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Jen & Friends' Endless Conversation Loop

A couple days ago I showed you the annoying summer conversations I've been overhearing lately.  I didn't want to you think that my conversations are any better.  They're just not as annoying...to me.  So here's what it would be like if I ran into 2 of my friends at Target, the pool and/or, the movies:

Me:  I'm trying to keep Gomer and Adolpha out of my hair this summer.  I can't get any work done.  They're always bugging me for food and shit.  Gomer!  Put down the Lego set.  You don't need another one!

Sandy:  I know what you mean!  Every time you come to my house Adolpha is asking for food.  Do you ever feed her?  Just kidding.  No I'm not.

Sherry:  I'm trying to get work done this summer too.  I finally had to pay the neighbor kid 5 bucks to play with my girls so I could make phone calls.  I should have signed them up for all day camp.  Now I know for next year.  Lindsey, stop biting your sister!  You are not a zombie!

Sandy:  Is real estate busy, Jen?  We haven't seen much of you.  Where did Cassidy go?  She was right here, shit!

Me:  It's been busy for the Hubs.  I'm mostly writing this summer.  You guys know I have a blog, right?

Sherry:  Oh right, I keep forgetting about it.  I need to read it tonight and catch up.  I don't think I've read it since January.  My neighbor reads it.  She thinks you're hysterical.

Sandy:  You know why I won't read it, Jen.

Me:  Yes...not positive enough.

Sandy:  I just wish you'd do one punch and then one nice thing the next day.

Me:  Ugh.  Boring.  That sounds like a blog you should write.  Adolpha, do not wipe your nose on those towels.  Those are for sale!

Sherry:  Have you guys been to the gym this summer?

Me:  We let our membership expire when Adopha was a baby.

Sandy:  We've never belonged.  You have to go the bathroom now, Angela?  I asked you when we came in.  Now you'll have to hold it until we leave.

Sherry:  Oh.  I keep meaning to go, but I can't find the time.

Sandy:  Oooh, look.  Ice cream is on sale.

Me:  I'd better get two....or four...since it's buy one, get one free.

Sherry:  Yum.  Looks good!  Jessica, we do not need 8 gallons of ice cream.  Put that back.  OK, leave 2.

Sandy:  Oh, I forgot to ask you, Jen.  Did you have fun at the Mall of America?  Joseph, stop throwing the Nerf ball to Gomer!

Sherry:  You went to the Mall of America?  Niiiice.

Me:  Yeah, it was a great trip.  I highly recommend it.  Gomer!  Did you hear Miss Sandy?  Put down the ball and stop touching everything with your grubby mitts.

Sherry:  What about you, Sandy?  Any trips planned this summer?

Sandy:  Yeah, we're going to Des Moines.  Where is Cassidy?

Sherry:  Sweet!  We've got to get there at some point!

Me:  Do you guys want to hear something weird?  Adolpha, go away, this is big people time.

Sherry:  Of course we do!

Me:  I had a sex dream this morning.

Sandy:  Did you see "Magic Mike" without me!?

Me:  No.  It was about Justin Bieber.

Sandy & Sherry:  Ewwwww.

Me:  I know, right?  Ick.  What the fuck?

Don't deny it, girl.  We could make something special you and I.

Sandy:  I think he might be gay.  Poor thing.  He should just come out of the closet.

Sherry:  He looks like a girl.

Me:  So what does that say about me??  I'm the one dreaming about him...her...that kid!  Is he even legal?

Sandy:  Yeah...I don't know.  Maybe you shouldn't tell anyone.

Sherry:  Definitely not.

Me:  Good idea.  I might put it on the blog though.  We'll see.  Well, I gotta go.  It's been great seeing you guys.  We should get together soon.

Sandy:  I'm available now...if I can find Cassidy.  Oh there she is.  Come over here, please!

Me:  Hey, we are too.  I just need to buy some random shit here that I don't need and I'm done.  Adolpha, you are not a zombie either.  Stop trying to eat people!

Sherry:  Yeah, me too.

Sandy:  So you guys want to come to my house?

Sherry:  Or mine?

Sandy:  You should come to mine.  I've got the blow up pool ready to go and I have better snacks - just ask Adolpha.  

Me:  Who wants to ride in my minivan?

And then we sort of shuffle out with our purchases and our gaggle of kids and head over to Sandy's house, because she's right - she does have the best snacks.  

Want to read something new?  Check out my upcoming book!


35 comments:

  1. sounds like my endless conversations, only with less costuming talk and video games.

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  2. Finally! A conversation I can relate to! Except for the sex dream about the Biebs.

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  3. Ahahahaha!!! That's almost IDENTICAL to the conversation you would hear out of me and my group...Except my sex dream was about Magic Mike...NOT Justin Bieber...EWWW! ;)

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  4. I am fortunate enough to have similar encounters that have devolved from afternoon snacks and outdoor play into video games to occupy the kids while we grill and swill, then talk 'til we're able to safely drive home. Ah, good times with good friends. To heck with over-scheduling - my kids are happy! (Thanks for the excellent blogging, Jen. )

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  5. Anonymous09:24

    I love the "Stop trying to eat people, you're not a zombie." comments. I would love to happen upon this conversation in Target, I might have to join in. Oh, and FYI, Bieber and Gomez are apparently "having trouble" so you might just get your chance. **winky face**

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  6. blah Bieber is the devil's spawn. ok can someone tell me what's with the stupid heart thing he does with his hand? Is that a gang sign for "I like anal?" I've been to 2 concerts this year where this girls do that and I want to punch THEM in the throat?

    Ok sorry I realize this doesn't have a lot to do with the post but the bieb's makes me punchy!

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    1. Anonymous09:35

      "I like anal!" LOL!

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    2. Jamie09:39

      Sweet Jeebus, Sarah. I burst out laughing in my office at the "I like anal" comment right as a co-worker walked by. Here's to faking work on a Friday!

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    3. ha ha " I like anal" good one. I wonder what the heck that means. The tweens kept doing it at the One Direction concert.

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  7. Anonymous09:34

    This was one of my favorites!

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  8. Melissa09:36

    OMG, this is this exact same - disjointed- conversation I have with my friends. Shit like, "wow! You got a promotion, that great... Hey, don't bite your sister!" I love you Jen!

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  9. I love how your put yourself out there to laugh at like that. Seriously you wear crocs and dream about the Biebs. Even if it isn't true I'm gonna pretend that it is and if it is not true you have the best imagination ever!!

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  10. loved it!!! sounds about right, not the Beiber part- I use the Beib as a discipline tool... When the kids try to conquer my sanity, I turn him on and sing and dance as horrible as possible..works within minutes

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    1. Anonymous10:35

      LOL Beib as a discipline tool! funny ;)

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  11. Anonymous10:04

    Mental Note: Always - ALWAYS! - launder any washable item from Target. Thanks for the reminder Adolpha!

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  12. OMG... blast from the past. That's exactly how I remember* it. Those are the conversations I remember when my kids were little and had the best neighbors and friends... you know... REAL PEOPLE. No wonder why I don't have any friends now. People aren't real anymore.

    Except the Beiber part... I hate the little tool.

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    1. Grateful, that little tool came way after my kids time... actually, they never went pop star crazy. *Shit... what the hell. Does that mean something's wrong with them? Ugh.

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  13. Anonymous10:37

    so funny. I would so much rather come across that conversation. "stop biting! you're not a zombie!"

    friggin' hilarious.

    and it takes guts to admit to a sex dream about the Biebs. too funny!

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  14. Shelley in So. IL10:55

    That is exactly what our conversations sound like. And random meetings almost always turn into 'playdates' that mysteriously include adult beverages! My comments to the kids revolve around not touching anything, leave your sister alone, no I can't buy you that $150 toy right now, read the price, and where the hell did Jack go to anyway? It is like we have the same life. Only with less cursing. Not that I mind cursing. I just don't want my expletives to be repeated to the pastor on Sunday morning. I am funny that way.

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  15. Just wanted to let you know Biebs IS an adult. Not that that makes it right, but at least you won't go to jail. :0)

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  16. Wait. You and your friends finish whole sentences? I aspire to this.

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  17. Now THIS is something I can understand. My husband says he dreams of the day that we are all talking about the same thing, rather than all talking about ten things at once.

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  18. Anonymous14:44

    awesome. Actually come to think of it this is usually how jumbled our conversations are even when we do have time to gather for a "playdate".

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  19. This is how the zombie apocolypse starts.Moms get busy talking,the kids turn into real zombies, and then, BAM!-zombie apocolypse(especially if there were some bath salts on that towel,lol.
    This is also the kind of stuff my friends and I talk about with a little weird thrown in for fun(not Bieber Fever weird,but you know).Fourth of July night we were talking about what would happen if crack started falling from the sky.

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  20. Before I moved to bfoklahoma I had great friends like that! Boohoo. My husband would ask "when you guys get together to talk who's listening?" I would just explain "we are women, we can do more than one thing at a time!"

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    1. I live in "bfoklahoma" and have friends that are normal. Maybe you should stop being so rude about the place you live and make some friends! Just an idea...but I am an "OKIE" so what do I know?

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  21. In the midst of chatting with friends, they will almost always make mention that they haven't read my blog in months. Thanks for noting this..........I feel like less of a loser.

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  22. Well, good news, apparently The Bieb is single again. You might have a shot ;o)

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  23. I'd be a part of this group at any time. What I find is that I have nothing in common with the "plastics" whose lives are filled with play dates, tennis, and day camps all summer long, so I, too, have spent time listening and not being a part of the other conversation loop. My kids are the ones who would have been pretending to be zombies and disappearing at Target too (no worries though--now they do things like excel in college and spend their weekends running around the woods in armor live-action role playing). Our kids are going to rule the world because we gave them a gift--the gift of free time.

    Oh, and Amanda is right. You need to make your move on the Bieb now, girl. He needs some cougar love.

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  24. This is hysterical because it is SO REAL!!!

    Tomorrow I report on a conversation my "Mommie" had this week. I wished you were there to hand out some throat punches. In fact, I think you should add "Throat Punch" cards to your line of merchandise. I'd buy some, and hand them out to people who need them - a virtual throat punch. Kind of like Bill Envall's "Stupid" signs.

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  25. Anonymous23:57

    Jesus...I just cried from laughing so hard. It's scary how much that sounds like me.

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  26. I just died from laughter. Sex dreams about Bieber... yeah dude you might need to seek a help of a professional.

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  27. How sad that the summer trip is to Des Moines but that is exactly where my family is headed in four weeks to visit my family. I live in paradise (San Diego) and get to "vacation" in Iowa. It's gonna be hotter than shit! Can't wait to go to Adventureland. My family of four can go there for less $$$ than ONE of us can go to Disneyland. I am sure my girls won't know the difference!

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  28. LMAO... I haven't been uninterrupted in (almost) 7 years. I don't think I could have an adult conversation if I tried.

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  29. You. Complete. Me.

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