Men Who Abuse Women

I've been working on this post in my head for a while now.  I couldn't quite figure out what I wanted to do with it.  It started out as a rant about these types of men who don't actually physically abuse women, but still use them and then lie about their actions.  Then I moved on to assholes like this guy who think it's perfectly fine to tell women what they can and can't do with their bodies.  And then there was this dummy who thinks every woman who follows him on Twitter wants junk mail from him.  All of these men abuse women in their own ways.  They use women and degrade women and they marginalize women.  These guys all suck, but the type of guy I'm talking about today is the guy who actually lays his hands on a woman and injures and sometimes even kills her.  I'm talking about assholes like Chris Brown who used his girlfriend Rhianna as a punching bag and then apologized and got a Grammy.  I don't know who is worse here:  Chris Brown for assaulting Rhianna, the Grammys for overlooking his behavior (only one year after the incident) just because he has talent or the women on Twitter who begged Chris to punch them (WTF???)

Last week I learned that a friend's sister had been murdered by the father of her children.  It got me thinking about how many women I've known of who have been killed by men in their lives.  There was a girl I went to school with.  There was a girl here in my relatively small town who was shopping at Target and was abducted in broad daylight and later killed.  There was another girl in my town who was killed at a pool where she was working.  There are many other girls I can't think of right now and probably don't even know about that have been hurt and killed by the men in their lives.  Just today, I saw an Amber Alert for a woman who was stabbed in the neck by her boyfriend and then he stole their son.

I am sick to death of men abusing women.  I realize this is not a new problem.  Men have ALWAYS abused women.  Raping and pillaging was a world-wide sport and is still done in many countries.  Here in America we're actually in a much better position now that we're not considered chattel and it's illegal to rape your wife, but we're still dying at the hands of our husbands and boyfriends and that's total bullshit.  I'm not a fan of the death penalty, but in cases like these I really think drawing and quartering is not enough.

I read a book a long time ago called Gift of Fear.  It's a really interesting book.  (I actually heard about it on Oprah, go figure.)  The author talks about how violent people don't just "snap" it's an ongoing process and we need to learn the signs.  He also talks about how your sick feeling in the pit of your stomach should NEVER be ignored.  Women are too kind, he says, and worry too much about hurting people's feelings.  For instance, he gives the example of a guy asking to help a woman carry her groceries to her apartment.  She has an uneasy feeling but she doesn't want to hurt his feelings or be rude, so she agrees.  NO!  Stop right there.  When you get that uneasy feeling, drop your groceries and you run.  You know this guy is no good and yet you worry about hurting his feelings.  Stop doing that, ladies!  Stop letting these psychopaths into your airspace.  You're better than that!  Women need to make themselves a priority and realize that they don't need to worry about hurting anyone's feelings when it comes to protecting themselves from violence.  BTW, that guy attacked her, but she managed to get away.

(DISCLAIMER:  Of course, not every guy asking to help you with your groceries is going to hurt you, so you will offend someone along the way, but you'll keep yourself alive.)

I also think every woman should take a self defense class.  I'm never going to be able to hit as hard as a man or probably even stop a man if he's attacking me, but if I can learn some moves like punches to the throat or smacks upside the head with a frying pan (I've always told the Hubs that if he EVER hits me he'd better hope I don't get up, because I will beat him in his sleep with a frying pan) maybe I can give myself a chance to get away.  I'm sure these women didn't got down without a fight.  So many of them fought so hard that they were able to leave enough evidence behind to convict their killers.

I have a son and I want to raise him to be respectful of women.  I want him to understand that women are to be protected and not abused.  I want him to know that women are to be cherished and not shamed.  He has a sister and I want to raise her to be tough as nails.  I don't want her to take shit from any man.  I want her to learn self defense and I want her to learn to listen to her gut.

I have a real problem with wanting to exact revenge on these abusive men.  I'm really impressed by women like Elizabeth Smart who has actually forgiven her abductor and abuser.  I just read this week that she's forgiven him so that she can move on with her life.  I understand that forgiveness is a big step towards recovery, but I think that she is a better person than me.  I don't think I could do that.  If I were Elizabeth Smart I'd want his balls in a jar on my desk as a souvenir.

7 comments:

BNM said...

powerful post! You are so right these days people are crazy and its always best to trust instinct

Carri said...

We have instincts for a reason. A cat wouldn't get in an elevator with a dog, now would it?

Leann said...

Sad part is sometimes it starts in childhood. A friend of mine's dad used to degrade her as a child (and her mom never countered or corrected any of it) so when her ex got abusive, she took it because he was validating all the stuff her dad said.
She's been out of that relationship for years but still has trouble forming positive romantic relationships with men (the only decent guy she dated, she dumped for trivial reasons).

That's why I'm glad I was raised to either kick the guy's ass and/or alert the goon squad (aka the crazy males I'm related to - they will leave no evidence).

trisdakay said...

I agree 100 percent... I'm one of those women .. I'm always told if I would have done this or that it wouldnt have got
out of hand ....bull!!! I'm going for change in 2012. I'm sick of him justifying his actions on what I didn't do to minimize his lack of control and boundaries on how he treats women...I could go on and on.....

Pamela said...

Good luck, trisdakay. No reason to be degraded and/or mistreated. You fight the good fight!

Fun (not really) little factoid that many have prob. heard: #1 Cause of Death for Pregnant Women? Murder (by the Baby Daddy). Just google '#1 cause of death pregnant women'

Anonymous said...

Speaking from experience... Get out! If u have to hide 5 bucks a week & keep a duffle bag hidden, get out! Just do it! If u have to walk out w nothing but the shirt on ur back, just do it. Get out! One day he will snap & he will kill or severely hurt you. If your family can't help you like mine did, there are places you can go. You have to research to find them, but in most cities there is somewhere you can go. Even take your children. Do you really want to continue to be his verbal or actual punching bag? Do you want your son to think this is the way to treat women? He'll treat his wife this way. Do you want your daughter to be a punching bag when she grows up? She will, she watched you do it. Ladies - Get Out!!!

LaurelMia said...

Get out is 100% right. Call a local shelter, they will help you. Do whatever you have to do. I speak from experience.

And if there's a man reading this who abuses women?
Drop your freaking denial and STOP. I don't care what you have to do. Just f**king STOP.

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