People I Want to Punch in the Throat

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Ladies, Stop Steaming Your Vaginas

Last week, I had to hop a plane to DC for a couple of days. I had a nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. And then I realized it was only because I was traveling alone! For once, I only had to worry about myself instead of keeping track of my kids and all their crap. Or so I thought...

It wasn't until I got to my hotel and fired up my computer and saw the breaking international news that Gwyneth Paltrow is steaming her vagina (I assume with a side of broccoli - that girl is a vegan multi-tasker) that I realized what I had forgotten. The little blinking light in the corner of the screen told me that my battery was low and the end was near. My computer would shut down in 1 minute unless I plugged it in. I reached into my empty bag and discovered that I'd left my cord at home.


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

How could the universe conspire against me like this? GWYNETH is STEAMING her VAGINA and I haven't got a computer that works!!

Things I Could do Before I had Children

I had a make over last night with some of my girl friends.  We got our hair styled and we got our make up done and then we went out for dinner.  Whoohoo!!


Sitting in the chair at the salon, the hair stylist noted that my hair style is "cute."  She said, "Do you always wear it so.....flippy?"  Why yes I do, I thought flippy was in.  Is it not??  She said, "It's OK, we can tone it down a bit with the straightening iron."  She proceeded to straighten the shit out of my hair and make it smoke (literally).  When she was done, she said, "There.  Now you don't look so much like a mom!"

I moved over to the make up chair and this woman was not as diplomatic.  She said, "I'm going to have to do something about your brows."  Oh yeah, I need to get them waxed.  "Yes, you do.  Soon.  I'll do what I can.  In the meantime, let's draw attention to your eyes so the brows don't stand out so much."  I told her to break out a new bottle of concealer, because I was gonna need it.  She chuckled, but didn't argue with me.