People I Want to Punch in the Throat

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Rules for Raising a Boy - 18 (Because 25 Was Too Hard To Come Up With) Rules for Mothers of Sons

There is a list making its way around Facebook about 25 Rules for Mothers of Sons.  Have you seen it?

It's a very pleasant, feel good, vanilla-flavored list with lots of cute little things like "teach your son to do laundry," "learn how to throw a football," "let him get dirty," and that sort of thing.  I am not going to attack this woman or her list.  (I learned my lesson last time I did that.)  I think the list is fine - for her.  It's just not my cup of tea.

Instead I decided to pay homage to her and make my own list.  Here goes:

PIWTPITT (18 Because 25 Was Too Hard To Come Up With) Rules for Mothers of Sons

1.  Teach him what a skank is so he'll never bring one home.


If my son brings this girl home, he'd better be paying his own bills - and she'd better be 25 posing like that.

The Evil Birthday Clown




Well, just when I thought only potty parties and Marie Antoinette-themed first birthday parties were some of the worst party ideas I'd ever heard of, I read about Dominic Deville, The Evil Birthday Clown.

Holy shit!  This is a clown that you pay to stalk and terrify your child.  As if clowns weren't scary enough for most people!  This guy will send threatening letters and text messages to your kid warning him that he's being watched and the scary clown is coming for him!  When your child least expects it, the scary looking clown will jump out of some dark alley and pie your kid in the face.

Happy Birthday, Champ!

Open Letter to Bra Manufacturers

If your bra can handle these, then let's talk!
Dear Bra Manufacturers,

Hi there.  I'm Jen.  I am a 40 year old mother of two.

Actually, allow me to introduce myself in a language you can understand: I'm a 38 DDD.

I have always had a ridiculous time bra shopping for these small boulders I carry around and I'm always cursing your names.  You've probably heard me yelling "Damn you, Maidenform, and your barbed underwire!" or "I hate you, Vicki!  Your secret is to just push everything to the top and hope it stays put!" from various dressing rooms around the country.