Busy Day - Bunch of Mini Punches

1.  Mortgage companies.  I know, I know.  I'm a Realtor - I should love mortgage companies, but they really are so effing evil.  They're such greedy bastards.  They make so much money off of me every month and then LOVE to charge me stupid fees for verifying that I put a new roof on my house.  WTF?  Yup, today we found out that in order to get our money from the insurance claim, it must go into an escrow account held by our mortgage company and they won't pay the roofers until WE pay them to send a lackey out to verify we have a new roof.  Meanwhile, they earn interest off our insurance money while we pay for the roofer out of pocket and wait to be reimbursed.  Effing loan sharks.

2.  People who drive minivans like they're in the The Fast & The Furious.  I had a woman in a swagger wagon pull an illegal u-turn on a busy road in front of me the other day.  I thought we were in the middle of a police chase for a minute.  Then I saw she was on the phone and realized she was lost and calling for directions.  I sure hope she had Aighmey buckled in tightly.  My favorite part, though, was when I honked, she gave me the big F You!  I live in Middle America, people around here barely honk, so I'll give her props for dropping the F bomb on me.  However, she's lucky because it just made me wish I had something to throw through her window.

3.  Nosy/snooty neighbors.  The neighbor across the street from me is having some major landscaping done.  It's been going on for a couple of weeks now and every night machinery and piles of rock, dirt, mulch, etc. are left in the center of our cul de sac.  Today a Board Member from our HOA called and asked if I knew what was going on with all the mess.  I said, "Did someone actually call and complain about this??"  He said, "Yes."  Now, I used to be the Board President and I know how this neighborhood is.  They call about the dumbest shite.  (So and so's yard has dandelions and they're encroaching on my lawn.  So and so left his car on the street overnight and not in his garage.  So and so's dog barks too much.  There are black kids going door to door selling magazines - can't you stop them?)

I said to him, "Does this person even live on my street?"  Dead silence.  Yeah, that's what I thought.  They probably live two blocks over and they're still pissed off about what's going on in MY front yard!

Let me tell you, people, we used to have a pedophile who lived our street and some guy who shot porn films in his home every weekend, so a pile of mulch in the road is a WELCOME change to what we usually have going on down here in our neck of the woods.

4.  Technology.  The Hubs is really awesome at keeping us up to date with our technology.  He makes us super duper efficient and I can do everything I need to from the comfort of my sofa.  That being said, the MAKERS of this shite really suck.  We hit about the 3-5 year mark with any one item and all of a sudden it's kaput.  (In two short weeks we've bought a new desktop computer and a new external hard drive.)  OR if it doesn't break, then everything changes and suddenly the devices/phones/etc. we have are now obsolete and we need new ones even though the ones we have work perfectly fine.  So flipping frustrating!

5.  I would NEVER punch my kid - but seriously the crap he comes up with at bedtime really irks me.  Every night he is overcome with phantom pains - a foot that hurts, an ear that throbs, his throat tickles, his eyes won't stay shut.  It's just ridiculous.  He just stuck his head out the door to tell me he has a tooth that is loose and it's keeping him from sleeping.  I know a way to get that tooth out...

5 comments:

Tiff said...

The last one cracked me up. Piper does this all the time. It usually involves a lot of band aids on non-existent wounds.

Crafty said...

I'm sure your neighbors would love it if I moved into the old pron director's house and erected a 100 foot ham radio tower with a 30 foot beam antenna on it. Then I could park a vintage Land Rover on the lawn with a set of blocks to keep it out of the street. Just go ahead and attach those liens to my property--I'll NEVER move!! ;)

Lynne said...

I wait for your mini-punches - they crack me up. Basically you take the words out of my mouth.
I loved what you called the minvan. We call them 'woman wagons' or 'grocery getters'.

Saramather said...

My son is the EXACT same way. "My eyes won't stay shut, my leg hurts, my water isn't cold enough, I forgot to pick up my favorite Lego piece and I know the cat will eat it"...

Deanna said...

Omg you crack me up!

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