|I'm a dooooo-uche.|
WTF, John? First of all, where have you been for the last couple of years? It was so nice when you were gone. Second of all, when did you become such a whiny bitch? Come on!
Look, I'm not a Taylor Swift fan and I've never even listened to the song "Dear John." I would have never even heard about it if John didn't cry about it, but now I have and of course I have something to say.
I have never been a fan of John Mayer. I knew his type from the first time I saw him: Douche bag with a capital "D." He's a smarmy player and he's full of shit. He's not even that good looking and every article I read about him makes him sound like someone with a brain injury, but he does look like he'd know his way around the Red Room of Pain. Actually, that's probably not even true, from what I've read, he's really only good at masturbating and alluding to his allegedly giant tool.
He's dated lots of high profile ladies and he's got a real reputation for lovin' them and leavin' them and blabbin' about them. I don't even know why Taylor would let that sleazeball in her bed, but that's beside the point. She was probably thinking about the Red Room and the nine inches he keeps bragging about. She was young and I'm assuming he has a line or two that seem to work wonders, because he's seduced a crap load of chicks. My guess is since he's such a douche, his pick up line is "Your body is a wonderland." Barf. If Taylor fell for that line, she gets a pass due to her age and lack of life experience. We've all done stupid things at 19.
Meanwhile, he was a 31 year old guy romancing a 19 year girl who had built her empire on writing songs to boyfriends who dumped her. What did he expect her to do? Write down her pain in her diary and save it? Send him a Hallmark card to let him know that she was hurting? Call her mom?
I also think it's interesting that her lyrics took him by surprise - that he had no idea she felt that way. I'm going to go ahead and call "Bullshit" on that one. Of course he knew.
This is my number one complaint about guys like John Mayer. I may not have any experience with rock stars - OK, really no experience - but I have a shit ton of experience with douche bags and they all act the same way. They break up with you like a dick. Either by cheating on you or they say something stupid like, "You're too good for me. Let's stay friends OK? Because I really need you in my life. You are so special to me." Fuck you.
My guess is John Mayer is the type to want to keep in touch, but Taylor did not.
She'd just had her heart broken by a total dickwad. Of course she didn't text him or email him. She wrote a fucking song, because that's what she does.
And now I hope she writes another one. I hope she calls it "Dear John, Does Your Vagina Hurt?"