Adolpha's Favorite Finger

I picked Adolpha up from school and I heard her ask from the backseat, "Hey Mom, do you have a favorite finger?"

"Ummm . . . no.  I don't think so," I replied as I navigated through the hell that is the elementary school pick up line.

"Really?" she asked surprised.  "'Cause I do."

I figured she'd tell me her favorite finger was her thumb, since she has been sucking it since she was in the womb.  (We've been trying to break her of this habit, so if you have any words of wisdom - don't hold back!)  "Is it your thumb?" I asked.

"No, silly!  A thumb isn't a finger.  It's a thumb!"

"Right."

Plus Size Women Are People Too

Have you heard about the fight between Amy Schumer and Glamour Magazine? Basically, here it is: Glamour Magazine put out a very special edition (my emphasis) showcasing successful plus size women. They featured ladies like Adele and Melissa McCarthy and they also mentioned Amy Schumer and didn't give her a heads up that she was seated at the portly table.

Welllllll, Amy Schumer got irritated because she's a size 6 and should not be grouped with the ladies of size. She swears she's not pissed that Glamour thinks she's fat, she says she's pissed because she doesn't want her young female fans who have thighs that resemble hers to think THEY'RE plus size. Riiiiiight, Amy.

Amy Schumer is always preaching about how women should accept their bodies and own them, etc., so I don't think she can have it both ways. She can't get up on her pulpit and say, "There's nothing wrong with the size of Melissa's ass, but mine is NO WHERE near that size and should not be grouped with hers." That's some bullshit right there.

Responsibility Starts With Us

As you know, this year I've partnered with Responsibility.org as one of their #TalkEarly bloggers.

This is the 25th anniversary of Responsibility.org. Twenty-five years. Whoa. That sounds like a long time doesn't it? To celebrate, they asked me to dig up a picture of myself from 25 years ago that I could share. My first thought was, "I need to call my mom, because I need baby pictures."

What?? I was an English major in college, not a math major. I'm not so good with numbers ... or aging.

So, here I am. Twenty-five years ago on The Great Wall of China trying to look casual and cool with a hint of mysterious-international-traveler thrown in. I still have the same haircut. It might be time to change my look. Nah, I'll wait another 25 years.

Go Fund Yourself

I am all for crowdfunding for appropriate things. That's the terrific thing about crowdfunding. So many people can come together and with a small investment, make a huge difference. I give to a lot of campaigns. Like medical or funeral bills. You bet. Your house burned down and you lost all of your possessions. Sure thing. A self published book. Of course. A new invention. Sounds great.

It's starting to get out of hand though. A potato salad party. Meh. Whatever. What about your neighbor's senior trip? Yeah, that's happening. A friend received a GoFundMe begging: "Please help Ashleigh end her amazing senior year with a spectacular month long trip to Europe." No.

Placenta Sushi

Image: MorgueFile

Last night I was minding my own business when Karen from Baby Sideburns put up a link to a woman's blog where she describes eating her own placenta. Karen said, "Someone needs to write about this. Jen?" If you know anything about me, you know I'm a little crazy about placenta. I like to make sure that everyone knows about the proper accessory to carry your placenta around the town in. Or if you're more of an eater, I enjoy telling you about how much I love to eat placenta. OK, I really don't. But I do love to watch others eat it.

Nope. That's not true either. I gag a little every time I think about anyone ingesting ANY sort of organ meat, but especially one that many people would consider medical waste. I mean until Gordon Ramsay makes human placenta the secret ingredient on "Master Chef, Jr." I won't consider this delicacy mainstream. Can't you just see Gordon? "All right, young home chefs. You have a mystery box in front of you that contains the ingredient you must all use tonight. Please lift your boxes to reveal ..... YOUR OWN PLACENTA! That's right, young home chefs, years ago we suspected you might be on this cooking show and we asked your mothers to carefully preserve their placentas so that you could create a mouth-watering, delectable dish that I would proud to serve in one of my restaurants! You'll have one hour and all of the ingredients in the Master Chef Jr. pantry to properly season and prepare your placenta. Ready...GO!"

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Elf on the Shelf?

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!!  Did the naughty Leprechaun visit in the night and leave cornstarch footprints or did you did you decide it was better to get up early so you could hit the local Irish pub at dawn for kegs and eggs (remember those days)?

Guess what?  I did not make a Leprechaun Trap.  Surprising, I know.  I decided to reserve my craftiness since I've been warned that I will actually have to make one in a few years as a school project!!  Are you kidding me?!  I can't wait to hear the educational value of that!

I knew there were some OAM St. Paddy's Day shenanigans out there and I wanted to see what I could find.  I was disappointed to see those girls really slacked off on St. Paddy's Day!  I could only find the occasional rainbow cake, a couple of lame traps and recipes for corned beef and cabbage.  With these results, I felt like an overachiever with my plans to serve Lucky Charms for breakfast (no green milk though, I don't think my kids would touch it)!

Don't Poke The Mama Bear

It wasn't the throat, but it was pretty damn close!

Have you heard about the mom with the tantrum-ing kid who punched another woman in the face?

Can you say tantrum -ing? You know what I mean: the kid was throwing a tantrum.

Anyway, here's what happened: the mom is on a checkout line and her kid is having a tantrum and then this chick without a kid asks her to quiet down her kid, because it was bothering her.

She did what????

Yeah, a woman on the checkout line told another woman to shut her kid up! She says it wasn't that bad. She says she simply asked the mother to lower the volume on the kid's tantrum.

Yeah, because that can happen. How many times have you had a kid throwing a fit and the person next to you says, "Could you lower the volume on that nonsense please?" and then you say, "Hey honey, if you could just make your crying a little softer, that would be terrific?" I mean that's what you need, right? Just another interested, caring adult who offers you the solution you were looking for while your child was losing his shit.