Weekly Wrap Up 1.19.13
Happy Saturday! What's on the agenda for this weekend? I'm going to a book signing for a local author today and then to my aunt and uncle's 40th wedding anniversary party. I'll need to actually shower and get dressed up for both of these events, but I figured it was a lot of work for a good cause, because surely, I'll get some good material to write about. Uncle Carl and his daughter will be there tonight (not his party) and I'm thinking of getting a present for the happy couple that I can put THEIR name on. Any ideas?
I didn't get much done this week, because I was too busy reading Ready Player One. This is a book for the children of the 80s and the geekier you are, the more you will like it. I read a review that said it was "Willy Wonka meets The Matrix" and that sums it up perfectly. I finished it yesterday and let's just say that last night I couldn't stop dreaming about being in a game of Pac Man.
Did you join me on Twitter last Sunday night during the Golden Globes? You didn't? You should have. You would have laughed. Not at me. I'm not that funny on Twitter. I need more than 140 characters for my brand of humor. My witty friends who join me on Twitter are the funny ones. I just hang out and retweet them. If you're not busy this Sunday, it would be great if you stopped by at 9 PM EST. It's easy, just log on to Twitter and look for me @throat_punch or follow #spikedpunch.
Are you following me on Facebook yet? Yesterday was hilarious. I saw a question my friend You Know it Happens at Your House Too asked her Facebook peeps and I was all, That's a great question. I should come up with my own funny, interesting question too! and then two minutes later I decided, Screw that, I'll just steal her question. This was such a great idea, because I got some awesome answers. I can't wait until YKIHAYT comes up with another super question I can steal.
Top Read Posts This Week:
Rules for Parents of Daughters - A few months ago I wrote a list of rules I'd like to teach my daughter. Scarymommy asked me if she could repost it on her blog and I said Yes. Do you ever say No to Scarymommy? You never say No to someone who has "scary" or "punch" in their blog title. Some people enjoy this list, some people are horrified and offended by this list. Eh, those people can bite me.
How Not to Stop the Flu Epidemic - The flu is spreading around Manhattan like . . . well, the flu . . . and NYC is taking extreme measures like asking little kids to stop shaking hands after their soccer games while they ignore the petri dish of filth that is the subway system.
The Makers of the iPad Toilet - One more dumb thing that some grandparent will think is a great idea for your kid.
Night at the Golden Globes with PIWTPITT - I watched the Golden Globes with my internet friends on Twitter (yeah, I don't have much of a life) and then I wrote a review of the show.
Jen's Top 11 Favorite Posts - These aren't the most popular reads or crowd favorites. They're mine. They're the ones I like the best.
I always love when another holiday rolls around, because it gives my book Spending the Holidays with People I Want to Punch in the Throat another chance to shine. I'm seeing a nice little MLK, Jr. Day bump. Attention boyfriends and husbands - less than a month to get your copy for your lady love for Valentine's Day. I can't guarantee you'll get lucky with this purchase, but I can guarantee you'll laugh your ass off together. Caution - Do not drink your expensive champagne while you read this book, because you'll be pissed when it comes out your nose.
My Favorite Comments (and My Replies if Necessary):
omgosh - i'm not leaving the house again until spring...or touching money ever. again. and yeah kids are gross and boy kids are even more gross. They'll pick up a toothpick on the subway and chew on it and then chase those germs with a good lick of that pole. on How Not to Stop the Flu Epidemic
I just read this after getting home from the Pedi's office where, in the waiting room, I witnessed wee ones snotting all over the toys in there and then putting their fingers in their mouths. I almost gagged. Why not retire the toys during flu season? I know it's hard to keep them busy while they wait but yuck. All I can think of is..."came to doc's office for one thing, left with 3 more things.." You're welcome. Wake up me up when this season is over...this has been a nightmare. Hilariously disturbing post by the way. xoxo I'd high five you, but you know...**cough** on How Not to Stop the Flu Epidemic
I try not to even let my kids sit on the chairs in the ped's office - let alone play with those disgusting toys. Even the doc tells you not to let your kids play with the toys because they're so contaminated. Ick.
I'm not a germophobe either but my favorite is going to a birthday party and someone cuts the cake...and licks his/her hands between each slice! Seriously! At least do that where I can't see it! on How Not to Stop the Flu Epidemic
But cake tastes so much better when I lick it off my fingers. Yum!
When I was bank teller, I had a young girl that came in who was a stripper, and every Monday she would bring in lots of cash, (mostly 1's), and some of them were wet, stuck together, and they always smelled like beer and sex. I always washed my hands really good after handling her money. She was very sweet though,...I could see why she made so much! on How Not to Stop the Flu Epidemic
"Fuck Mums, I Came to Win" should totally be Taylor Swift's next song. I mean, she'll lose half her fan base as we all would stand by Adele's obvious awesomeness, but she does need to expand her repertoire away from serial dating. on Night at the Golden Globes with PIWTPITT
I can't believe you didn't give Tommy Lee Jones a punch for the Kristin Wiig and Will Farrell's hilarious routine for the actress category. They were so funny, everyone was laughing, and the camera pans over to him and he's sitting there all like 'I will cut you'. Dude, lighten up. It's what they do. on Night at the Golden Globes with PIWTPITT
I saw Tommy Lee Jones, but I really thought he was trying to be funny. I could be wrong, but his sense of humor is incredibly dry and I'm guessing he was teasing them. If he wasn't, then, yes he's a jerk. Plus, I can't punch him because he looks like the Grumpy Cat and I looooove the Grumpy Cat.
Jodie Foster is gay, y'all. In other shocking news: Chocolate is delicious and puppies are cute. I was proud of her and she does look fab for 50. But she needs to get that malignant growth, Mel Gibson removed from her ass. What is up with that friendship?? Don't get it. on Night at the Golden Globes with PIWTPITT
My three year old just saw that picture, and she's considering regressing so she can lobby for her own iShitter. on The Makers of the iPad Toilet
Toddler hands on my tablet is gross enough, but toddlers playing with their hoohoos and weewees while playing my tablet at the same time, no thanks. on The Makers of the iPad Toilet
FYI on the twitter chat, for those who it goes too fast can use tweetchat makes it a chat room, tweetchat.com/room/whateveryourhashtagis. I host a quilting twitter chat every week and lots like it, especially newbies on Weekly Wrap Up 1.5.13
Ohh, this is good to know. I will definitely try it on Sunday! Thanks for the tip.
Alec Baldwin mentioned Stockholm syndrome on 30Rock tonight--Tina must be totally reading your blog. ;) on Contact Me
One can only hope. Call me, Colonel!
How about teaching your daughter not to use misogynistic swear words like "douche" and all its variants? on Rules for Parents of Daughters
The word "douche" is the only word that works perfectly for people who are so stupid they have to be compared to a product that cleans a dirty vagina. The word douche isn't insulting to women, the actual product is an insult so I don't mind using the word or its variants. And if you take issue with this word, I can't imagine what you must think of the rest of my blog. I once told a whiny guy that his vagina hurt.
She can use the men's room! I've done it and will do it again if the need arises! Although, it was a one-stall restroom. on Rules for Parents of Daughters
Exactly. But have you tried to use a urinal?