Irritating, messy, nasty little crumbs that irritating, messy, nasty little children leave in restaurants, because apparently no one should ever drop a crumb on the floor of a restaurant!
Here's the deal: A couple of moms took their kids to a little local cafe for a snack one day. The cafe serves scones. You know what a scone is, right? It's a crumbly, dusty little biscuit thing. Not a messy food at all. Ha! Anyway, the moms bought some scones for their kids and the kids ate them. Well, not all of them, because they managed to drop a ridiculous amount of scone bits on the floor.
The scone drops upset the owner so much that she sent over one of her minions to vacuum up the mess because she "just spent $50" getting the carpets cleaned.
OK, I'm sorry, but I just have to stop right there and ask a few questions. Who cleans carpets for 50 bucks? Because I need their number. I can't get a vacant apartment's 700 square feet of carpet cleaned for under a hundred. Also, why in the world would a restaurant have carpets? If you're going to serve crumbly scones, you need wood or tile floors that are easily swept. Carpets in restaurants skeeve me out. Also, I'm just going to say, who takes their kids out for scones? Scones? Really? Ugh. I know, a doughnut is too unhealthy for you, but a muffin wouldn't suffice. It had to be a scone?
Now, back to my story. So the worker has to vacuum the floors more than normal AND the owner tells the moms that the next time they come back to her fine establishment for another delicious scone they should leave the rugrats at home, because they're not welcome anymore. Say what??!
Yeah, let me think about that one too. A restaurant owner comes over to my table to inform me that I'm dining with small pigs and then has the balls to say, "The NEXT time you come back, please don't bring your offspring with you." Lady, there will never fucking be a next time. I can assure you of that.
After the moms leave (hopefully with a real loud "Fuck you and your scones!") the owner of the cafe snaps a picture of their awful, horrible, outrageous mess and posts it on her store Facebook page with some message like, "Thanks to all of our clean customers for not being such a mess!"
Want to see the mess? Are you ready? Are you sitting down? It's a shocker. It's amazing.
Keep scrolling .... you won't believe it!
ACK!!!! Shield your eyes! Am I right?!! Oh. My. God. It's ... Wait. That's it? That's the "mess"?!!
Let me tell you something, I make that much mess eating a fucking scone!
This cafe owner obviously has no idea what a mess looks like.
I didn't read about this story until today, but I wish I had known yesterday, because yesterday I saw a mess to end all messes and I would have looooooved to have snapped a pic for a side by side comparison.
Yesterday I took my kids to McDonald's for lunch. (Yes, yes, go ahead and judge me. I don't feed them scones, but I will feed them a chicken-like nugget.) As we were enjoying our weekly allotment of sodium, a group sat down in the booth behind Gomer and me. It was three young children and two completely under-qualified grandparents.
The three-year-old proceeded to ensure that no one in the restaurant could have a conversation with their lunch partner, because he decided to become a dinosaur. Perhaps I should write it this way: HE'S A D!I!N!O!S!A!U!R! R!A!W!R!R!R! That way you can get the full effect.
Every time he would roar, the grandmother would sigh loudly and the grandfather would say, "Hey now, buddy, dinosaurs need to eat too."
When this small velociraptor wasn't roaring he was licking the window and/or his seat.
Gomer almost puked watching him. Adolpha decided right then and there to. Never. Have. Children. Ever. (Thank you, dinosaur boy, for ruining my dreams of being a grandmother to Adolpha's kids.) I believe her quote was, "Is someone in charge of him?"
When the family was done "eating" they went into the play area and left us in peace.
I put "eating" in quotes, because once I turned around and looked at the space they had occupied, I'm not sure that any eating happened. There was a lot of chewing and a lot of spitting out.
Mangled nuggets littered the floor while soggy fries floated in a puddle of Hi-C. The seats were trashed with hunks of burger and sloshes of milk shake. I'm not positive what happened to the dozens of napkins strewn across the table, but shredded is the word that comes to mind. (Maybe the kid really was a dinosaur??)
When the worker came over to sweep/mop and sanitize for your protection the mess my mom said, "I'm sorry about that."
He replied, "Why? You didn't do it. It's no big deal." And within three minutes he had the booth and the floor back to normal and ready for use again.
Now, I realize that McDonald's is designed to be hosed down with industrial strength cleaners and its main clientele are young children and old people (what gives with all of the senior citizens who dine at McDs??) who are generally known as the messiest eaters on the planet, so they're well equipped and prepared for the clean up that comes with their clientele.
I also realize that the scone place is probably not the most kid-friendly joint in town, but the scone cafe owner lady needs to get a grip on what a real mess is. Get a dog and he'll solve that "messy" problem easy peasy. She also needs to figure out how to make her customers feel welcome. You can't tell a patron that they're welcome to return anytime just as long as they don't bring their kid with them. You can't go on Facebook and thank your non-messy customers for their patronage and not expect to create some sort of firestorm. She's the owner and she can refuse anyone she likes (I think - although there are some protected classes, I'm guessing) and say what she wants on her Facebook page, but when she does, she'd better be prepared for the entire internet to show up on her doorstep with an opinion.
I just wish I lived close enough so I could go and see these immaculate carpets up close and personal. I'd be so nervous I'd probably accidentally spill my coffee all over them. If she takes a picture of the mess I made, I'd want her to at least link it to my Facebook page!
Like me on Facebook and Twitter - I don't care how messy you are.
Photo source: King5