Weekly Wrap Up 1.6.12

The top read posts this week were:

Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - This thing is the Energizer Bunny of my blog!  Can't believe people are still reading this one.  Meanwhile, Choppy Elfie is still sitting on the mantle.  I might put him back in his box this week if I can remember.

New Year's Resolutions - It's been pretty easy keeping my resolutions this week.  I only did one load of laundry, it was the week the cleaning lady comes so 5 minutes was perfect, and the Hubs was out of town all week so I ate cereal most nights for dinner and got a lot of reading done.  Easy peasy.

The Makers of What I Consider to be Useless Products Like The One - The Binsi Birthing Skirt.  WTF? Because I really care if I look wrinkled when I'm pushing a bowling ball out of my vagina.

I Got An Award - Twice - WTFC?

Things I Saw This Morning That Pissed Me Off - "Has Beens, Wanna Bes & Psychos Apprentice," signs of the Apocalypse and Elin Nordegren does some remodeling.

My favorite comments of the week (and my replies) were:

"I store our Christmas purchases in our luggage.  We never go anywhere anyway." on Holiday Gifts.

That is absolutely brilliant.  I will definitely do that next year.  I have been asked where I finally found the roller coaster.  It was exactly where I thought it might turn up, but was sure I had looked twice.  It was hidden in the garage under a pile of beach towels.  I went out the garage to throw something in the trash and I noticed the pile of towels was leaning precariously and looked a bit weird in shape.  Sure enough, the box was under there.  I'm an idiot.  I still have it, because I'm convinced it will make a great present for the boy next year.  I'm going to go and get it now and put it in a suitcase.  




"Love it, love it!  My favorite is "the Vault."  One of my vault members is who I like to call Mr. Asshole
Black Camry.  Thank you for a great laugh today!!" on The Hubs When He's On the Carpool Line.

You're welcome.  The Vault is something that I came up with a few years ago.  It originated for a good friend who does NOT give second chances.  You cross her and she files that shit and she never forgets.  


I would say, "Let's invite so and so to go to lunch with us today."  


Her face would turn purple and she'd reply, "Two years ago - it was a Wednesday...I was wearing my blue dress, you know, the one with the white trim?  Anyway, I was on my way to a meeting with David on 30.  We needed to talk strategy about the Higgins case.  I was eating an Everything bagel and I was feeling great because I was wearing my new lipstick - Coral Reef.  And that bastard ruined my whole day.  I was heading for the elevator thinking about how I needed to get up to 30 fast and that dick saw me coming.  We made eye contact.  Fucking eye contact, Jen.  I called for him to hold the elevator and he didn't even pretend to try.  No.  He's dead to me."  


And she was serious.  I asked her how she could remember so many details and she said, "I don't know, it's just all in my brain.  It's like a...."  


"Vault," I said.  After that I started filing stuff in my own Vault and it is awesome.




"Naked baby bump pictures.  Every single day, throughout the entire pregnancy." on People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook.

I can't imagine too many things more horrific than this.  I would be unable to stay quiet.  I'd probably just  make comments on the pictures like:  "OMG, you are HUGE for 12 weeks, what will you look like at 32 weeks??"  or  "Is that a stretch mark?  Don't worry, it's a badge of motherhood."  or  "I thought your boobs would get bigger, I guess they didn't.  That's too bad, it's one of the nicer side effects."


"I can usually deal with the annoying posts on Facebook, what drives me insane is when people end their thought with "Just Saying."  Everyone knows you're "just saying" you just freaking said it.  Apparently it is some half assed attempt at making people think that what you are saying isn't meant to be offensive...If you want to make a point, who cares what other people think!  Just say it and have a backbone and deal with the backlash!  Oh yeah...Just Sayin'" on I Got an Award - Twice.

I also hate this.  The logical response should be WTFC?  Just saying. 


"RE: Unpacked boxes from seven years ago.  Put them on eBay.  Call them "Mystery Crates."  Someone will buy them.  Tell the Hubs he has to take them to the post office to ship them for you."  on I Got an Award - Twice.

Another genius solution to my problems.  I will be working on this over the weekend.  In the meantime, all you loyal readers can have first dibs on my fabulous "Mystery Crates."  Opening bid:  $1 with $50 in shipping.  (Those eBay sellers always screw you on the shipping so I wanted to be consistent.)




"I thought Courtney Cox named her daughter after Coco Chanel.  But then I Googled and see that you are right.  Face.  Palm."  on Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon.


My research skills are top notch - I read People and US magazines.




"I dress like a mid 1990s Eddie Bauer plus sized model right down to the sensible shoes.  Best line ever.  And describes me perfectly!!!:)" on Catch Up.


This is why we are soul mates and/or separated at birth.  Can I borrow a cardigan?




14 comments:

Kate Dickey said...

I say "just sayin" ALL THE TIME b/c I a mocking a girl at work who says it for real ALL THE TIME... after reading you post I am so ashamed... apparently what started out as mocking has turned into something I actually say... I am horrified... I must stop at once... (here is where I would have put the phrase that will never be said again... *sigh*

aupharmd said...

I also am horrified, and now struggling for air because of my punch to the throat, because I use "just saying" as a "mock". Guess I'll find something else. Maybe I'll steal WTFC?

Jill said...

wait! you have a cleaning lady?! :/

Shana said...

I have been reading your blog since someone forwarded me a link to the "elf on shelf mommies" back in December and you are so funny! Look forward everyday to your post. You make me laugh when I've need it!! Thanks!

Anna Garcia said...

Do You Really Want To Punch People ? Following from alexa blog hop. my Site www.CouponAnna.com Anna

Anonymous said...

I know someone who uses " Just sayin" after everything she says or posts & it annoys TF out of me!!! It makes me think that she trying to be a teenager or something when she is older than me!!

TNMom said...

I'm SO using some of your bare preggo belly comments, LOL, I. Cant. Wait.
Oh and I will put ...just sayin at the end of them. Just to be a douche.
Love you, love your work.
Devan

Jodi Truscott said...

Text speakers ~ Oh, I'm sorry ~ txt sprurzzzz.....Especially enjoyed the one who emailed me this week to make a business connection and not only TXTSPKKKKKD, but called me Judi. Hello. It's J-O-D-I. Only 4 letters...get it right.

Anonymous said...

Btw I Way I want to punch you in the throat for thinking of doing this bitch about everything blog before me! I laugh and relate to everything you say in this great garden state if my hub looks at me wrong he gets a punch in the throat he lives his life in fear ! LoL

Stacy @ Cardigans and Crayons said...

Woohooo! I made your favorite comments! My proudest moment...espeically since I was talking about what a slob I am!! :)

PS. If you DID check out my blog and asked to borrow a cardigan..haha. If you DIDN'T check out my blog and asked to borrow a cardigan, we are TOTALLY separated at birth (the name of my blog is cardigans and crayons).

I may have a new blog BFF! HA!

Samantha said...

I am glad that my "just saying" rant was one of your favorite comments! Ha ha ha. It's comforting to know that I am not the only one who absolutely HATES that.

Chelsea Edgren said...

I don't know how else to send this to you except through a comment but you HAVE to punch this guy in the throat. If you haven't seen it yet you need to read! Barbour pardoned one murderer who shot and killed his wife while she was holding their 6 month old baby! He needs to get much worse than a punch in the throat! http://news.yahoo.com/apnewsbreak-miss-gov-barbour-pardons-4-killers-214231800.html

Edward said...

I find it funny that you discourage your daughter from reading teen magazines yet you're a faithful reader of PEOPLE(?) and US(?). #hypocrite.

Michele said...

Um Edward, You're an idiot. I'm sorry, there's just no other explanation. I'd try and explain to you, but you probably wouldn't understand.

I'm Always Right

It is a ridiculously hot real estate market and the Hubs has been working overtime. When we first started working together way back in 2006 ...

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