I was out running errands with my mom and she told me she needed some lunch. She asked if we could stop at Taco Bell and get something to eat. We stopped at a restaurant with a wonky layout. See if you can follow along: so, you have the main floor where you order your food and there is lots of seating there and then there's this elevated part that holds 15 or so people and they overlook the lower dining area. My mom and I sat in the lower dining area right next to the elevated part where people could look down on us, over the edge.
We're sitting there eating, minding our own business when suddenly a wadded up straw wrapper goes flying onto my mom's food.
"What the hell?" I exclaimed.
Surely by now you've all heard about the kid who got a bill for $24 when he was a no-show to a classmate's birthday party.
You haven't heard this overachieving tale of WTF?
Where have you been? It's all the talk in the carpool line, my email is blowing up with links to the articles, and one of my mom's friends even mentioned it to me today.
OK, so let me fill in those of you who must live on a deserted island.
You might be a suburban mom if ...
Your full-time job is unpaid volunteer at your children's school.
You've taken a crossfit, barre, hot yoga, pole dancing, kettlebell, or aqua zumba class.
You've ever adopted a vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free, or paleo diet -- and it had nothing to do with allergies.
The people who work at the checkout at Target know your cycle.
You think yoga pants can be worn anywhere -- including formal events.
You pay hundreds of dollars a week to attend music, art, and gym classes to "socialize" your newborn baby.
You have a chandelier in your laundry room.
You have a home-based sales business where you sell makeup, cooking utensils, pre-packaged food, sex toys, or handbags out of the trunk of your minivan.
Today I had some time on my hands and some seriously bushy eyebrows (as I was kindly reminded the other night). Instead of going to my usual waxing joint, I decided I'd go to someplace a little closer. I was running errands and I saw a sign for waxing. I figured I would pop in there instead of driving across town to my usual place.
The sign said walk-ins welcome and I was hoping I could just run in quickly, get the brows ripped, trimmed and tweezed into shape and be on my merry way.
I walked in and I was greeted by what I can only assume was the owner. "Hello. How can I help you?"
"Hello," I replied. "I'd like to get my eyebrows waxed please." The man looked me up and down thoroughly. He took in my caterpillar-like eyebrows and nodded in agreement.
I read a lot of websites and I'm very competitive. I want to know what everyone is reading if they're not reading me. I started looking at what these bloggers were writing that was bringing in so much traffic. Was it their witty prose? Was it their heart-warming stories of motherhood? Was it their parenting insights? Nope. Not even close. It's lists.
The Top 10 _____, Best 8_______, Got to Have 6______, Most Amazing 29______. These lists are out there on every site. I know I have lists too, but my lists are not in slideshow format, thus driving up pageviews with each click. Sneaky, right? All these websites that are driven by the almighty pageview have started turning every fucking thing they can into a slideshow list. I get my ass handed to me daily, because I refuse to bow to the pressure to make a 1,000 picture slideshow of the 1,000 Best Indoor Mall Playgrounds in North America.
The FDA approved a new drug called Addyi -- pronounced "Addie." (Yeah, I don't know why it's spelled so stupidly, but it is.) It's being touted as the "female Viagra."
I don't know about you, but my friends and I talk a lot about how little interest we have to get it on these days. We've always got a list of about 30 other things that need to be done before we can sexy time, so a drug to help get us in the mood SOUNDED like a terrific idea. That's right, ladies, this little pink pill could revolutionize your pathetic prowess in the bedroom!
But before you start gobbling these pills like Tic Tacs, let's take a closer look at the harmful side effects:
Yesterday I received an email from a friend telling me that her 6 year son had his scooter stolen while they were at a local park. She was really upset because the park had been very busy and she'd taken her eyes off the scooter for just a few minutes and it was gone.
She started thinking about a culprit and she really couldn't come up with a "usual suspect". There weren't any middle or high schoolers there on their own who might have stolen the scooter to show off or just be dicks. It was all young kids who were supervised by (seemingly mature, law abiding) adults. Ha! Little did she know there was a thief with her at the park.