People I Want to Punch in the Throat: I'm This Much Closer to a Minivan

FB

I'm This Much Closer to a Minivan

OK, so you guys are not going to believe this.  Remember a couple of months ago when I wrote about my secret desire and passion to drive a minivan?  Well...the Hubs got me a minivan!


Just joking it's a rental from Florida.  He thought it would be funny to rent a minivan while we were there and make it look like the Elf delivered it to me.


Little does he know how much magic that little Elf has, because today I got an email offering me a minivan!!  Sorta.

OK, so Honda has apparently contacted a driving experience company to offer me a chance to "spend some time" in an Odyssey.

Honda Odyssey - badass and super sleek.

I'm not sure what "spend some time" means exactly so I contacted Honda to find out the details.  In the meantime I sent an email to Toyota to see if they'd be interested in giving me a chance to "spend some time" in a Sienna AWD.

Toyota Sienna - neither snow nor rain nor gloom of night can stop me in this baby!

And after my trip to Florida, I realized I left out Chrysler.  We drove the Town & Country down there and I tell you what, people, it was a pretty sweet van.  I loved the rearview camera!  So, Chrysler if you want in - you let me know.

Chrysler Town & Country - surprisingly spacious and comfortable and lots of features!  Who knew?

Now, I have no idea what "spend some time" in a minivan means, so I thought I'd let Honda, Toyota - and Chrysler - know what I'm thinking.  I'd love to get a minivan for a year - not a basic model, I need the "Mobile Command Center."  Something that I can really brag about.  I would add a PS to every one of my blog posts here on the website about how much I love driving my swaggerwagon and I'd also put a blurb in my About Jen tab about my minivan love.  In the scheme of things it's not much from these car makers budgets to give me a van and let me pimp them out as only I can:  "Mmm....kids and I are enjoying nice cold beverages from the built in cooler in my Honda/Toyota/Chrysler!"

Please don't punch me because I'm not afraid to whore myself out for a free ride - wouldn't you if someone gave you the chance?  At least I'm not asking for this:


Yeah, it's a crystal mini replica of the Disney castle that retails for $37,500.  I think a minivan is a much better buy.

Maybe if I get this van, it will prompt Tina Fey to call me because she'll want to watch a movie in my badass minivan!

98 comments:

Rebeccah said...

You know, I used to be very anti-minivan. But I'd punch a puppy in the throat for that tricked out Toyota Sienna. Let me know what kind of whoring is necessary to have this ride payment free for a year - I'm down.

Briana said...

She still hasn't contacted you? Booo to her.

Kerry Forristall said...

I wonder if Mercerdes wants to contact me to "spend some time" in one of their cars?? :)

overworked supermom said...

I swore I would never, EVER get a minivan. Since having the kid, though, I'm totally down. It's a pain in the ass to squeeze him in the back seat (and we have a 4-door). I'd LOVE the bells and whistles, and the room to carry a day's worth of errands in the back. SIGH. This Jen can dream. You, Jen, can make it happen. Come on, car companies. Let us live vicariously through her! (Can you tell I'm pro-whoring for a free ride?!)

Anonymous said...

Bahaha! You and your love for those damn minivans! I drive an SUV and love it..because a minivan is just not for me. However I would LOVE to see one of those company's hand you a set of keys and say "Thanks for whoring yourself out to our Advantage." Love your blog!

Greg Hollingsworth said...

I drive an '02 Odyssey, and while "love" would be a stretch, it's great for hauling kids, supplies, etc...

I certainly wouldn't turn down a nice, tricked-out version if it were offered to me (though my wife would).

Merry said...

Me too!!! For awhile I was thinking of calling some business around and see what they would pay me to use my van for advertising. I saw it on NBC nightly news about a year ago. This lady in NM or AZ had an insurance company wrap her van and she was paid $500.00 a month to just drive it!!! I figure with the cost of living difference I could get at least $700.00!!!! It would have to be something I believed in and tasteful, of course!

Carol said...

Can't wait to see videos of you test-driving all of them! We don't have a minivan because there is only our little Esmarelda...but like you we LOVE renting them on vacay! xxoo

imbogus1 said...

Don't wait...BUY the Odyssey!! You will be sooooo happy !!

TracyLynn said...

Pimp away sistah! More power to ya. :) ps: I drove one of those badass honda odysseys. :)

Anonymous said...

oh - this makes me so sad. you are selling out and I am outta here. not interesting in readings ad posing as a blog.

Jods said...

You go! I'd do the same thing for a tricked out mini van:)!!

Lillian Carilo said...

Where's the "LOVE" button? You "put it out there" how much you wanted a mini-van, and voila! I love that a few months after printing out and taping by my desk where I always saw it (as well as making it computer backdrop) image of my dream vehicle - a Saturn Outlook SUV - a few years ago, I was thrilled to find it in my garage every morning. I learned this during the years I crudely studied metaphysical law... "What you think about, you bring about." Still have my wheels, and love my ride. Hope you're just as happy experiencing whatever mini-van "try-ons" are delivered to your door. *Although I love my Saturn, I know I wouldn't turn away one of those nifty Range Rovers like the one Victoria Beckham gets around in.* ;)

Anonymous said...

Peace out anonymous! I'm still in Jen. Whore away.

--Leah

Suzanne said...

Buh Bye!

Anonymous said...

Mmmm K. Bye. While you're out, pick yourself up a sense of humor.

nursetinkheather said...

LOVE!!! Pimp it out girl!!! :)
BTW, I'm laughing @ what a chicken 'anon' is & wants to leave, adios sucka! Next punch should be people afraid of being known & being lame!

BetseeT said...

I have a minivan. I've had two now, actually, both Chevy Ventures. I love love lllllooovvveee my minivan! It's a great grocery getter, and people mover, and hockey bag holder. Gets pretty good gas mileage. I mean, mine can haul 8 people! And coolers and blankets and towels and -- yeah. But, my cherubs are now 16, 14 and 12, and I'm thinking, maybe the next vehicle is a car. A minivan isn't forever, people! Oh, and we drove a Chrysler back from FL to home in MI. NICE VAN! I really enjoyed it, very spacious, good ride. Whore away! Oh, and I drive from Lansing to Detroit 3-4 times a week, so.... if someone would like me to "spend some time," I could do it!

Rosalyn said...

I love my minivan, I of course had to put a sticker and a rhinestone license plate frame on it so I can find it in the parking lot... but hey that's how we role!

Jessi G said...

I'd give anything for a brand new pimped out mommy mobile. I fought a van for FOREVER but finally caved when my faithful Jeep Cherokee finally died. I'm currently in a Ford Windstar and with my three boys (9, 8 and 6) it is a serious Godsend. We bought it right before a big road trip from Alabama to S. Florida and I couldn't believe I'd ever made that drive before without one. Whore it up girl. The rest of us will drool with jealousy.

April said...

i will not drive a minivan. but i have a gmc acadia. 8 seats. super comfy in any row. love my "nonminivan" with more seats then a minivan.

April said...

wait...hubs managed to forget his toiletries but pack the elf???

Robbie said...

lol good catch

Jen Giroux said...

I am with you, April! I drive a Ford Flex, which has room for 7, possibly 8. It is nice to go out with friends in the non-minivan.

Anonymous said...

I think a lot of people would whore themselves out for a free ride...but you're supposed to be the person who would punch those kind of people in the face for being greedy, selfish, d-bags that expect things to be handed to them.

Jennifer said...

I have a Sienna.... it drives like a little car!! We had to get it when my 17 year old was a freshman.... his legs were too long to sit in the backseat of basically anything I was willing to drive. Now that he has his own car, DH won't let me get rid of it yet. It does still have it's benefits...like when we go to Nashville in a couple of weeks with the winter guard and all their LONG stuff ... like flags. As it is, my daughter stores her flags in the van. And when son goes cycling and his tire pops and I have to search the county and pick him up in random obscure places. And dh can pretty much fix anything on it. So I really like it!!!

Staziaface said...

Dude...the Sienna is the BOMB!

Anonymous said...

It's not the face, it's the throat.
And you need to reread the post.

Keri

PS I just made myself lol at my unintentional rhyming skillz.

Anonymous said...

I am so in love with my Honda Odyssey. I may never go back to a regular car again after driving my minivan (even after the kids are grown). I think someday I could be that grandma driving a minivan.

Staziaface said...

HAHAHA!!! ya! wth!

Jill said...

Honda, Honda!!! Kids and crap - minivans haul it all! AND the kid doors slide, no worries about the car next to you as the kids barrel out. Go for it - Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

I drive Lexus SUV. It's the best car EVER! I could highly recommend it , it's SO good!

Mama Moo said...

Haha, I was thinking the same thing!

Anonymous said...

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Anonymous said...

I think your rhyming "skillz" need a lot of work and so does your spelling.

Rox said...

I said I would NEVER own a minivan, so we just call it the "van". I caved iN January and got the Sienna, and after tooling around in it for 2 months now, I sure wish I would have considered one 13 years ago when I had my first baby. Tricked out command center it is - and I can't imagine not owning it!

Reno Edweirds said...

I have a Honda Odyssey its a 2002 and I would love a new mack daddy version with all the bells and whistles. No I totally don't fault you. Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

Hahaaa...simmer down! I am no poet and am fully aware of the proper spelling of "skillz".

Lighten up a little. :)

Janice's Blog said...

Jen, I love your blog and think you are just great. That being said, this post does leave a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. While I don't blame you for taking something that is offered to you, the fact that you contacted the other companies to kind of 'bid' for your advertisement seems a bit greedy. I will still be reading you blog and thinking you are great. I would much rather read that you are helping the needy or something than hear promotions about a product just because they gave it to you for free.

Anonymous said...

I think pimping for wheels may be the biggest controversy since "I love sand"/"Sand is the Devil's carpet. You go on with your bad self and get those darn vans!!! Woot!!
Sharon

Anonymous said...

Lmao awwwww somebody doesn't want to be your friend because your totally AWESOME! The jealous amuse me!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Go with the Honda!!! It is way better then the Sienna. Think of all the dirt that will get stuck in the grooves on the floor of the Sienna

Jen Piwtpitt said...

It just goes to show how jacked up his priorities are.

Rebeccah said...

LOVE the flex. Want one bad.

faith said...

I'm so glad that I'm not the only one with a secret love affair for a minivan!!! And no that doesn't make a soccer mom so don't even ask if your kids can ride with me to the store! Nice I'm a toyota girl but if the others wanted to offer I'd certainly put out for one!!!

Anonymous said...

I lost it when I saw the Elf. LOL! You and your husband have such a fun sense of humor.

Anonymous said...

I love my minivan we actually have 2 now (jealous???). We have the nice van and the old van. I think even when I'm 80 I will still have a van.
Lisa

Kristy said...

They let dealers drive them around free and clear for nothing....so why not let you spread your love of all things swaggerwagon on all your internet sites and to all your readers?

A Few Tacos Shy... said...

I never thought I would say this but I love my Sienna! I put a king size headboard in it during a furniture shopping trip with a friend! And my 8 seat minivan gets way better gas mileage than the gas-hog SUV's!

MommyOntheEdge said...

It's ate my post twice...so I'm just gonna say, we had a Dodge Grand Caravan. LOVED IT. Would love another, would pimp myself out for one, totally understand.

Daisy said...

I am dying for a new Honda Odyssey!!! Our family has only one, tiny car- a 2 door Honda Civic. And we have to lug our 2 kids in and of the back of that thing. It makes me want to scream.... or punch someone in the throat. We are huge Honda fans in our house. I keep looking at the Odyssey's website drooling. I would happily whore myself out for a chance to drive a mini-van for a year!! Or maybe win some charity contest giving away new cars to sad families still smashing their whole family into a tiny car (hint hint!)

Anonymous said...

Don't forget to contact Kia! I love my souped up Sedona!

Zebsmom said...

Yeah, I get those offers all the time. What they mean is test drive, but go ahead an try to whore yourself into more. Good luck though, I don't think even George Clooney would get a free car for a year!!

Siobhan said...

On the topic of whoring stuff out... if you manage to get yourself a minivan, I think you should start trying to get other fun products, like an iPad, as give-aways for your loyal readers. :o)

Nancy said...

OMG, that's hilarious!!

BessPosada said...

I have a decked out Odyssey and it is the DOPEST ride I have ever owned (with three kids). Once you go van you never go back. You've been warned.

Jimbo said...

I had a tricked out Honda and it was awesome. I don't even have young kids. I have a 90feeling pound dog. He loved the van and has refused to ride with me since I traded it in for an SUV. That is true! I miss it to, it was ready for anything.

Melda said...

WOW! I can't wait to see what your options become...."Membership has it's advantages" as the saying goes. Good on ya!

And I agree with most of the other ladies here - I love my minivan! And the #1 reason is maybe minor to some, but:

I have 3 boys and I hated saying EVERY TIME WE WENT SOMEWHERE - be careful with your door / be careful with your door / be careful with your....THUNK!

Opps...I hit the other car! MOM! You parked too close!!

It's my fault?
hell-no!

Jillbean said...

I bought a Dodge Caravan SE in 2001 after my third kid was born. Eleven years later, my van has a little over 328,000 miles on it (NO engine rebuilt), and still runs like a champ! I change the oil when it needs it, and have had no major repairs. That van has been the best car I've ever had. I plan on driving it until it dies!

Jimbo said...

It's a Toyota. You can get the same thing and save a lot of money just by havinging Toyota on it. Are you a status freak?

Melda said...

Jennifer - if you see this...how tall is your son?
My 14 year old is 6'1 an I am wondering how much longer he is going to grow?
We live on Guam and I already have to special order his shoes because stores here only carry up to a 13.

Kim H. said...

You should drive a Toyota Land Cruiser, that'll cure you of any want or need for a minivan!!

MsK said...

Pretty sure the people who are all offended and "NEVER reading again" (btw, how is it that your following is growing with so many people claiming to "leave" everyday) are just jealous they don't have the means to get something for free. You have amazing talent and if one of the perks of that is a chance to drive a mini van...rock on!

Pam said...

So, I would suggest the Honda Odyssey! I had an 05 that I bought brand new; I loved it! A year & a 1/2 ago, someone ran a stop sign doing about 30 and totaled his
(Jeep Grand Cherokee) and my Odyssey. He T-boned my daughter's side (passenger front door). I had no clue what had happened....I never saw him anywhere. When the glass from my daughter's window wet flying, I thought we had been shot. I looked to check on her and her side air-bag was down. Anyway, she was NOT hurt at all. She had a mark on her neck from the seat belt and a mark on her elbow (looked like carpet burn) from the door. That is it!! For safety, Odyssey would be my #1 choice, hands down. I got me a Toyota 4-Runner after the accident. I decided my kids were growing up and I didn't need a "mini-van" anymore. I miss it sooo much I am ready to trade the 4-Runner in and get a new Odyssey!

Virginia Mom of Three said...

You may have something here, Jen. There are companies that will put those "shrink-wrap" adds on your car and pay you to do it. And then there are other's who have been paid for other types of creative marketing (a.k.a. whoring). Keep at it and let us know.

I had a Yukon and then a Yukon XL before I got my Chrysler T&C and, while I miss the glam factor of the XL, the van was so much more practical with three kids. They totally dig the sliding doors and the DVD player. BUT, when my oldest starts driving in TWO years, I'm getting a convertible!!!!

Anonymous said...

Throat and post do not rhyme...they just have the same vowel sound and the same last letter. The "s" in post makes them not rhyme. My third graders know that!

Cynthia said...

I have a Subaru Outback now, which is pretty darn soccer mom - so I would have no problem getting a mini-van if I had too many kids to fit in an Outback. I'd definitely get one before I'd get a huge, honking, gas-guzzling Suburban. And if I could get someone to let me drive on for free, even better.

kaptnkarl said...

I am a 50 yr old man with a role reversal problem. You see, I wouldn't mind having a minivan like the Chrysler, but my wife would prefer an SUV like the Hyundai Sante Fe. Wierd, huh? I prefer the mileage and comfort of the minivan but the little mrs. prefers the 4wd of an SUV. Of course, right now we both have pickups. Hers is 4wd and mine is 2wd.

Sheric said...

It's a free country, Whore all you want! I hope you get them both. You can switch off monthly!

judy said...

Never thought I would say this either, but I LOVE my town and country! Good luck with your van, hope you get one!

Anonymous said...

I am single, have no kids (though I do foster), and I am on my THIRD Sienna....yep, that's right. My third one. Love that van! Now that I've got dual power sliding doors and a back-up camera, it is on, baby! And, all you anonymous haters.....go whine somewhere else! I can't get my profile to come up, but I'll own up to being Michelle!

B said...

Uhhh after fianlly getting my dream ride (a HUMMER!), I am starting to wonder what the heck I'm missing with these minivans! I'll have to check one out! PS- pimp away mama!!! Good for you for going after what you want!

momofgirls said...

Whore away! I'd totally whore myself for some free minivan use! Good luck and have fun! Just please keep the funnies going along with the adds we expect to soon see. =)
To the haters, eat $#*+ and be jealous elsewhere! They are lying if they say they wouldn't sell out for a free vehicle for say a year.
Whore on Jen!!!

Emily said...

I've been wanting to punch people in the throat all week long. I could seriously write a trilogy of novels with the material I got just this week - and people would probably not even believe any of it was for real.

I say you deserve some minivan love. It's not like you professed your minivan desires thinking you'd be offered "some time" in one from a company or that you all of a sudden decided to "advertise" about your minivan after getting one.

Post away and I can't wait to find out what happens, you wonderful whore, you!

Tara said...

If you drive the Toyota/Honda/ Nissan (that's what I have) first, you'll find the Chrysler to be cheaply made & "flimsy." Love my Nissan Quest!

Tara said...

Why do people who "hate minivans!" or "will NOT drive a minivan" feel the need to comment on this blog post??

Anonymous said...

I agree. It's sad to read some poor writing from a sweat pant woman who tries way too hard to be funny but at the same time goes out of her way to "whore herself out" for a stupid minivan... Get ourself real dreams and ideals! I'm outta here too.

Anonymous said...

It's not just a Toyota. It's LEXUS! I've had both. Lexus has a lot more power and looks nicer. It's obvious.

Anonymous said...

It's just plain stupid to accuse people of jealousy just because they have a different opinion and want some high quality reading instead of cheap and obvious ads for minivans...

Sarah said...

I love out of all your posts the one about mini vans is too controversial for these people!

SarahLiz said...

OK, eeeeasy Jimbo...I drive a Lexus GX but previously drove the "equivalent" Toyota 4Runner, and they are not the same. I couldn't care less to have the "status"...that's ridiculous & shallow. It's the bells & whistles, smoothness of ride, etc etc. But seriously--get over yourself please.

SarahLiz said...

Plus--as a side note--did you think minivans are cheap?? Not!

Penelope Lolohea said...

How you manage to make me laugh every single night when I get your post in my email, I will never know. This post is hilarious. I totally hope you get a Honda/Toyota/Chrysler minivan!

Shannan said...

Hilarious, as always!

I got an Odyssey in October, and while I refuse to use the "m" word, I FREAKING LOVE THIS VEHICLE. A Mom designed the interior, without a doubt. I am the queen of everything in my Odyssey kingdom. Then I park it, look back, and think, "Did I really just roll up in that?"

I will applaud you if this works for you. Whore away! It. Will. Change. Your. Life.

Jana said...

Ever heard of slant rhyme? Emily Dickinson made it super cool...

tracy said...

I am on my 2nd Honda odyessey and love it! I don't understand why there is such a stigma attached to having a mini-van??????? What's the big deal???

Serena said...

I'm also in the market for a minivan! But am I the only one that thinks the 2011 and 2012 Odyssey looks like a hearse?! ICK.....

Chase Christy said...

I already wanted a van for the practicality of it....Then I saw the commercial about having the proper tool for the job. I'm hooked. Can't wait to read what you think.

Kinnison said...

Anyone who is annoyed by your "whoring" and prefers "some high quality reading " should absolutely take your site off his/her bookmark bar...this blog is about YOU and YOUR INTERESTS...we're all just creepy stalkers taking a moment out of our less colorful lives to enjoy the humor in yours! ;-) Does it mean we/I agree with everything you say? No way...but does one ever agree with everything anyone else says/believes/does/proclaims? Nope....that's what makes us all unique individuals and another reason we are so blessed to live in a free country. Bloggers are free to post whatever they want and readers are free to come and go. It's part of it and totally cool either way. What's NOT COOL is to throw out anonymous put downs...it's hurtful, rude & catty...If you don't like the blog, then just leave. If Jen had said this to you directly, would you have responded with "that's just 'some poor writing from a sweat pant woman who tries way too hard to be funny'"? Be careful what you write from the veil of the screen...bloggers are real people...Just sayin...

Kinnison said...

P.S. I drive a Honda Pilot and really love it, but if I had the means, I'd get an Odyssey in a heartbeat and wouldn't look back! Also, my mom always taught me that it never hurts to ask!! Hope you get the chance to drive one of them long-term-ish...I'd love to hear about your experience...and I'd be happy for you :-)

Marian Stimson said...

Minivans 101
Chryster Town & Country IS super cool because of the many seat configurations you can do. But once you drive an Odyssey or a Sienna, you'll see why those are more popular.
Odyssey released their brand new model in 2011 and it is a sweet ride. www.edmunds.com rated it the #1 minivan out there right now. (I own the middle of the road version and it has every feature you said you wanted including leather!) Sienna and Odyssey have the same chasi so they will drive the same, but I think Odyssey is where it is at because of all the ammenities it offers.
Whore away and I hope you love your new mobile command center.

Serena said...

Actually, the sienna is probably the better choice because it has features that are standard on its models that you have to upgrade for in the odyssey, such as Sirius radio. Sienna also has a knee airbag, which sounds do important, and odyssey doesn't have it. I Janet yet test drive the sienna but I can tell you that feature wise, sienna seems the way to go.

Serena said...

Damn auto feature... Sorry for the typos.

Jllaw said...

I used to have a mini van...lOVED it....BUT I am a packrat...I need a trunk to hide all of my stuff in my car! I found that the minivan was like a big-purse syndrome for me...the more room that you have the more shit you keep in it! This car is perfect for a type A person....not for the packrat though!!!
Which are you?

TNMom said...

DANG! You are really making me want one! Sigh....(good luck!)

ButteryMuffyn said...

I haven't read your blog in a while because I too am getting pretty tired of the ads and the begging for votes - you're very funny Jen and I like what you do but I think you've peaked, and now you are just dull. Sorry to all the Jen lovers who are now gonna slam me but I didn't vote for you. Punch me in the throat, I couldn't give a s**t :)

Nicole said...

Don't forget about the Dodge Caravan! They are a lot like the Chryslers and I LOVE mine. Dodge has some great color choices too!

Anonymous said...

I own a pimp mack daddy 2011 Nissan Quest and love love love it! Sure, it's got a love or hate it exterior. I personally love it AND I have had more people ask me about my minivan than I can shake a stick at! And talk about high quality interior. It seriously could belong in an Infinity. The seats are so comfy, you'll think they installed some Laz-E-Boys inside. The Quest turns like a compact car. No stowaway seats in this sucker. 2nd and 3rd row fold flat. There is a cool permanent hidden storage behind the 3rd row. Yes, with no stowaway seats, it compromises some cargo capacity, but this lady fit 63 cases of Girl Scout cookies in her Quest. Huzzah! http://blogs.insideline.com/roadtests/2012/03/2012-nissan-quest-cookie-express.html