The Hits Keep Coming....More Mini Punches

1.  People who don't hold the door open for you.  It used to be common courtesy that you held the door for the person behind you - ESPECIALLY if that person has her hands full!  Now, we're in such a big hurry these days we just drop the door.  My favorite is when the person looks behind them, SEES you and still drops the door in your face.  Thanks, jackhole!

2.  Indecisive people.  I'm amazed how many people cannot make a decision.  And I'm not talking "Should I pull the plug on my mom?" kinds of decisions.  I'm talking about "Where should we go for dinner?" or "Paper or plastic?" kinds of decisions.  The Hubs and I are such "deciders" (thank you, W, for inventing the best word ever) that people might consider us downright bossy - but I've decided that I'm OK with that.

3.  Home sellers who listen to my advice, take notes, do half of my suggestions and then bitch at me when their house doesn't sell.  Do you bitch at your doctor when you get diabetes after he told you to lose weight and you didn't?  I can only give you the tools, it's up to you what you do with them.  (For those of you who are my clients and are wondering; I'm not talking about YOU.  You'd know it if I were, because we would have already had this conversation in person.)

4.  Kids who bully my kid.  About once a week my kid comes home from school and says, "So and so was mean to me today and told the other kids not to play with me - and they did." or "So and so says my shoes are stupid and not cool at all."  Nothing pisses me off more than to hear this, especially because they're BOYS.  I expect petty crap from a bunch of girls, not 6 year old boys.  This is such Queen Bees and Wannabees crap.  What boy knows how to be a Queen Bee??

5.  People who aren't ready at a fast food restaurant when it's their turn.  Maybe this goes with number 2, but in my mind this is a completely separate entry.  My kids are hungry, we're waiting patiently, WE know what we want and then we end up behind the guy who's saying "Hmm....Filet-o-Fish or Big Mac?" or my favorite "What do you have here?"  What do you have here?  It's fucking McDonald's EVERYONE (including my 4 year old) knows they have here!

6.  I've said it before, but I'll say it again, because it happened again yesterday - keep your big damn SUV in your spot!  The lines are there for a reason.  If you can't fit your boat into the spot, find another spot!

7.  People who can't count at the 20 Items or Less checkout.  Fifteen bottles of Coke, 25 light bulbs, 3 packages of diapers, 10 bras, a pack of smokes and a bag of chips doesn't count as 6 items.  Like items do not count as one in my book.

8.  Those same people who can't count usually are the ones who pay by check too.  Seriously?  A checkbook?  The only person I know who still uses a checkbook is my mother and when she pulls it out, I back away slowly and pretend I don't know her.

9.  People who take their middle school aged sons to a water park and let them loose like a pack of howler monkeys to destroy the fun my children are having.  WTF people?  My elementary and preschool aged kids are minding their own business going down the lazy river in an inner tube and these twits come along and flip them out of their tubes.  I spent most of my afternoon policing this group of little shitheads.  I couldn't figure out who they belonged to, but I sure tried, because I was ready to give their zoo keepers a piece of my mind.

10.  Me.  For putting on a swimsuit.  In December.  I apologize for any lasting ill effects this nightmarish and pasty vision had on anyone at the pool today.

36 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love your #6. Did you know I purposely park crooked in spots sometimes just to discourage other cars from parking next to me? I guess what I am trying to say is that while I DO know how to park my boat in one spot, I just don't want to. I must say though, i can totally understand how that could get under your skin. :)

Jen Piwtpitt said...

At least you own your evil behavior, Candy!

Anonymous said...

OMG I love this stuff. You need to do one on FBooking.... I started my own list of annoying things that go on within the facebook world.

Anonymous said...

#2....for the love of GOD #2!!!!!! MAKE A DAMN DECISION..... and if I have to chose for you, you best not complain.

Fi said...

I'm guessing the people with said heathen children likely dropped them off and went along their merry way. Why should they care what the brats are doing when they aren't around? *eye roll*

Anonymous said...

Drives me CRAZY when people don't park properly!! I have 2 people driving beaters in my apartment building that take up 2 spots, like intentionally park straddling the line...and I know it is intentional b/c I have seen them park, pull out and straighten themselves over the line!!
It's one thing if you drive a corvette or a nice car but come on, you drive a beater!! ugh!
And a third guy seems to think our straight in spots are at an angle b/c he ALWAYS parks crooked, usually next to me!

Anonymous said...

I'm with Jen, that is evil behavior! Some day you will know why you have been keyed. My brother-in-law had to park crooked because of the car next to him, then that car left making him look like the cause of the crooked parking and he had a very unkind word keyed into the side of his car. Good luck Candy!

Anonymous said...

#8 - Defintiely!!!

nikki said...

to add to #1 when I do hold the door for someone, and they walk through and completely ignore you.I could have been an arsehole and shut the door on you. at the very least you could open your big fat ugly mouth and say thank you.. it's not brain surgery..

Julie Fitzmaurice said...

Bwahahahaha.... Love them all... #5 ... Really made me chuckle....true story... My 45th was Saturday Christmad Eve which totally sucks donkey balls BUT we went to eat at Fridays cuz I love those fried green beans.... Anyhoo my parents came (ages 67&68) my mom has been eating at restaurants for a long time but she doesn't know what she likes to eat!!! So we all order and it's her turn she says to the twit waitress I just want salad what are my choices.... Well Eff Me I immediately thought to myownself - we've been sittinG here for 20 minutes that book you've been perusing is called a menu it has the salad choices in it - read it - the words MOM it's not picture book!

Anonymous said...

To the person who parks sideways in a spot, park at the far end of the parking lot away from all the other cars. Some of us have conditions not bad enough for an HP placard but do require room to get out and can't walk too far.

Anonymous said...

haha checkbooks I always seem to get behind that person

Anonymous said...

The other side of #1 are the people who can't be bothered to say, "thank you" when I hold the door for them! I would love for you to punch them in the throat!

Anonymous said...

So agree about the items in the check out lane! And yes, they pay by check and it says CASH only! I even once called one woman out on it. I had the rest of the line in stitches as I said to her, "Well you can WRITE, but you can't READ?" She was writing out a check. She replied, "Oh I can read." My reply as sweetly as possible: "Well, the sign says 15 or less and you had WAY over that amount, so I just assumed you couldn't READ." She stared at me and I also said, "And you are annoying the check out person and all of us here who are READING the sign, have under 15 items and will pay with CASH as we read the sign." The @itch tried to run over me in the parking lot. She couldn't aim or drive well either!

Sabrina said...

#9 is my thing. I despise the parents of pre-teens that think it's a good idea to let their things use moon bounces as wrestling mats. My hubs gets pissy at me when I tell them they need to settle down because my 3 yr old is going to get hurt. I always tell him, if their parents cared I wouldn't have to say anything.

immom234ever said...

Dying laughing and love, love, love you're blog! I've been in since the elf went viral and have not missed a day! What a source of stress relief.... You say all the things I WANT TO! GOOD JOB!

Anonymous said...

Love it. On the parking, I pull as close to the driver side door as I can. There is no way the driver can get in. They get the point

Anonymous said...

How about when your kid is acting a little crazy, or got in someone's way. So like an idiot I always apologize and people look at you like your an asshole anyway. REALLY!!?? I am trying to be polite and you still want act like a little bitch? Whatever, I guess they or their kids were perfect at that age.

suzzsuki said...

And people who wont put their grocery carts away and leave them in parking spots instead! Frickin lazy asses piss me off.

And...admittedly, I come from a long line of indecisive people. Family gatherings are painful. We should all be punched in the throat.

Jill Jordan said...

I applaud your bravery for the swimsuit period. My fat ass hasn't seen the sun since 97 and I have developed into a shade of white not seen outside of the paper industry. Living in Maine, I can state with a degree of certainty that were I to wander outside naked right now I would BLEND...save for a shock of hair that is the exact same color as a dead pine needle. Google it :)

Anonymous said...

Love #6!! If you can't park it, don't drive it!!!

Unknown said...

OMFG, every single one of those people causes blood vessels to burst in my twitching eye as I stare at them but today, it's TOTALLY #8 who wins the farking prize. WHO STILL USES A G-D CHECKBOOK?!! And if you do, time to catch up to the rest of the freaking world, for chrissakes. You look like a tool at the store and we all hate you. LOL

Rachel said...

#9 true story...took my kids to the roller rink to teach them to skate. Unattended-hyper shithead hit me from behind before I even knew it. 4 fractures to my radial head, had to have prosthesis surgery 3 days before Christmas. And I actually paid admission and skate rentals for that pleasure.

Anonymous said...

Stop hating on the decisive check users that can park cars and have decently behaved children. That'd be me. :)

Kim said...

You forgot the lazy @ss people who won't walk the five feet necessary to put their friggin' cart between the rails so that it won't roll into the empty parking spot that I want to occupy.
Absolutely loved your comment about the precious snowflakes being left unattended at the water park. I betcha dollars to donuts that Mummy dropped the heathens off.

Anonymous said...

What's your fucking rush? Chill the hell out.

MamaJess237 said...

Um, #7's order is hilarious but unknown to me...must be a HellMart shopper, because where else can you buy bras, smokes, cokes & light bulbs??
My motto is, stay outta HellMart, feel less throat-punchy.
Great blog!

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Unknown said...

LMAO! Line straddlers are just begging for their lard-assed boats to be keyed. Just sayin

Anonymous said...

I can add one after today. I went into a fitting room and wasn't sure if there was someone still using it or not. I swear, there were clothes everywhere...some hung up, but one pair of pants was bunched up in the floor. How rude!
When you try on clothes and they don't fit? They usually have a place you can hang them and they'll replace them for you. Me, I take them back to where I got them. Have a little respect for others.

Heather said...

#5--To add to the horrific pain of being behind "that" person, I like the ones at McDonalds who say "What comes in a combo?" WTF has came in a combo for the past 3 decades? You think it's gonna be lobster tail and a glass of Chablis all of a sudden? Grrr...

Anonymous said...

What about when you hold the door for someone and they don't say "Thank you"?!

Anonymous said...

No offense here but just wondering, what is it that everyone has against check writers? A check can be written in the same amount of time that it takes credit/debit card users to get it out of their wallet, swipe it, enter a pin number, follow the yes or no prompts, decide if you want cash back and then wait for the cash back. I've seen a number of people forget their pin numbers or who have declined cards and have to go fishing for other cards. As well as cash users who don't have enough money and have to start removing crap from their already bagged groceries. Checks, while a little dated, are still a form of payment accepted everywhere. Now honestly speaking, I frankly don't give a shit what form of payment someone uses as long as they do it in a timely manner! The people I want to punch in the throat are the ones who are wasting what little free time I have because they don't have their cash waiting in their hand, card waiting to be swiped or check book filled out with all the info except the dollar amount.

Anonymous said...

Just read this today and totally agree with your #1. It also makes me mad when I hold the door open for someone and they don't say thanks. I'm doing it to be nice, not because it's my job. I guess I'm rubbing off on my son (when he was 8) because when he holds the door open and people don't say anything, he says after them "Did you forget to say something?!".

Carol said...

LOVE #1 - also one of my pet peeves. When someone does that to me, I always make sure to say "thank you" really, really loudly.

Anonymous said...

I'm late to this party ...but whatever happened to the "thank you" hand wave/acknowledgement when someone let's you over in traffic? I always gratefully acknowledge everyone who let's me in their lane. Admittedly, this doesn't happen often as I try to always be in the correct lane. It just burns me up that after you sat there for 10 mins with your blinker on, I was the sucker who let you in and no thank you handwave at all! Mini-punch for sure!

Keep it up Jen - great post!

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