The Snotsucker

You know how much I love ridiculous products, right? Like the Binsi Birthing Skirt. Remember that one? Practical enough to push a bowling ball out of out of your vagina while still looking cute during your birth experience and/or a trip to Target. Also, it was wrinkle free, because that's important too, you guys.

Or the Facekini? Those creepy face masks women in China are wearing to prevent their faces from tanning? I'm all for preventing skin cancer, but those suckers are just plain terrifying. I never want to go to the beach in China.

Well, today a reader emailed me about a new weird product. Today I learned about The NoseFrida Snotsucker. Does it sound revolting? Because it is.

The Snotsucker is a handy product that "every mom should have" says some know it all baby site. That is if you don't mind sucking snot out of your kid's nose with your mouth. Yeah, you read that right. It says suck snot with your mouth. Go ahead and get your visual and then go throw up for a little bit, I'll be here when you get back.

OK so, this thing is a syringe that you stick up your kid's nose and then you put the attached tube in your mouth and you suck. I know what you're wondering. Where does the snot go when I suck it, Jen? Well, it goes into this little syringe that is attached to the tube that you suck, but luckily, there is a small piece of foam of something that some how prevents your kid's slimy boogers from going down your throat.

I'm not an engineer, I don't know how that shit works, but I know it looks a bit flimsy and I don't see how it could possibly work. Have you seen the goo that comes out of kids? That crap can be hardcore. A little foamy thing might not do the job if your kid has a serious head cold.

And let's just assume that it never fails and you never end up with a load of mucus in your mouth, I still don't think I could bring myself to suck that tube. My brain and my gag reflex would be going nuts. Plus, I'm not the most mechanically inclined person, I just know I'd do something wrong and I'd end up with a mouthful of snot.

And can talk for a minute about the visual? I understand that those bulb syringes that we all use are a haven of filth and this can be washed and cleaned, etc. etc. but the bulb syringes aren't see through. This thing is clear. Not only am I slurping snot rockets, but I have to see them too? I get to see those bright green loogies making their way into the syringe? No thank you. If the idea of sucking phlegm out of a human being didn't make me vomit, seeing it would surely do the trick.

And then what? What happens if I accidentally vomit into the attached tube? Does my puke get stopped by the little flimsy foamy thing or does it go up my child's nose?

And why do we have to suck? Why can't we have a squeezy bulb thingy on the end that would do the sucking for us? Who thought sucking was the right idea? Again, I'm not an engineer, but weren't there other ideas that were put forth? Surely, there was a woman at the table who said, "Uh fellas, I know you guys never see the downside to a woman sucking anything, but maybe we could try some other ways too?"

Let's just say it's a good thing my kids are old enough to blow their own noses now, because I couldn't buy one of these things. Because I'm a moron who would probably operate it incorrectly to begin with, then I'd finally figure it out, hit green gold, which would then trigger me to throw up, which would then go back into my child's nose and then I'd have to suck vomit and snot out with my mouth, which would guarantee me repeating the whole process again. Rinse and repeat.

I'll give the good people at NoseFrida this, they know it's kind of wacky. Even on their site it says "It's maybe a little strange."

Maybe?

No, NoseFrida, it's really strange.

UPDATE: OK, there are some hard core Snotsucker Lovers out there and after reading all of the comments on here, I've decided to reverse my decision on this product. You guys have convinced me. This DOES sound like an amazing and miraculous product and I need to go and buy one immediately. I don't have babies anymore who can benefit, but I think there is a whole market being overlooked: snot nosed elementary school aged kids. I'm going to buy one and teach my kids how to suck their own noses!

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46 comments:

Sharon Greenthal said...

Ew ew ew...just ew.

But have you seen the pocket hose - that grows in your pocket? HI-larious.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87sRVk1f7ik

Our Little Lovie said...

I don't have one of these, but I have friends that do and they SWEAR by it. I guess it really does a much better job at clearing all the junk out of babies' noses. (Is that apostrophe in the right spot? That's one grammar rule I can never remember.)

Wendy at Taking the Long Way Home said...

When a baby is completely congested and the bulb syringe doesn't work, I recommend the NoseFrida to all the parents I see in the office. Babies are obligate nose breathers (they can only breathe through their mouths) until about 6-7 months of age, so it is really important to keep those nasal passages open. No matter what it takes!

Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Anonymous said...

Yuck!

ErinMSW said...

The NoseFrida is a savior. It grossed me out at first, but seriously, the snot never gets anywhere NEAR your mouth. The "syringe" is 5-6" long, and no amount of snot or sucking is going to bring the mucus up that far, plus there is a filter. This is one of my favorite baby products and is a go-to baby shower gift for me. Gross in theory? Absolutely. But it's completely awesome.

The Windi, on the other hand? Yeah, I can't wrap my head around that one.

Anonymous said...

I know it sounds weird but it actually works with little babies. Used it with my twins. Loved it. It is sort of gross though.

Starr said...

I think this is one of those devices that actually works. I can't knock it!

meechla said...

And.... I won't be eating breakfast this morning.......

margo said...

Honestly - I usually think your site is HILARIOUS and I love it. But you've really missed the mark with this one, and you clearly have never tried this product. Not only is it not "new" but it also is one of the only thing that works for small babies. Ear bulb syringes / nasal aspirators are worthless at actually clearing their airway, and this is one of the only things that actually solves the problem. There's also a filter between you and the snot, so it's not like you're at risk for a mouth full of the green stuff. Motherhood is undeniably gross at times, and this is just one of them. It's certainly no worse than a literal poo storm in the middle of the night.

Mama Bear said...

I usually agree with you, but you're dead wrong on this one. Both of my sons had HORRIBLE sinus issues and if it weren't for this godsend, I don't know what we would have done. (They were both completely hearing impaired as well until surgery at 18 months.) It doesn't get ANYWHERE near your mouth, no contact, nothing. It TOTALLY works wonders. Try something, or at least really see how it works, before you knock it.

liz smith said...

OK I am with you on this but it seems that those who have used it love it. Weird. I would have done a saline nose rinse first. But whatever...... I work with new parents so I guess I need this in my bag of tricks.

Lisa said...

I use the Baby Comfy Nose which is essentially the same thing. My kids have seasonal allergies and are prone to major nose goo. This thing is a LIFESAVER. I swear that using this has prevented several ear infections. We usually have to bribe my son or hold him down to do it, but you would not believe how much more we get from this than the regular bulb syringe.

ercatalano said...

I'm so sharing this. The Funny and The Horror, not the mucus.

Nicole said...

Oh Lordy! I'm so glad I wasn't planning on having breakfast this morning, because now I really don't want it, so thank you for that! I don't care how well this product works, at the end of the day, it's still gross. I love my kid, I think I would do just about anything for her, but I seriously don't think I could do this.

Kie310 said...

I can't use it. I can do a lot of gross things as a mother of a 3 year old & 8 month old, but this one I just can't bring myself to use.

People have been telling me of its wonders since my oldest was a newborn. Ew, no thank you, some how we have survived many a cold without it!

imbogus1 said...

It snot your best, but I am still cleaning shit out of my keyboard!!!

rsrusso said...

Call me a bad mom, but I'll just stick with my bacteria-infested bulb sucker.

Leslee said...

When your three month old can't breathe out of either nostril and you're sitting up all night on suffocation watch, you'll try anything. I would have put my damn mouth on his nose and sucked if I thought it would help. Desperate times... It sounds gross, but it's really not. I suggest every parent get one. The bulbs just don't get it done.

Unknown said...

If you actually see this in action, you would know that there is no way the snot could ever make it's way to your mouth. This is a must have for every new parent.

Kristy Richardson said...

I bought one of these as we were having baby nose problems, and just couldn't bring myself to try it. My husband made fun of it often. I finally sold it on a local garage sale site instead. I know it was unused when I sold it, but does my buyer really know for sure? You know what's worse then being creeped out buying this product? Buying one USED.

Anonymous said...

Both my twin boys were PERMA congested from 6 weeks to their adnoids surgery at 16 months...Not only did I use this but I highly recommend it! You get NOTHING in your your mouth folks...Come on!!!

John said...

I get it, this thing is funny looking and looks gross; and today's blog is hilarious. HOWEVER, my wife and I love our "snocker". The blue bulbie thing just doesn't get it done when an infant/crawler is all stopped up and can't sleep. The "snocker", as we call it, really works and works well. Unfortunaltely, we seem to lose it a lot. I'm not sure why its so elusive. Maybe our 4 yo plays with it and then hides it. My wife will love today's blog.

Unknown said...

Love, love, love the snotsucker! I think it's awesome and gross, but I love gross things, like popping zits and and squeezing puss!

Meg said...

Well, I am the one who emailed Jen about the product. I saw it in Bed Bath and Beyond and was HORRIFIED (I have a 12 and 14 year old). Even the very idea of this disgusting! I am proud of the parents who have been able to try it and I'm very happy that it works and that you get nothing in your mouth. I still think it's weird! :-)

Mother Mel said...

Snucker! It's snucker, John! And yes, I did like the blog today. :)

Alex said...

Dont knock it till you try it! It is so much easier to use than a bulb and a lot less invasive. I used it on my infant when he was sick and it worked like a charm. i swear by it!

Mrs. Sweeton said...

I absolutely love this column, without fail....and before I had children who were CONSTANTLY sick with colds and suck-able issues, I would have laughed, "shared" and moved on. However, this tool actually works - it is the only thing that does to do this decidedly disgusting job...it's one of those things you should just not say out loud...:)

Mary-Leah said...

Yuck! Yuck! Double yuck! I felt gaggy just reading this and I am NOT squeamish - and I'm the mother of four so I've had to deal with plenty of "ick" in my lifetime. I guess if I were desperate I'd use it on my baby, too, but thank God they never manufactured enough snot to actually require a special tool. The bulb syringe worked just fine, thank you. And even that was pretty gross. SO glad I don't have a baby anymore so I don't have to decide between necessity and being thoroughly grossed out.

Dyanne @ I Want Backsies said...

This is worse than sucking the end of the tube to syphon the poopy fishy water out of the aquarium.

Michelle said...

I love your update seeing that you've changed your tune...this is the first time I'd disagreed with you. We LOVE our snotsucker. I was skeptical and thought it was gross too...but my big brother bought one for me and it's AMAZING. We're having another baby this fall and I've got the snotsucker ready to go :).

Jerrod's mommy said...

LOVE the Frieda!! Ahmazing and the bulb had NOTHING on it. My hubby can't do it..... gags every time and even leaves the room when I've had to use it on our baby. Bahahaaaa! Clears her right up without anything ever entering her nose. ;)

Abby Rose said...

I can't bag the Frieda. It's gross in theory, but it works. And the boogers come nowhere near my mouth.

Ms. Sipress said...

Best. Invention. EVER!! I am completely obsessed with my daughter's boogies. It works SO well... I didn't even know a baby could contain so much snot! But when she can't breathe through her nose, and therefore can't nurse - I would do ANYTHING to clear her up. It is amazing. It's become my standard shower gift - because most people won't buy one for themselves. Because it's gross. But awesome. but gross.

r/b said...

So glad my kids are grown. I think I threw up a bit in my mouf. It would have been useful, and I stand happy I do not need one....it reminds me of THIS....

HOG NOSE as in to HOG NOSE someone......o god o god

google it and you were warned...a high school kid did this to me one time when I was sick and congested..it was horrific

Unknown said...

Is it a bit revolting, yes. Does it work tons better than the stupid bulb syringe, absolutely. And like others have said, the boogers and whatnot never get in your mouth.

Unknown said...

Yep - as disgusting as it is effective. What's really gross thought is when my husband asked me to use it on him once. I declined his request.

Sarah Harm said...

Im at work crying and laughing at my desk. I lost it at "what happens if I accidentally vomit in to the attached tube". Im pregnant and no, I will not be purchasing/using/registering for that thing.

Turgenev said...

Chiming in.

This product has been fantastic for clearing the nasal passages of our son (20 mo's now, needs it FAR less now unless he's ill). I'm glad you updated your original post once you heard from "the other side" about its benefits, but I felt it was important to just assure people that:

1. The filtering works terrifically. It's never failed. The slop gets nowhere near your mouth, so stop with the ickies.
2. It's quick, it's efficient, and easy to clean. Yes, some of those boogers are quite gross, but the cleaning takes maybe 10 seconds. FAR easier to use than a bulb aspirator, no matter the child's age.
3. It's clear so you can make sure the slop comes out. ;) It's a common thing to blow the slop back into the infant's sinuses without realizing with the aspirator. FAR less common here, but it's good to know when you can stop suckin'.
4. If you accidentally vomit, I'd be far worried about the vomit Godzilla spray you just upchucked onto your baby's face and body, rather than the minuscule amount you'd get into the tube. Srsly. ;)

-T.

Turgenev said...

Oh, one last note:

As good as it is, my son is horrified when he sees the Snotsucker come out. :) He probably thinks his parents are trying to suck his brains out slowly...

-T.

John said...

It's called a "snucker" for short, y'all.

kylee said...

Add me to the list of likers of this product. Sad, but true. Those nose bulbs have nothing on the snot sucker.

Kaliste said...

I didn't get one until I had my second child. The one I have is Baby Comfort Nose, but it's the same thing. It is AMAZING! Yes, I was very disgusted at first, but like any mom, I would do anything to help my son breath. And like previous posters have said, you know for sure you cleared their sinuses, whereas the bulb, you can only guess. All I can say is, don't knock it till you've tried it. :)

Kristina said...

This is the best product ever. I always give it as a gift topper for any baby shower. For reals.

anna said...

we were given one with a bunch of other baby stuff from friends. I personally never worked out the guts nor enough breath to use it on the Dwarfie, but Hubby went to town with it! now Dwarfie is 2, she can easily remove snot with her own fingers (which makes us oh so happy, especially when we are in public and she throws her boogers all around) and the SnotSucker is thankfully history, because it truly is EWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Rebel Mony said...

I could not even get through this post, as I had a mouth full of water and started gagging when you mentioned a mouth full of snot. I have seen these before, though. Moms actually tried to sell the idea to me when my daughter was really little. That was when I learned which moms in my life are BAT SHIT.

jtaggart8330 said...

I used the bulb on my kids. Always worked like a charm! In fact, it had such good suction it would bother them a bit as the snot extracted. Didn't worry about germs because rinsed it after each use, and never blew air INTO their nose, plus they were so cheap just toss it out and buy a new one at random.

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