Weekly Wrap Up 12.1.12

Well, let me start this week's wrap up by welcoming all of my new readers.  Welcome, welcome.  This is the Weekly Wrap Up.  Here is where you find good info about what's going on.  You can catch up on the most popular posts of the week (based on pageviews) and see my favorite comments with my occasional response.

I'm glad you found me.  There are only a few rules around here:  you must be able to laugh and NO sticks up your ass allowed.  I will make fun of you, your brand of coffee, your mom, your neighbor, myself, my kid, my mom, my husband, your husband, your kid and your town and so much more, so just buckle up and get ready.  I hope you're still here in a year.  Since you're new, the best place to start is Who Is Jen? and then pour a drink and read my archives.

For the rest of you, it's almost been a year since many of you joined me.  We should have a party or something.  I hate planning parties though, so you plan it and I'll try and come, OK?

I don't have to tell you, because I'm sure you're noticing, my Elf post has a fever.  It's starting to blow up.  I don't know if it will be as viral as it was last year, but he definitely hasn't lost his magic yet.

Book Update:

My e-book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat was 99 cents for most of the week.  Thanks to everyone who coughed up a buck and purchased it.  I was in first place in a couple of humor categories on Amazon until the hilarious George R.R. Martin took me down a notch.  Seriously, WTF is Game of Thrones doing anywhere near the Humor section, Amazon??  Overnight I was thrown down by my dear friend Robin O'Bryant.  There is no one else in the world I would cede first place to more willingly.  Congrats, Robin!!

This week I shipped out hundreds - OK, many dozens - of signed paperback copies for presents.  There is still time to order yours, but hurry, shipping can take some time!  Remember, if you want it SIGNED you must order through the PayPal link.

Did you miss the 99 cent sale and you don't want to pay for the book?  OK, lucky for you there are several giveaways going on right now around the web.  You Know it Happens at Your House Too is teamed up with Underachiever's Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess to give away two copies, plus some other goodies.  Fordeville Diaries has a copy she's giving away.  And finally, Robin's Chicks is giving away a copy as well.  Everyone of these places have different ways for you to qualify, so visit them all to find out how to win.

Top Read Posts This Week:

Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - I think that damn Elf might be more popular this year than he was last year.  He is EVERYWHERE I look.  Pinterest is exploding with ah-may-zing and adorable ideas.  In my own FB feed I've already seen him sky diving from light fixtures, being trapped by T-Rex, overdosing on pills and booze and can someone tell me if that sleeping guy with the shaved head is real?  That's a naughty elf I could support!

Making Memories the Punch Way - With more people reading the Elf post, more commenters come out who think I'm a terrible mother who doesn't make any memories with her kids.  This post is for them.  They can suck it.  I make memories - just MY way.  If you haven't read the comments on this one yet, do yourself a favor - empty your mouth, because you WILL spew - and then read the comments.  Too many terrific ones to pick from this week.

Toys for Todds - Who is Todd and why does he get so many toys?

Anyone Who Spends $7 on a Cup of Coffee - The executives at Starbucks are laughing at us with their new ridiculously expensive cup of coffee, plus the Hubs thinks they might be a tad racist.

My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):

I think it hilarious that the only reason I got to this page was because the person you are making fun of, linked us all to it! LOL on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

Uh oh, go check out #93! on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

Last year after this post blew up, Danielle from Blossom's Bunkhouse reached out to me by email and offered a truce.  I had never intended to wage a war on her, so of course I accepted her truce.  We made a deal to link to one another and that she would poke fun at me in her own way and that's when she changed number 93.  I LOVE number 93 and I think this year I will actually do that one with my elves.  My kids will understand it completely and think that it's more magical to have an Elf that reads their mother's blog than an Elf who makes cookies.

It's Nov. 2012 and it's started again. Two of my FB friends have started posting the "hilarious" hijinks of their shelf elfs. Ugh. So I had to re-read your excellent commentary to validate the instant "ugh" reaction I got to these posts and assure myself that I am not alone!!! P.S. Just bought your book. Looking forward to reading it. on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

Wow... You're a bitch.. Maybe I should punch YOU in the throat. I'm a father who puts the extra effort in so that my son will have fond memories, even if it causes me extra work. And even if my son doesn't remember, my wife and I will. So take some ex-lax, lose the constipation and attitude, and then calm the hell down. Jeez. on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

Last year when I would get comments like this I would freak out and respond with a healthy Fuck you.  This year I am just laughing at these people.  I always find it so interesting that the people who tell ME to calm down, take ex-lax, breathe, seek counseling, etc., etc., etc. are the ones who call me "bitch" or accuse me of being a bad mother.  WTF, dude I don't think I'm the one with the problem.  The only positive thing I can say about this comment is is it all spelled correctly.  Usually misspelling and assholes go together. 

Well, thanks to this post we've spent the last week getting our 16 foot tree lit up properly again. Year after year we ignored a few burned out bulbs, and then it turned into "we'll deal with that NEXT year." So we bought the Light Keeper Pro (cha-ching) and got to work. First, we used all the extra bulbs that came with the tree, then I went and bought 160 bulbs. The next day hubs bought 200 bulbs. Two days later, he bought another 200 bulbs. Yeah, we've replaced somewhere in the neighborhood of 500 bulbs (we have some left for next year's hurrah). So, thanks! But it does look wonderful now :) on Pre-Lit Christmas Tree can suck it

I'm telling ya, it's worth every penny.  When I read this comment to the Hubs he made me promise I'll never want to buy a 16 foot tree.  He got sick to his stomach just thinking about all of those lights.

Finally, someone who understands! I so hope they actually read this and do something about it. I'm so tired of either injuring myself trying to get the dang thing on or injuring myself while working out due to lack of support! You rock Jen!!! on Open Letter to Bra Manufacturers

I actually did hear from many bra manufacturers and I'm working on a follow up post.  I've found a couple of new sports bras that I like and I'll be sharing all of my "research" with you guys soon!

When you're reaching for the Elf and you almost shit yourself- Diarrhea, diarrhea. on Making Memories the Punch Way

When you're reading the PIWTPITT Blog and you feel a juicy log: Diarrhea, diarrhea. on Making Memories the Punch Way

I totally just read this while sitting on the throne! on Making Memories the Punch Way

Love. Love. Love. Screw Linus and Lucy... We muted it so I could read these to the kids. on Making Memories the Punch Way

you are too funny. i am familiar with the nurse call as well. as a nurse student i try to be nice but i know i always have that 'come on, does she really need to come home' attitude. on My Kid VS. The School Nurse

Meanwhile, Adolpha went to the nurse AGAIN this week.  She bumped her head on the playground and required an ice pack because she was "too dizzy to stand."  Sigh.

When all is said and done, to each their own. Your blog makes me laugh my ass off, and for that I like you. I don't understand people who don't like animals, but then again, you don't understand people who feel their pets are their children. Again, to each their own. My dogs are two giant babies, and I've never had any creatures who have been so damn HAPPY to see me...even when I'm just coming back from the mailbox. I know your children love you, but when they're teenagers and going through their "I hate you you're a jerk I'm going to do everything to defy you" phase. You'll wish they were dogs...because no matter what age dogs are, they never stop loving you more than themselves. ;-) Thanks for an awesome blog. It's hysterical on People Who Treat Their Dogs Like Children

I have not thought that far ahead.  You make a good point about the teenagers who won't love me anymore.  Maybe in 10 years I'll have a change of heart?

That is awesome. Last year I heard on the radio that the older kids had wish lists that consisted of things like deodorant, facial cleanser, shampoo...that made me so freaking sad. Those should be givens. Those should not be wants. Those are needs. Wow. So sad it makes me angry and tearful just thinking about it. I wanted to, but had no idea how to, start a drive to make gift baskets for low-income teens, baskets that would have staples, and a couple of fun things. I wanted to seek donations from companies to get the staple items, and maybe give them movie tickets, or Subway cards, or something like that. I just didn't know how to make that happen, and now I feel like a loser that I didn't pursue it harder. It is so wrong that these tweens and teens even have to ASK for Axe Body Spray!! I throw stuff like that in my cart for my teen all the time, without a thought. :( on Toys for Todds

I have a friend who has a middle school aged son and he organizes a gift drive through his school.  He asks his friends and classmates to help gather donations and then he distributes them.  I'm sure you school or your church or any other civic organization you belong to would be able to help you adopt a cause this holiday season.  Just start small.  Even if you help one person, that's one person who benefited.


Kaylee said...

I'm a new reader :). I am a twenty something with no kids and the over-achiever elf on the shelfers still drive me nuts. I wrote about it over on my blog,and googled "elf on the shelf blog" to find the crazy examples, and found your hilariousity instead. Well played! I look forward to reading more!

Janine Huldie said...

I am a relatively new reader who found your from the Ho Ho Ho Contest and have been reading you faithfully ever since. Jen, you bring this stay at home mom a bit of comedic relief. Anyway that watches two kids (even their own) who are only 16 months apart (3 years old and 2 years old) needs some adult time to keep their sanity in check. Your blog and posts do just that for me. So thanks :) By the way, I bought your book last week and have only just begun reading it, but am loving it :)

That Girl said...

It is just so funny to me that some parents are so upset with you for not wanting to take the Elf to this unnecessary level of creativity slash complete child overindulgence. First of all, kids are psyched just to find the thing every morning and most parents are lucky to remember to move the damn thing five minutes before the kids come down for breakfast.

Secondly, having gifts and/or these elaborate things every day of December? it's no wonder there are more and more shitty kids thinking they're entitled to whatever they want. If you get off on spending "five minutes" (I call bullshit on that by the way), creatively setting up "Blarf" or whatever stupid name your dumb kid came up with, to look like he drew a picture, by all means go for it. Other people prefer to do other things with their down time and it's all fine, just shut the f up about it and don't go reprimanding another mother (with whom you probably have everything else in common, by the way). Although not sure how many other mothers would curse someone out via blog comment just because her Elf on the shelf standards don't meet your own. Good grief, whoever those commenters are, are you upset you can't troll the political blogs now that the election's been over so you're looking to parenting websites for opposing views or something? Chill out

Krysti said...

My friend got her four-year-old (as of last week) daughter an Elf. Tonight she posted a picture of that thing "teepeeing" the Christmas tree. I instantly thought of you; last week, the elf "spilled" my friend's purse. Hell, if elves are an excuse to make a mess I'll get one for my classroom!

Audrey @ Sweet Cheeks said...

So let me start by saying...you're probably gonna want to punch ME in the throat. I'm Elf-obsessed and I know it. It's not healthy, I can't stop and honestly, sometimes I want to punch MYSELF in the throat too -lol! It's a sickness, but it makes me happy (in a crazed-lunatic sort of way), my kids like our elves (maybe not quite as much as me) BUT I totally get that there's a creepy factor to these things! I'm not expecting everyone to go crazy making their elves sing, dance, go fishing, bake, make messes...and all that jazz. To each their own! You're hilarious and I appreciate the snarkiness.
Oh and...I recently hosted an entire ELF-THEMED-PARTY...that's right.
Bring IT!

Anonymous said...

These Elf things are not new. While decorating this year I pulled out the old one from my childhood - it's over 50 years old now. It creeped me out as a kid and still creeps me out as an adult.

Our elves never DID anything other than sit there and look creepy, and it's still going strong after 50+ years. The Energizer Elf?

Just wanted to say I love you Jen - thanks for keeping the WTF style of parenting alive for another generation. When I did it 20+ years ago, I didn't have any blogs to validate my attitude, people just thought I was a bitch. Oh Well.

Lisa said...

I don't understand why they have the elf doing naughty things. Isn't the whole point of it to get the kid to behave? Making kids think naughty is funny is part of a much bigger problem if you ask me. Which nobody did, but I'm saying it anyway!

Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

By now we have all heard of the adorable little Elf on the Shelf . Almost everyone I know has one.  Some people even have two!  (Now I'...

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