Malaysia Airlines

Malaysia Airlines has decided to ban babies from their first class cabin.  Wow, bold move.  It's been quite the topic of conversation today and I'm ready to weigh in with my opinion (always, right?).

I think Malaysia Airlines' decision is discriminatory.  Pure and simple.  I have a child, not a communicable disease.

Passengers traveling with small children are already made to feel like pariahs and now Malaysia Airlines has pretty much told us that we are.  We belong in "the back" of the plane with the riff raff who can't afford to be in first class.  What do coach passengers think of this?  They're basically being told you suck too, so you get all the crying babies so the 14 people in first class can travel in their cone of silence.

Well, screw you Malaysia Airlines.  If I have the money to buy a first class seat for me and my baby you can kiss my (rich) ass.  I'm sooooo sorry I'm disturbing your precious business passengers.

Have you ever thought about how the average business/non family traveler disturbs me and my kids?

For example:

The guy who treats his flight like it's an excuse to drink for 14 hours straight.  He slurs his words, spills his drinks in his lap, hits on the flight attendants and just makes a complete ass of himself.  "If I compliment you on your body, will you hold it against me?"

The woman who can't stop yapping on her cell phone at top volume until the flight attendant finally tells her she has to turn if off.  "Yeah, I gotta go, apparently, I'm breaking the rules.  Whatever.  I'll call you as soon as we touch down.  Yeah, I know they don't like that either.  But what are they going to do at that point?  Throw me off the plane?  Please do!  I'll get to the office faster.  Haha.  Ciao."

The two guys traveling together, but they don't want to sit together because their knees might touch and they think that might make them gay.  So instead one guy stands in the aisle with his ass in my face the entire way while he yuks it up with his buddy.  "I totally know what you mean, dude, Jeter was fricking awesome the other night!"  (High five.)  Douche.

The woman across the aisle who taps away on her laptop for hours at a time.  Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, ugh.  I bet she's not even working, she's probably playing Angry Birds.

My all-time favorites though, are the the guy who takes off his shoes and knocks the entire plane unconscious with the odor and/or the woman who won't close the damn window shade when everyone's trying to keep the cabin dark.  What is she looking at???  It's clouds as far as the eye can see!

And don't forget about the jackwad who reclines his seat into your lap.  "Sorry.  Bad back."   I want to stretch my legs out on his reclined seat and say, "Sorry.  Leg cramp."

Yeah, my kids have been known to kick a seat or two in front of them.  I stop them as soon as I notice and apologize to the person in front of us (unless it's the above jackwad, then I just let them kick away).  Yes, my kids have cried on an airplane.  Their ears hurt and they didn't know how pop them.  Once my kid had to pee into a sippy cup on an airplane because the flight attendant wouldn't let us up due to the lit seat belt sign.  I was ready to let my 4 year old do his business on the floor (We were going to land in 20 minutes so what did I care?), but lucky for United I had an empty sippy cup and it was my boy which made it a hell of lot easier to catch in a cup!  (I actually got a round of applause for my ingenuity on that one.)

I'm not saying it's a real pleasure to share an airplane cabin with me and my kids, but screw you, you're not a dreamboat either.  If Malaysia Air wants to ban babies, then they have to ban stinky feet and drunk guy too, it's only fair.


Serena said...

Love it!

Kate said...

As someone who took more than 21 planes in less than 3 years with kids, I can say that children are not the evil on planes. The following people, however, are ::
* Fat men who sweat on you while they're trying to adjust the shade next to YOUR child, 2 seats away from him.
* Rude career women who are clearly trying to distance themselves from the traveling mother lest they be considered equal. A tacky business suit does not an important person make.
* Old men. They complain more than anyone I know and they Always seem to leave a trail of cracker crumbs behind them. Where do the crackers come from?! I don't understand!
* Middle aged women who wear blingy flip flops. These women have been bred to complain. To them, it is an art, a science, and no kid quiet or screaming is too far from their seat to escape their notice.
* Teenaged boys. Little sh*ts who don't turn off their electronic devices when told to. Listen up j-holes: we're in a plane the size of my non-existent kitchen. If we go down because you had to text someone mid-flight {which won't be sent, moron} I will haunt your mother.
* Teenaged girls. No one cares how high your bump has fallen, but we all care how low your jeans have gone. Low-rise does not equal skinny. Also, I feel like the whining age should end by 2. Maybe 3. If my kid can make it an hour without throwing a fit a teenaged girls ought to be able to as well.
* People who try to take the opportunity to convert me to their religion. If I've lived this long without, I'll make it another 2 hours. Back off.

Anonymous said...

Kate, I'm w/ya' and totally agree, but..."Teenaged girls. No one cares how high your bump has fallen,..." Wait...what bump? LOL

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