The Over Achievers Are at it Again

Oh no they didn't!  The over achievers are at it again and this time they've taken on Valentine's Day.  If I see one more picture of heart shaped pancakes and dyed red milk I'm going to scream.  And don't even get me started on this:

Photo courtesy of OAM with sense of humor
Put that damn Elf away!!!  He does not belong out on Valentine's Day!!!

My Facebook started blowing up this morning and didn't stop all day.  I saw so many cutesy Valentine's that kids did not make.

Do not try to tell me that kids made half the Valentine's I saw today.  There's no way.  Kids did not take an adorable photo of themselves holding out their arm and the kids did not punch a hole in the picture and put a sucker in there so it looks like they're handing you the sucker from the precious photo.  Kids did not make these Nintendo DS Valentines:

Or these dynamite valentines:
Kids did not melt chocolate over a stove and pour the steaming hot liquid into candy molds in the shapes of hearts, Legos, roses, etc.  Kids did not get on the computer and design and print colorful cardstock with fun little sayings like "Owl Love You Forever" and then staple them to the tops of plastic bags full of homemade candy they didn't make.  I just don't believe it.

Looking through the Valentine's my kids received today, I will say the majority of the kids did address them at least, but that's about it.

Even I had to get on the bandwagon a bit with the overachievers.  My own kids gave out store bought cards with included tattoos (The ones that included pencils were all sold out, damn it.  I guess that's what I get when I wait until the weekend before to buy my Valentines).  I had to sit there for an hour poking those minuscule tattoo corners into the stupid slits on the cards, because my kids lack the patience and dexterity to do it themselves.  I would have chucked the tattoos, except the cards say, "Enjoy your tattoo!" and my kids were watching me making sure I included a tattoo for all their friends.  They know me so well!  They knew if they left me alone to my own devices, I'd throw the tattoos in the trash and call it done.  I know how long it took me to assemble those stupid things and they'll never end up on anyone's Pinterest boards.  I should have done the damn photo with the sucker thing.  It might have actually been faster.

And since when did Valentine's become Christmas and Halloween rolled into one?  My kids came home with so much candy and presents today it couldn't all fit in their backpacks.  We are still eating our way through Halloween and Christmas candy at this point.  We do not need anymore.

I saw the pictures of the overachievers who were up bright and early giving their kids gifts for Valentine's Day.  I will get on board with the Easter Bunny bringing you a little something, but Cupid?  I don't think so.  Not in this house.  I believe I just bought a shitload of gifts for my kids not 2 months ago and a fat guy got all the credit, the hell I'm doing that again only now it's a fat baby looking thing getting the credit.

Most of the gifts I saw were Legos or art supplies or things like that.  I did see an iTouch though and I heard about bouquets of flowers being delivered to the schools - for kids.  I feel sorry for the future husbands of those girls.  If they've been getting a dozen roses since Kindergarten, imagine what they're going to want when they're 40!  A heart shaped pizza and "Breaking Dawn" on DVD is not going to suffice (thank you, Hubs!!).

It wasn't just the kids either.  It was the teachers too.  At the class party today there were a few gifts for the teacher.  Of course, my kid wanted to know where our gift for the teacher was.  How was I supposed to know we were giving gifts??  I didn't realize the teacher was my sweetheart and I should have brought her a box of chocolates.

I tell you, it's amazing how the overachievers can take the simplest holiday and turn it into a production and an event "for the kids."  Ha!  The overachievers aren't doing it for the kids.  They're doing it for themselves.  They're doing it so they can have all the other moms say to them, "How adorable!  What a cute idea.  You're so creative and fun!  I would love to be your kid!"  I just want them to own it and say it out loud.  I want them to say, "I like to make cutesy crafty things for my kids to give out so that people will tell me how great I am.  I like to give the teacher a gift because I know that no one else will and I'll stand out and look like a champ."  Just own it and I'll leave you alone.

I have lots of annoying and egotistical things I do, but the difference is, I own them.  For instance, I will tell anyone, I am a whore for comments on my blog.  I love comments.  I check my comments all the time.  I love to read the comments and I enjoy reading them - even the nasty ones make me happy.  At least someone's reading (not as carefully as I'd like sometimes, but reading nonetheless).  See?  That wasn't hard. Now you try.

Eh, I don't know why I'm amazed every time the overachievers raise the bar and make me look like an ass, but I am.  And every holiday it seems to gets worse.  I've already noticed St. Patrick's Day trending out there.  Oh God, it's coming.  I refuse to make green milk and shamrock shaped pancakes and I'll be damned if I ever make this stupid thing:

Yup, it's a fucking Leprechaun trap.  


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Chrissy said...

Oh my! I love it! I am a part time overachiving mom- but I'm not afraid to admit it. I saw your elf post but forgot about coming back- made my way back today and I am rolling on the ground laughing. Between this one and the douchy dads. AMAZING! Can't wait to read more :-)
When I say I'm a PT OAM I mean that I do some of the crazy stuff- like a naughty elf every few days but unfortunatly I'm too lazy to really go all out with it ;-)

~The Bargain Babe from *Zucchini Summer Blog* said...

"I give them the same thing every kid will no longer be in their class."

BAHAHA. I am actually laughing out loud here. Hahahaha.

Anonymous said...

OMG I LOVE YOU! I'm so glad I'm not the only one out there that thinks like me. You had me laughing all they way through your blog and when i got to the trap I fell off my chair! I never heard of a fucking Leprechaun trap until I had kids. Really? WTF? I'm Polish. I don't do St. Patricks Day :)

sarahjjames76 said...

My friend posted on FB that her child came home with the following goody bag after a bday party and all I could think of was this blog...
"Johnny Doe came home from a birthday party with a goody bag containing fun dough, big putty, a kit to build a wooden helicopter, 13 temporary tattoos, sunglasses, a handheld water-filled game (push the buttons to float the rings onto the seahorse), a hand-held mini pinball-type game, a little game with 2 balls spinning around a handle, an animal-shaped punchball, fruit snacks, 2 packs of Gummi bears and a new toothbrush and toothpaste... "

Surely this belongs on the over achiever parent blog...

LawyerMom said...

I love you. My kids are still in day-care, so most of the "other moms" are also harried working moms who barely have time to get the laundry done, and probably used their finger to get the last of the PB out of the jar this morning because they haven't been to the grocery store in 2 weeks. Also, my kids go to Jewish day-care, ergo no secular holidays… which is basically a giant bonus "mom pass" on all the shit you mentioned above, plus Halloween costumes.

However, I realize this time is precious, because soon I will have to interact with (compete with? be compared to? be shamed by? be judged by?) the OAMs since they will have kids in kindergarten/first grade. (Presumably, they are too overachieving to allow “strangers to raise their children” as I have oh so regrettably done.) Anyway, I'm about to enter a land of women who are planning to hit yoga and grab a latte and possibly get a mani-pedi after drop off, as opposed to rushing to the office and spending their lunch hour at Lowes because it's the only time they can find to buy a damn light bulb.

So yeah. While I won't ever question a woman's or man's choice to be a SAH as they say, I feel it is my moral obligation to flip my shit on these OAMs/OADs for ratcheting up these non-holidays that no rational person SHOULD have time for or care about. Get a fucking hobby. Seriously. One that doesn't require me to participate if at all possible. Oh, and news flash: St. Patty’s day is for drinking, and if you are capable of building a GD leprechaun trap, you aren’t drunk enough. Get on that.

tara said...

I admit it. I love to craft and I overachieve on the class gifts for Valentine's, Easter, and Christmas. Specifically, I have made my kid's Valentine's day cards to hand out each year to friends (oldest is 4 yrs old). One year I actually did make the pictures and holding lollipop thing. And I know I do it for me. Not necessarily to get other people to tell me how much of a supermom I am (it doesn't hurt), but because I love using crayons (and the smell of glue) and now that I have kids I am allowed to do these things without getting side looks.

Oona Johnson said...

Heh. A leprechaun trap. hehe. That is awesome. ;)

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