People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Fastest Rising Baby Names

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Fastest Rising Baby Names

OK, so by now you know how much I hate weird names.  Yesterday, I received the newest edition of American Baby magazine (along with a free sample of Enfamil - WTH?  I'm waaaayyyy past this stage and I'm not sure how I got on this list again!).  Anyhoo, I noticed on the cover of the mag there was an article entitled "Pick a Name You'll Love Forever!" and since baby names has been a hot topic for me lately, I HAD to read the article.

This is what I found out:  a lot of people are mashing up names when they can't decide who should "win" the baby naming war.  OK, so one parent likes Lilliana and another likes Ella so they go with Elliana.  It reminds me of "The Electric Company" (Sh.....ip....ship).



At the bottom of the article they had a list of fastest rising baby names and the list made me laugh.  Here are some of my favorites:

Adelyn and for those of you who don't like that spelling you could be different and try Adalyn which is also on the list.  (I actually like Adelyn and Emily and so on, it's just all the crazy spellings people come with for the same name that cracks me.  Says Jenni with a cutesy "i".)
Same goes for Maliyah and Malia (Unless maybe the first is pronounced MahLEEah? So glad I'm not a teacher trying to call roll.)
Kinley - and people think my kid has a dog name?  If I had a dog this would be a name on my list.
Caylee - the Britney of the aughts.
Londyn - easy enough if you don't like so many "Os" in your name.
Cullen - TwiHards perhaps??  No one wants an Edward so this is a good compromise and I bet most dads don't realize it's a Twilight reference.
Jax - and his sister Jilz?
King - Trump might have another kid just so he could use this one.
Jasper - More TwiHards??  (Although, I will admit I like the name Jasper - I'm into old man names.)
Kason - Hmm....I just can't think of why I don't like this name, but it just looks and sounds wrong to me.  It looks like you were trying to name your kid Jason and someone missed the J key when they were typing up the birth certificate.  Maybe it was a mashup compromise.  Mom likes Jason dad likes Kevin?  Mom likes Kaeden and dad likes Mason?

While the baby names are fun, the punch today goes to Enfamil and American Baby.  Get me off your lists and stop sending me free stuff I neither want nor need.  The baby factory is closed and will not be reopening so stop wasting your money and resources on me!

BTW, anyone need INFANT Enfamil?  I've got a free sample you can have.

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62 comments:

Dana @ WhatWereWeThinking? said...

I always check these lists to make sure my son's name isn't on it.

For the record, Twilight (while I did enjoy the books for what they are - teen romance fluff) has ruined some excellent classic names and introduced one incredibly terrible name to the world. Renesmee.

That alone deserves a throat punch.

Jen said...

I'm a HUGE Twilight fan and it ruined Jasper for me and even Bella went down a notch in my book. The name Renesmee DOES deserve a punch.

Heather said...

Drop that Enfamil sample in the food bank barrel at your grocery store!

NatureGirl said...

LOL! My 3rd grader has a Kinnley and a Kason in her class...and believe it or not TWO girls named Anahi! I got diaper samples the other day and my youngest is 9...hmmmm...maybe they were for me!

Dana @ WhatWereWeThinking? said...

How do you even pronounce "Anahi?"

Whitney said...

I am with Bill Cosby: "But Daaaaad, I thought I was Jesus Christ?"

meiteig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kate said...

My sonhas an old man name and my daughter has an OLD name. It hasn't been popular in America since the 1880s, but I loved it. I like unusual names that are REAL names, not phonemes strung together to sound "cool".

Tracy said...

Maybe it's just the Irish in me....but Cullen isn't necessarily a Twilight 'thing'...it's a very OLD Irish name. The rest though, I agree. I work in a job where I see hundreds of names daily...the worst I've seen is (and I'm not kidding): Shafungus. You can't make this stuff up.

Serena said...

Lol I get harassed by my dad all the time about the way I spelled my kids names :) I have an obsession with the letter y. Cheyenne, Donavynn and Elyzabeth. You can judge if you want but I think they are beautiful :) baby names can be so fun this was a good read.

Carol said...

My son is Cullen. He's almost 11 so he had it long before Twilight. But I chose it for him because I liked it and because I thought it was different but not freakish. Now Cullen is becoming more popular and it drives me crazy. Leave my name alone. ;)

Leslie said...

Thank-you for your bluntness! My husband is always telling me to be careful what I say on the subject in front of others because I might offend people. If I can get just ONE person to give serious thought about naming their child in a way that will not burden them the rest of their life, then it will be worth offending the masses. A filter isn't part of my DNA anyhow.
Giving a child a name so they are unique is the most selfish thing parents do. For the rest of their life they will listen to, "how do you spell that?"and be exposed to ridicule. Give them a name like Alexander and let them decide as an adult how they want to be known; Al, Alex, Alexander, or dare I say Xander. Name your child as if they will be a CEO someday, not the lead singer of a boy band.
Stepping down from soapbox now.

Kel said...

My name is Keleigh(kelly) what kind of crazy hippie shit was that??? If I had half a penny for all of the times it has been mispronounced or just asked how do I say it and then me having to explain my mom was most likely heavily drugged while in labor (even though she claims it was a totally natural birth....yeah mom you made that clear with the spelling)I would be crazy rich and Donald Trump would be scrubbing my toilets with the crazy toupee that is always obviously crooked. What I really don't get is...if people know that Leigh is the female version of Lee you put a K and an E in front of it....ummmm hello...Kel...eigh. The most awesome pronunciation I get is when people try to pronounce the g and h, oh ho ho ho man does that make me giddy!!!

Staziaface said...

Now I need to do a search of popular baby names and make sure what I want to name my children is NOT on it

Anonymous said...

By far the worst trending name right now is "Nevaeh". How the hell do you pronounce this you ask? I googled it. Turns out its a cutesy backwards spelling of "Heaven". You've got to be kidding me. These poor kids are stuck with a ridiculous name for the rest of their lives. no one will take them seriously.

pirate princess said...

I empathize with Carol regarding the name Cullen and agree with Tracy. I had the same thought when I read this post. As my husband and I wanted traditional Celtic/Irish names Cullen was on our original "list." We have a Nolan and Braedon both names which have meaning from our heritage, but without naming them after every Patrick, Michael, Sean and Thomas in our families. We thought they were traditional sounding and yet less common so to give some individuality. Have you ever been to a Christmas party with 23 first cousins and 5 of them are versions of Bob? Yeah, my life growing up. Little did we know that both Nolan and Braedon (with various spellings- don't get me started on the "y" variations- sorry Serena I side with your dad) would become the rising stars of the top 100. I didn't set out to be trendy or cutesy I wanted to avoid family gatherings that sound like this, "Tom, Tommy, Thomas, big Tom, Tom Jr. and little T....time to open the gifts (sweaters) from Nana!" Also pretend you didn't know what it was and make happy ooohs and aaahs as if you like the sweaters.
We opted to give both boys 'classic' middle names: Matthew and Christopher so that if they really despised their first names they had lots of options later to play around with.
Shafungus? Shanniqua? Tymphany? Angelycka? I draw the line on total blended bullshit.

Linda said...

Sha'Honey? I didn't make that one up. Even before all the movie/tv people decided they were so special and unique that they had to name their children things like Pilot Inspecktor, we were contemptous of created names. Our apartment manager spelled her name Dottye. We always referred to her as Dot Yee. And what about the women who chose Ainsley. Do they know that she will be coupled with Anus for life?

TNMom said...

Keleigh, Similarly, I am a woman named Devan. I talk on the phone to people for a living. If I said Evan, no trouble at all "Oh, Hi Evan!".....add a D to the front..."WHAT?? Seven?? Kevin?? Stephan?? Say it again, and again, and again...." Not that hard.

I too like different names, but search for something that has meaning to you, creating a lifetime of rolling your eyes while saying your "name" over and over is mean.

(I may need a punch here, my daughters middle name is Jaye cause I couldn't think of a J name I liked and wanted it to be more than just J. Sorry Jenn, no offense, my BFF is a Jenny, just wasn't right for me)

evilgurl said...

hysterical post. i worked in peds for years & used to laugh at names, i swear these are real names Xyl (how do you even say that) & Shitavia....seriously people.

on another note i too get enfamil stuff all the time & i have called to let them know i am no where near childbearing age (my youngest is 22 YRS old).

Anonymous said...

There's a girl in my daughter's class and her name is Abcde. Umm...WTF. Poor girl. It wasn't until months later that I found out how it was pronounced. Absidee. If a mother ever deserved a throat-punch, this mother does!

Anonymous said...

There's a girl in my daughter's class and her name is Abcde. Umm...WTF. Poor girl. It wasn't until months later that I found out how it was pronounced. Absidee. If a mother ever deserved a throat-punch, this mother does!

Mama Gower said...

La-a (you pronounce the dash) Best.Worst.Name.Ever

Stressin' Mommy said...

My younger sister had a child (I think it was a girl but in the yearbook picture the kid was wearing a winter hat beanie type deal-sooo not real sure) named Harshmeat.

Cat Love said...

I have 3 boys. My family gave me tons of crap for their names. Damian is my oldest. He's 9 and everyone gave me the whole "Omen, demon child thing". I've never seen the movie. My middle is name Joshua Aries- he goes by aries so I got crap for that- but I loved Greek Mythology growing up and both of their names means strong and powerful. My third is named Logan so at least one of them have a "normal" name.

Anonymous said...

Love it!! All parents should have to watch that portion of his stand up! Funny & true!

BEli said...

Kason...see Casein-Latin for "cheese"...a family of proteins commonly found in mammalian milk.

Mandy Rider said...

I worked at a high school doing data entry-there was a family that named all the girls Princess with a different middle name. And that wasn't the weirdest. SMH.

Disney Redhead said...

I signed up for free stuff from Enfamil months ago and haven't received anything. I'm jealous! Oh...and most of those names are pretty terrible. Our top boy names are Henry and Owen. I guess we're just boring like that.

Katie McFalls said...

I also work in a field where I have the joy of trying to pronouce these names. The worst I've seen has been Electra (congrats your child won't have to change her name when she becomes a stripper) and Icee (like the drink).

Rebecca Moree said...

While my kids names aren't exactly "normal" they aren't crazy out there either! Emalee and Annaliese (I let my oldest name her)

While I was teaching I had several occasions where I didn't want to upset the child by not knowing how to say their name right. I would always walk over to them quietly and say "what a beautiful name, I don't want to say it wrong can you tell me how you pronounce it?" I never once had a kid get upset about it.
Funniest moment when teaching was looking down the roll before my first day and saying "You have to be kidding me...I have a student named...Shithead?!? What parent does that! How many drugs did she take before signing the birth certificate?" His name was pronounced Shi-th-ead if that helps...no..no it doesn't!

<3 southernmessmom.blogspot.com

JaclynGFC said...

I have a nephew named Wetland. I'm not joking. My lovely children have normal (or at least normal-ish) names: Ben and Mara

Enna said...

I went to school with a girl named Kaethouriin Zhoell (with a double dot over the o)

yup - Katherine Joelle was how it was pronounced.

The sports announcers at the away games gave up and called her "K"

bucky said...

After laughing through the original post and all the responses, I totally lost it at "I have a nephew named Wetland."

Raabster said...

This one is a cultural name - we have a large Skh communittee in our province.
"Har" means "God"; "Meet/Mit" means "friend" - the variations include Harmit, Harmeet, Harchmit, Harchmeet, Harshmeet...Harshmit is the usually spelling around here, and means "friend of God" or "beloved friend" - a very traditional name! There is a "formula" for naming Sikh children based on tradition, scripture, and gender (second names). Last year I taught a lovely kid named Harshprit - he usually went by "Harsh."

KelleyB said...

I get the boring award for my Matthew and Jennifer. I grew up with a normal name with uncommon spelling, KellEy, and I could never get a cool keychain as a souvenir! lol Anyway, these days, my daughter is practically the only Jennifer in her whole school (lots of Jenna's, though).

Their middle names are the place of honor. Matthew Ryan has my maiden name; and Jennifer Michael (no, not Michelle) has my dad's first name (and the first name of every man in the family, which is why her brother is a Matthew instead of another Michael!)

Stacy Stott said...

When I was a substitute teacher I ran across many unique names I will never forget. First, there were the twins Ocean and Breeze. Then there was a little girl with a 13 letter name that Antanazygha (or something like that) pronounced Ant-ah-nay-shah. The best one was the kid that was always absent when I subbed: Tequila, pronounced Teh-quay-lah.

Jennifer said...

My niece is Jovenique (Joe`vah`nique)and she will never get a key chain with her name on it! In my sisters defense (if she gets one after that) she was young and easily influenced lol. It seriously took my mom 2 weeks to remember her first grandchild's but name after we linked it with "Unique" she was able to remember it.

Raabster said...

I was thinking the same thing...and nobody has answered!

Raabster said...

Enna - this one has given me the giggles all morning! Thanks!

Julia said...

Love this post. hahahaha Had me laughing out loud at some of the responses too.
My son is Bastian, and daughter is Joley. Not traditional but I am white American and husband is from India so we wanted names that didn't exactly sound like they were from one culture or the other. We do get people who will say Sebastian and Jolly instead but really, how hard are those names? No, they will never find a premade keychain either, but they aren't odd names.

Raabster said...

*Sikh

GreenDesigns by Cae said...

My older daughter, Blythe, has always been the only Blythe in the entire school! She loves her name. It's classic, original and unique, just like she is. She was also the only senior in her class of 530 kids to have turquoise hair! She is very easy to find in the senior class group photo. My other daughter is Claire. Can't find a lot of pre-made personalized stuff for them, so I ordered personalized things for them when they were little. They both love their names, and so does everyone in our family.
I do think Le-A, LeDasha, is hilarious, though!
ps: I'm a Catherine with a normal spelling! As if Kathrynne, Katharine, Catherine, Cathryn, isn't hard enough, someone has to go nuts with Kaethouriin? Really?!

Dan said...

By coincidence, humorist Andy Borowitz posted last night that "Traditionally, the name North means "My parents are morons." "

Patty Wittlinger said...

I love Bill Cosby's himself! :)

Carrie said...

I once had a student named Female. Yes, the parents didn't even bother to name her and definitely deserve to be punched in the throat. It was pronounced "Feh-MA-leh", kind of like "tamale" but not.

Patty Wittlinger said...

Jax is probably from Sons of Anarchy. I named my daughter a different name, I love Rhiannon from Fleetwood Mac but I changed it a little too because of her middle name so she is Rhianna. I think it's beautiful but she can never find those pencils or key chains with her name on them. Oh well, it's a beautiful & unique name for a beautiful & unique girl & not as blah as my name which I hate.

S4ephanie said...

I agree! My friends have an 8yr old named Cullen. It is a family name in their case!

CreativeTaylor said...

Personally, I just cannot stand the weird spellings and totally made-up names... there are some exceptions - every now and then I hear one that's truly original and cool, but most of the time it drives me nuts. My daughter has an old name (which used to be predominantly a male name)... Willow. To me it's simple, classic and - of course - spelled correctly

Kim Jury said...

The Heaven backwards things reminds me of Semaj, which is James backwards. Believe it or not I have come across three boys with that name, and yes their fathers' names were all James. I used to work with a girl names Ecstasi Amore. No, she was not a stripper, but she did realize that with that name she could be. My favorite bad name I have heard is Clamydia. Yes, pronounced like the STD.

S4ephanie said...

My sons are Aiden and Kaelum. We were going for celtic names with positive meanings. Did I make the weird list?

Lisa said...

I used to be mad at my parents for naming me Lisa because every place we went and I tried to buy a personalized souvenir, they were ALWAYS sold out. But in all my years, I've only had it misspelled by someone ONCE... LOL And no one EVER asks how I pronounce it. Although I guess I could go all individualist and correct people and tell them it's L-eye-sa. Kinda like Liza but with an s. LOL

Roro44 said...

You all ready for this? My first year of teaching,I taught 1st grade, and on my roll call was the name "Shithead", I thought I was being punked!!!! Pronounced Shu-th/eed...I can't!!!! Yes, it was his real name, and now he's a freshman in HS. I think about him every time baby names comes up as a topic anywhere. Will he EVER find a job????

~ Beth Smartmouthprogram.com said...

EXACTLY!

Kate said...

Rebecca, my daughter is named Annalise, but she goes by Anna. Love the name! Ann and Elizabeth (a form of Elise) are both family names. Also, did you know that Anne Frank's real name was Anneliese?

Unknown said...

There's a Mexican soap opera star/singer with that name. you pronounce it: Ana-ee. The H is silent in Spanish.

Unknown said...

Leslie, I'm with you 100%.

To me, the weird spellings sound like teen parents playing around with their babies' names.

Way too many kids with Ys added to their names, just to be different-it looks ridiculous, not cute! Those and names for girls ending in "ie" get on my nerves.

Stepping down my soapbox as well.





Unknown said...

Hahahaha, sorry Kel. You had me hysterical at "what kind of crazy hippie shit was that?" Oh my!

Sarabeth Moreno said...

I named my daughter Elliana Mayson. The most irritating thing ever is when people mistake it as Alaina. It looks nothing like Alaina. My husband and I had fits agreeing on names. I like more old fashion or "hipster" names as my husband calls it. And he likes I don't even know what kind of names. Traditional names that aren't common. Good luck with that one sweetheart. Anyway, we both loved the name Ellie but I wanted a longer name. Since my husband didn't like my old fashion names like Eleanor or Elouise we had to figure something else out. His sisters all have Hispanic names ending in "Ana" Christiana, Mariana, Juliana, and Ariana. Adding "Ana" to the end of her name seemed fitting. I thought it was beautiful. No one we knew had ever heard the name before. It was unique but not crazy. As for her middle name, Mayson. I named her after my younger brother Mason. I chose to name her after my brother because we have an incredible relationship but since my mother disagreed with the fact I got pregnant at a young age and before I was married she pulled my brothers away from the situation as not to glorify it, I suppose. As hurtful as it was I still wanted so badly for them to be a part of her life and that was my way of accomplishing that. As for the spelling, I wanted it to look more feminine. I chose to name her after my brother Mason for two reasons. 1. He is the oldest of my two brothers. And 2. My youngest brothers name is Matthew Caleb. There's no feminizing that. Haha if I ever have a boy his name will also have a tribute to my brothers. People have there own reasoning as to what and why they name their children what they name them. Different isn't always bad. However, I do agree some names and spellings are just out right obnoxious. Also for whoever said that it's just young teen moms playing around with their kids names; that's a very close minded and stereotypical statement. I've come acrossed a lot of parents older than me who are naming their children who are younger than mine way crazier names than me or some of my friends my age with babies. I know a lady who is 24 who is thinking about naming her son Llewyn, pronounced you-wen. Don't even get me started on the list my 26year old sister has compiled for her son. I have two half brothers from my biological mom. One is named Blade Micah and the other Jagar Tennason she was mid 20 to mid 30s when she had them. Although she is a pot smoking hippie. It has very little to do with age. I think it's more to do with generation and trend. If trends didn't change from biblical times there would be no such thing as your "traditional" or "normal" names, nowadays, god forbid you you name your child a "weird" biblical name. (Less common ones of course, such as Almon, or zebedee) and if you are LDS and believe in the BOM don't even get me started on those names (ehh hmm) Nephi, Lazareth, Job.. Um Mormon. Anyway rant over. Still a funny post and some funny wacky responses!

Pamela Fisher said...

I kinda dig the name Jax... but you had me laughing at "Jillz" :)

Jenni Hocking said...

I did the whole "put two names together thing" when I named my daughter...EXCEPT the name I came up with is cool and not at all lame. I combined the first initial of my name (Jenni) and her dad's name (Chris) and got Jaycee out of it, so it worked out. However, that is not always the case and there are a boat load of dumb names out there...Inspektor Pilot anyone?

Wiseman365 said...

HEY! Greek mythology name buddy! I have a Persephone!

LondonGirl said...

With your Dad on that one. Why the random "y" thing? It's just annoying for the child and the person writing down his or her name.