Weekly Wrap Up 7.1.12

This week was crazy!  I plan a little getaway for my family and all sorts of news breaks and I missed it all!  And because I missed it, the 5 or 6 people who use PIWTPITT as their number one news source missed it too.  So I'll bring you up to speed:
  • John Travolta's got another guy accusing him of touching his junk.  (Johnny, it's OK, we know.  We all saw "Grease."  Just own it and move on.)  
  • Tom Cruise's evil spell finally wore off on the latest princess he kept trapped in a golden tower.  (I actually read last night that all three of his wives divorced him when they were the same age:  33.  You laugh, but maybe there is something to that magic spell thing.)  
  • Colorado is STILL burning.  
  • A cyclone of some sort hit the east coast and no one has power and it's a heat wave.  
  • The Supreme Court got busy and made some decisions.  
  • Adele is pregnant!  (Can you imagine a whole CD of Adele singing lullabyes?!  I would totally buy that.)
  • A thinly-veiled porn film opened to the masses.  You're welcome, women of America who have had nothing to fixate on since they finished reading the Shades of Grey trilogy.
I'm sure there's other news that I missed, so let me know.  I need to read a newspaper or two when we're done here so I don't embarrass myself by saying, "I don't know what Bobby Jindal's problem is, but I think he's stupid and looks like a house elf!"

Top Read Posts This Week:

Open Letter to Elizabeth Lloyd - A woman went to a Little League game and got hit in the face with a baseball.  So she did the natural thing:  she sued the kid who threw the ball.  Oh, and her husband is suing the kid too because his wife tells him "No" every time he wants to get with her.

PIWTPITT Road Trip 2012 - The Road to Pimpdom - Honda sent me a minivan to try and I needed the experience of the open road to really feel it out so we drove to Minneapolis.  I tweeted the whole way there and pimped out brands that I love (and a few that I had complaints for).  Thank you everyone who followed me on Twitter and interacted with me, it made the 7 hour car ride go so fast!  My biggest complaint is to T-Mobile - your coverage in Iowa really sucks and you should work on that, because that's a big chunk of the trip.  My last pimp goes to Kum & Go gas stations for having the funniest name and relatively clean bathrooms along the way.

According to a local resident, the preferred name for this establishment is:  Ejaculate & Evacuate.  

Making the Bus Monitor Cry - A bunch of punk ass kids picked on an old lady.  She couldn't fight back or else she'd lose her job, but I wish she could have.  This is what I WISH she could have said to those little shits.

Message Boards Update:

Have you met Brent yet?  He's still looking for love.  Check him out, single ladies!  If you're not looking for love, there are lots of other good topics on the board too or you can start your own.  Did you know that when you comment on the message boards a link to your newest blog post shows up?  That is a great way to find new readers for your blog and new blogs for you to read, so join the message boards today.  It's easy and fun.

New Posts at Babble.com:

Genius Ideas:  Minivans and Bunk Beds in Hotel Rooms

10 Funny (Mom) Blogs You Should Read Today

I Went on a Blind Date to Find a Friend

Best Selling Product in the PIWTPITT Store:

Perfect for groceries, books & assorted crap.

Favorite Comments of the Week (and My Replies if Necessary):

hmmmm.... you have a much different perspective on the lack of consortium than I have. I imagined the husband to be so repulsed by her hideously disfigured face that he just couldn't bring himself to even look at her let alone touch her. on Open Letter to Elizabeth Lloyd

In reading these frivolous lawsuits, I was reminded that I never sued my junior high when I sewed my own finger during sewing class. I had to have nine shots in my tiny little finger, just so the doctor could dig around to find the tip that had gotten buried in there. I bet I could have made BANK off of that. And my mom could get in on the action and sue for "loss of pay, " since she had to leave her job to take me to the doctor. Oh, and I bet my little brother could sue for "loss of quality mommy time," since my mother had to divide her attention for the duration of the day. I wonder what the statute of limitations is, on eenage idiocy here in Utah.... on Open Letter to Elizabeth Lloyd

Does anyone else see the irony in the idea that her husband is suing because somebody else's balls are hitting her in the face? on Open Letter to Elizabeth Lloyd

Dear Ms. Lloyd, Please go consortium yourself. Sincerely, Me on Open Letter to Elizabeth Lloyd

Whatever you do, do not cross state lines with a duck on your head! on PIWTPITT Road Trip 2012 - The Road to Pimpdom

I was too busy teasing skunks to find a duck.
Both my parents work in the school system - my mom in the schools and my dad a bus driver. Over the years they have noticed that parents hold their kids less and less accountable (my mom has often been treated as though she's a student's personal assistant by the parents). I'm just happy these morons posted it to the internet. Now their parents are complaining about how they're being treated and how they are "scarred" for life from the backlash, like we're supposed to feel bad for them. Are you kidding me? Stick your boot up those kids asses and tell them this is what it feels like and that they better remember it the next time they even consider treating another human being this way. on Making the Bus Monitor Cry - Karen Klein

Those little bastards deserve a public caning and a punch in the throat! Last night, Anderson Cooper asked the father of one of the little bastards what punishment his kid has received. The Dad's response was that the family was locked up in the house due to death threats and that was all the kid could handle right now. Great! Now I know why the little bastard did what he did. His parents have never disciplined the little bastard and they still aren't disciplining the little bastard. That little bastard is lucky he is not my kid!! on Making the Bus Monitor Cry - Karen Klein

The kids were horrendous and a direct reflection of how kids are these days. Self entitled, untouchable, etc. But (isn't there always a butt?) this was a school bus and this woman's job was to maintain order on the bus. She was hired to do a job she could not perform. What would she have done if another kid was being bullied? To be quite honest, the person that hired her should be fired for putting this very nice, elderly and kind person in charge of children's safety. Last, did the bus driver have noise cancelling headphones on? Flame away............ on Making the Bus Monitor Cry - Karen Klein

We literally just bought the Honda Odyssey EX-L tonight! Was a tough decision between it and the Sienna, but really, the Ody is just better styling inside. Although, and I will say it again, the Ody resembles a hearse. Lol. Even so, i'ma rock my Mommy Hearse and love it! :) it drives great! on Look What Honda Sent Me

I just saw your blog, so true, so unpolictically correct, I love it! I was dying when I read this blog because my husband and I made fun of the christmas letters this past holiday. We made one up ourselves and sent it to a few family members that we hoped knew we were mocking the traditional letters of b/s all out happiness. I laughed my tail off writing it. My brother however was ready to send in a social worker thinking I was on the brink of insanity until I explained it was a joke. (He is the one I thought for sure would know my humor) Sounds like a successful letter in my opinion. Keep writing, you a good, and you speak without holding back. In country that is full of complete wimps now, this is a breath of fresh air. on Holiday Greetings

My friend posted on FB that her child came home with the following goody bag after a bday party and all I could think of was this blog... "Johnny Doe came home from a birthday party with a goody bag containing fun dough, big putty, a kit to build a wooden helicopter, 13 temporary tattoos, sunglasses, a handheld water-filled game (push the buttons to float the rings onto the seahorse), a hand-held mini pinball-type game, a little game with 2 balls spinning around a handle, an animal-shaped punchball, fruit snacks, 2 packs of Gummi bears and a new toothbrush and toothpaste... " Surely this belongs on the over achiever parent blog... on The Over Achievers Are at it Again

14 comments:

twinsx2 said...

I wish I would have known you were coming to Minnesota, it would have been fun to meet you, but I wouldn't have stalked you because Ikea and the MOA have way to many people for me and none of the draw that they do for people who live outside of MN. Also, I could have told you that Iowa is the skid mark of the USA and should be avoided at all costs! Hope you had fun on your trip and you convinced the Hubs to keep your minivan :)

Amanda said...

Yes I grew up in Iowa and ejaculate and evacuate is the local term fo sure.

LoveNotesFromTheGroin said...

My husband has a ratty old pair of Kum and Go boxers. So gross.

Melissa said...

Omg, I live in Louisiana so I am faced pictures of Governer Jindal on a daily basis. I have never put him together with a house elf! Hilarious! I guess the republican head honchos with be his master than, cause it certainly isn't us!

L Carilo said...

God, I've missed you,,Jen. Life was not the same without regular reports on *JNN.

* Jen News Network

ReneeKellogg said...

I am from Iowa. Kum and Go is pretty awesome. We also have a town called CUMMING. Back to K&G, its also called Jiz and Split or Jerk amd Squirt.

Krysti said...

I live in Colorado Springs and it's been a long week for us too! As of yesterday, exactly a week since the fire down here started, it's 45% contained so yay good news!

We've started getting Kum and Gos on like every street corner. They're being kind of douchey though because every new one I've seen has gone across the street from another gas station. Whatever, I've never been to one so I'm not that excited...but they were great fodder for dirty jokes in college. I'm sure there will be a resurgence of them.

Anonymous said...

Among other names for Kum and Go-Sperm and Split

tricia said...

Jen- My best friend who is also traveling just sent me a pic of a "Kum & Go" and wanted me to blog it. Drat. Beat to the punch by a viral blog. Ha! I like the weekly news wrap up. Did you see the hockey coach who tripped a rival teen hockey team member and broke his wrist? He deserves one of your open letters!

Anonymous said...

I live in colorado springs, too and it's amazing how generous and helpful people are being. The only people I want to punch in the throat are the looters and people scamming others claiming they are the red cross or other charities.

TNMom said...

HUH! Never heard of a Kum and Go, and can't imagine who pitched that idea in a board room and better yet what exec. said "YES! THAT'S IT!!" Weird.
Anywho, that Brent is a cutie! Wish he was a southern boy, I got some rockin single chick friends here in Tennessee! :)
Devan

Anonymous said...

Kum and Go might actually be more ridiculously gross than Pump N Munch gas station/convenience stores in Minnesota! There's something weird going on in the heartland!

Anonymous said...

My husband calls it "Came & Went".

Penelope Lolohea said...

I read this earlier on my tablet, but I hate typing on that thing....so now that I can actually leave a comment:

I had NO idea Adele was pregnant, but I totally agree that she needs a lullaby album! That would pretty much be the greatest thing to ever happen. Also: Ejac & Evac? Totally had me laughing for a good, long, time.

(P.S. Woot! My comment made it onto WW again! Is it wrong to be so excited about that? Of course not! I love it!) ;)

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