I Got an Award - Twice



I've now received this Overlord Award twice (thanks to Selena and Mommy Rotten) and I think I'm going to have to finally acknowledge it.  The problem with acknowledging these kinds of awards is that while I am deeply honored to receive the award, there are always strings attached that I find a real pain in the ass.  They typically require me to be witty and pithy on demand.  I don't do witty on demand very well.

But since world domination is one of my goals and the Overlord Award gets me on my way, I'll give it a go.

For this award, I have to say any three things in the world I would change if I could change anything.

Only three things?  Really?  Hmm....that is a tough one.

Here goes:

1.  All clutter would be banished from my home.  Every flat surface in my home would magically absorb all clutter and decide if the items are worth keeping, chucking or donating and then do the appropriate action in a super duper amazingly organized fashion.  With the Hubs gone this week, I am going through closets and drawers that have not seen the light of day since we moved in to this house.  We have moving boxes in the storage area that never even had the tape seal broken.  If I haven't needed what's in that box for 7 years, I'm not going to need it anytime soon.  It's time to get rid of it.

Ugh.  I feel like a very special episode of Hoarders.  Only this shit means nothing to me, I'm just too lazy to actually throw it away.  How many etched glass sales awards do we really need?  We have a box of just random power cords.  I have no idea what they go to.  From where I sit right now at my desk I can see 3 leather briefcases that no one has used in at least 5 years.  And, of course, laundry.  BUT, I did keep my resolution today and folded it all as it finished drying.  I haven't put it away yet...but I never put that in my resolutions!  Small goals, remember?

2.   Celebrities would have to pass some sort of a test before they can be considered (and compensated like) a celebrity.  To be considered a "celebrity" it would require some actual talent of some kind.  Ass-shaking does not count.  The Kardashians, Courtney Stodden, and pretty much everyone at the E Network and the Bravo Network would not pass the test.  I can't tell you how nauseating I find it when it's considered "news" that Kim Kardashian has bangs.

They would also have to pass a test before they were allowed to conceive or adopt children.  Am I the only one who remembers Angelina sticking her tongue in her brother's mouth or wearing Billy Bob's blood around her neck?

3.  There would be a Who The Fuck Cares? button on Facebook.  There are so many times I would love to have this button.  I'm positive there are times when people would like to use it on me as well.  I just think we'd all enjoy Facebook so much more if we could have this button.

"Went grocery shopping today - yams are on sale.  Yum!"  WTFC?
"Important:  Amber Alert - missing baby.  Details attached."  Like
"New blog post from Jen!" a combination of WTFC? and Like

Maybe I'll just start typing WTFC? into the comments section and see if it catches on.

48 comments:

IvyMommy said...

I think I would add something about using my car as a tank on all idiot drivers without fear of punishment. I live in South Florida and drivers here SUCK!

missmersh said...

I love reading your blogs...it is the only thing besides my son these days that makes me smile.

And I am with you on the WTFC! :) I think I will start using that too! LOL!!!!

KEM said...

Love it! As usual so funny!!!

Erin said...

lol...Thank you for making my shitty morning a little better.

Lyndi said...

WTFC? Sorry, couldn't resist. Congrats on the award.

chris said...

Love, love, love your WTFC facebook button. I think there should be a whole drop down list of options for people to pick from on posts. Like life, fb isn't always about patting each other on the back.

btw-people should also be banned from fb if they life their own post. Seriously, I hope you like your own post. voting on your own post is for sites like FML.

Lauren said...

I'm so going to start using "WTFC?"

Kim Furnell said...

LOVE the WTFC idea!!! Will definitely have to use it, particularly with pg women who give updates on every fetal movement, pregnancy side effect (no, I do NOT want to hear about your boobs or bladder again!), or post ultrasound pics.

Melissa said...

I HAVE to read your blog every day :) I recently quit smoking and have found that laughter (and bitching) really help. So thanks for helping, in both ways.

And I will totally start using WTFC on Facebook in support of its awesomeness!

faith said...

Like I said before..You are my hero :)

Amy said...

If I had that option for FB, maybe I would stop deleting all of the annoying people on FB!!!

prenni5 said...

You're funny!

ConnieK said...

I usually 100% agree with you and I love your blog but I don't understand people's animosity towards what other people post as their status on Facebook. If you don't like what they say put that person on ignore so you don't see their posts. I often post random and stupid crap as my status. WTFC what I'm saying, let me say say it. Facebook is my getaway. Let people post what they want. I am not a fan of Facebook police.

crystal said...

LOVE it!
Drop down is the way to go.
And right under WTFC should be STFU.

Tazi Kat said...

Re: Unpacked boxes from seven years ago. Put them on eBay. Call them "Mystery crates". Someone will buy them. Tell the Hubs he has to take them to the post office to ship them for you.

Unknown said...

I want to start a WTFC movement. I already have a person on my Friend List whose every post usually qualifies...

Mloch53 said...

Guilty of overposting. But my wtfc would have to go to those that post music/videos. If i want to listen to a song or watch a video, i'll do it myself!

Mloch53 said...

I Would like to know where yams (we call em sweet potatoes in Alabama) are on sale, though!

Our Little Lovie said...

I do love your blog, and I check it daily, but I haven't understood your last 2 posts. I got nervous yesterday when I read the title of your post and thought for a second, "She wants to punch herself and her kids in the throat at the movies?" And same today--it's not really about wanting to punch anyone. I really don't care...I love your writing and will continue to read. Just sayin...

Screech Owl said...

A friend of mine shared this with me today. I think you and I would make great friends. Well said.

Chelsea Edgren said...

"Who The Fuck Cares" That is single-handedly the most brilliant phrase that has come out of this already hilarious blog. This needs to become a movement.

Michelle said...

I'm so with you on point number 1! Let me know if you ever figure it out.

This Is Fifty With Lil said...

Ugh... you just reminded me to fold the pile of laundry someone dumped on the table when they needed to use the dryer.

As for those power cords... last time we got rid of a bunch was when there was an highly advertised area-wide electronics collection. Wow, we felt so proud of ourselves for finally getting rid of all the crap - t.v.s, vhs machines, computers...

Oh our disappointment when a few weeks later we see on CNN or 60 Minutes what actually happens to all that crap (verified by name of collection company on side of shipping containers, the same that was in our town collecting our crap)- transported, dumped into pollute rivers in poor third-world nations!

Felt like the biggest jerk! Being all terrific and wonderful just isn't worth the effort sometimes.

Don't even get me started on #2 item.

Samantha said...

I can usually deal with the annoying posts on Facebook, what drives me insane is when people end their thought with "Just Saying." Everyone knows you're "just saying" you just freaking said it! Apparently it is some half assed attempt at making people think that what you are saying isn't meant to be offensive.... If you want to make a point, who cares what other people think! Just say it and have a backbone and deal with the backlash! Oh yeah.... Just Sayin'.

Anonymous said...

Geez, Samantha. Relax much? It's just a phrase, one I'm sure you've used many times. Like when you look at your life and say, "This sucks...just sayin."

Anonymous said...

I get Samantha's mini-rant. I think that some ppl just use that saying too much. Sometimes it seems appropriate, and other times, I've found myself responding the same way...'I know you're 'just sayin', bc ummm...YOU JUST SAID IT!

Anonymous said...

I will jump on the WTFC band wagon. I wish they had that button everyday of my life.

Wendy, R.N. said...

LIKE!!!! LOVE!!! Sharing!

W. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you don't consider the Kardashians celebrities. I totally needed the WTFC button yesterday when I saw that Kim's bangs made the news reel. AHHH. WTFC????

Anonymous said...

I'm totally stealing WTFC! Now, if I have the balls to use it is a different story! :) Thanks for another great laugh!

padorf94 said...

Definitely need a "WTFC" button on Facebook! Great idea Jen...love your blog! :-)

Anonymous said...

WTFC! Love it! I keep saying to myself that one day I'm going to document every single thing I do on facebook, like some people on my friends list, just to prove a point about how annoying it is. Drives me nuts! "Just woke up!" "Getting a Coffee." "Off to work!" Please... a WTFC button could be dangerous for me lol
Love your blog and congrats on the award.
~Amy (cuz I'm a slacker and too lazy to figure out which profile to log in with)

joboosal said...

yeah! wtfc goes along with the sticker on the back of my car - dilligaf - 'do i look like i give a fuck'? Say what u mean, mean what u say :)

Manna said...

Dilligaf? Now that's an acronym I could use. Love it!

Laurene said...

I had a fb friend who, on the occasion of her 13th wedding anniversay (like that's some sort of milestone) took the opportunity to post a different picture from her wedding each day of that month. I am not kidding. Every day of her anniversary month, her fb friends had to endure a new wedding picture, along with some sort of ridiculous caption. It was all I could do not to de-friend her. I could really have used a WTFC button!!!!

Anonymous said...

Your blog is hysterical - love it- and it makes my day to get a good laugh reading your blog! Keep up the great work!

TNMom said...

I started an acronym at work and it caught on like fire, now I see people all over my company using it. I just wish I'd have patented it or something. So, since I am an ALL POWERFUL acronym implementer, catcher on – er, I will start yours as well, and give credit where credit is due. One step closer to world domination, you’re welcome. :)

TNMom said...

(BTW), I guess I am your only night reader. (don't listen to the fools, a duplicate late-day FB post is great. If they don't care, they can type the obvious WTFC?) Love your stuff! Devan

Anonymous said...

A FB friend posted, "starting my girls off right at the Ritz", w pics of them holding shopping bags by the pool. I did not write wtfc but I did write "barf". I got defriended more than once for writing barf. So now I just post it as my status when I really feel like using it as comment. Barf.

Ericka said...

I am starting to use WTFC today! Love it. Lets see how long it takes to catch on. Love the blog. Some days I laugh and spit my drink out, some days I don't. It always makes me smile and reassures me that I'm not the only one out there that thinks like this.

Ann said...

I totally agree that their needs to be a WTFC button.

Jamie said...

WTFC about a button on facebook! We need a damn WTFC movement!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you Samantha! For some reason it really gets under my skin to hear or see "just sayin". It's probably due to the MASS overuse of the phrase. Another one I'm sick of is "epic". Every fucking thing in the world is being refered to as epic these days. The big bang was epic as was hurricane Katrina and the Japan earthquake. That stupid joke your friend said is not. Neither is the outfit you wore to dinner nor the phone call you just received.

Nicole said...

I would use the WTFC button daily. "Day 2 of my juice cleanse" "Fighting with my dog" and "Just leveled up in Castleville" are all real examples of my FB wall meriting this button.

Anonymous said...

This blog could use a TSFS (That's some funny shit) button for the posts and comments alike. Laurene's comment is hilarious. That would have been 30 days of WTFC.

Anonymous said...

You are hilarious! What movie ruined the Easter Bunny...I'll be sure to avoid it! ;)

The Fab Free said...

omg. I found your blog through the Alexa blog hop at Frugal Experiments.

I have already had to clean my dang laptop up because I spewed Diet dr. pepper allll lover reading your funny posts! lol

You def. have a new follower here!

Have a glorious day!

ButteryMuffyn said...

Who The Fuck Cares????? Omg, I must be a really bad person cos I'm reading it as "what The Fucking Christ" every time I see it!!!!!!

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