Weekly Wrap Up 5.26.12

This was a fun week.  Both of my kids finished school this week, Adolpha got her cast off (if you didn't know Adolpha had a cast, you can read about it here) and we've already had 2 playdates to kick off the summer right.  Woohoo - bring on pool time, free bowling and cheap movies, we're ready!

Many of you follow me at Facebook and I thank you for that.  It's a great way to communicate with one another and get new posts to you.  That being said, FB is being an asshat about feeds.  Many, many, many of the people who are following me on FB are not seeing me pop up in their feeds anymore and so they're missing out on new posts.  Please take a minute follow me on the blog so that you will be alerted by Blogger (not an asshat) every time there is something new to read.  Here's how you do it:

1.  Go here.
2.  Scroll down below popular posts (right hand column).
3.  Keep going past Top 25 moms thing, Google, Pinterest, Stumbleupon and Kidscoop.
4.  Subscribe in a reader.  This is one option.  If you want that, select that, if you don't, keep going to the next one.
5.  Join This Site - Followers button.  Hit that and you're done.  Don't want that either?  Keep going down.
6.  Follow by email.  Put in your email address and you'll get an email each time I post.

Don't miss out by relying on FB to keep you up to date.  Twitter isn't being a bitch, so you could opt for that too if you'd like.

Top Read Posts This Week:

Friends are Hard to Find - Whoa this was a big one.  When I wrote this piece I thought maybe, MAYBE, 10 people would agree with me.  Who knew so many of us felt this way?  This piece was shared all over and I heard from so many of you offering to be my friend (thank you very much) and asking for a Friends Party in your town.  I have picked the date, Thursday, June 21 and I've scheduled several around the country.  You can see them all by clicking the EVENTS button on the top right hand side of the Facebook page or here is a link.  If you don't see your city and you're willing to take charge, email me and let me know and I'll make a page for you too.  Even though I'm the "host" of all of these events, I obviously cannot be at all of them that night, so I'll need someone to take charge and pick a venue and a time.  I will publicize it for you and I'll send you some ice breaker stuff.  Invite your friends and have them invite theirs too.  Even if you meet one new person you can get along with, my job will be done.

BTW, many of you are saying how much we're alike and I don't doubt that.  Because we are so much alike, I'm a bit worried these events are going to be busts, because I am the type of person to be excited about going and then about 4 PM the day of I'll say:  Eh, they're all gonna suck.  I won't like anyone and they won't like me.  I don't want to get out of my pajamas.  I think there's a Real Housewives rerun on tonight.  I'm going to stay home.  DO NOT DO THAT.  Just try it.  It's one night.  You can go in sweatpants for all I care.  Just go.

Don't let this be you.
As for the guys, sorry Charlie, this is chicks only.  I appreciate that you want to be our friend too, but there's a special bond between ladies and that's what we're looking for.  Also, put yourself in our shoes: we tell our families that we're going out for the night to meet some internet people and yeah, there will be some guys there too.  In the immortal words of a 13 year old girl:  It makes you seem like a creeper.  I promise, if you ask me, I will organize something else for you guys.

Mini Punch Tuesday - I haven't done a list of mini punches in a long time and it felt good to do those again.  I'm pissed, because last night I woke up in the middle of the night with at least two for a list for this week and now I can't remember them.  I need a damn notebook by my bedside.  (Did you see what I just did there?  I did a sly pimp of my new products store.  I'm adding to it all the time, so keep checking back and let me know if there's something in particular you'd like to buy that you don't see.)

Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To - If you have not watched "GIRLS" yet on HBO, please stop reading and go watch right now.  Yes, it's awkward and uncomfortable, but I dare you not to laugh.  This show has brought up so many memories that I buried deeply over 20 years ago and we are all better for it.  Honestly, who didn't laugh at this post?

There were several recurring questions and I'll try to get them all:  1.  I have no idea what the women there used back in the 90s.  I'm guessing we use the phrase "on the rag" for a reason.  The selection of any type of goods was so limited and so basic that toiletries were a real luxury.  2.  Looking back with 20 years of life experience under my belt, yes, it was a kind and generous and sweet gift.  As a selfish American 20 year old, I was mostly horrified that anyone even suspected that I needed such things.  3.  He was a nice boy at the time, we did hang out for a bit longer and I enjoyed his company until he became an asshole.  We are no longer in touch, although I wouldn't be surprised if I hear from him now.  He tends to pop up over the years.  Last I heard he had one kid and two ex-wives.  I guess his gift-giving did not get any better with age.  4.  The people who oohed and ahhed were mostly doing it to be polite.  I shoved them back in the bag right away and hid the bag with my jacket and stuff.  One girl did ask to see them up close later that evening.  5.  Yes, he was that formal.  He learned British English from a proper British teacher.  Whenever I would come to his dorm room to visit, he would open the door and say, "You are welcome." and I would always think: For what?  What crazy gift did he give me that I forgot about? and then I'd realize, I am welcome...welcome in his home.

50 Shades of Grey - The PIWTPITT Review - Hanging on to the top posts list for an explosive second week!  This is a MUST READ!

New Posts at Babble.com This Week:

Today I Made Good on My Bribe

Saying Goodbye to Our Preschool Teachers Was Harder for Me Than My Kids

My Favorite Comments (and My Reply if Necessary):

I have a friend who went to live in Australia for a while. She heard that condoms were hard to get there, so she decided to take a supply thinking that, if worst came to worst, she could make her own condom black market. So she had all of of these boxes of condoms in her luggage (I think something like 15 or 20...she wasn't kidding), and they searched her luggage at customs. She had to stand there while some Aussie customs agent kept pulling box after box after box of condoms out of her luggage. She was MORTIFIED! [Sorry, I just went even further off topic, but your mention of Australia reminded me of this other funny story.] on Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To

Duuuude, we are meant to be friends. I AM this list. ;) on Friends are Hard to Find

I know!  I agree!!

This has just made the top 5 funniest things I have EVER read. Awesome. on Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To

I hope I wrote the other 4 as well.

"You are a big girl, I thought you might have a big menses." You might have gotten a hedge trimmer too if you explained it was like a jungle down there.... on Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To

OMG loved the posting. What a story I am still laughing. I once sent hubby in for mine, he came out with a bad- of Depends I was so PO'd at the time, bcuz now I had to go in and exchanged this mess. We can laugh about it now. I mean seriously who could confuse a box with a bag? :) Thanks for the laugh on Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To

I was dating a dentist and he gave me an electric toothbrush. I opened it up and asked, "Is this a joke?" He looked back at me like I shot his dog. We broke up soon after. on Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To

Gum disease is no laughing matter.  OK, yeah it is.

LOL!!! I almost snorted my Diet Coke reading this! I've been to several Eastern European countries in the past 5 years and thankfully the conditions are much improved. Except for Moscow's airports - I once couldn't find any TP in the whole damn airport when I had a bad case of the runs. That was awful. on Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To

"You are a big girl, I thought you might have a big menses." OMG. Seriously, I just spat bagel on my computer screen as I read that. Oops. In other news, I was the crazy girl at CVS buying boxes of tampax on sale for $3, opening them on the counter to get the "$2 off" coupon out and then buying the next box for $1, and so on and so on, until I had about 20 boxes. No, I'm not going to Russia, just Australia, but apparently they don't believe in applicator tampons there, and after a year in the US I am now a convert! on Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To

My husband used to work in the store room of a mental hospital *no we did not meet there*. The first time he got a requisition for sanitary napkins he went to his boss and asked what the difference was between the "sanitary napkins" and the regular ones. His boss nearly wet himself. Hubby has never lived it down. on Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To

I have to go to IT and get a new keyboard. I spewed iced tea all over it. That was the most hilarious thing I've read today. on Completely Inappropriate Gifts from Guys You're Attracted To

Wow. You now have a gazillion ladies vying to be you BFF. Reading the responses is like watching an episode of "The Bachelor," only I can't make fun of all of the horrific dresses everyone is wearing. I think you sound like a fantastic friend, but I honestly don't think I could be your best friend. If we were friends, I'd constantly be checking your blog posts to see if you wrote something brilliant or scathing about something I did or said. And if I laughed too hard at one of your rants and accidentally peed my pants (because I refuse to do kegel exercises), I'd worry that millions of folks would read all about it the next day. And while I LOVE the idea of being totally honest and open with you as my new besty, I'd be nervous that on more than one occasion, you would definitely, most certainly want to punch me in the throat. Maybe you would hate my ketchup addiction. Maybe you'd want to punch me for putting up with my husband's occasional super crappy behavior. Or for the fact on Friends are Hard to Find

Jen, you literally took the words out of my mouth while I was reading that. I think we would get along so great! Here's my case: My husband in the real estate biz We both work from home We have two kids of the same general age as yours (although I think the genders are switched, our girl is older than the boy) I cuss like a fucking sailor and I love it (the notion of "naughty words" is completely ridiculous to me) I tease because I love I'm sooooo not crafty or OAMish I am anti everyone-is-special, everyone-gets-an-award (you show up for practice, you play hard, you win, you get a trophy, you don't get one because mommy and daddy write a check, its called EARNING your reward!) My hubs hates everyone too (must be a guy thing) I'm in Olathe! Case closed, I'm your new BFF. Congratulations! on Friends are Hard to Find

Boom.  Done.  Wait a minute, how are we going to split our RE referrals?  We'll be poaching each other's friends.  That could get ugly.

Jen - Dan here....you guys know you are only a short, 8 hour drive to the Big D (well actually the Big F, but that sounds dirty). Come down to see your Uncle and you can double dip again :-) on Friends are Hard to Find

I had no idea you could be dirty, Dan.  Nice one with the Big F.  Believe me, the Big F is on our list and you will not be excluded from the roundup.  Thanks for the invite!!  Much love to you guys.

Jen, wow girl. Look at what you are doing here.. You better get that damn elf a halo because this is amazing. You don't know me from boo but I'm proud of you! I've been with you since this started and watching your little blog mature and I think it's fabulous what your doing here. Don't get too "Oprah" on us now, but I do hope you find enough "Gails" to keep you happy! Staying tuned! Your friend, Heather :0) on Friends are Hard to Find

Oh God, if I get "Oprah" please someone kick me.  

So I have a couple of friends that I like and like me (which is a rare and interesting combo). I also have 3 boys under 3 so I have no life and need friends that dig that. Anyhow. I'm leaving my friends and moving to the Netherlands. If by chance any of your readers are in the Tilburg, vicninity- I'm coming this October. Let's hook up so we can make fun of wooden shoes together. on Friends are Hard to Find

Please tell me there is at least one person in Tilburg that reads this....how cool would that be?

Hi, I'm Jenn - I'd like to apply for the friend position... I'm a Jersey girl, so you already know that I an dish it out AND take it. I'm not afraid to be me or let you be you... If your bill is full, it's all good - put me on the waiting list. I'll also forget too - so if one of us calls the other at random for a drinkie poo - I'm all in! :) PS. Loved this ... I will be another to say, "Were we separated at birth?" on Friends are Hard to Find

Wow, this sounds like me exept I can cook ;)Luckily I do have a bunch of friend like you are looking for. If you ever come to Iceland we could take you out for a drink or two and teach you some icelandic swear words ;) (my spelling is probably off since english isn´t my first language, oh well) on Friends are Hard to Find

Iceland is on my bucket list.

I just read 50 Shades of Grey. Honestly I wanted to slap the crap out of the main female character myself for all her whining but it was an easy read. BTW it is porn. I don't usually like romance-y type books but after the first sweaty sex scene in the book I became inspired. I went and made out so hard with the hubs I had to ice my tenders. Never done that before... on What Are You Reading?

"ice my tenders" I will be stealing that in the future. Hilarious.


Erika said...

You're really stacking up the overseas readers, Jen. Iceland. Netherlands. I'm in Japan (Okinawa, not the mainland). I wonder in what other countries people are getting punched. How do you say "asshat" in Japanese? I'm pretty sure Google Translate doesn't cover that. Bummer.

Krysti said...

Your comment about deciding at the last minute to skip social events is totally what I do. Only mine comes from fear--I could give you a very long list of the stupid stuff I think of! Having a "migraine" is always a good excuse...

Also, I didn't know there were any other Colorado readers. Shows how closely I pay attention!

Anonymous said...

I do that too, Krysti...

Rachel Apps said...

I read PIWTPITT in England, and over here, we say "arsehat!"

Mel said...

The comment about the sanitary napkins made ME about pee in my pants! I could totally see my husband doing that. He bought me depends instead of pads one time too . . . haha, men! :)

~*~MizTink~*~ said...

The comment about sanitary napkins cracked me up too!!! I almost spit my coffee all over the place. I once sent a boyfriend to the store for me and he brought me one of everything (minus depends LoL) because he couldn't remember what I told him to get and he didn't want me to be mad for not getting what I had asked for!! Men are too funny sometimes!


Anonymous said...

"ice my tenders"

ROFL.... cant... stop... laughing...

Ashley said...

"Boom. Done. Wait a minute, how are we going to split our RE referrals? We'll be poaching each other's friends. That could get ugly." No worries, the hubs isn't an agent, he's an appraiser. Your referrals are safe!

Cyndi said...

I FINALLY MADE IT! My dream has come true. Glad I could be a part of the weekly wrap-up this week! LOVE!

Cyndi, the Australian tampax hoarder.

Taylor said...

Jen, I want to follow you on Facebook, but your link won't work for it. It just brings me to my newsfeed. I follow The Hubs but not you! Anyway you can help?

Jen Piwtpitt said...

Taylor, I'm not sure about that. Try this link https://www.facebook.com/pages/People-I-Want-to-Punch-in-the-Throat/283626551683138

Taylor said...

That worked!! Thank you so much!

PS, you're freaking hilarious. I know I'm a little young compared to most of your readers, but I have a 5 year old little sister, so the 14 years between us makes me feel like a mom sometimes. Also, my mother loves how brutally honest and hilarious you are. She said she would totally be your friend in real life if possible, haha.

Xanders_Mommie said...

"ice my tenders" made me laugh so hard I woke the boyfriend... too funny! :)

Blondie McBaffled said...

Reading your weekly wrap up prompted me to catch up on your latest blogs. In your inappropriate gifts blog, if he'd made such a presentation of the gift of Tampons to me in a crowded room, I'd probably have given him my own presentation on how to insert them...in his anus!

As for your friends are hard to find blog, I'm afraid despite my fantasticly brazen smartassery, I am a single woman and therefore would not make the cut. I would like to know if you find your new BFF as a result of your blog. That would be a tremendous blogging success...almost as huge as if you were to have lunch with Tina Fey...well, not really, but still HUGE!

Anonymous said...

There are many things I could say (that I'm sure more clever people will say) but I just was wondering: 19 and 31, isn't that illegal in some states and nauseating in the rest? Her MOM/DAD should give him a swift punch in the crock!

Anonymous said...

this was suppose to go on the John Mayer post, I'll move it, clearly my 2 year old did some button pushing while I had my back turned...

Rachel McN said...

Hey Jen, yes you DO have at least 1 reader in the Tilberg, Netherlands region (I'm in Dordrecht, but by US standards that's practically next door). If your reader really must move to this small country, she'll find a fun little group df us expats nearby, always searching for friends from home. Especially those who like to drink and bitch about life in soggy cloggyland. Just tell her to bring us some Duncan Hines and smuggle in some Cheerios.

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