People I Want to Punch in the Throat


I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone is HERE

I'm sure that you've noticed that I've been quiet for a while, that's because I've been working on a very important project!!

I am sooooooooooooooooooo excited to announce that I STILL Just Want to Pee Alone is available TODAY on Amazon, Nook, and iBooks!! (I can't stop yelling!!)

This is the third anthology and I swear they just keep getting better. I am so excited to bring back some of my veteran contributors and to introduce you to some MORE kick ass bloggers that you might not know.

Oil Pulling

Oil Pulling. I just threw up writing that. Do you know what oil pulling is? No? Brace yourself. So, you scoop a spoonful of coconut oil in your mouth and then you "swish" for 20 minutes if you can make it that long. Only the hardiest of the pullers can make it that long, because you're basically pulling a solid oil that starts to liquefy in the warmth of your mouth and mix with saliva through your teeth while you do things like check your email or watch the news.

PIWTPITT's How To Be a Good Wife

I've been married to the Hubs for 12 glorious, ah-may-zing, and wonderful years. OK, they haven't ALL been glorious, ah-may-zing, and wonderful, but they've been pretty darn good. I'd give them a good, solid B+ in my book, maybe even an A- if I'm feeling generous.

Are you a good wife?

Throat Punching in Paradise

I'm on Spring Break with the fam in Hawaii.

After a 16-hour journey we finally arrived in beautiful Hawaii. The first thing I noticed was the beautiful weather. "Ahhh," I said. "Sooooo much better than home." Then I checked my Facebook feed and saw that someone was bragging about 70 degrees back home.

Well, you know what? It's still Hawaii, asshole.

Happy St. Patrick's Day from the Elf on the Shelf?

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone!!  Did the naughty Leprechaun visit in the night and leave cornstarch footprints or did you did you decide it was better to get up early so you could hit the local Irish pub at dawn for kegs and eggs (remember those days)?

Guess what?  I did not make a Leprechaun Trap.  Surprising, I know.  I decided to reserve my craftiness since I've been warned that I will actually have to make one in a few years as a school project!!  Are you kidding me?!  I can't wait to hear the educational value of that!

I knew there were some OAM St. Paddy's Day shenanigans out there and I wanted to see what I could find.  I was disappointed to see those girls really slacked off on St. Paddy's Day!  I could only find the occasional rainbow cake, a couple of lame traps and recipes for corned beef and cabbage.  With these results, I felt like an overachiever with my plans to serve Lucky Charms for breakfast (no green milk though, I don't think my kids would touch it)!

Placenta Sushi

Last night I was minding my own business when Karen from Baby Sideburns put up a link to a woman's blog where she describes eating her own placenta. Karen said, "Someone needs to write about this. Jen?" If you know anything about me, you know I'm a little crazy about placenta. I like to make sure that everyone knows about the proper accessory to carry your placenta around the town in. Or if you're more of an eater, I enjoy telling you about how much I love to eat placenta. OK, I really don't. But I do love to watch others eat it.

Nope. That's not true either. I gag a little every time I think about anyone ingesting ANY sort of organ meat, but especially one that many people would consider medical waste. I mean until Gordon Ramsay makes human placenta the secret ingredient on "Master Chef, Jr." I won't consider this delicacy mainstream. Can't you just see Gordon? "All right, young home chefs. You have a mystery box in front of you that contains the ingredient you must all use tonight. Please lift your boxes to reveal ..... YOUR OWN PLACENTA! That's right, young home chefs, years ago we suspected you might be on this cooking show and we asked your mothers to carefully preserve their placentas so that you could create a mouth-watering, delectable dish that I would proud to serve in one of my restaurants! You'll have one hour and all of the ingredients in the Master Chef Jr. pantry to properly season and prepare your placenta. Ready...GO!"

Image: MorgueFile

The Hubs' Memory

Tonight the Hubs told me I reminded him of Dorothy Parker.

"Who is that?" I asked. "Didn't they make a movie about her starring Halle Berry?"

"No.  That was Dorothy Dandridge."

I've never even seen the outside of this place, let alone the inside.
"OK, then I don't know who Dorothy Parker was."