I'm Baaaaaack!

If you've been following along on Facebook and Instagram, then you'll know that I've just returned from a two-week trip on the road with the family.

I'm not sure how I got suckered into such a thing, but it had a lot to do with the Hubs and his rotten childhood. You see, The Hubs was raised in a home where road trips were never done. He had this idea that driving across the country is a romantic and fun adventure best shared with the people closest to you. He envisioned the four of us playing "I Spy" for hours and singing Kumbaya as we wound our way through beautiful countryside. At least I think that's what he imagined when he proposed the idea of a road trip.

I was horrified. I'll be the first to admit: I'm a spoiled rotten woman who prefers to travel the quickest way possible to anywhere. I've been on road trips as a child and I still get the shakes when I think about using gas station bathrooms in Bum Fuck, Ohio and orange construction signs make me break out in a cold sweat.

The PIWTPITT Review of "Magic Mike XXL"

DISCLAIMER: I don't think there are any spoilers in here, but I can't be certain. It's no secret what this movie is about. There are no huge plot twists that will shock you if I accidentally reveal them to you. However, if you haven't seen "Magic Mike XXL" and you suspect this might ruin it for you, then DON'T READ.


Last year, my friend Sandy and I went to see the first "Magic Mike" movie. We shared the theater with a bunch of over-dressed, under-sexed cougars. At the end of the movie we decided that there was way too much talkie-talkie and not enough strippy-strippy. So, when I heard that "Magic Mike XXL" was coming and I was promised that there would a lot less chattering and a lot more rump-shaking, I called up Sandy and said, "We've got to go!" I also roped my friend, Teri, into coming with us. She'd been invited for the first go-round, but she couldn't come and she ended up watching "Magic Mike" on her television at home. So not the way that movie is meant to be enjoyed. Unless you can see every ripple on Joe Manganiello's abs up close on a the big screen, it's like he worked out for nothing. We OWE it to Joe to see his abs up close.

The boys are back and they're more talkative than ever!!

This time we were prepared though. The first time we were a little taken aback by all the giggling and hollering. This time we decided we'd join in the fun.

Oh My God, I'm Going on a Road Trip to See You

The Hubs and I have been married for thirteen years and for thirteen years he has suggested we take a road trip.

I don't know about you, but I am not a big fan of the road trip. Especially with kids. I grew up driving cross country to see relatives and those are not some of my fondest memories. I remember being wedged into the backseat with a suitcase under my feet and my brother, C.B., totally invading my side of the car. "I'm not touching you. Maybe my pillow is touching you, Jenni! I can't control what my pillow touches." I remember looking out the window at the bumper to bumper traffic and fantasizing about jumping out of the car and running away from C.B. and his stupid pillow that was obviously touching me. I remember my dad trying not to swear at the bad drivers around him. "Where do you do you think you're going? We're all stuck here, jack--" and "You just went to the bathroom an hour ago. We're finally getting somewhere and you want me to stop? What the hell?" My dad perfected his one-handed driving technique so he could crank down his window and flip the bird with the other hand. (Yes, my rage-filled apple didn't fall far from the tree.)

I Hate the Family Who Abandoned Their Child in Kohl's

I woke up in THE crappiest mood today. I was feeling a lot more irritated than usual. I thought maybe I'd check my email and see if someone had sent me a cat video that would cheer me up. Instead I saw a headline that caught my eye: No Relatives Show Up to Claim 5-Year-Old Left at Kohl's After Attempted Theft.

What the actual fuck???

I read the article and I immediately wanted to burn something down. Starting with the home of the fuckwit grandmother who abandoned this child after she got caught stealing shit from Kohl's.

"Magic Mike" - the PIWTPITT Review

Where's the beef?

DISCLAIMER:  I don't think there are any spoilers in here, but I can't be certain.  I think we all know what this movie is about.  I'm not going to reveal any plot twists or the ending, or anything like that.  However, if by reading this review, the mystery of "Magic Mike" is now ruined for you, I'm sorry.  Now, go get a life. 

If you are a faithful reader, you will know that my friend Sandy really wants to see "Magic Mike."  She's been talking about it for a couple of weeks now and she was trying to get a couple of us to go with her.  Our friends all declined for one reason or another.  Sandy turned to me in her hour of need.  What was I supposed to say?  What kind of friend lets another friend go and watch prosthetic penises flop around in a fringed nut sack alone?  I knew that if nothing else, there would be delightful eye candy (and I love eye candy as much as the next person) and there would be something good to write about.  I am happy to say, "Magic Mike" delivered on both of these fronts.

So let me set the scene for you:

Stay At Home Dads Aren't Real Men?

So The Hubs wrote a guest post the other day called 7 Complaints of a Stay at Home Dad. I shared it on Facebook, because I'm a good wife who likes to support my sad sack of a husband. At least that's what this chick Molly would say. She read the Hubs' post and then got her panties in a twist and left this message for me:

Of course my awesome readers attacked because the blog is called People I Want to Punch in the Throat, not fucking Unicorns and Rainbows. My people are ragers and Molly pushed their buttons. So then she came back with:

I Met Jen Lancaster and She Was the Bomb!

Hey guys, it's been a busy few weeks and I thought I'd catch you up on what's been going on. I know, I know. You're always sitting around wondering to yourself, “I wonder what Jen's been doing lately? I sure wish she'd write me a note and let me know what she's up to.” Lucky you, I've got a story for you. How about when I met my new BFF, Jen Lancaster recently? (OK, she doesn't know we're BFFs just yet, but soooooon she'll figure out we belong together.)

So, a few weeks ago I went to a book signing for Jen Lancaster. You know who Jen is, right? She's only one of the funniest lady writers out there. Her first book, Bitter is theNew Black, kind of changed my life. That was the first time I read a book about a woman doing ridiculous things, lamenting over first world problems, and swearing like a sailor. I thought to myself, “Wait. Stupid shit happens to me all the time and I swear so much I can make a Marine blush. You can get paid for this?? What the hell have I been doing with my life until now?” Also it was the first time a book truly made me guffaw. That's a level of laugh I don't often reach.