Open Letter to PR Reps Who Write to Me

Dear (insert your name here):

Oh, I'm sorry, did that offend you?  How about I just address this letter:  Dear PR Rep.  It's about as personal as Dear Blogger or my favorite:  Dear [ ] - you would get a bit further next time if you actually put a name in there, dipshit.

Every day I get several emails from PR reps asking me to shill absolute shite.  Most of the times the product has absolutely nothing to do with the topics I write about or my readers.

My suggestion to you, dear PR Rep, is to actually read my blog and some of the comments before you start in with your bullshit about your "extreme interest" in my "well-written" site.  Are you kidding me with that?  Every other word on here is fuck or douche.  I think an English professor just died somewhere when she heard what you said about my blog.

photo:  freedigitalphotos.net

If you took a moment to read one or two of my posts, you would realize that I have absolutely no interest in "spreading the word or telling" my readers about:

a.  Your shitty book about the terrible side effects of television on kids.  I think we got the message a while ago.  While you were busy writing this book, it was all over the television.  Go figure.

b.  Your "exciting and informative" new daytime talk show that is debuting soon.  Daytime talk is where most stars go to die.  Unless you are Ellen or Oprah I'm not buying what you're selling. 

c.  Boring interviews.  Yes, I have children, but that does not mean I want to actually interview a child psychologist for my blog.  Maybe you should call the daytime talk show people it sounds like your cup of tea.

d.  Comic books.  Did I give the impression that I read comics?  Because I don't read comic books, I've never once mentioned comic books or anything remotely like that so don't ask me to pimp your stupid comic book.  Yeah, I'm a dorky "Star Wars" fan and a Twi-Mom and a Harry Potter fan, but I have to draw the line somewhere.  I don't do comic books.

e.  Interviews with F-list celebri-trash.  Let me be clear, Mister PR Rep, I have absolutely no fucking desire to interview your crappy F-list client slash reality star about breast feeding tips or parenting tips or whatever your client thinks she's an expert on this week.  This is especially true for you, PR Rep to Teen Mom 2 breakout star Chelsea Houska.  


I do not pretend to be a parenting expert nor do I think I have this parenting thing all figured out.  However, I do know that I have a much better handle on it than your 20 year old client.  I would rather kill myself than listen to her "mommy tips."  I can only imagine what she could teach us.  It must be hard for her to juggle her budding career as a reality star slash wanna be Playboy centerfold slash beauty school drop out along with motherhood and dating.  


If I ever need to learn how to make horrible decisions, pick shitty boyfriends, look sexy in Twitter self pics and not pay my bills, I'll be sure to look her up.  

42 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yes, I could not agree with you more! Every day my inbox is loaded with that crap and I can not believe that there are people out there that go for those interviews.

nitty gritty mommy said...

ha! at least people are contacting you dear. I mean, one day, you totally might get bored and start reading comic books and watching teen mom.

Kyla said...

Me too! Now, if only they would send me a holiday. THAT I WOULD REVIEW ABOUT.

Melissa Loves Color said...

This isone of my favorite posts of yours! Haha!!

Christal, The Real Housewife of Santee said...

Right? I have a PR background through my time in the Navy. You wouldn't believe the people calling our office asking to write about their products and what not. Silly PR reps.

Claudine said...

I love you! Where did you get this much chutzpah? I need it! I grew up in Philly and thought I was tough. I need to instill this confidence in my daughters! Note to file, I will man up and summon "People I Want to Punch in the Throat" when dealing with mommy groups, contractors, the jerk at the bus stop and my in-laws. I think you need put together some rogue Tony Robbins boot-camp for wimps. I will be the first to sign up. As always a great read!

Kayla Arnolts said...

But I would love to interview Chelsea. Forward me that email! :-)

Anonymous said...

No wait. Send the comic book people to me, yes? The rest of them can all gotohellfast.

CrAzYmOmMa said...

LMFAO!!! Love the response Jen. Classic!

Deanna said...

amen sister.

amyunicorn said...

I keep reading about this! You would think PR folks would have given up by now, but yet I keep getting my rich Nigerian relatives wanting my bank account numbers to get all of my winnings from someone's horrible death in my Inbox.

So here's this; http://thebloggess.com/heres-a-picture-of-wil-wheaton-collating-papers/

Sarah said...

truthfully I would love for you to interview someone, but make it someone douche-tastic like John Mayer or the like. You would at least be real and ask questions like "do you know you're a fucktard?" "And, when did douche-like tendencies begin to surface? Childhood?"

Tim said...

You're looking at this the wrong way. Here is a prime opportunity to give something a good punch - they're practically begging you to punch them. You know the old saying that there's no such thing as bad publicity. How awesome would it be to interview someone and then after each one of their responses you add your comments. Sample interview: (I don't know anything about this girl - I just googled her a minute ago to see her picture so I'm stereotyping her based on her appearance)

Jen: So Chelsea - tell us your top parenting tip.

Chelsea: Well Jen, after a long day of filming I find it's important to spend some quiet time cuddling with him before I go out with my girls.

Jen's thoughts: That's great Chelsea - spending time with your little one before you whore yourself out to the first guy that will buy you a drink. I know you're only doing it so that your baby will have a playmate, because you're such a good mother.

See - you could have a lot of fun with that - plus a new keyword for those google searches!

Learning to Teach said...

I'm not an English professor...but I'm an English teacher. And I *adore* your column ;) I don't always agree with your opinion (I can't stand Twilight...but I'll see the movies because of Taylor Lautner ;) but you are funny as hell and make me laugh. Thank you. Would you be interested in interviewing my adorable but horrifically ill trained rescue dog? I can't afford a PR rep for him...yet...

Anonymous said...

Running a NPO, we get the same stuff and you wonder do they even look at the content on the site? It is insane. I honestly think they have a curtain # of emails they must send every day in order to keep their jobs and randomly just send them! It also is other NPOs that one should question donating that do those things too. We have taken on the policy "We do not do business with unsolicited entities, thank you for your interest." (We can't use the language you do - though we think it!)

Anonymous said...

Someone wanted you to interview Chelsea Houska? LMAO!

The Riddles said...

lmfao. i heart you, [ ]. i really, really do.

Shannon said...

The ones that truly baffle me are the ones that say stuff like, "Our company has a new fall line we'd love for you to share with your readers. Let me know if you would like more images." What's in it for me here? I mean, I'm small potatoes and would pimp up a reputable brand in exchange for something to give away. (Let me note here that the biggest perpetrator of this offense is a well-known brand that has a store in most American malls.) But why would I do your advertising for nothing?

Marcella said...

haha!

Staci said...

Hahaha! I get this all the time :) the most recent Dear Betsy... Yeah my name is Staci dumbass!! The best part I get this crap about my "great" blog ( I think it's great but it's mine haha) and its not like I have tons of hits! Peeps are not even gone see or read their crap!

Tricia said...

I hear you there. See - I do the blogging AND the PR stuff (blogger by night, cleverly disguised as a PR flack by day). How hard is it to read the blog?

My favorite pitch of course being the one for a "voyeuristic tv show" Um...I blog about my toddling twins. Maybe no? (Although the combination of those two might get me punched on YOUR site) :)

Don't make me use my Mommy PR voice... http://www.streamdoubletrouble.com/2011/11/19/i-swore-i’d-never-do-this/

Penelope Lolohea said...

You wouldn't believe the crap I sometimes get in my inbox for my book review blog! The worst are the ones who email me back after I've politely declined, wanting to know why I won't read their book, when "it's sure to be a favorite of [mine]."

My favorite email, though, is still the time back before I began my book blog, when I was a mommy blogger. I was approached by a PR rep to review--on my family-friendly blog, I might add--their new couple's kit that included a vibrator, a vibrating penis ring, and stimulating massage oil. The email had my name right, so the rep had at least been to my blog and saw what I wrote about (but I guess she didn't read my PR page). I didn't even respond to that one.

Kim said...

That's not PR, that is called a scam. BIG difference

Stephanie said...

I think you should totally interview the girl from Teen Mom 2 because I think your responses to her crappy parenting tips would be hilarious.

Emmy's Mama said...

Dear (writer of this blog):

I find your blog most interesting, especially your eloquent and sensitive portrayal of the plight of endangered species, your focus on humanitarian efforts in Bolivia, and your dedication to spreading the use of Esperanto as a primary international language.

Your blog has attracted our attention, and our organization would like to offer you a position as Grand Holy Ambassador. We believe your blog audience would benefit greatly from your allegiance with our organization, and that your blog would bring attention to our very worthy cause: knitting booties for llamas throughout the world.

In exchange for your title of Holy Ambassador, we only ask that you write a blog post about shoeless llamas once a day. We know this is a commitment you will enthusiastically take on.

We look forward to hearing from you, and thank you for your time,

Rama Llama Ding Dong

Siobhan said...

I was thinking the same thing.. it would be like the time she reviewed the interview about the woman with the best closet/seasonal wardrobe. Hysterical!

Heather said...

You're fucking awesome. Enough said!

Jill said...

For those of us who are corporate drones, can we replace "PR Rep" with "Recruiter" and "blog" with "LinkedIn profile"? In other words, I'm not going to use your services if you can't be bothered to find out what my title even is....

Jessica said...

I think I would interview the Teen Mom chick, but it would be questions I choose, like "do you know what birth control is?" or put her through some weird mom themed obstacle course and take pictures.

Phanie said...

If it was not a almost sure waste of your time, I would love for you to take on the challenge of trying to interview a wanna be TV star teen mom. Waste of time because even her most likely inane answers would not have the spunk of pure stupidity doubled with greed and fame hunger that seems to be the common thread today. Probably because this dear teen mom has not had the luck(sic) to get a proper high school education.
Those PR "people" might just be bots trolling blogs. This is my "full of hope that humans that have a paying job mean to do a good job" thing. I know I am delusional.
Read your blog and check your Pinrest ;thankyouverymuch (or not...) for starting me on that by the way. It's a great fun breaktime for me.

Tazi-Kat said...

Think of it as the price of success, Jen! When your plan for world domination is complete you can force these dipshits to do your bidding. Judging from your writing, I am certain it will be worthy of our attention!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like that the PR Rep for Chelsea is just BEGGING for her to get her ass handed to her. oh PLEASE interview her!!

Christeena96 said...

Ha! I just searched to see who this Chelsea chick is and it seems her PR firm sent a lot of letters to blogs and all of them are saying the same thing...lol.

Sue said...

I've gotten some really great pitches for my blog, including one from a PR person who sent me a media advisory about a celebrity who was going to a homeless shelter to talk to some kids about hunger. Yes, you got that right -- she's telling people in need about need. As if. And that PR rep actually sent a follow-up asking if I was planning to be there. I had to restrain myself.

On the other hand, I also got an invite to an event apparently geared toward guys who ride really fast motorcycles. Again, I had to restrain myself... from showing up. Somehow I think it would have been fun to go in a pair of mom jeans and tennis sneakers, asking if I could ride the Ducati.

Stacey said...

Omg, I would LOVE to read an interview with Chelsea. She probably would not even get that you are completely insulting her with the "So, tell me how you juggle the demands of parenthood with the demands of being a complete skank whorebag?" I love your blog...you say what we all think (and well, some of us also say...but it is nice to know we are not alone in our bluntness. lol)

Melissa :) said...

I got my first of these letters the other day! In a way I excited that someone would want me to write about their product... then I continued reading and saw that their product was for a female sex toy!!!! I write a blog about family and parenting, and while Fat Dad and I have been together for 11 years, I don't think this is the kind of spice my readers would want to hear about. They were nice enough to offer a discount code for my readers who wanted one of their own! Oh well, it gave me a good chuckle for the day : )

Melissa Allen said...

I agree! Right up there with Elf on the Shelf!

Kellie @ Delightfully Ludicrous said...

Well they're rather ... random. It makes you wonder just how many other people got exactly the same "offer".

Nicole said...

That rant at the end? I may have welled up, so moving. Love it. I'm giggling.

Anonymous said...

Most of those groups do a key word search and send off a form letter ... It is considered more time effective than actually reading each individual blog. It's all about their time, not yours. Big surprise.
As for Chelsea, it turns my stomach how people are glorifying teen parenting - I'm with everyone else, I'd LOVE to read what you'd have to say after interviewing her!! If you were paid for your time of course, to make it worth your effort.

Anonymous said...

So is this the blogger version of the OAM? (The brag of being so successful disguised as a complaint?) I think we owe you a punch.

Lisa @ The Cooking Bride said...

I am actually a PR rep in my day job and a blogger on the side, so I see this from both sides of the fence. There are some low paid crappy PR people (if you can even call them that) out there that give the rest of us that take our job seriously a bad rep. On one hand, I was able to help a local food blogger score an interview with a well-known chef in New Orleans last week. On the other hand, I operate a cooking blog and yesterday I got an email from someone trying to get me to write a post on AT&T's no texting campaign in exchange for American Idol tour tickets. Yes, texting and driving is bad but what does this have to do with recipes?

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