It's been awhile, but I've got some mini punches I'd like to share.
1. Desmond Hatchett - AKA The Jackhole with 30 Kids. Have you heard about Desmond yet? This guy is a real gem. He's 33 years old and he has 30 kids with 11 women. WTF? The shocking part of this story (besides the fact that women continue to have unprotected sex with this guy) is that he makes minimum wage and can't possibly support these kids. The courts have garnished his wages and divided it among his children's mothers and some only get $1.50 a month and since that can't buy shit anyway, he's decided he'd like his money back.
I tell you what, Desmond, you can have your money back and you can walk away from your responsibilities as soon as you let the state sterilize your stupid ass. I don't usually support the violation of people's rights and their bodies, but what the hell? This guy should be fitted with a padlock on his drawers. He obviously cannot make decisions with anything other than his dick and he needs to have all access to it cut off immediately.
2. The Lady in the Silver Lexus on 69 South Highway & the 151st St Exit Thursday Afternoon. This one is personal. I hope it finds her. It's sort of like those Desperately Seeking Susan ads only I desperately want to punch this woman. She's about 40 and she wears a Bump-It in the front of her head. She had big bug eyed sunglasses and manicured nails (I noticed when she gave me the bird) and she drives like a blind person. This is for her:
What the fuck is your problem, lady? Am I invisible? Did you see my car when you decided at the last possible second to exit from the furthest lane? Or did you just think I'd move and let you in? Good thing I slammed on my brakes or else you would have run right into the side of my car, you twat. I can't even believe YOU actually got mad at ME when I honked at your stupid ass and flipped you off. I can't believe YOU told ME to fuck off. Maybe if you got off you fucking phone and paid attention to where you're going you wouldn't have this problem. Maybe if you took your head out of your ass 2 miles back and realized your exit was coming, I wouldn't have to tell you what a fucking moron you are. BTW, you wear a Bump-It in the back of your head, it's not for your bangs, you asshat.
3. Mason is the Number 2 Boys' Name Because of the Kardashians. Mason is a cute name and I like it a lot. I'm not bagging on anyone who named their kid Mason. I just hope that if you named your child Mason it was because you liked the name, NOT because Kourtney Kardashian and her douchey dad of a husband named their kid Mason. Please do not let those vapid, no-talent, wastes of space influence anything you do. What is America coming to if our number 2 boys' name was influenced by those idiots??!
4. The Parents Who Put Their Kid in a Washing Machine. WTF?! I have no idea what these two were thinking, but obviously not Let's put the kid in the washer and see if the door LOCKS and it starts to FILL with water!! Give them time, I'm sure they'll be on the Today show telling us all about their lapse in judgment. We've all done bonehead things with our kids, but putting them in a washer is pretty up there. At least they seemed concerned and didn't laugh while the kid was drowning in sudsy water.
The person I'm most interested in is the guy in the red hat who keeps STROLLING by to see how it's going while the parents work frantically to open the door and find help. Way to be helpful, you asshole.
5. People Who Expect Me To Referee When They're Arguing With Someone on My Blog. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Jim. Why is it that when people disagree with what I write and someone else jumps to my defense, the first person cries that his feelings are hurt? WTF? Put on your big boy pants and take it. When you comment on a blog like this, you're going to get pushback. Deal with it. Especially if your comment is sexist, racist, and/or just plain ignorant. If you can't hack it, then don't write it. Don't come whining to me that someone said something that hurt your feelings and you want to know if that's how I feel too. This is not a preschool class. Sack up or hit the road. Oh, and one more thing, don't tell me to stop swearing. I fucking hate that.
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