Little Bags of Crap

It's been a long weekend.  I put the kids to bed tonight and I looked around my disaster of a house, but I didn't see my mess.  (I never see my own mess - just the messes the Hubs and kids make.)  But tonight I only saw the mess the Girl made.  A shitload of little bags the Girl packed with random crap.

What is the deal with this?  Am I the only one living with a tiny bag lady/boy?

I'm sooooo sick of finding these bags.  Over time I have found gift bags, Target bags, tote bags, backpacks, purses, Wal-Mart bags, duffle bags, ZipLoc bags and brown lunch sacks filled with crap (and random important items that I've been missing).


I knew she had a lot of bags packed around the house, but it wasn't until I decided to get them all in one place that I started to wonder if she might have a problem.  I started making the rounds through the house and here's what I found:

I Got an Award - Twice

I've now received this Overlord Award twice (thanks to Selena and Mommy Rotten) and I think I'm going to have to finally acknowledge it.  The problem with acknowledging these kinds of awards is that while I am deeply honored to receive the award, there are always strings attached that I find a real pain in the ass.  They typically require me to be witty and pithy on demand.  I don't do witty on demand very well.

But since world domination is one of my goals and the Overlord Award gets me on my way, I'll give it a go.

For this award, I have to say any three things in the world I would change if I could change anything.

Only three things?  Really?  Hmm....that is a tough one.

Here goes:

1.  All clutter would be banished from my home.  Every flat surface in my home would magically absorb all clutter and decide if the items are worth keeping, chucking or donating and then do the appropriate action in a super duper amazingly organized fashion.  With the Hubs gone this week, I am going through closets and drawers that have not seen the light of day since we moved in to this house.  We have moving boxes in the storage area that never even had the tape seal broken.  If I haven't needed what's in that box for 7 years, I'm not going to need it anytime soon.  It's time to get rid of it.

Ugh.  I feel like a very special episode of Hoarders.  Only this shit means nothing to me, I'm just too lazy to actually throw it away.  How many etched glass sales awards do we really need?  We have a box of just random power cords.  I have no idea what they go to.  From where I sit right now at my desk I can see 3 leather briefcases that no one has used in at least 5 years.  And, of course, laundry.  BUT, I did keep my resolution today and folded it all as it finished drying.  I haven't put it away yet...but I never put that in my resolutions!  Small goals, remember?

2.   Celebrities would have to pass some sort of a test before they can be considered (and compensated like) a celebrity.  To be considered a "celebrity" it would require some actual talent of some kind.  Ass-shaking does not count.  The Kardashians, Courtney Stodden, and pretty much everyone at the E Network and the Bravo Network would not pass the test.  I can't tell you how nauseating I find it when it's considered "news" that Kim Kardashian has bangs.

They would also have to pass a test before they were allowed to conceive or adopt children.  Am I the only one who remembers Angelina sticking her tongue in her brother's mouth or wearing Billy Bob's blood around her neck?

3.  There would be a Who The Fuck Cares? button on Facebook.  There are so many times I would love to have this button.  I'm positive there are times when people would like to use it on me as well.  I just think we'd all enjoy Facebook so much more if we could have this button.

"Went grocery shopping today - yams are on sale.  Yum!"  WTFC?
"Important:  Amber Alert - missing baby.  Details attached."  Like
"New blog post from Jen!" a combination of WTFC? and Like

Maybe I'll just start typing WTFC? into the comments section and see if it catches on.