vomit. What is wrong with these people?

    ReplyDelete
  88. Kinnynick10:34

    Don't cows get "Mad Cow" disease from eating cow? What happens to people when they eat their own placenta parts? Just curious....

    ReplyDelete
  89. Don't forget, this hypothetical next celebrity mom should also be raising the child "genderless."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Too funny - the other day I was asked for the millionth time if I was having a boy or a girl. Bored, I replied "we don't know, we're going to let the kid decide when it's older". Priceless look on the asker's face - I actually think they believed me :)

      Delete
  90. Anonymous13:38

    Gotta love how celebrities who aren't getting enough attention feel the need to fuck up their kids in order to get said attention. Well done, stupid celebrities, you've made yourself into even MORE of a douche-canoe. Keep up the good work. Can't wait to see your kids on B-list Celebrity Rehab.

    ReplyDelete
  91. Placenta teddy bear /nod

    http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/discoblog/2009/10/01/the-ultimate-in-sustainable-toys-a-placenta-teddy-bear/

    ReplyDelete
  92. Anonymous16:53

    As entertaining as always. As far as the placenta thing goes 'eh to each their own'. I can remember hearing about women doing that when I was a kid (1980's) I don't think its a new thing, but I don't have any desire to hear the details of it anymore than I want to look at a naked pregnant belly.

    Celeb mom's are not only out there, they are asking to be ridiculed by exposing all their Hollywierdness on the rest of us.

    Alicia Silverstone creeps me out anyway, I'm so not a fan of her beliefs on many levels.

    ReplyDelete
  93. Anonymous06:47

    You should check out the video: "Hey Jimmy Kimmel, I Silverstoned My Kid". It may be old news for some, but other than the potential emotional scars left on these kids, it is hilarious.

    ReplyDelete
  94. Anonymous17:39

    Wouldn't eating a human placenta be considered cannibalism?

    ReplyDelete
  95. I think that you could dedicate an entire blog post to reasons to slap Kris Jenner.

    1.) Her ceaseless pimping of her children.
    2.) Her unholy alliance with Kathy Lee Gifford.

    There is a couple. The list could go on and on.

    ReplyDelete
  96. LOL! I'm, I suppose, what you'd call a "crunchy" momma. I did chew some of my baby's food, but I used a spoon to feed it to her at the table and soon switched to the blender because that was waay easier!

    The "eat the placenta" thing *does* have a legitimate origin. It is an old midwives' trick to stop hemorrhaging, since it's rich in pitocin, or something like that. In the days before medical pitocin, I imagine it was useful information. I ran across it on an obscure midwife's discussion site back when I was researching homebirth for my first child. In these modern days, even midwives have pitocin readily available to stop hemorrhaging, so I doubt it's necessary to eat the placenta, unless I suppose you *wanted* to?

    Eh, I was considered weird just for asking to see my placenta each time I had a baby. It was pretty cool looking (I'm not grossed out by things like that) but I don't think I would have wanted to try eating it (and I *like* steak tartar lol!)

    It does seem that The Almighty Placenta has been getting more attention lately though with placenta prints being something of a fashion. Can you imagine going to someone's house and seeing a nicely framed Roarscharch blot on the wall, asking about it and being told, that's a print of my baby's placenta?

    Just for giggles I Googled "Thing to do with your placenta" I think you may have some more material there for your next post!!!

    QUOTE: "Depending on your definition of 'fun,' there is plenty of it to be had with your afterbirth. Yep, the placenta is not confined to the womb when it comes to 'fun'ction. Once your baby is born and this hardworking, vital organ is finished sustaining his life -- you can give the placenta a new life of its own in myriad forms. From teddy bear crafting and pill popping to blood painting and tree planting, here are 5 interesting things you can do with your baby's placenta."

    I think burying it and planting a tree over it is kinda cool, but some folks are really going over the top. Teddy bears???? W.o.w. NOT my "definition of fun".

    http://www.inhabitots.com/5-fun-things-you-can-do-with-your-babys-placenta/

    ReplyDelete
  97. I dont get the placenta thing either. Its a GD filter for God's sake. I looked up "fun food for kids" on Pinterest two days ago for our vacation coming up and it spit back a nasty picture of a placenta and a recipe. GROSS! I dont get dirty hippies.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Anonymous15:48

    Premastication is also known to spread hiv......... one of the reasons doctors in third world countries are fighting against it.

    ReplyDelete
  99. Anonymous17:06

    Here is my concern over the placenta eating issue... first of all whose job is it to cook, jerky, and capsule my placenta? How do you apply for this job? What are the qualifications? Second how can u be 100% sure it is your placenta you are eating? Cuz eating my placenta is icky enough but the thought of eating someone elses???? Thats just more than I can swallow!!! =)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "jerky my placenta"??? LMAO

      And omg, way to bring this to a whole 'nother level...how DO you know it's your placenta you're eating???

      hahahahaha!

      Delete
  100. I know that this is not a celebrity mom but please oh please tell me that you have discovered this blog..... http://moonwisdom.blogspot.com/2008/02/menstrual-blood-art.html
    and that you have written over it??!! If so, I soooooooo want to read it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WTF Do not click that link!!!

      ::gag::

      Delete
  101. Wow, I suffer from severe depression (I'm so thankful I found this blog, as apparently it is helping) and I was afraid of ppd, so you know what I did? I took my damn birth control and adopted two fucking spoiled dogs. :) And they eat my chewed food sometimes, if I'm a slob and it falls on the floor, but they also lick their own butts.

    ReplyDelete
  102. So I just heard about this whole "placenta eating" thing about 2 or so weeks ago. A guy I used to work with put pics up on FB, not only showing his wife's homebirth (you could see EVERYTHING!), but how they prepared the placenta to eat (capsule form). They're not famous, but they do live in CA now (maybe it's something in the water?). I hope to give birth at home, but I'm not a damn cannibal!! No placenta dinner for me!

    ReplyDelete
  103. Anonymous20:25

    What I don't understand is that all of a sudden women have this sad need to show their breasts to the world while breastfeeding and show their genitals to male relatives while giving birth. It is wrong. It's just a trend that was started to get women to show their bodies. Has anyone noticed that men will not show their testicles or penises, but they are pushing women to show their breasts. It's a sign of the end, because we have lost all sense of morals, or privacy and modesty. Nothing is cared or private anymor. Women are willing to do anything and justify it all by saying crap like "It's only a breast", or "It's only a baby being born."

    Jean

    ReplyDelete
  104. I remember many years ago, when a woman I knew was feeding her child baby food... when she was through, she licked the food off the baby's face. I was never the same after that.

    I am so glad someone else in this world is not charmed by the sight of strangers showing off their naked pregnant selves.
    Pregnancy is beautiful and wonderful and we don't all really have to see every single inch and minute of it. Really.
    besitos from a cold winter day in BA

    ReplyDelete
  105. someone had a bowl of bitch flakes for breakfast.....

    ReplyDelete