People I Want to Punch in the Throat


Potty Parties

No, no, no, no, no!!  You can have a birthday party, a graduation party (even from preschool and Kindergarten if you must), a Halloween party, a baptism party, a Christmas party, a Hanukkah party, a Valentine's Day party, a Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah, a first communion party, even a tea party, but I must draw the line at a potty party.

Thank God my kids are no longer in diapers and I've left that stinky road long ago so I doubt I'll ever be invited to one, but if I am, I will REFUSE to go to such an asinine event.

This is absolute madness.  No one should ever eat a cupcake with adorable icing underwear on it (I hope it didn't have a fudgy center).  Or eat candy out of a toilet mug.  I will never be able look at a Tootsie Roll again without thinking of it as a reward for going "Number 2" wink, wink (barf).

The Dads at Science City on Saturday

Saturday was a great day around here.  We had beautiful weather and the Hubs didn't have to show houses so we were looking for something fun to do.

Luckily, I have good friends that I can call at a moment's notice and say, "What are YOU doing today and can we come too?"  That's pretty much what I did to my friend.

She told me that she and her family were going to go downtown and visit the new Kansas City Ballet studio that just opened.  It was a supposed to be a big party with lots of fun (free) stuff for the kids to do.  She is a ballerina and her daughters are ballerinas, so they were pretty excited.

Gender Reveal Parties

I have nothing against party planners.  I know it's their job to always come up with new ideas to sell to people, but when they start throwing Potty Parties and Period Parties you know they're grasping at straws.

The latest trend I've heard about is a Gender Reveal Party.  Wouldn't you love to be invited to one of those?  Well, I would not.  I'll just tell my friends right now:  Save your stamp.  I'm not coming.

Yes Day - I Really Did It

At the beginning of the summer I wrote about Yes Day.

My sister in law had planned a day for her kids where she'd say "Yes" to everything (within reason).  My sister in law is a planner.  She sat down the night before and made a list of things the kids would like to do the next day that she would say "Yes" to.  At the time, I thought that was crazy.  I thought my kids would go bananas if they knew I'd say "Yes" all day.

Several readers suggested I not tell my kids it's Yes Day and just try to say "Yes" as often as possible in one day.  I thought that sounded better to me.  Ha.

So Friday night after we put the kids to bed, I said to the Hubs:  "FYI, I think tomorrow is Yes Day."

Suburban Moms' Endless Conversation Loop

I should know better by now.  If I leave my house I'm going to encounter people who bug me.  In the last few weeks I've left the house a lot.  I've been spending a lot of time at the pool and the movies and shopping.  I encountered so many groups of moms clustered in Target aisles, observing swimming lessons and/or waiting for a movie to start.  I could overhear their conversations and I realized they talk about the same shit.  All.  The.  Time.  It didn't matter where I was, it was just variations of the same conversation on a loop.  Here's a mash up with all the topics covered:

The C-String

Underwear or cuff bracelet? You decide.

Today when I was getting dressed, I was complaining about how hot I was. It's 90 degrees today and I just can't cool off. It doesn't matter what I wear, I just can't stay cool.

I was walking through a parking lot with the hot sun beating down on me and all I could think was, Man, I'm sooooo hot. I wish there was something I could do to make me cooler. I was wearing a skirt and I gave it a little flip so I could get a breeze up in there and then I realized what was making me so hot.

It was my stupid underwear!

Is This a Bridesmaid Dress You'd Really Wear Again?

A few weeks ago children's book author Tammi Sauer, who is a friend of my sister-in-law, Heidi, commented on Facebook that it was her 22nd wedding anniversary. She posted a picture of the bridal party and as an aside apologized to the bridesmaids for the dresses she made them wear.

Excuse me? A bride should NEVER apologize for the dresses she chose. Because we all know a bride always chooses elegant, timeless gowns that are flattering on all body types and can easily be repurposed for other events. On her wedding day every bride thinks her bridesmaid dresses are ah-may-zing. She's always like, "You can totally wear that again, Suzie!" Meanwhile, Suzie's thinking, "Except it's lime green, strapless, and made of satin, lace, and tulle, but other than that, it's super versatile!"

What's there to apologize for, Tammi? At least you didn't pick lime green!