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My Husband Loves Me TOO MUCH!



Anyone else have a husband who drives her crazy? I don't know what the deal is today, but the Hubs is getting my very last fucking nerve. (Actually, I know the problem, this time I'm the one with PMS instead of him.)

The Hubs and I spend waaaay too much time together. (Which is just the way he likes it.) We live together (duh) and we work together at home. There is no office for me to escape to. There is no office for me to pack him off to. There is no one to go have lunch with or shoot the breeze with at the water cooler. There is just the Hubs. If I turn a corner in my house, there he is. If I go upstairs, he goes upstairs. If I go downstairs, he goes downstairs. He just looooovvves to be together. Truly. He can't even run an errand alone. He likes to have me along, because he "misses me too much." Ugh!

I know it probably sounds lovely and romantic and all that, but really it can be so annoying. There is a fine line between loving someone and holding them hostage. I think I have Stockholm Syndrome, because I'm being kept prisoner, but I love my prison guard.

I Hope My Son Makes Them Laugh

If you've been reading this blog for any time now, you will have noticed that I tell far more stories about Adolpha than I do Gomer.  It's not because Adolpha is my favorite.  (She's not.  I don't have favorites.  Really I don't.  My favorite is whoever leaves me alone while I write this.)  It's not even because Adolpha is funnier than Gomer.

It's because over time Gomer has asked me not to write about him.  He will do something hysterical or tell me a funny story and immediately he stops, gets an intense expression, and asks me, "Will this be on the blog, Mom?"

The Mean Moms at the School Concert


This might be the worst story I think I've ever heard.

Apparently somewhere in America a principal is having an emergency meeting with a group of mothers. The mothers are there not to talk about their children's behavior. Instead they are there to talk about their own behavior.

So there was a music concert the other night and this group of bitches sat behind a teacher from the school and during the concert they proceeded to put chewed up gum in the woman's hair. Let me say this slower for you, because the first time I heard this story, I didn't quite understand and I thought it was the kids who did this. NO. Not the kids.

I Jumped on the Royals Bandwagon #Takethecrown


I've never cared about baseball before. I've never liked watching baseball or playing baseball. I was raised by a dad who loooooved baseball though. Growing up on the east coast I attended quite a few Yankees games and then when we moved to Kansas City, my dad bought Royals season tickets for several years. I always took my friends to the games where we sat in the bleachers and ate nachos and gossiped. I never paid any attention to the Royals or what they were doing.

Until this year.

Well, really until late September of this year.

Kansas City is a town where our sports teams don't win much. But when we do, we come out in full force. This town has a lot of fair weather fans. But none as fair or as weathery as I.


That's right. I jumped on that blue and white bandwagon! I jumped on so far that I'm practically driving the wagon. My town has had a 29 year drought. The last time they won the World Series, I was completely unaware, because I was sitting in a dark movie theater watching the premiere of Back to the Future. We're finally getting someone to notice us. No longer are we a flyover state. People are actually stopping and watching the Royals play. Those guys are killing it and I am their biggest cheerleader (and good luck charm).

Trick or Treat? Please?


Gomer will be 10 this year and I've been wondering about what age is too old for trick-or-treating. I can remember trick-or-treating way past my prime. I can remember dressing up like Madonna in seventh grade. My dad wouldn't let me out the door until I showed him a picture of Madonna, because he was certain I was lying and my costume was really "underage hooker." I can remember hitting the local Walmart for adult-sized footie pajamas, a bib, and a pacifier when I was in college. I dressed up like a baby so my friends and I could score some free Snickers bars. The stupid part is I'm pretty sure my "costume" cost us more than if we'd just bought a bag of Snickers bars when we were at Walmart. But I later realized those jammies were an investment. They got worn all winter long.

What Is That and Where Do You Want to Stick It?

The least they could do is make vibrate while it takes the pictures.
My friend Lainey was visiting and we went to lunch so we could brag about our kids (hers is a Mathlete and mine is working on his professional soccer career), complain about our (lovable) husbands and lament about how old we're getting (we've been friends since high school).

Lainey is in the medical field so I always like the regale her with my tales of aches and pains and crappy doctor's visits.  When we met for lunch I'd been to my gynecologist's office the day before to have an ultrasound.

Not your typical drink 80 ounces of water until your bladder is going to burst so we can push on your bladder and see if we can make you pee yourself while we stare at a dark and blurry screen with shapes I can't tell what's heads or tails (literally).

Adolpha on the Lunch Line

I could see losing a juice pouch in this thing.
School has started and we are all back in our routine. Adolpha started Kindergarten so I finally have both kids at the same school.  Ahhh!!!

It's so interesting to see the differences between my kids now that they're both in school.  Gomer is cautious and a rule follower.  He makes the smallest waves possible and keeps his head down.  Adolpha has never flown under the radar.  She prefers to make a splash every where she goes.  Adolpha is settling into Kindergarten like she owns the joint and today she proved that to me.  

She is a picky eater so I've been packing a lunch for her most days.  Yesterday was the first day she bought a school lunch.  I wanted her to buy lunch once or twice during these first couple of weeks of school, because there are volunteers in the lunch room to help guide the kids through the lunch line and I wanted her to learn how to do it.  After her lesson yesterday, she is apparently a pro today.