Humble Brag Letter

Dear Friends and Family,

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

The view from our beach house!
We hope you're enjoying our family photo. We decided to go with the 8x10 for everyone this year. We know a 3x5 would have sufficed, but we heard from so many of you last year how much you liked our picture and we wanted you to have something really special this year. It's printed on heirloom quality canvas and should really stand the test of time.

Am I the Only One Who Thinks This Christmas Song is Rapey?

How is it in the 40-plus years I've been listening to Christmas music, I've never actually listened to it?

Let me explain: It was Black Friday. My mother and I were out and about maxing out our credit cards and throwing elbows for seven dollar waffle irons. After several hours of shopping, my mom faded and dropped out to go home to bed. Wussy.

I Lost My Elf on the Shelf

Well, I've reached a new low with my Elves on the Shelves. (Yes, I have two to move around now, remember? We added Elva the Elf to our house last year.)

This year it hasn't been so bad, because I've been using my handy dandy Underachiever Calendar to move my elves from one shelf to another and back again. Monday night, though, I got a wild hair. I had a little bit more pep in my step than usual and I got cray-zee with my elves. I put them in NEW places. See, normally I keep them together, but this time I split them up and tried some different shelves in my house. It was bananas. My kids could hardly find them the next morning. I was in the other room, but I could hear Adolpha exclaiming, "Oh look, Gomer! I've never seen an Elf there before. Have you?"

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!

On Friday, I told you guys about Michelle and her special delivery to me. I challenged all of you to tell me why YOU would NEVER EVER return my book to me. I said that I would randomly pick a winner and then I'd send that person Michelle's book.

The Best Hate Mail I Received (This Week)

I am not everyone's cup of tea. I will admit to that. I don't expect for everyone like my brand of humor. It's not for everyone.

Every week I get several emails and comments telling me what an unfunny, vulgar, opinionated, judgmental, bitchy asshole I am. I have been told I should have never had children. I have been told that the Hubs is the dumbest man on the planet for marrying me, because I am a nightmare. I have received death threats, but the worst are the comments about my children's made up names. Who knew the names "Gomer" and "Adolpha" could cause such a fervor?

I thought I'd seen all forms of negative comments, trolls, haters, whatever you want to call them.

Until this week.

Humble Brag Christmas Letters

No, this isn't my mom's house, but this room would make her very happy.
It's that time of year again.  No, I'm not talking about the Elf on the Shelf.  Sure, he's everywhere, but let's try and forget about him for just a minute so I can focus on what I really like about this time of the year.  I'm talking about reading Humble Brag Christmas Letters.

Look No Further. THIS is the Best Holiday Gift Guide Ever

I fully realize that I'm not Gwyneth or Oprah or Ellen, but I like to make lists of my favorite things too! As my kids get older, gone are the days that I'm throwing elbows for the hottest American Girl doll or the coolest Lego set. I hate to wear pants, so any shopping I can do from my bed is a plus. That's why I asked around and I put together the best holiday gift guide you'll ever read. OK, that might be a slight exaggeration. But there's a lot of good stuff on here. I'm buying some of this, I already own some of it, and some of it's just a dream. Don't worry, I won't have a $5,000 travel backgammon set or a $150 loaf of bread on this list.