Weekly Wrap Up 2.17.12

What a week!!!  First, I'd like to welcome all my new readers.  Hellooooo.  Welcome.  Just a quick note, I swear a lot, I'm feisty and I can be offensive at times.  I hope you stick around, but I understand if I piss you off in a week or so and you head for the hills.  It happens to the more narrow minded folk (shit, I probably just lost someone with that comment).

I picked up a lot of new readers this week because I was a media whore darling.  Let's see, first Huffington Post kept up my Things I Could Do Before I Had Children from last week, then the Comedy section of HP grabbed my love letter to Tina Fey, then HP Parents came back again and featured Passive Parents.  I think HP wants to be my Valentine, but I'm not sure yet.  I also was featured on BlogHer this week.  They ran my Busy People Who Complain They're Busy piece.  My world domination plan is coming together now.  

Now that I'm getting picked up by legitimate news organizations they would like me to have pictures that I have the rights to.  I've added a new button on my blog here called Want a Punch?  If you're willing to let me "punch" your blog and use the pictures and/or content on your blog, please list it in the comments section of that page.  I will notify you when I'm going to use your material and I'll give you a link back.  You could get some decent traffic if you have a good sense of humor and you're willing to let me poke fun at you.  I tend to need stuff that's crafty, kids and/or pets related.  If you know someone who knows someone who has a blog that fits this criteria, feel free to let them know too.  All are welcome!

The Top Read Post This Week Were:

The Over Achievers Are at it Again - Those OAMs were out in force this week celebrating Valentine's Day.  I was so thrilled to see so many of my OAM readers stand up and take the first step towards recovery:  acceptance of who they are.  Way to go, ladies!!  But don't recover too quickly, your antics are gold for my blog.  I can't wait to see what you do with President's Day!!

The Elf made another appearance for Valentine's too.  Crazy!  I'm thinking of posing my Elf on the Shelf next to the pool this summer just so I can get a bit more play out of him.  Who knew??

Top 10 Reasons to "Love Me" or "Get With Me" - The Hubs guest posted.  He made a fairly interesting list about why he should have more alone time with me.  He's pretty excited he's still on the list this week.

For My Secret Valentine - My love letter to Tina Fey "The Colonel" from her number 1 fan "The Jeneral."  I still have not heard from Tina, but I haven't given up hope.  I'm pretty sure she's in the process of taking out a restraining order against me.  Of course my dad came up with the idea that Tina should work my letter into an episode of "30 Rock" that I could guest star in.  See?  You thought I was a narcissist.  I'm the small dreamer in the family. 

Valentine's Day Response - This was my response to the Hubs' list.  Some people thought I was hard on him, especially telling him to work on looking less pickle-like, but when you call out a lady's maintenance issues, the gloves are off.  I got what I wanted though: "Breaking Dawn" (that we laughed through - WHEN will they get a decent makeup artist on those movies??) and a heart shaped pizza.  Romance, baby!

List of Mini Punches - This was a repost of a bunch of things that bug me.

Favorite Comments of the Week (and my responses) Were:

Ok! Feel free to punch me! I actually enjoy doing things with my child or FOR my child, and yes...call me crazy but I like to put thought and creativity into it! You sound lazy with no imagination. Your kids are only young once why don't you enjoy it and be that fun Mom I'm sure they want. If you would spend half the time on creating fun Valentines as you do on this hater rant you call a blog then maybe your Valentines would have been worth more than something I'm sure other parents just chucked in their trash! on The Overachievers Are at it Again

Believe me when I tell you this.  My kids could care a fuck about cute Valentines.  My kids enjoyed making their own "masterpieces" that looked like crap, but were all their own creation with a little help from me on the tattoos.  And I don't doubt for a second that all those Valentines they made ended up in their friends' trash, but believe me so did yours.  NO ONE saves ANYONE'S Valentines.

Your choice of language is atrocious. Being crass by using obscenity is demeaning. on The Overachievers Are at it Again

I love when I let Anonymous commenters back in.  I always get a chicken shit like this telling me to watch my mouth.  My response is and always will be, Fuck off, would you please?  

At some point, you should give a nod to the under-achievers too. My kid is in daycare (he's 3). The teacher sent a list of the 9 kids in the class so you could write out a valentine. One of the mothers actually wrote the valentine to "Gracie's friend at school". My son's name is 3 letters - it would have been easier to just use the darn list. on The Overachievers Are at it Again

Our preschool asked the kids to just put their own names on the cards and not their friends.  It made it easier for distribution.  I got the memo too late or else I would have totally done that.  It took her forever to write everyone's names.

I just spit out my coffee on the line "I didn't realize the teacher was my sweetheart"....hilarious :)  on The Overachievers Are at it Again

Oh good, I was beginning to get a complex because no one had spit anything out in weeks.  Glad to see I've still "got it."

Okay, I'll admit it. *ahem* I like to make cutesy crafty things for my kids to give out so that people will tell me how great I am. I totally made the V-day card of my kid holding her arm out so that it looks like she's handing you the sucker. And I did it because I like a challenge (though it wasn't as hard as I thought) and because I did not want to have to argue with her about Princess Valentines versus My Little Pony Valentine's versus tattoos or pencils or whatever the hell else. And don't even get me started on her penmanship. I made an executive decision and had those things done in less time than it took me to assemble my materials. Plus I had to go to Target for the lollipops and when I go to Target, everybody wins, especially the Target stockholders (you're welcome). I didn't make the reindeer cakeballs with preztel antlers and I didn't make the turkey cupcakes that had Nutter Butters for heads and sugar glue dots for eyes, but I did craft it up for V-Day because as I on The Over Achievers Are at it Again

Woohoo!  An admission.  Nice work. Thanks for owning it and seeing the humor.  And thank you for feeding my illness and leaving me a comment.

I didn't read through your 194 comments, so I apologize if this is already in here already... but I want to punch people who use Starbucks as their own personal office. Sure, I spend hours on end here (I'm actually at Starbucks now) blogging and such, but I don't conduct interviews/sales calls/lead meetings here. I don't talk about "sensitive" information and hand out dirty looks when the person next to me eavesdrops. And I certainly don't stand in the middle of the store and practice presentations. I know I should mind my own business, but it's hard to take my eyes of you when you are walking around in mini-circles, mouthing words and making small hand gestures. It's distracting, and you look like an idiot (although that part I actually enjoy a little).  on Got a Punch?

Oooh, sounds like I need to be spending more time at my local Starbucks - great material for the blog.  Thanks for the tip!

You live in KS? I live in KS! Well raised here, then moved to the East Coast. NOw back again. You're right, it doesn't blow as much as you'd think. I love all the Wizard of Oz references don't you? What part of KS? I could totally see myself plotting to punch the same people in the throat. You say all I want to say aloud, but would probably be frowned upon. Keep it up, you make my days bright ;o)  on Who is Jen?

I'm just the opposite.  Raised on the East Coast, came here, moved back to the East Coast and now I'm back in KS again - Overland Park.  When I moved away from NYC my boss gave me a cake with the yellow brick road on it for my going away party.  They love that Oz shit on the East Coast. 

I have a blogging punch in the throat I would like to give out. The people who visit my blog for the first time ever and say something to the effect of "Hey, love your blog. Come follow me." Basically, anyone who only contacts you so they can ask to be followed. They drive me nuts and clutter up my page. on Got a Punch?

Good point. I appreciate your comment. Can you follow me now?

Boobs! You forgot boobs! Totally miss them. on Things I Could do Before I had Children

Mine are still hanging around....just near my knees.

Jen... I've been reading since about November. You say so many of the things I want to say on a daily7 basis, and I'm single with no kids! You make me laugh out loud during my lunch breaks and I thank you for that. You actually inspired me to stop being so afraid to start my own blog for fear that people would judge me. I started today... whoop di doo! Thank you for your inspiration. on Don't Make Me Punch You

I'm glad you started your own blog and I wish you great success.  Be warned though no matter what you say on your blog some asshat will judge you.  Get ready.  It hurts the first time.  But the good news is, you have a delete button so you don't even have to read their judgmental crap.  Good luck!

Jen, you are my secret girl crush! I'd totally have lunch and go shopping with you if Tina's too busy! on For My Secret Valentine

Thanks, I could use a new bestie. It's not looking like Tina and I are going to work out.

Bossypants & the Jeneral - now that would be a lunchdate to remember! on For My Secret Valentine

I know!  Right?  She really needs to call me.

I feel it is my duty to point out the ways sex is NOTHING like running a marathon. 1. There are crowds of supporters cheering you on along the way. They do not care how long it is taking you to get to the finish line. 2. Upon crossing said finish line, you are given a medal. It matters not how crappy your overall performance was. You crossed the finish line? Medal for you. 3. There are tents FULL of high calorie, yummy treats just waiting for you after you're done. 4. Lots of times there are massage tables. You go lay on one, and someone rubs you down. And, this is AFTER you finish. They do not expect you to go run again when you get off the table. on Valentine's Day Response 

Boom goes the dynomite. Well played Jen, well played. on Valentine's Day Response

Well, he was funny, but you are amazing. Still laughing about the giant pickle! on Valentine's Day Response

I threw this one in to remind him that he's funny, but I'm amazing.


Anonymous said...

Your choice of language is atrocious. Being crass by using obscenity is demeaning. on The Overachievers Are at it Again

I love when I let Anonymous commenters back in. I always get a chicken shit like this telling me to watch my mouth. My response is and always will be, Fuck off, would you please?

~~~Hhahah,awesome,that would be my reply too!! "can't stand the heat,or in this case,the fucking foul language,get out of the kitchen,or off Jen's blog!!!

Katie@SomewhatSaneMom said...

Always love the weekly wrap up!
1. HP is now officially obsessed with you I think. It's awesome.
2. Have faith...Tina will contact you. I know it.
3. The anonymous commentors can suck it. Keep up that cursing and everything else you do. It works. Why do they feel the need to fucking commment? if they don't like it, they can kick rocks!

BNo said...

If I were not allowed to swear I'm pretty sure I would become a sociopath. Or an alcoholic. Swearing is the addiction that hurts no one. Except ass hats.

Courtney_81 said...

Love your blog! I used to be one of those over achieving moms but when bay bay kid #2 came that shit stopped! We picked up my daughters pixie stick Valentine cards on the way to school and i addressed them in the car line... She's 5 she didn't care about the cards, she wanted the candy!

Christal said...

The weekly wrap up is always my fave. This week was definitely a whirlwind for you. It is awesome to see a fellow mom blogger get her shit posted to national media. Keep it up girl!

be said...

What's up with no post for Thursday? I kept comIng back to check all day, clicking my mouse like a lab rat looking for more cocaine. Don't leave me hangin mama:)

natbaer said...

Your "hater blog"????? Did that person not read the title?! Obviiously a defensive OAM. And also I can assure you my son is very happy I am not a "fun" mom. Crafts are his idea of torture, and I sure ain't doing it myself!

sheshe said...

Please keep cursing. I gave up cursing in front of my son and believe me - I could make a sailor cry before he came along. Now, I can only curse in private. Since I read your blog when I am "working", I like to read you cursing lines out loud and giggle. Yup - it is just that sad.

Cagey (Kelli Oliver George) said...

Too funny. I do pet blogging, but doubt that posting about tarantulas and geckos is worth punching away at. My Indian husband is worth punching at, but he might punch back. Heh. (Just kidding! He's peace-loving, Gandhi-esque hippie type of Indian)

Brett Minor said...

I just discovered you last week and am glad I did. AND I even made it into your favorite comments for the week. I see a long-term blog following in the future.

Keep punching.

The Dose of Reality said...

Keep the faith my friend, Tina will call. She probably doesn't want to have a rushed conversation with you in between takes, but a real heart to heart, getting to know you session over coffee this weekend. She probably wants to invite you to watch the Oscars with her next Sunday. Oh wait, we may have crossed over into *my* celebrity fantasy world now, sorry.
In other news, you can totally help whore out my 4 year-old's love of Selena Gomez if you want to get all your HP peeps to put this post up on their site! ;)

Heather in FL said...

Somehow I knew you were in OP. I don't know why, I can't point out anything in particular, and I'm not saying that like it's a bad thing, lol. I lived there for many years before heading for Florida, but I would LOVE to come back. I still have family there. Great place to raise a family, IMO.

And BTW, the overachiever who ranted about your overachievers post needs to get a sense of humor. I also make my kids' valentines because papercrafting is my hobby. I am perfectly aware that the kids will throw them in the trash when they're done, and I know lots of other parents will get the ones from the big box store and I'm OK with that. I don't consider myself an overachiever because that's just about all I do, lol, but I could see the humor

And BTW (again)... I come here BECAUSE you curse. :-)

Becky said...

I'm the underachiever of the overachieving set, or the overachiever of the underachieving set, however you want to call it - I don't quite stack up in either category, but if I have to choose, I'm going with the underachievers. It's so much easier to stand out among them.

My kid made her own damn valentines that were awesome, so awesome I posted them on my blog and made them my facebook profile picture, giving her proper credit of course, because I don't want to face her wrath if I claimed them for my own.

ShutUpandRun said...

At the risk of getting to far up your ass, you are a blogging star!! Good material speaks for itself. Fucking love it. Fucking love cussing. Fucking love punching people in the throat and crotch. I am going to name my blog "People I Want to Punch in the Crotch." Hope that is okay.

Derpina Derp said...

What the crap? Are there REALLY women out there who think their "child's" valentines aren't going to end up in the trash with everyone else's Target junk? Listen, OAMs, if you want to spend hours and hours making uber-creative crap for your child, you go right ahead. If you enjoy that, more power to you. Just don't for one minute assume that it isn't going to be placed in the "round file" along with all the rest. Seriously, what did you think? That it was going to become some treasured family heirloom? I can just see it-
"Come with me Gomer Jr. I want to show you this super special Nintendo DS valentine that some random child gave me in the second grade. Isn't it A-MAY-ZING! Someday, I'll give it to you for YOUR son."
"Do ya really mean it, Dad? That'll be SWELL!"

Yeah, OAMs. Good luck with that...

Spirit of Hope and Kindness Awards said...

I love your advice for bloggers that you will no doubt eventually offend someone. People just assume blogging is easy, until they actually try to do it. It's hard, you write at weird times to accommodate kids' schedules, you suffer from blogger's block, you have days where nothing seems funny, and you put yourself out there on a regular basis. I admire you because you lit the torch and led the way for women to write honestly and find the humor in imperfection. I adore you. Thanks for another great week.

kristle said...

Love it, love it, love it! Your blog is amazing and fabulous. And if someone can't handle a woman (and mother, gasp) saying fuck, they need to get off the internet.

Unknown said...

Overland Park? Overland Park isn't Kansas! Well, technically it is Kansas but if we are being honest it is really just an extension of Kansas City. The Missouri one, not the Kansas one. The KC that is known for football, baseball, and BBQ. Not the one that is known for multiple episodes of COPS being filmed there. Somehow I envisioned you running about the suburbs of Wichita (not KC), fist in your pocket ready to deliver a major throat punch to one of the Stepford Wives frolicking about Bradley Fair. I guess that was just me hoping someone wanted to punch the same people I do.

Nicki Bickford said...

I absolutely ADORE you Jen, by far one of the most down to earth and realistic blogs on the web. Thank you for bringing many laughs into my life and assuring me that I'm not the only person having these exact same thoughts!

Claire said...

Check it out. You'll love it. http://momszoneblogs.com/maddycakes-muse-party-planning/

Julie said...

Fuck you very much! would work in that situation too.

AKA Jane Random said...

Feel free to make fun of me anytime. ; ) Of particular interest to you might be my absolute inability to make my children birthday cakes...


joboosal said...

omfg my comment made it into the wrap! YEAH - So Jeneral...if Bossypants doesn't call, call me instead. I may not be Tina, but I'm a type A, controlfreakteammombitchwhoalwaysgetsmyway, easy going type of gal, who's sons' first word was shit...

EricaM said...

Well put Katie!! Keep up the Awesomeness Jen!!

Debby said...


Kelly and Sne said...

I figured you were from OP like me. I am also a transplant here in paradise. And have an Asian husband. And 2 young kids. (AND I drive a Honda minivan.) And I don't buy into this whole overachieving super crafty Mom thing (though I also have a full time job so time has as much to do with it as talent).So I really get where you are coming from. Keep it up.

TNMom said...

YUP! Each and every Valentine gets the same treatment...sorting, placing in piles, wait for the kids to be in bed - TOSS! The only thing that makes the cut is chocolate! (And if the chocolate is wrapped in anything cutsie it's easiest just to take it all off and go ahead and eat it now).

Love you, love your mouth!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing your humor with those of us in the trenches. I'm sick to death of the OAMs!

Love you!

p.s. Would you want us to submit ideas for columns? If so where should we do that?

Anonymous said...

p.p.s. The only reason that I published under, "anonymous," is that it's the only way I could figure out to get my comments published. I've written several long and witty (?) comments previously, only to be unable to get them to post. -Beth

Jen Piwtpitt said...

You can tell me about your ideas at the button on the top of my blog called Got a Punch?

Carrie said...

LOL... just figured out why I've been calling people "Asshats" lately. I got it from you! Thanks, Jen!

kbaker0812 said...

What the Fuck is wrong with these people? If you don't like the content of the stories, then move on. What a bunch of "douche canoes"! Love ya Jen!!

Unknown said...

I adore your blog Jen! You're funny, irrevrent as hell and seem to be reading my mind half the time!
I'm one of the craft/children/pet bloggers. Though I've been a delinquent lately.
Enjoy! ;)

Hollie Schultz said...

Hey Jen!
Could you please punch that horrible stepmother and grandmother from Alabama that ran that poor little 9 year old TO DEATH in the throat for me?!? Please? My blog isn't appropriate for it - but yours totally is!

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