People I Want to Punch in the Throat


Designer Vaginas are a Thing Now

I don't know about you ladies, but as I get older I'm finding that a lot of things are .... changing.

My laugh lines aren't disappearing when I'm done laughing, my middle is getting softer, I'm taking more and more trips to the hairdresser to keep the gray hairs under control, and my libido isn't what it used to be.

None of these bother me (and the Hubs) as much as my waning sex drive. I've been looking everywhere for a solution and I've yet to find one. Until today.

The Dads at Science City on Saturday

Saturday was a great day around here.  We had beautiful weather and the Hubs didn't have to show houses so we were looking for something fun to do.

Luckily, I have good friends that I can call at a moment's notice and say, "What are YOU doing today and can we come too?"  That's pretty much what I did to my friend.

She told me that she and her family were going to go downtown and visit the new Kansas City Ballet studio that just opened.  It was a supposed to be a big party with lots of fun (free) stuff for the kids to do.  She is a ballerina and her daughters are ballerinas, so they were pretty excited.

Gender Reveal Parties

I have nothing against party planners.  I know it's their job to always come up with new ideas to sell to people, but when they start throwing Potty Parties and Period Parties you know they're grasping at straws.

The latest trend I've heard about is a Gender Reveal Party.  Wouldn't you love to be invited to one of those?  Well, I would not.  I'll just tell my friends right now:  Save your stamp.  I'm not coming.

First World Problems are Hard

My friend, Annie, is really funny and she's always updating her Facebook with silly stuff. The other day she challenged everyone to list their first world problems. I, of course, can't think of any original ideas, so I swiped this one from her.

Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

I should know better by now.  If I leave my house I'm going to encounter people who bug me.  In the last few weeks I've left the house a lot.  I've been spending a lot of time at the pool and the movies and shopping.  I encountered so many groups of moms clustered in Target aisles, observing swimming lessons and/or waiting for a movie to start.  I could overhear their conversations and I realized they talk about the same shit.  All.  The.  Time.  It didn't matter where I was, it was just variations of the same conversation on a loop.  Here's a mash up with all the topics covered:

And Justice for All

Source: The amazing Mary Engelbreit.
I am having a hard time this week. I wanted to write about Alton Sterling, the Black man who was tackled by two white police officers and then shot while they pinned him down on the ground. How the fuck does this even happen? I railed and I cried and I screamed. I wanted to write something, but I felt like a fraud doing so. What do I know about experiencing racism? Not a lot. I'm a white woman living in a very white world. What could I possibly add to the discussion except more noise? Maybe I'll say the wrong thing?

I didn't want to be angry when I wrote about Alton. I didn't want to be accused of being just another stupid, angry bitch who who doesn't know what she's talking about (because we all know that's what some fucking dude will tell me, only when he does it, he'll call me a cunt because that's what angry men call me). I wanted to be articulate and eloquent. I wanted to be exact with my words when I wrote about Alton Sterling, so I kept trying, but nothing came.

The C-String

Underwear or cuff bracelet? You decide.

Today when I was getting dressed, I was complaining about how hot I was. It's 90 degrees today and I just can't cool off. It doesn't matter what I wear, I just can't stay cool.

I was walking through a parking lot with the hot sun beating down on me and all I could think was, Man, I'm sooooo hot. I wish there was something I could do to make me cooler. I was wearing a skirt and I gave it a little flip so I could get a breeze up in there and then I realized what was making me so hot.

It was my stupid underwear!