First World Problems are Hard

My friend, Annie, is really funny and she's always updating her Facebook with silly stuff. The other day she challenged everyone to list their first world problems. I, of course, can't think of any original ideas, so I swiped this one from her.

Here is Annie's: "It has come to my attention that the Kroger brand granola bars I purchase have far fewer choc chips per inch than the Quaker brand ... and this atrocity is completely unacceptable."

And here is mine: "Last night I wanted to soak in a bubble bath and I was out of bubble bath and had to use shampoo instead. The shampoo bubbles were not as soothing and it really disrupted my relaxation."

OK, it's time to whine. Let's hear your first world problems!

Well Done, Angelina

Like the rest of the world, I woke up yesterday morning to the news that Angelina Jolie had written an OpEd in the New York Times detailing her decision to have a double mastectomy as a precaution against cancer.

I had a lot of thoughts on this one.

I'm not a huge fan of Angelina. I've blogged about her before and I've always been Team Jennifer (Aniston) vs. Team Angelina, BUT I think that what she's done is really commendable. She took control of her body and her health and made some really important decisions. She has a truckload of kids she needs to take care of and she's putting them first and she wants to be around to see her grandkids.

Plus, she got a whole new discussion about breast cancer started and I think any discussion about breast cancer is a good one.

I was disappointed to find out that the test she took to determine she carries the BRCA gene mutation costs $3,000 and is often denied coverage by insurance companies. I know that she's speaking out about her surgery and today she allowed her doctor to share information about her medical treatment. Her doctor indicated that women with a high risk can typically get this test covered. I've been hearing some horror stories of women who have been denied though. I hope the next step is for Angelina to wield her power and take on the insurance companies and pressure them to cover this test.

I was shocked and surprised like everyone else. I'm not sure why, though. It's not like Angelina and I are tight and I see her every day. I don't know why I feel like it was any of my business what Angelina and her boobs have been up to. I was also surprised that she underwent such an invasive surgery. Especially, when she's so well known for her figure. The fact that she would do this and then share her story with the world, tells me that it was not a decision she took lightly.

And then last night, I got pissed. I was trolling around reading stuff on the 'net last night when I stumbled upon tons and tons of assholes who were RIP-ing Angelina's breasts. WTF is wrong with people? First, there were the dickheads mourning Brad's "loss" (as if Angelina's breasts were his property) and then there were the bitches coming out of the wood work blaming Angelina's karma. This sort of thing just infuriates me. It just shows that this world (or maybe it's just Twitter) is populated by idiots and douchebags.

I read today that some doctors are concerned that Angelina's story might encourage more women to have preventative mastectomies that aren't necessary in early stage breast cancers. You know what? These are my breasts and if I have cancer (even early stage) and I want to lop them off so I can sleep better at night knowing that my cancer risks are lowered, then I'll do it. They're not that important to me. My breast don't define me. I believe that Angelina really did her research and figured out a medical plan that was best suited to her. I admire her for empowering other women in the same situation. I'm not a high risk for breast or ovarian cancer, but if I was, you better believe I'd get that test done - even if I had to put it on a credit card.

At the end of all this controversy  I see a mom who cares enough about herself and her family to make a life changing decision that will affect her family and career for the rest of their lives. I applaud her choice and I think she does not deserve a punch in the throat.

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Let's Celebrate ALL Moms This Mother's Day

It's Mother's Day this weekend and I've been thinking about all of the mothers that I love to poke fun at. This is the one day of the year when I don't care how you raise your child, because for those 24 hours we are sisters in solidarity. So, I'm wishing every one out there a Happy Mother's Day and I hope you all get what you want.

If I were handing out gifts, these are the gifts that I would give:

1. Celebrity Moms - A gorgeous "impromptu" photo op of you and the kiddos frolicking in a pristine meadow and/or sharing a delicious wholesome picnic lunch that can then be sold for the cover of an upcoming issue of Hello! or People magazine where they don't mention your penchant for pre-chewing your baby's food or the fact that you're just a "normal" mom who can't pretend to live on $25,000 a year (I'm pretty sure what's what the wood burning pizza oven in back yard cost).

2. Granola Moms - A day of no one staring at you while you breast feed your preschooler, wearing your new breast milk jewelry at your friend's natural birth where you help her become a mother for the first time surrounded by the strong women in her life who will then stick around and help her sew her own lotus bag and preserve her placenta.

3. Hipster Moms - An Instagram feed full of moms and children in lots of ironic shirts, nerd glasses, chevron, mustaches, and anything else that is already "cool" that I don't know about yet, while you wear your new pair of vintage sensible shoes.

4. Overachieving Moms - An ah-may-zing day full of glue guns, glitter, elaborate tea parties in the garden with themes like Marie Antoinette or Rustic Elegance, all topped off with a visit from your Elf bringing you a new strand of pearls (you can never have too many).

5. Book Moms - A cozy chair, drinks, snacks, a fully loaded Kindle, and 24 hours to read in uninterrupted bliss and comfort.

6. Moms Who Drink and Swear - A bottle of Jack and Chore Coupons that are really rules for a drinking game.

7. Helicopter Moms - A cellphone pre-programmed with the contact information for every one of your child's teachers (even if your child is in college), doctors/specialists and nearby ERs and pharmacies, your child's friends, friends of those friends, and a GPS locator chip for your kid's head so that you can know where he is at all times, who he is with, and what they are doing/saying/thinking.

8. Free Range Moms - A visit to an unknown city where you can give your kids a Greyhound bus schedule, a ticket, and a cell phone and challenge them to a race home.

9. Sanctimommies - Unlimited wifi where you can keep all of your Facebook friends updated hourly about how sad you feel for the mommies (like me) who want to be left alone all day, because it's a real shame these mean mommies can't be just like you spending the whole time with your children reveling in the magic and beauty of these little creations that you are responsible for.

10. Tiger Moms - A full day of listening to the sweet sounds of violin and/or piano practice, geography and math quizzes, and Chinese lessons, along with plenty of left over time for public humiliation and shaming.

11. My Mom - My mom is the easiest. Years ago when I still lived at home and every day was a day spent with my brother and me bugging her for something, I know she would have loved a day to herself where she could read, watch chick flicks, and be pampered. Now that she's a grandma, I would give her a day with all of her grandchildren where she can spoil them rotten with junk food, silly movies, messy crafts, and be on the receiving end of a thousand sticky hugs and kisses.

We all may have different ideas of what makes a great Mother's Day, but I think there is one thing we can ALL agree on:

Source

Happy (Lice Free) Mother's Day to every mother out there!!

Your turn. Tell me what YOU want for Mother's Day!

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