Weekly Wrap Up 7/8/12

This week drove me nuts.  Between the heat and the holiday in the middle of the week, I am out of sorts.  It's like swamp ass hot here in Kansas and I am sick and tired of sitting in a pool of my own sweat.  It is so hot that I actually have a fucking heat rash on my eyelids!  How does that happen?  It's painful and itchy and pretty unattractive too.  My career as an eye model is over!  Oh well, good think I don't need my eyelids to blog.

Top Read Posts This Week:

Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop - Gifted children, tennis, busy, busy, organic produce, weight, repeat.

9 Things I Learned at the Water Park of America - I thought my eye rash was from the heat, but maybe it's from the hot tub at the water park!!!  Oh God!  I need to call the eye doctor on Monday.

Saying Goodbye to the Odyssey - I let it go peacefully and without a tantrum.  My only form of protest was to give it back dirty.  At least Honda can see it was well-loved by our family - we don't just crush dry cereal into the floorboards of any old car.

Jen & Friends' Endless Conversation Loop - Zombies, food, sex dreams, blogging, repeat.  And yes, the part about Bieber is absolutely true.  I sacrifice my dignity for a laugh every day. 

Message Boards Update:

Have you joined the message boards yet?  We talk a lot about books we like.  Join us and get some new book recommendations.  If you're not looking for books, there are lots of other good topics on the board too or you can start your own.  Did you know that when you comment on the message boards a link to your newest blog post shows up?  That is a great way to find new readers for your blog and new blogs for you to read, so join the message boards today.  It's easy and fun.

New Babble Posts This Week:

My Favorite Comments (and My Response if Necessary):

My friend's daughter was a lifeguard at a local water park where she was instructed to pee in the water instead of taking a break!! EWWWW! This is the same park that tries to keep their guards on their toes by slipping in child size dummies in the lazy river to see how long it takes to get noticed. I happened to run into one with my foot and it nearly scared me shitless!! We do not go there any longer. on 9 Things I Learned at the Water Park of America

That is fucking nuts.  I don't think I could get over the emotional scarring that would occur from hitting a warm patch in the pool by a lifeguard and/or running into a child size dummy that has drowned.  WTF?

......Last Summer we took the boys to Raging Waters in San Dimas and I will never return... the lazy river was infested with pubic hair, you could see it collecting along the edges... there were grown ass teenagers walking around in life jackets -WITH- the crotch strap securely strapped...(which hey, I'm all for safety but if you are 6 foot tall and still can't swim and don't feel confident in a 3 foot pool with a life guard at each station then maybe a water park isn't the place for you?)....and my BFF and I witnessed the ultimate gold digger.. a girl of about 14 reached down her bikini bottom, gave her starfish a good scratch..pulled her hand out, SMELLED it.. and then LICKED IT!!!!! on 9 Things I Learned at the Water Park of America

Old ladies at water aerobics are the worst offenders of the worn out swim suit. Do they not notice that their entire backsides are exposed thanks to the worn out spandex? on 9 Things I Learned at the Water Park of America

I took my boys (6 and 8) to the water park a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't WAIT to laze on the river! Turns out, my kids are afraid of it. It ended up being the working river for me, as I had to struggle to hold on to both of their giant tubes at the same time, meaning I had to get out of mine, listen to one whining that his arms hurt because he refused to sit in the tube properly and the other scream that he was drowning the whole time, even though he could easily touch the bottom. Then came trying to shove them both out of the current at the same time. One made it and immediately took off in a completely out of my sight direction while the other (who could touch) screamed and flailed and was forced to go around again while I tracked down a cocky lifeguard to save my drowning giant of a son from the most relaxing attraction at the park and then help me find my small Olympic runner, who was God knows where at that point. Eff off, Lazy River. on 9 Things I Learned at the Water Park of America

Similar to height requirements, I'm thinking the water parks should have a "fashion requirement" sign before entering the park. Something like, "In order to protect the innocent retinas of our other patrons, you must be THIS covered up before entering the park." Also-- You forgot the biggest perk of hot tubbin' it: free band-aids and ciggie butts! Score! on 9 Things I Learned at the Water Park of America

Okay, two things. First, promise me you'll let me know how many people visit your site because of the "Mono-kini"...I wrote a post last June because some idiot PR guy said he wanted to send me one. Like my muffin top needs MORE attention. Anyway, I posted some of the ridiculous mono-kini's on their website, and then added one for men at the bottom of the post (al-la-Borat). Then, as the weeks and months went on, this post was getting hit after hit and soon became my all-time most popular post. NOT because my readers were sharing, or it went viral, but according to Google Analytics it was because pervs were googling "Moms in Microkini's" (and other variations) and spending a little too much time on my site for my comfort level. I actually deleted it (the only post I've ever done that with in two years)...it grossed me out after Mommy Micokini became my best keyword and the hits on that post more than doubled my 2nd best. Also, the lazy river! I couldn't agree more! We've long on 9 Things I Learned at the Water Park of America

So far no one has shown up due to "monokini" searches.  My pervs search for "deep throat" and find me.  There are also a lot of searches for the "old lady from Something About Mary."  WTF? 

Ewww the jean short, or "jort", bathing suit. Nothing says relaxation like hot, wet denim. on 9 Things I Learned at the Water Park of America

I have learned a new word that I will be using as often as possible!

This is the most helpful list I've seen...I'm going to share it with everyone who thinks they can't do this. I started laughing before I even read your posts...when I saw your web address. Thanks for taking time to put these tips out there! on FAQ About Blogging

You need to make that priceless conversation into an Xtranormal video: http://www.xtranormal.com/xnmm/landing/. HILARIOUS. And, for the record, I don't trust anyone who willingly gives up carbs, gulten, etc. HILARIOUS! on Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

OK.  I did it.  Could only make it with 2 moms, though and I added some new stuff from the comments. Check it out.

Jenn, I love your blog, especially this post. And what makes me laugh all over again is everyone's comments. Thanks for making me feel less alone, Jenn & The Jennettes. on Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

Oh, I just happened to have sort of this conversation last week. "We're moving them to a bi-lingual charter school because they just weren't being CHALLENGED enough at the REGULAR school." I couldn't get out of there fast enough. on Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

Screw them. My summer home is in Milan, bitches. on Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

I'm a new mom and I've just entered the Toddler Zone. With Toddler Moms, it seems to be more about how germ-conscious you are, what the kid's eating, and what "family fun" you're doing. "Oooh, we don't go to Publix since we had Bane. Instead we go to the Farmers Market." "Oooh, Stormer doesn't eat processed foods. We kill our own chickens out back." "Oooh, we're part of two Mommy & Me classes and Daemona is going to start Art Appreciation soon." And I'm the middle class schlub going: "We just shop at Wal-Mart and LO loves him some French fries, so we do a trip to McD's once a week. And ..." dramatic pause "I work, so we don't get to do activities". (one lady seriously looked at me like I was insane when I explained I couldn't do Little Gym because of my work schedule. I've never felt like such a lousy parent before). And all the mommies have gym memberships where they Zumba and daddies who don't change diapers. I've never seen the inside of a gym and my husband is a on Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

Just got back from the neighborhood pool where an OAM went on and on and on and on about how hard it is to try and pare down her son's schedule because HE IS JUST SO GOOD AT EVERYTHING. I too am the mom sitting in my car, reading a book, or walking my dog during my son's extracurricular activities. Thanks Jen for another spot-on punch! on Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

Love it, Jen! Definitely throat-punch worthy! (Bless their insecure little hearts.) Gotta run, my kids need to be picked up from their Gifted Level Mandarin Chinese Organic Co-Op Camp (at the juvenile detention center for whiney piss ants.) on Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

Amen...I usually brag about my wee one learning how to fold towels and socks (the bane of my existence)...her teacher was so excited about her learning how to braid yarn, and without thinking I responded how wonderful it would be for my three year old to start selling wallets on etsy...she looked at me kind of funny! I was proud of her, although I am kidding about putting her to work. I'd never do that before she was 5! on Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

Mental Note: Always - ALWAYS! - launder any washable item from Target. Thanks for the reminder Adolpha! on Jen & Friends' Endless Conversation Loop

blah Bieber is the devil's spawn. ok can someone tell me what's with the stupid heart thing he does with his hand? Is that a gang sign for "I like anal?" I've been to 2 concerts this year where this girls do that and I want to punch THEM in the throat? Ok sorry I realize this doesn't have a lot to do with the post but the bieb's makes me punchy! on Jen & Friends' Endless Conversation Loop

It is because of you that I have embraced my hidden love for the minivan. I come from a big family, and we always had a minivan when I was growing up; long before automatic slidey doors, when it was only one slidey door and you had to get a running start to close that bitch. I swore I would never drive one. That was, until they started making minivans totally badass. My in-laws have a totally tricked out toyota sienna. And I have secretly loved that car for a while. When I read your first blog about wanting a minivan, I was like, OMG maybe i'm not so lame after all for wanting one. So I told my hubs that I kinda want a minivan, and he was like ME TOO!! We've both been secretly loving minivans for a while, and were too embarassed to tell each other! LOL!! When my current lease is up, we're TOTES getting one. I seriously can't wait. on Saying Goodbye to the Odyssey

I'm SO pissed that I must have been living under a rock during all of June..okay, yes I was. Finishing a freelance project before kids came home from school. The Collin County meeting was a mere 5 minutes from my house.. and i MISSED IT!!!!!!!!!!!! ACK!!!! PLEASE do this again and hopefully this time, I can get my head out of wherever it is and BE THERE! on Tonight's the Night

I don't think you were the only one whose head was somewhere else.  I'm sure there will be another one.  Go on the message boards and start a local board and see if you can drum up some people to meet you for a drink in the near future.


Sarah said...

Jen, these are the giggles that I needed this morning! I have a horrible case of the Mondays(damn TPS reports)and your blog just cheered me up.

TNMom said...

Thanks so much for making me read the thing about the chick licking her hand after....please excuse me while I go poke out my minds eye. Once was too many times to read that and now I have twice. BARF!

Anonymous said...

RE: Pinterest Christmas in July, that's nothing! I just looked at my page and saw a ton of posts from AC Moore (the craft store) about frigging EASTER CRAFTS!!!

LivingTheDream said...

I'm a little disappointed that you found the comment on the teenagers wearing lifejackets funny. Grown ass teenagers who are actually listening to their parents and don't care that they may look foolish? Right, lets get all over them, they should be disobeying somewhere. You don't know them or their situation.

I believe that it was last summer that a family with two young teens who were picnicking near a lake drowned, it made national news. The two teens didn't know how to swim. The media and other parents were all over these people, if they didn't know how to swim, then they should have been in a lifejacket... Yeah somedays you just can't win.

I know the blog is all about funny and I'm not sending any hate your way or to the original commenter, but just putting it out there that perhaps someone somewhere needs to think before speaking.

Ali said...

One of my comments made it into the weekly wrap up!! I'm definitely waayy more excited about this than I should be, but I don't care.

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