DFP


FB

Open Letter to Elizabeth Lloyd

If you missed this story, read about it here.  I had to write a letter to this Asshat.

Dear Elizabeth,

I've been hearing a lot about you lately.  Don't worry, I assure you, none of it's good.  I've been hearing about the fact that you've decided to bring several lawsuits against a little kid who hit you with a ball at a Little League game.  People feel very strongly about this fact and I've come to realize the general consensus is that everyone thinks you're a piece of shit.


Wow.  What do you think of that?  Do you think the public is being too harsh on your behavior?  I don't know.  So far, I haven't found out much about you.  All I know is that you chose to sit at a picnic table near a bullpen, got hit in the face, may or may not (depending on the account) required surgery to fix your face and then you thought it was a good idea to sue a child for $500,000.  Yeah, you sound like a twat.


If you ask me, the worst one in this whole mess is your stupid fucking husband who has joined in on the suit and is now suing for "loss of consortium."  Basically, your husband is suing because he hasn't been getting much since the accident and he blames the kid too.  


Ha!  If this accident caused your disinterest in "consortium" then half the husbands I know should sue their own kids!  I may not have gotten hit in the face with a baseball, but after a long day of wrangling kids, answering unending questions, listening to made up knock knock jokes, wiping poopy bottoms, getting hundreds of drinks and fighting invisible closet monsters, I too am disinterested in "consortium."  I guess my husband should sue our kids for his "loss of consortium."  Is your attorney available?  I think he might be just the moron to take the case. 

Seriously, I cannot tell you how much you and your lawsuit disgusts me.  I am so sick and tired of people like you (and your dipshit husband and the asshole attorney who took on your bogus case) who sue over the dumbest shit.  You are the worst kind of person.  You are the type of person who takes absolutely no responsibility for your actions.  You are the type of asshole who would sue a city because you fell off the curb while walking and texting.    

Because of people like you scooters need warnings on them.

Look, I can sympathize that you got hit in the face with a ball.  I'm sure it hurt.  I'm sure it did some damage, but come on.  How hard could he have thrown it?  He was 11.  You probably got a black eye and maybe a broken nose.  I hardly doubt you needed multiple reconstructive surgeries or whatever you're claiming.  (You're not the lady who had her face eaten off by her friend's chimpanzee.)  People get hit with balls all the time.  It happens.  You were at a ball field where little kids were throwing balls.  You have to assume there is some risk when you walk into that ball park.  


Maybe I'm the idiot.  Maybe I'm leaving money on the table every day.  Instead of fighting against asshats like you, I should be joining.  Let's see.  What could I sue for?


My imaginary lawsuits:  

My kid fell at a soccer game and broke her arm.  I should probably sue the two 4 year olds who tripped her, the manufacturer of the ball she was kicking, the fields she was playing on and Gatorade just for good measure (she drank a little Gatorade before the game and it might have upset her ability to run and kick and dodge other preschoolers effectively).  


Yesterday I went to the movies with my kid.  A baby cried during the entire movie.  Yes, it was the dollar-special-summer-kids-movie completely designed and marketed to kids, but still.  That baby disrupted my viewing pleasure.  I think I should sue the baby and the theater and Pixar for not making the sound loud enough to cover a baby's cries.


A teenager at the pool broke my friend's pool noodle.  That noodle was a special toy for her daughter and her daughter was devastated when it broke.  My friend offered to buy another $3 noodle, but her daughter couldn't be assuaged.  My friend should sue that teenager for mental anguish and the pool noodle people for making such a shoddy product.


All of these imaginary lawsuits seem dumb, but the sad thing is, if people like you continue to sue over ridiculous things these won't be imaginary.  


I hope you lose your suits and I hope the judge orders you to pay all the defense costs for the boy and his family.  I hope the judge bans you from attending any and all sporting events where a ball might accidentally hit you.  I hope the judge requires you to spend some time with people who are truly injured - people who have lost limbs and eyes in real accidents so you can see what that looks like.    


I also hope you trip off your own front porch and wreck your new nose and you've got no one to sue but yourself.


Oh and one more thing, please let your husband know that Lubriderm is on sale this week at Costco.  I suggest he get some, it might help with his...needs.


Jen

122 comments:

  1. holy heeeeelarious and RIGHT ON!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh dear God! Kerry B I just needed someone to laugh with......hang on a sec while I catch my breath!! OOOOOOOEEEEEE but this woman is too damn funny. I just read one other post by her after I finished with my Dumpster Baby blog and saw others I might like and her title intrigued me. I am def. going to facebook her too. Jeeeezust jhist I literally almost wet my pants. Ok thanks for listening! Nice talking at ya!! I am still snorting and giggly! Sandy B.

      Delete
  2. I can't even comprehend the level of narcissism it takes to sue a child. Drop her into the middle of the ocean and she'd probably float b/c her head is so big. Meanwhile, Little League really should step in. If nothing else, create disclaimers for stepping onto the field to watch. It sounds stupid, but... like I always say, there's a reason for the tag on my hair dryer that says "don't use while sleeping"... b/c some moron did. And probably lit their hair on fire. And sued.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was stunned by the warning tag on a curling iron once (I don't use them, my hair is a tangle of natural curl LoL but my mother did) that said, "Do not stick into any orifice--may cause severe burns." Seriously? You need to warn people that sticking a curling iron into any of their orifices could lead to severe potential burning?? Why?? Because the level of intelligence in day to day living is so far below "normal standard" it's ridiculous! I have to remind myself all day, every day that common sense is not really rampant in today's society. At least 6 or 7 times a day I realize just how "surrounded by idiots" I am.

      Delete
    2. And even if they DO have a little common sense, unless these insipid warnings are plastered on everything, people will try to find a loop hole in order to bring these frivolous lawsuits. It's disgusting.

      Delete
    3. Which is why my favorite e-card reads, "I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people, we should just remove all warning labels and let the problem take care of itself." This lawsuit is worse than the loser lady who sued McDonalds over her hot coffee. Seriously people, when is it going to stop?!

      Delete
  3. Anonymous10:46

    I would LOVE to be on that jury. . . bwah ha ha ha!

    ReplyDelete
  4. She's a yeast infected cunt! Who does that?! I hope the judge throws these bs lawsuits and this idiotic couple out on their pompous asses!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Twat, really? You're much nicer than I am, I was thinking what a true c**t she is. I hope the judge this goes before has at least a few functioning brain cells and tells this lady (term used loosely) what a complete loser bitch she is. If I was her husband I would prefer the lubriderm over her nasty ass!!

    Oh, and on a blog yesterday, think it was cookies & cupcakes, that stupid m'effer elf showed up. It was "half Christmas". I thought I was going to puke.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous17:34

      Shouldn't that read m'eLffer? Har-har.

      Delete
  6. this lady not only needs punched in the throat, but also the "lady garden". I work hard,and struggle money wise, but I'm not suing anyone, I'm working harder and refuse to take hand outs like this fuckstick. Maybe I should sue someone to make some money instead.Twits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Heh heh...lady garden...

      Delete
    2. Anonymous13:09

      +1 for 'Lady Garden'

      Delete
    3. i am so using lady garden from now on! I had a friend who's mom always said she was going to "water her lily" when she had to pee.

      Delete
    4. I wish I could take credit for this saying but I totally stole it from the Bloggess !

      Delete
  7. This lady just makes me ANGRY! You are right on Jen. What a complete and utter moron!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous10:53

    She reminds me of the movie Clueless when the red haired girl could not play tennis in PE with the risk of balls flying at her face.

    And really, obviously the loss of consortium was long lost... I mean who gets that upset with balls in their face?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe that's why her husband joined the lawsuit. This incident has rendered her phobic of balls flying in her face, hence the lack of these douches having sex. Maybe this is a good thing and these mo-fos won't be able to procreate... Let's all keep that hope alive.

      Delete
  9. Okay here is the deal. This lawsuit won't fly for many reasons. When my daughter was 10yrs old she got hit in the face with a foul ball at a minor league game. She had to have surgery. I would post a photo but its gruesome. We didn't even think of suing BUT what we did find out is that when you attend a baseball game or maybe ANY sporting event it is AT YOUR OWN RISK. There is even a law about it so people won't do asshat things like this. The lawyer must be some kind of tool..probably related to the husband. Did the whole situation stress out our family ..YES plus at the time my Dad was in intensive care from a heart attack. Was my husband getting any? HELL NO! Geez..leave the poor kid alone you douche canoe. She deserves a double or triple punch. Wait..A HOMERUN punch in the throat!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous13:05

      When you go to a professional baseball game, you buy a ticket that has terms and conditions, including accepting that you are there at your own risk. I suspect that little league parents get something similar when they sign their kids up for little league, but I do not know. So, your situation might not be the same.

      This lawsuit is still ridiculous, though.

      Delete
  10. Jennifer Bailey10:53

    Amen and amen!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Michelle11:01

    What a c**t. I've coached Little League and these kids are not by any means perfect in their throwing abilities. If they were, they'd probably be drafted at 12. I'm also disappointed in Little League for not stepping up and protecting the kids in the league. Hopefully that will change. Do we know why she was even out there? Most people only go to Little League games and ballparks to watch their kids play. God help us if she's a parent!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous11:01

    Awesome letter! I played softball for 7 months a year for 16 years and have been hit in the face about a hundred times with a softball. Nine times out of ten, it's the players getting hit not the spectators. I've seen people get concussions, break their noses, knock a tooth out, etc. It happens all the time and none of the players are suing each other. Can you imagine if that bullshit started?
    In all the years I've been around ballparks you can tell the asshats that are going to get hit. They're the ones that are spacing off because they're bored, on their phones, or chit chatting with a friend . I mean there's balls flying everywhere, if you can't pay attention enough to know where those balls are, you're going to get hit! Deal with it or don't go to the ball park.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Anonymous11:03

    I think the Little League should be coming to the defense of the family too...Not that anyone should have to defend against this suit. But they should counter-sue for the loss of the family as a volunteer. Stupid people. This is why our insurance rates are high.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous11:04

    You even park your car at a Little League field AT YOUR OWN RISK. I volunteered on the Board of our local LL for 7 years and I can't tell you how many times people came to us wanting payment for a dent in their car or a broken windshield. That's why THEY have insurance, not the LL.

    This woman saw an opportunity to get a facelift on someone else's dime. Shut her down as frivolous now, or this is gonna keep happening. Glad my kid is too old for all this now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe the husband wants somebody else's dime to fund his own surgery so he can get his "consortium" on.

      Delete
  15. Anonymous11:05

    You are so right, Jen! This lady is a complete Idiot! I also hope she falls and breaks her nose! It would be what she deserves. The husband though, you've got to be kidding me? Are they crazy or just completely stupid. This case will never fly in a court of law!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anonymous11:08

    Hell yeah! Well said and what a piece of shit this woman is!!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anonymous11:08

    If our legal system had a blanket "Loser Pays" policy, this shit would not happen. I too hope the judge orders them to pay all the kid's legal expenses, and then some.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Well done Jen! This is why I read you religiously.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Anonymous11:15

    Hahahahaha...awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Dear Ms. Lloyd,

    Please go consortium yourself.

    Sincerely,

    Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ashley10:57

      BEST. COMMENT. EVERRRRRR.

      Delete
  21. All I could think when I read this is you've got to be fucking kidding me. I am still in disbelief that a grown ass person is suing a child. Fuck you, lady. While I do think little league should step in here and help this boys family, this woman and her fucktard husband should be ASHAMED of themselves. Shameful, that this shit is allowed to go on. I've got to look deeper into this, I need to see who the scum bag lawyer is who took on this case.

    ReplyDelete
  22. My hope... my HOPE... based on my knowledge of personal injury lawsuits... when I first started to read is that she sued him to get insurance money to cover her surgical costs.

    That all went down the tubes when she raised the amount she wanted and claimed he acted maliciously and battered her. GET SERIOUS. Stupid bitch. Stupid, stupid bitch. Her attorney says the facts are being skewed... well, really? If the facts are being skewed, explain why - or else we'll all know you're not giving your side until you've fabricated a sufficient bullshit story.

    I don't doubt that she was seriously injured. If she had surgeries, she'll have medical records to back it up. But sue the insurance company - don't sue the kid.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Anonymous11:27

    She is the same mom that complains when her child comes home with a bad grade and blames the teacher. And family probably comes from money and expects that their wallet and status will pay for a the little boy's guilty verdict as well as an A for their child's grade. Makes me sick to my stomach.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Kris11:35

    Obviously, the kid didn't throw the ball hard enough to knock some common sense and decency into a woman who apparently possesses neither.

    I especially love the point about requiring this asshat to spend some time with people who have *actually* been injured in a tragic accident. Spot-on.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Anonymous11:42

    Omigod, it was a catcher warming up a pitcher! Ever seen a catcher warm up a piitcher? When he throws the ball back, he's not exactly zinging it there with all his might. He's more than likely lobbing it back. And getting hit in the face (or anywhere else, for that matter) with a lobbed baseball, while it doesn't feel good, is not likely to cause debilitating injury. Sounds to me like thses assclowns are hoping for a quick settlement.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Siobhan11:47

    This is totally ridiculous. If this suit actually goes anywhere, which I hope it won't, but if it does I hope the child/his family counter-sue for defamation of his reputation, as she's accusing him of maliciously throwing the ball at her face. The kid was 11 at a baseball field! This woman needs to get over herself. And yeah - her husbands suit is simply sad.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Damn - I totally missed my chance to sue my town for my son's broken arm after falling off the monkey bars in the park. Or the school for my daughter breaking her finger while playing basketball on the outdoor court over the weekend. I'm sensing some money making opportunities for me as a SAHM mom...

    ReplyDelete
  28. I have been reading you now for 6+ months. This is my first comment! I just have to say...I absolutely LOVE that you swore throughout this entire post and then decided to say "shoddy product" instead of shitty product. I've take the liberty to replace "product" with "noodle". Shoddy Noodle!!! Shoddy noodle just has a ring to it. It's my new favorite saying!You can use it in just about any setting. Rock on! Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  29. WHAT an idiot. Loss of consortium? Make that two idiots. Did you hear about the guy at the Texas Rangers game who went to catch a ball that Josh Hamilton was throwing up to him to give to his kid? Yeah...he leaned too far over the edge, fell over, and died. HE DIED. And his family didn't sue anyone. Did I mention he freaking DIED? Can you imagine the trauma his little boy has dealt with having seen that happen? Not to mention the guilt felt by Josh for having thrown the ball? This woman and her jackass husband need a dose of reality. Way to be assholes and give society an even worse name. These are the kind of people that make me feel like my decision NOT to bring any more children into this moron-infested world is a solid one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is exactly what I thought of when I first read this story.

      Delete
    2. That reminds me of a story that still makes me angry to think about: My cousins have an uncle who was driving up a canyon road a few years back, and the car hydroplaned when it hit a random patch of water. His car crashed into another car causing his death, and only minor injuries to the passengers in the other car (they went to the hospital in an ambulance just to be safe, and were released an hour later) They sued his wife not even a week later for what amounted to 3/4 of his life insurance money. Yes it was his fault, but but I mean come on--the guy paid for it by dying!

      Delete
  30. I think perhaps we are sisters separated at birth. Thanks for the letter!!

    ReplyDelete
  31. How absurd. I'm almost mad at you for writing this post because up until I read it, I didn't know this woman existed. I can't undo that knowledge, but you did it justice by sussing her out properly. Hopefully any judge will do the same.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Anonymous11:59

    F**k yeah.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Anonymous12:01

    Someone needs to post a picture of this chick. Stat.

    ReplyDelete
  34. I just laughed so hard I mighta peed a little. Maybe, I should sue my kids for damage to my pelvic floor! Ha!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous15:06

      LMAO! I know many Moms who could sue their kids for that issue!! lol

      Delete
  35. I would love it if the plastic surgeon has a kid in Little League and totally fucks up her face out of spite!

    ReplyDelete
  36. You are right on the money. This...creature, needs a reality check and so does here oversexed douchebag of a husband. "Consortium"...great. Another term my husband can use to really ruin the mood.
    Great post Jen.

    ReplyDelete
  37. Anonymous12:16

    What is really sad is that the family says they can't afford the lawyer fees to fight this in court, nor do they want to put the kids through that. I don't know what they are going to do, but the father has suggested that perhaps the Little League could help out with the funds. Someone should help mount their defense.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Anonymous12:27

    What if the kid threw the ball at her on purpose? Should she not sue?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous12:45

      While I was not there, I highly doubt that an 11yo kid playing baseball would intentionally go out of his ay to throw a baseball into the face of a complete stranger. Perhaps you are having a lack of consortium issue that is affecting your sense of logic and or reality.

      Delete
    2. Anonymous13:08

      Easy with the insults, I'm just pondering if there is another side to this story. What if the woman overheard the kid say he was going to hit her or that he was going to throw it near her just to scare her but instead hit her? Although I'll bet it was an accident and the woman is bringing a frivolous suit (which in NJ would require her to pay attorneys fees and costs), its important to hear all the facts before rushing to judgment. Do you know how badly the public misjudged that woman in the McDonald's spilled coffee case? The public didnt know half the facts, but vilified that woman.

      Delete
    3. The McDonald's woman is the QUEEN of frivolous lawsuits! She is the poster child for all of this nonsense! I personally don't think there is any circumstance under which this "ball-in-the-face" woman or her "lack-of-consortium" husband are in the right. None.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous20:47

      Actually...you should read the facts of the McDonald's lawsuit before you comment Jill. Like read the actual case.

      Delete
    5. Anonymous21:15

      I have heard the same thing. The media has drug that woman through the mud, but the actual facts of the case do put McDonalds at fault. She did not 'spill' her coffee, it was so hot it burned through the protective cup. (one example)

      This woman sounds extreme. My question is where does she think the 500,000 is going to come from. The family cannot afford a lawyer, let alone make payments for that kind of money.

      Delete
    6. Of course. I apologize for being flippant. I'm sure it is as you say and I'm sorry for commenting without knowing all the facts.

      Delete
  39. Now this is definitely someone I want to punch in the throat. And what is up with the husband getting in on the money grabbing? Sadly, this is future world my child is going to live in; where people are automatically ENTITLED to 500K from a CHILD, for some asinine lawsuit.

    ReplyDelete
  40. jen, this is one of your absolute best blogs. perfectly placed F words, use of sarcasm and link to real life (people with real injuries). there's a whole lot of perspective that people like ms. lloyd can gain from a good punch in the throat!

    ReplyDelete
  41. Best post to date!

    ReplyDelete
  42. I think there should be a fund set up to help this family defend themselves, like the one Indegogo set up to send the bus monitor on vacation. I think they would make millions. I don't have much money, but I would definitely contribute. Ms lloyd is definitely in the C U Next Tuesday category.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Anonymous12:51

    My kids play ball 5 nights a week and yes, people get hit by balls from time to time (mostly players). However, those of us watching are usually PAYING ATTENTION so that when a ball goes wild we can duck and cover. WTF was this woman doing to be so zoned out she got hit in the face and (even dumber) by the warm-up pitcher??? It wasn't even a foul ball, for God's sake!! And then to have the balls (obviously in her purse cause hubby doesn't have them) to sue this kid.

    Douche canoe.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous07:30

      Exactly! When my son played in Little League I was standing in the parking lot next to the field one night talking (gossiping!) with another mom. We were not paying attention, and a foul ball hit me in the head and knocked me out! I was beyond embarrassed to open my eyes and find the entire team and all the parents hovering over me, and one of the kids kept apologizing. It wasn't his fault, (and I told him so once I managed to get my eyes to focus on him!). Elizabeth Lloyd is the kind of person that blames everyone else for her own stupidity, and I hope the judge throws her and her case out of court after ordering her to pay the other family's legal fees. Then, she'll probably sue her lawyer for taking her case and allowing the world to know that she and her husband are greedy, sleazy morons!

      Delete
  44. I love this post beyond belief. I want to kick that bitch in the goddamn box. Lucky I have an umbrella policy.

    ReplyDelete
  45. tiwimon13:06

    I wonder if she was there for a kid of her own playing ball? I can only hope she and her husband have not had any crotch fruit and that she and her husband continue to not consortium, the thought of them procreating and their spawn adding another asshat to the gene pool gives me further reason to believe we are in dire need of a culling.
    /Am I the only one who thinks that back in the far old times, say the medieval times, people this stupid would not have made it in life, dying from their stupidity at a very young age before our now coddled times?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Crotch Fruit"!! I am getting so many good phrases from these comments. I am adding it to "lady garden" as part of my vernacular.

      Delete
    2. OMG - instead of "giving birth" it's time to harvest some crotch fruit from the lady garden!

      Delete
    3. crotch fruit...omg... laughing so hard... can't breathe...
      well hopefully he PLOWED the garden if we've got a harvest.

      Delete
    4. Erin20:32

      LMAO!!!! I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!!

      Delete
    5. Had to put my phone down cuz I was laughing so hard the tears were upsetting my ability to read.

      Delete
  46. That's it I'm suing McDonalds because I am overweight, Mother Nature because the bird shit on my truck and it ruined the paint and for good measure I will sue God himself because he took my parents from me....

    Go fuck yourself you cum guzzling, vaginal yeast infected twat waffle.

    I hope that same 11 year old cracks you upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat.

    whowouldathought-Kevin.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  47. As long as we're throwing our frivilous lawsuits around,I'm going to sue Facebook and Pinterest for making me addicted to them like a crack whore and stealing all my time.LOL

    ReplyDelete
  48. Anonymous14:23

    OMG, this is atrocious! I am a mother of an 11 year-old boy who plays baseball, and given the nature of 11 year-old boys, there are going to be bad throws, bad catches, bad hits (alas, the "head's up!" shout out that you hear at Little League games).

    Sadly, this litigious attitude isn't just for spectators. I got an accusatory email from a fellow baseball parent after my son and his son collided and his son's baby tooth was knocked out at a team outing after a practice. Not only did he assert that my son "barreled into his son's mouth", but essentially placed the entire burden of the blame on my kid, not even entertaining the idea that the two boys were diving for the same ball and didn't see each other (thus the nature of a collision).

    People are just STUPID, and some of the conversations I'm having nowadays are just absurd as a result.

    I wish someone would start a defense fund for this kid like they did for the woman who was bullied on the school bus.

    ReplyDelete
  49. Anonymous14:42

    Thank you Jen! You nailed this one!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Anonymous14:53

    Well said!

    ReplyDelete
  51. Anonymous15:37

    Does anyone else see the irony in the idea that her husband is suing because somebody else's balls are hitting her in the face?

    ReplyDelete
  52. My dad always told me that the reason suppositories have directions on them is because of douche canoes like this lady. Well, he didn't say "douche canoe" but it was implied.

    ReplyDelete
  53. Anonymous17:01

    Of course she's from New Jersey

    ReplyDelete
  54. New Jersey again. This state is full of wacka doodles. What a couple of prize douche bags. I hope all the things you hope. You nailed it.

    ReplyDelete
  55. Judge Judy would sort this shit out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Melissa Allen21:14

      Hell, yeah!

      Delete
    2. I would PAY to see this one on Judge Judy!

      Delete
  56. Anonymous19:03

    I'm not saying anything. With that family's suing rate I would hate to end up on their list. Jen you better watch it, you might be sued for detriment of character... ba-ha-ha I think we would all come to you defense if that ever happened! - purposefully left as an Anonymous Comment!

    ReplyDelete
  57. Anonymous20:16

    I was going to sue you, actually. I'm reading this in the dark on my iPad and my eyes hurt a little.

    ReplyDelete
  58. Anonymous20:19

    Holy hell, I have never felt such a need to respond to a post. This shit is so dead on. Please mail it to her. Omg, I will pay big bucks if you mail it to her. Her husband sounds like an even bigger douche bag than her. They deserve each other. I swear to god, if I hear they win their bullshit suit, I don't even know what I'll do. Boo to both of them. I hope her nose job collapses. (Sorry for being anonymous. I'll register when I figure out how).

    ReplyDelete
  59. Nina Cazille20:22

    I posted that article on your site yesterday as I knew you would feel the same and have a positively brilliant response to that wench...love you!

    ReplyDelete
  60. Guess her husband watched Clueless too many times:

    Ms. Stoeger, my plastic surgeon doesn't want me doing any activity where balls fly at my nose.

    Well, there goes your social life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TOTALLY thought of that when I read the story!!!
      What a crazy, crazy bitch.

      Delete
  61. Oh I hope she wins her case ...and they award her the $7.26 and 3 tokens from Chuck E. Cheese that was in his piggy bank. Fucktard.

    ReplyDelete
  62. I read this article yesterday and my sentiments match your exactly. I'm tired of all those asswipes that don't take responsibility for their choices and actions and sue everyone they blame for their own mistakes. Your imaginary lawsuits gave me a good laugh. My biggest laugh, though, came from your parting comments about Lubriderm being on sale...classic!

    ReplyDelete
  63. Melissa Allen21:13

    When I was 11, I was hit by a car while riding my bike. The old crank who hit me sued and won. Apparently, when I rolled up on his hood after being struck, I caused damage to his Cadillac.

    He asked for my name and address after I was hit, but never asked if I was o.k.

    He's dead now. The jerk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG the same thing happened to me! I was 15 riding my 10 speed down the street and some guy opened his car door on to me and knocked me down - destroying my bike and breaking my collar bone. He told me that he could sue me for the damage to his car so I got scared and walked my broken bike home in pain. My parents were out of town so my brother took me to the emergency room where they suspected child abuse and called DCFS. What an asshole he was. If that happened to me as an adult I would have been all about the kid and doing anything I could to help! I guess the difference is in the 80s people weren't as litigious as they are now. Now its all $$$.

      Delete
    2. Melissa Allen00:02

      Believe it or not, he sued us in 1982. He was ahead of his time!

      I still remember his last name was Roden. To this day, I still think of him as "Rodent".

      I can't believe you were that badly injured and he yelled at you. What a jerk. He doesn't deserve a throat punch, but a swift kick in his 'consortium'.

      Delete
    3. That happened to my son too!! Bitch lost though..

      Delete
  64. BAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOVE!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  65. Oh- This is great. I hadn't heard about these losers but I'm so happy to get my news from your blog. Unscrupulous people. Reminds me of the moron judge who sued the laundry couple the mental anguish caused by the loss of his fave slacks when they guaranteed 100% satisfaction....Huh-Larious post.

    ReplyDelete
  66. Mess!!!!! The lack of consortium bit is the dumbest part! Something tells me she has been either refusing to consort or he has not wanted to consort with her douchey self since well before that baseball consorted with her face...or let me play devils advocate here and hope that said baseball knocked her sense right outta her and a good punch in the same region could knock it back into place;-)

    ReplyDelete
  67. In reading these frivolous lawsuits, I was reminded that I never sued my junior high when I sewed my own finger during sewing class. I had to have nine shots in my tiny little finger, just so the doctor could dig around to find the tip that had gotten buried in there. I bet I could have made BANK off of that. And my mom could get in on the action and sue for "loss of pay, " since she had to leave her job to take me to the doctor. Oh, and I bet my little brother could sue for "loss of quality mommy time," since my mother had to divide her attention for the duration of the day. I wonder what the statute of limitations is, on eenage idiocy here in Utah....

    ReplyDelete
  68. shermanmomma08:30

    I'll be honest. Most of these little league parents deserve a shot by a ball. My husband is on the board of our little league and I can't wait until he's done with his term. Some of these parents are real asshats. Do you really think you are not going to get hit with a ball while you are sitting near a batting cage? Really? Do you think you won't get hit with a car while sitting on the highway? You, your husband and the dip-shit lawyer who took the case should be sued for stupidity. I hope the case goes to a judge. I hope the judge has a real problem controlling his laughter before he throws the case out. Elizabeth, you are a true douche.

    ReplyDelete
  69. Good Christ! How does she get around from day to day without being hurt and then suing? What a couple of complete and utter DOUCHE BAGS!! This makes me angry. People like this are the reason other countries HATE us. I think the judge should hand down the exact sentence you wrote. Fuckers.

    ReplyDelete
  70. You sure stroked this one out of the park like a douchey dad (or at least her husband) with a vat of Vaseline !! People like this should be lined up and be forced to {insert vile comment here}......

    ReplyDelete
  71. Anonymous11:03

    What a douche nozzle. I am not surprised though. I am in the midst of being sued by the dog rescue we got our dog from because she decided she wants our dog back. No grounds, no nothing. People can eat shit and die.

    ReplyDelete
  72. Right on...what a load of horseshit... my oldest was in 7th grade- and being stupid decided to try and shoplift a Mountain Dew on a dare. He ran out of the store and bumped into some lady. A YEAR later HE received legal papers that she was suing him for 250K for a whole laundry list of trumped up crap- loss of work, injuries that ruined her quality of life...it went on and on. People are ignorant assholes. The same son was hit by a car while riding his bike (yeah- he's 21 now, but he had an...interesting childhood) The bitch that was on her damn cell phone that hit him tried to come back on us for.....scratches and a dent in her BMW...are you fucking serious? You hit my son's BODY with your CAR! Both of these incidents were dismissed-but what a fiasco!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous07:04

      So you are pissed that someone was injured when your thug ass kid smacked into her while COMMITTING a crime?!? Obviously your extreme mental retardation explains how you raised such a douche bag who doesn't have the common sense to get avoid cars.

      Delete
  73. hmmmm.... you have a much different perspective on the lack of consortium than I have. I imagined the husband to be so repulsed by her hideously disfigured face that he just couldn't bring himself to even look at her let alone touch her.

    ReplyDelete
  74. I do not know how I missed this story about this idiot, but I loved this letter. You are so righ...most husbands today would be suing their own kids. That may be the truest and funniest thing I have read in weeks

    ReplyDelete
  75. I am going to sue Elizabeth Lloyd for the headache I now have from reading about her douchery.

    ReplyDelete
  76. Anonymous10:58

    I 100% agree with you on everything you said, and I too hope she falls off her porch and breaks her new nose, but if she is the type of person to sue a little kid, I'm sure she would figure out a way to sue the company (or individual) that built her house if she did fall off the porch!

    I hope she loses her lawsuit and I only wish that in addition to losing, the judge could find a reason to put her in jail for filing such a ridiculous lawsuit. It is people like her that make me truly sad for the kids growing up in this day and age.

    ReplyDelete
  77. Heather12:59

    You are fucking awesome! Enough said.

    ReplyDelete
  78. AWESOME! Truly Awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  79. My son came up with a great imaginary lawsuit. During the OJ Simpson trial, we watched a really old movie called Towering Inferno where OJ played a security guard who rescues a deaf woman and her kids from a firey death. My son wanted to sue LA County for prosecuting OJ as it was clearly proven in the movie that he was a hero and by charging him with murder, my son's feelings were hurt. He wanted to sue for a gazillion dollars.

    ReplyDelete
  80. If they have children, I hope they NEVER do anything by accident. What an ass. I can't believe the court would even let her file something like this. REALLY??

    ReplyDelete
  81. Anonymous11:04

    I really hate all these people and their stupid and crazy lawsuits. Just like the lady who probably started it all. You know the one, the lady at the McDonald's drive through that ordered coffee (this was before iced coffee, so what the hell did the dips&*% think she'd be getting? Put it in the CUPHOLDER...not your crotch.

    So, did we find out what happened to Elizabeth Asshat?

    ReplyDelete
  82. Justice08:15

    Personally I just hope someone beats the every living shit out of her and her husband. If they want to sue for pain and suffering lets teach them what pain and suffering really means.

    ReplyDelete