People I Want to Punch in the Throat

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Me-Ternity Leave IS NOT the Same as Maternity Leave


This article came to my attention this week and at first I wanted to ignore it, because I'm SOOOOOOO tired of the fucking mommy wars. I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tired of working moms vs. stay at home moms, breastfeeding vs. bottle, co-sleeping vs. crib, all of it. I'm at a point now where I don't care if you swaddle your baby or let him ride a tricycle without a helmet. I don't care if you feed him GMOs or only bathe him once a week. I don't care if you eat your placenta or chew up your baby's food and spit it into her mouth. (Actually, that's not true. That still kind of grosses me out if I think about it for too long, so if you do that, just keep that shit to yourself.)

Adolpha's Favorite Finger


I picked Adolpha up from school and I heard her ask from the backseat, "Hey Mom, do you have a favorite finger?"

"Ummm . . . no.  I don't think so," I replied as I navigated through the hell that is the elementary school pick up line.

"Really?" she asked surprised.  "'Cause I do."

I figured she'd tell me her favorite finger was her thumb, since she has been sucking it since she was in the womb.  (We've been trying to break her of this habit, so if you have any words of wisdom - don't hold back!)  "Is it your thumb?" I asked.

"No, silly!  A thumb isn't a finger.  It's a thumb!"

"Right."

Douchey Dad Revisited

'Guest post from The Hubs'


Apparently Jen hit a douchey nerve with her previous post.

I had no idea Jen had so many Douchey Dad readers and that they cared so much what she thinks or writes.  Before Jen started writing I never even heard of or read a blog before.  I think I was too busy on the golf course with my Douchey Dad friends.  Now that she has found a great audience and her voice, I fully support her writing and her sharp wit - even if she makes me look like a bitch sometimes.

How About a "Thank You"?

Lately I've been kind of busy with a bunch of other stuff so I haven't been paying close attention to what's going on in the world. However, over the weekend and into today I've received countless links to articles about that letter from the asshole parents who are throwing their snowflake a first birthday party. I finally had to stop what I was doing and take a look!


Holy cow.

Promposals


I guess because I have younger kids, I only ever see the overachieving moms (OAM) at the over the top birthday parties or designing elaborate concoctions for school lunches. I forgot about the children the overachievers have been raising long before I started having kids. I didn't think about the high school-aged children of the OAMs. That's why I was surprised last week when I read an article about "promposals."

Douchey Dads

I was attending an auction at a chic country club and  I arrived early to help the organizers set up and I was surprised to find the bar full of young, well dressed (if you can call expensive plaid shorts well dressed), golf playing, thousands of dollars a year for dues paying men sitting around drinking and yukking it up.  I wanted to say, "Hey...where do you guys work that you can spend half of a Tuesday golfing at this expensive club?"  (I also wanted to hand all of them my real estate business card, because these guys look like the type who might need a good divorce attorney and Realtor in their Rolodex's at all times.)


I started setting up tables, but I just couldn't control my irritation at these guys.  Everything about them rubbed me the wrong way.  Their stupid plaid shorts, their expensive drinks and the yukking. God, the yukking.  I've never heard laughter that was so phony and so forced.  It sounded like a combination of sea lions and parrots barking at each other.

People Who Post Annoying Things on Facebook

There are a lot of annoying posts on Facebook. I know we've all done these, but somehow they're not annoying when WE do them, right? Ha. Let's see if I can cover the basics:


1.  Anything to do with vomit and/or diarrhea.  WTH?  Who shares this stuff?  Why did you think we needed to know this?  At least it's usually it's kid-centered - I can handle that a lot better than I can hearing about YOUR diarrhea!  "Guess who woke up early from his nap and spread his poo poo all over the wall?  Uh oh.  Silly, King!  I'll post pictures later! ;)"