People I Want to Punch in the Throat


Oh My God, I'm Going on a Road Trip to See You

The Hubs and I have been married for thirteen years and for thirteen years he has suggested we take a road trip.

I don't know about you, but I am not a big fan of the road trip. Especially with kids. I grew up driving cross country to see relatives and those are not some of my fondest memories. I remember being wedged into the backseat with a suitcase under my feet and my brother, C.B., totally invading my side of the car. "I'm not touching you. Maybe my pillow is touching you, Jenni! I can't control what my pillow touches." I remember looking out the window at the bumper to bumper traffic and fantasizing about jumping out of the car and running away from C.B. and his stupid pillow that was obviously touching me. I remember my dad trying not to swear at the bad drivers around him. "Where do you do you think you're going? We're all stuck here, jack--" and "You just went to the bathroom an hour ago. We're finally getting somewhere and you want me to stop? What the hell?" My dad perfected his one-handed driving technique so he could crank down his window and flip the bird with the other hand. (Yes, my rage-filled apple didn't fall far from the tree.)

The C-String

Underwear or cuff bracelet? You decide.

Today when I was getting dressed, I was complaining about how hot I was. It's 90 degrees today and I just can't cool off. It doesn't matter what I wear, I just can't stay cool.

I was walking through a parking lot with the hot sun beating down on me and all I could think was, Man, I'm sooooo hot. I wish there was something I could do to make me cooler. I was wearing a skirt and I gave it a little flip so I could get a breeze up in there and then I realized what was making me so hot.

It was my stupid underwear!

I Hate the Family Who Abandoned Their Child in Kohl's

I woke up in THE crappiest mood today. I was feeling a lot more irritated than usual. I thought maybe I'd check my email and see if someone had sent me a cat video that would cheer me up. Instead I saw a headline that caught my eye: No Relatives Show Up to Claim 5-Year-Old Left at Kohl's After Attempted Theft.

What the actual fuck???

I read the article and I immediately wanted to burn something down. Starting with the home of the fuckwit grandmother who abandoned this child after she got caught stealing shit from Kohl's.

"Magic Mike" - the PIWTPITT Review

Where's the beef?
DISCLAIMER:  I don't think there are any spoilers in here, but I can't be certain.  I think we all know what this movie is about.  I'm not going to reveal any plot twists or the ending, or anything like that.  However, if by reading this review, the mystery of "Magic Mike" is now ruined for you, I'm sorry.  Now, go get a life. 

If you are a faithful reader, you will know that my friend Sandy really wants to see "Magic Mike."  She's been talking about it for a couple of weeks now and she was trying to get a couple of us to go with her.  Our friends all declined for one reason or another.  Sandy turned to me in her hour of need.  What was I supposed to say?  What kind of friend lets another friend go and watch prosthetic penises flop around in a fringed nut sack alone?  I knew that if nothing else, there would be delightful eye candy (and I love eye candy as much as the next person) and there would be something good to write about.  I am happy to say, "Magic Mike" delivered on both of these fronts.

So let me set the scene for you:

Yes Day

I was browsing my Facebook feed and a post from my sister in law caught my eye.  She announced that today would be Yes Day in her house.  She's has a boy and a girl close in age to Gomer and Adolpha and she agreed to say "Yes" (within reason) to her kids all day.

It got me thinking:  Oh.  Hell.  No.  and  This is one brave momma!

Happy Father's Day!

Today is Father's Day and I should probably write something sappy like the Hubs did earlier this week.

Eh, I don't know that's so not my style, but never say never, I guess.

The kids and I stopped at the local small town Wal-Mart on our way home from camp to buy some Father's Day cards.  I was looking at Father's Day cards at the store and I realized holy crap cards have become expensive.  When did that happen?  My kids kept grabbing 5 and 6 dollar cards!

Especially for my dad.  I don't think he saves any card we give him, so the hell I'm going to spend 5 bucks on a card that he's just going to toss.  Instead, I'll send him an Amazon gift card (note to self: order Amazon gc when this post is finished) and he can buy whatever new spy novel or 1,000 page historical fiction book he would like.  Done and done.

Stay At Home Dads Aren't Real Men?

So The Hubs wrote a guest post the other day called 7 Complaints of a Stay at Home Dad. I shared it on Facebook, because I'm a good wife who likes to support my sad sack of a husband. At least that's what this chick Molly would say. She read the Hubs' post and then got her panties in a twist and left this message for me:

Of course my awesome readers attacked because the blog is called People I Want to Punch in the Throat, not fucking Unicorns and Rainbows. My people are ragers and Molly pushed their buttons. So then she came back with: