A couple days ago I showed you the annoying summer conversations I've been overhearing lately. I didn't want to you think that my conversations are any better. They're just not as annoying...to me. So here's what it would be like if I ran into 2 of my friends at Target, the pool and/or, the movies:
Me: I'm trying to keep Gomer and Adolpha out of my hair this summer. I can't get any work done. They're always bugging me for food and shit. Gomer! Put down the Lego set. You don't need another one!
Sandy: I know what you mean! Every time you come to my house Adolpha is asking for food. Do you ever feed her? Just kidding. No I'm not.
Sherry: I'm trying to get work done this summer too. I finally had to pay the neighbor kid 5 bucks to play with my girls so I could make phone calls. I should have signed them up for all day camp. Now I know for next year. Lindsey, stop biting your sister! You are not a zombie!
Sandy: Is real estate busy, Jen? We haven't seen much of you. Where did Cassidy go? She was right here, shit!
Me: It's been busy for the Hubs. I'm mostly writing this summer. You guys know I have a blog, right?
Sherry: Oh right, I keep forgetting about it. I need to read it tonight and catch up. I don't think I've read it since January. My neighbor reads it. She thinks you're hysterical.
Sandy: You know why I won't read it, Jen.
Me: Yes...not positive enough.
Sandy: I just wish you'd do one punch and then one nice thing the next day.
Me: Ugh. Boring. That sounds like a blog you should write. Adolpha, do not wipe your nose on those towels. Those are for sale!
Sherry: Have you guys been to the gym this summer?
Me: We let our membership expire when Adopha was a baby.
Sandy: We've never belonged. You have to go the bathroom now, Angela? I asked you when we came in. Now you'll have to hold it until we leave.
Sherry: Oh. I keep meaning to go, but I can't find the time.
Sandy: Oooh, look. Ice cream is on sale.
Me: I'd better get two....or four...since it's buy one, get one free.
Sherry: Yum. Looks good! Jessica, we do not need 8 gallons of ice cream. Put that back. OK, leave 2.
Sandy: Oh, I forgot to ask you, Jen. Did you have fun at the Mall of America? Joseph, stop throwing the Nerf ball to Gomer!
Sherry: You went to the Mall of America? Niiiice.
Me: Yeah, it was a great trip. I highly recommend it. Gomer! Did you hear Miss Sandy? Put down the ball and stop touching everything with your grubby mitts.
Sherry: What about you, Sandy? Any trips planned this summer?
Sandy: Yeah, we're going to Des Moines. Where is Cassidy?
Sherry: Sweet! We've got to get there at some point!
Me: Do you guys want to hear something weird? Adolpha, go away, this is big people time.
Sherry: Of course we do!
Me: I had a sex dream this morning.
Sandy: Did you see "Magic Mike" without me!?
Me: No. It was about Justin Bieber.
Sandy & Sherry: Ewwwww.
Me: I know, right? Ick. What the fuck?
|Don't deny it, girl. We could make something special you and I.|
Sandy: I think he might be gay. Poor thing. He should just come out of the closet.
Sherry: He looks like a girl.
Me: So what does that say about me?? I'm the one dreaming about him...her...that kid! Is he even legal?
Sandy: Yeah...I don't know. Maybe you shouldn't tell anyone.
Sherry: Definitely not.
Me: Good idea. I might put it on the blog though. We'll see. Well, I gotta go. It's been great seeing you guys. We should get together soon.
Sandy: I'm available now...if I can find Cassidy. Oh there she is. Come over here, please!
Me: Hey, we are too. I just need to buy some random shit here that I don't need and I'm done. Adolpha, you are not a zombie either. Stop trying to eat people!
Sherry: Yeah, me too.
Sandy: So you guys want to come to my house?
Sherry: Or mine?
Sandy: You should come to mine. I've got the blow up pool ready to go and I have better snacks - just ask Adolpha.
Me: Who wants to ride in my minivan?
And then we sort of shuffle out with our purchases and our gaggle of kids and head over to Sandy's house, because she's right - she does have the best snacks.