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PIWTPITT's 10 Rules for Grandparents

If you've been reading me for any length of time you will know that I love to make a good list of rules. Rules for daughters. Rules for sons. Rules for my kids when they're at playdates. Rules for moms who host playdates. Rules, rules, rules. I enjoy a good list of rules, even if I hate to follow rules (don't we all?).

Now I have a new list.

Rules for Grandparents.

Disclaimer: Now, now, I know my parents read this blog and before they get their knickers in a wad, I will say: You are good grandparents and even better free babysitters, so just relax over there these are not all about you. Just have a laugh - and maybe stop watching so much "CSI" in front of my kids. Adolpha knows what "blood spatter" means. 

Actually, that's a good place to start:


1. Be mindful of what you're watching on TV in front of my kids. I helped you sign up for extended cable, now use the directory and find "Scooby Doo"  because "Game of Thrones" is not appropriate viewing material for my kids.

2. Be a good sport. When you attend my children's sports games, do not heckle them or their teammates or their opponents. "Move your ass, Number 3!" is never acceptable - and yes, everyone gets an award. I have to deal with it and so must you.

3. Grandchildren are not show ponies. Don't dress them up and parade them over to see Old Mrs. Chapman next door so they can "cheer up" her and her cats with the new songs they learned in Spanish class this week.

4. Keep your passive aggressive threats to yourself. "Don't worry, if your mom says 'no' you can always come live with grandma" will get you banned from my house. Or I might call your bluff and leave two kids and all their belongings on your front porch. School starts at 8:20 and Gomer needs over 100 of the same objects for the estimation jar and Adolpha needs to bring healthy snacks. (Do you even know what those are? Because I barely do.) Oh and don't forget to take some photos with Flat Stanley and get everyone new soccer cleats. I'm off to the spa!

"If you get sad when Mommy and Daddy start making rules, just remember, Grandma's door is always open."

5. Carseats are mandatory. Yes, yes, I know. Somehow we all survived childhood without carseats, but now you're old and you drive like shit so buckle them up.

6. You are not a doctor. Whiskey is not an acceptable treatment for teething and Vicks VapoRub is not the cure-all for every ailment.

Got a cold? Rub a little on your chest. Got the flu? Rub a little more on your chest. Lose a limb? Rub some on your stump.

7. Stop trying to buy their love. You never tried to buy my love, so why are you trying to buy theirs? They love you. They do not need any more crap from the Dollar Store. Now, if you want to make a donation to their college funds . . . those are always accepted and appreciated.

8. Go easy on the sweets. Try serving some real food along with all the sugar you allow them to consume. For example, if they have donuts and hot cocoa for breakfast then lunch can't be leftover donuts with a Pixie Stick for dessert.

9. Bedtime is 8 PM sharp. I'm being generous here. At home, bedtime is 7 PM. I've given you a whole extra hour of fun time. Bedtime is not a "suggestion" - unless you want to keep them tomorrow as well.

10. Did I ask for your opinion? You had your chance to screw up a kid and now it's my turn, so pipe down with all the unwanted advice.

I know there are more, so let's hear them.

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190 comments:

  1. #6 made me laugh out loud...MY grandfather nearly cut his big toe off while splitting firewood. Did he go to the doctor? NO! He put Vicks on it, wrapped it in gauze and went on his merry little way.

    #8 was my favorite. My grandmother would keep my son a couple of days a week before I put him in "regular" daycare. She would load him up on Little Debbies and cookies, then bitch because he wouldn't eat "real food" and lunch. Gee, reckon why. Any question as to why I put him in daycare?

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  2. Skittles and pudding isn't an appropriate dinner. "I'm grandma, It's my job to spoil them" is fine for grandmas who see their grandkids once in a while. When you see them every other day, that crap don't fly!

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  3. Stop telling them stories about my childhood, like that time I peed my pants in 4th grade and made a D in math three years in a row. You're not helping, old lady.

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    1. particularly important when you consider that the grandparent will be having similar stories to tell about themselves soon.

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  4. OMG the donut thing! That IS MY HUSBAND'S PARENTS! They feed that shit to my kids when they are 6 months! My kids dont receive teeth til 9 months, and basically as soon as the kid sits up they are shoving donuts, twinkies and chocolates down their throats. THANKS. LOVED THIS POST!!!!

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  5. #11 Please don't hover over me when I'm taking my child out of the car seat which I've placed on the floor after walking into your house. She needs a minute or two to adjust to her surroundings and quite frankly, if I never paid any attention, I would knock you over when I stand up.

    #12 At least when I am at your house with my child, please act like you know a little about child safety. No, you don't have to child-proof your cabinets or your toilet. But please don't place my seven month old at the table where there is the electrical cord for the pot of hot fondue oil.

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  6. this might be a little to "serious" for this list, but i'd like to add: keep your religion to yourself. it scares my kids to learn about this weird dude who watches over you and judges you but who is not santa. you know where we stand on the religion issue, since you came to our wedding and freaked out about it. it's not changing and you're not allowed to secretly baptize the babies.

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    1. They want to "secretly baptize the babies"? Holy cow! Luckily we didn't get too much crap for not baptizing the kiddos. I just told everyone the kids have to make their own spiritual journey and can decide about that stuff after they turn 18.

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    2. I was kidnapped and baptized by my grandma and her pastor when I was about 10. My mom had joined the methodist church when she married my dad and the methodist only "sprinkled" babies and my grandma was certain you couldn't get into heaven that way. So she told my mom she was taking us shopping and to a movie one Saturday night and we actually went to a holy roller revival that was going through town and got dunked. It was some scary shit. I am honestly not over it to this day and it is probably why I am agnostic now!

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    3. Interesting that Santa is OK but Jesus isn't...because Santa's not a weird dude that watches little kids from afar all year and keeps a list?!? And then comes around and wants you to sit on his lap and whisper in his ear. Creeper. But yeah, I can see how Jesus would be scary.

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    4. The difference between Santa and Jesus is that we eventually tell the kids that the jig is up with Santa. Grown ass adults actually believe in Jesus and his mythical sky fairy daddy. Incredible.

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    5. Just pointing out the double-standard. Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you that I am the most religiously (or lack of religion) tolerant person they know. But I am curious; tell me again why you celebrate Christmas, when you obviously do not believe in Christianity?

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    6. Lmao! Thank you. I love this. "Jesus is fake but gimme my damn gifts!" I could careless if you believe or not but making fun of people that do believe and celebrating Christmas is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.

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    7. Pretty sure Santa's Christmas and Jesus' Christmas are different, only Santa's Christmas has roots older than Christianity, so.... yeah. I think the point is to not inundate a child with a belief system unsupported by its parent. I believe in Jesus, and we talk about him, but we are not Christian. I would be very upset if my child were taken to church without my permission and told things that conflict with the worldview we choose in our family.

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    8. Exactly, Santa's Christmas is far older than Jesus'. Christmas has Pagan roots, not Christian. Jesus wasn't even born in December...

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    9. Wrong. Santa Claus is based on Saint Nicholas, a 4th century Christian Saint from Turkey. Believe what you wish, just don't be a jerk.

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    10. Totally agree with this one! I'm Wiccan, so we celebrate solstice. My mother came for the holidays one year, and I left the house to run an errand. I came home to discover a full nativity set on my kitchen counter, with movement and music!!

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    11. Totally agree with this one! I'm Wiccan, so we celebrate solstice. My mother came for the holidays one year, and I left the house to run an errand. I came home to discover a full nativity set on my kitchen counter, with movement and music!!

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    12. I celebrate Christmas because it's fun. I don't feel like I have to be Christian to have fun. Santa is fun. I loved writing letters to Santa and the whole story behind him. I am an Atheist plain and simple. Church was never fun. We don't celebrate it as Jesus's Birthday. We celebrate it just like Halloween. We know witches and goblins aren't real. We celebrate Christmas just like Easter. Because it is fun. Life should be fun.I'm not going to teach my kids about every war fought in God's name. I'm not going to tell her that Jesus loves her only if she is good. I definitely don't want to teach her that she could go to hell. How is this fun for any parent to do. I believe you do not need some being in the sky to scare you into behaving. You can use common sense for that. Also if I'm wrong which I'm not. I don't think God would hold it against anyone not believing in him if they lived their life as a good person.

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  7. here is my number 1 rule for my sons grandparents (really just my MIL)...My Child sleeps in their bed when you are watching them overnight. Sleeping in your bed is not acceptable as this is a hard ass habit to break...my 2 year old sleeping in your bed (which was really my bed since you were staying at my house)...for a full week is unacceptable and I won't tolerate it again...do it again and you are banned from watching my child overnight! Thank you and have a nice day :)

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  8. as a gigi (grandma) to the most awsome grandkids on the planet, i must say that it does put a smile on my face when my oldest (who will be 2 in march) puts on her coat and boots, waves bye bye and blows kisses to her mom stating she is going to gigi and poepoe's house and her mom just tells her well call me when you get there....(we live about 20 mins away by car) gives me the warm and fuzzies

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  9. An actual conversation with my mom: "What time did the kids go to bed?"
    "I think they finally went down about 11:00."
    "11:00? Mom!"
    "Well, they weren't the least but tired!"
    "PUT THEM TO BED ANYWAY!"

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    1. LOL, sounds exactly like the conversation I have everytime my Mom watches the kids. I'm always saying to her, "When I was your kid I HAD to be in bed by 8 pm until I was like 16! What's up with the loosey-goosey sleep time now?" She just smiles and goes on her merry way spoiling them rotten.

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    2. Yeah, my parents are the same way. I only let them put the kids down on holidays, summer vacation or the time changes. Those are times that even with my best efforts, my husband and I can't get them to adhere to the schedule, so we just say to #^@&*& with it and fix it at home. When my oldest was 3, I called around 10pm to check on her and my dad was like "She's still up, do you want to talk to her?" Um, no! Put her back to bed!

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  10. DO NOT CUT MY CHILD"S HAIR WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! Scratch that! Do not cut my child's hair PERIOD. My 2 year old had to walk around looking like Loyd from Dumb and Dumber for months because of my mother in law. MONTHS! "His hair was in his eyes." Touch his hair again and I will tkae it upon myself to give you a little trim, old woman!

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    1. Oh, oh, that happened to me too. Rage and violation!

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    2. My ex husband did that. No warning, no heads up, I wasn't requesting he *ask* me, but some sort of notice would have been nice. And he got it cut really short and my daughter has been asking since then when her hair will be long again...

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    3. DOUBLE DITTO! We were gone for 6 hours to a wedding out of town. Came back and my daughter (20 months old) also had "Lloyd" bangs, and we had NEVER cut her hair! WTF?? Justification?"She wouldn't hold still or they would be straight." Me:"Why in the hell would you even thing of cutting her bangs?" Grammy: "Her hair was in her eyes, it was bothering her!" Me:"NO, Grammy, it was bothering YOU." I bet she grabbed the damned scissors and went to town before we were out of the driveway.
      I made my husband deal with her on this one, because I was seriously close to going postal. My daughter is 16 now, and it still makes my blood boil.

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    4. Oh em gee, I thought mine was the only one!!!! My MIL was under STRICT ORDERS SPECIFICALLY NOT to cut my son's hair, because his hair hadn't been cut yet and he was a year old. I get home from work one day and I could instantly tell that she'd cut his hair! I hit the roof and yelled and she had the nerve to say, "I didn't think you'd even notice!" Well if you didn't think that this baby's own MOTHER was going to notice, WHY did you even DO it then?! Just so that you could knowingly flout my order that it was my prerogative as a parent to give? Oh man I was steamed! Come to think of it, I apparently still am! I should mention this was now 22 years ago...

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    5. My grandmother cut my hair from mid-thigh length to just below my shoulderblades when I was about 10 or so. I seriously thought my parents and my grandmother were going to physically fight over my hair. Obviously it was without their permission, and it was an awful cut. My hair has never grown past my waist since, and it's been almost 20 years.

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    6. Back in the 60's my grandmother had a habit of giving us kids geri home perms when we were like 5 years old. Burned our hair to shit. I can remember cutting off all the curls with paper scissors and hiding the curls under the dog bed.

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  11. I forbid "overnights" unless you are responsible for said child for the entire following day....that way any failure to "follow" the rules will result in your torture - not mine.

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    1. Kristy,
      I think your rule is awesome!!!!

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  12. First, thank you for this list. you managed to say it in a much nicer way than I would. My 2 cents....You have seen have seen my kid EVERY weekend (except 2) since he was born a year ago. So, please do not mail crap to my house for him during the week and tell me on the weekend you sent it by mail because you just never know when you are going to get to see him!

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  14. I have 3 grand babies I see all the time and I treat them as if they were my own and then I have 2 that I am lucky to see every few months. I spoil them rotten. Their mom hates them drinking sweet tea, so that's what they get while they are here. I do feed them a well rounded meal also, because I know they don't get it at home.

    A complaint I have. Don't look the other way when a grandparent gives advice about a sick child, You or your spouse survived and they do have more experience than you do. Ex. Your newborn is projectile vomiting consistently and the grandparent lets you know they are probably allergic to milk based formula since it runs in the family, don't make the child suffer just because you want to be stubborn.

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    1. pyloric stenosis is also a cause of projective vomiting and not related to a milk allergy.

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    2. Maybe the grandparent should ask first if the parent has consulted a physician or if the parent wants advice. We may have all survived childhood but things have changed as have medical opinions on things we treated differently back in the day.

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    3. I am a proud grandma too, but totally disagree with your choice to "SPOIL" a child, especially going against the parents' wishes. Think of the word spoiled. Would you want have spoiled milk or be around rotten eggs? "Spoiled" children are brats. Don't take such glory in the being the person who encourages bad behavior. You are setting yourself up for glory while deifying the parents. Shame on you!

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    4. ...and this is why if you were my MIL, you would only see my kids once or twice a year with supervision! You have NO right to go against the parents' wishes! It almost seems as if you offer sweet tea just to spite that child's mother. Let my MIL go against my wishes ONE time, and she will not be happy with the results of that decision.

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    5. who cares!? It's sweet tea!? I would get crazed about that stuff too when my kids were little. Now they are big and I realize it's not a big deal. Unless they are seeing them every other day as someone said.

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    6. I hope your DIL finds out about you not following her rules and cuts your ass off. You think you're so cute, but you're not. You don't know better and you're not the PARENT! People like you (and my MIL) are the reason why women joke about marrying an orphan so they don't have to deal with batshitcrazy in-laws like you. Do yourself a favor - - grab a couple slices of humble pie and STFU.

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    7. My son projectile vomited after every feeding and he was breast fed. There was nothing wrong with him and he gained weight perfectly. Fat little sucker, actually. The pediatrician said sometimes it just happens and we trusted him. Bottom line: there can be several explanations for something happening and if they had a pediatrician they trusted, why should they take your advice over his/hers?

      And I know my mom spoils our kids when she has them. As long as it's within reason, I look the other way because I do think it's a benefit of being a grandparent. But the day my mom gets snarky about it or does it to spite me is the last day she gets a chance to.

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  15. Do not criticize the things we choose to believe in our family. And I'm not talking about religion. I mean Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, the birthday fairy, the Easter Rabbit, the Easter bells. Stuff like that. (No SC at Christmas, no E Rabbit, definitely the tooth/birthday fairies and the Easter bells). And it's my own decision on whether I want to get millions of toys or just 3 for my children. And the same goes for you.

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  16. I'm having this list laminated as I type. I would like to add: if a kid is being an asshole and refusing to put on his shoes, don't tell him "That's okay." It's NOT okay to be an asshole and it's better he learn that at home than on the playground. Cripe.

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  17. I'd like to add a rule:
    #Just because you did it as a kid doesn't mean my kid should be able to do it too.
    Things I've had to get onto my dad for letting my 4 year old child do include but are not limited to: letting him play with a hatchet,giving a tool box full of real tools(complete with scissors and a hammer),and letting him ride down a huge hill towards the pond in a go cart without brakes.Last week my dad said,"That boy needs a slingshot."WTF Daddy?!?
    My Momma is not much better as she keeps a stash of candy,cheese crackers, and fudgesicles just for the four year old.She also takes him to Goodwill every week and buys him toys.
    I have told my kids that these are not the same people who raised me.They are old and are obviously trying to bribe their way into heaven by spoiling the grandkids.

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    1. I absolutely LOVE your last paragraph...I have told my children the same thing; these are NOT the parents that raised me!!!

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  18. I know you think your grandchild is the smartest,sweetest kid in the world but stop dismissing his autism as something that he will grow out of if we would stop talking about it! Apparently my child has autism because he's just a little shy and if I would stop treating him like he has it, he would grow up to be normal just like that girl that competed for Miss America...AAAAAAAHHHH!

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    1. oh dear. I have a son with autism too. I am so thankful I never had to deal with this! Good luck to you!

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    2. I struggle with the exact opposite - "Now dear, you need to remember he has autism . . ." Like it gives him freedom to behave however or do whatever he wants! HELLO?! It is the PRECISE reason I need to be black and white on the rules!

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  19. #11) Do not complain that you don't see your grandchildren enough if you don't call and don't visit. Especially when invited and you make some lame excuse not to come. (Yes, my in-laws are like this and live 50 minutes away. No, never allow them to babysit, CPS should have removed their kids, why do you think my husband joined the Marines at 17 years old? Paris Island was a vacation and safe in comparison!)

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    1. Every time my in-laws see my kid (that would be EVERY holiday, plus a few more times a year), they throw out a passive-aggressive "Do you remember me??" Assholes.

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    2. My in laws cried that we moved further away but when we lived closer they still didn't visit but once a year, and my fil had appts in the area we lived in every 3 months! But my mil still tried to make my husband feel guilty for taking a 30,000 raise. Um, no. They were supposed to come see us over Christmas but had some bs excuse not to as well. We are 5 hours away, not too difficult for 2 adults, but pretty shitty when you have 4 kids. They didn't even see my son until he was 3 months old, and only because we went back for a funeral. She also is guilty of only giving my children diet soda to drink while they visit even though I have asked her not to. She tried to give soda to my 18 month old daughter and got annoyed with me when I stopped her. I also got upset with her the last time we were there bc my oldest was getting a talking to and she kept repeatedly saying, "you can come live with Grandma." No she can't, and you are not helping!!! Thank you for letting me get my rage out. Whoa.

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    3. My ILs NEVER come to see our kids, or invite us to see them at their house. Only on sanctioned obligatory family holidays do we see them. Even then they want nothing to do with them but make comments about how they never see them. But if someone else is there then by all means lets scoop them up and show them off. Meanwhile my kids try to run away from these people they don't know who are grabbing them. Then they get bent when my mom sees them and lets her hold/play with them and talk about her etc. Well, she spends time with them. About 50x more than you do and she lives 3 states away. But I digress...

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  20. Aw man I wish my mum could understand English so I would send her over to read this. Would it be too passive aggressive if I translated this and send it over?

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  22. All of these are so familiar to me, it’s like we are neighbors. #8 UGH! My child had Pepsi before she could walk. I would add...

    If I say she must wear a bra or tank top under her shirt, there's a reason I've made that rule, do not let her run around outside in a white TShirt without. Especially if she's playing in the hose. This isn't woodstock. The same rules apply to shoes.

    Do not "drop in" at 8am on a Saturday. You are not my parents. You are not my husband's parents. Your son has not lived here in over 5 years. I think I've done well making your grandchild accessible to you, but a call ahead is almost always required. And in the event you do drop in without calling, DO NOT hang out with my child alone in MY HOUSE, without waking me up, I do not want to come downstairs in my pajamas to my ex's parents.

    The beer and wine in our fridge is not a sign of alcoholism. Your grandchild is involved with any and all clubs/activities she desires; she has sleepovers, attends sleepovers, and wants for nothing. Sometimes after being a taxi driver to a messy and un-paying patron and all of her tween cohorts, I need a drink. I deserve a drink. Deal with it. Trust me if you had to listen to “What makes you beautiful” 25 times today in the car, you too would be reaching for a glass of wine after bedtime.

    Please don’t tell my child that people with tattoos do not go to heaven. All four of her parents have at least one tattoo, she’s now scared to death she will be in heaven alone.

    I second the hair cut rule in the comments above as well!! Not acceptable. Also, don’t criticize her if she wants to try out a short hair cut, a bob, a pixie, a Mohawk. It’s her hair, she has to brush and wash it. Focus on providing her the appropriate music, TV, food, etc. I’ll decide when and how she may express herself thru her hair and clothes.

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    1. OMG--"this isn't woodstock" made me snort. Awesome!

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  23. Love the list although I beg to differ on #6. In my family Vicks is our miracle cure-all in the same way the dad uses Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. I have some in the car, my purse, the kids sports bags, bedside, kitchen junk drawer. I use it on bug bites, colds, headaches, for stuffy noses melt some in a cup of water in the microwave and inhale (CAREFULLY), ingrown hairs, pimples, chapped lips, and although I have never used it as such my uncle, (may he RIP), who was a surgeon and made his living cutting off people's hemmrhoids, swore up and down that Vicks was the greatest thing for hemmrhoids and used it on his own. Vick's is awesome!

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    1. Dang,I think a couple of my hemmrhoids just shriveled up and fell off just thinking about putting menthol down there.
      Also a question:Did he have a separate jar of Vicks just for his 'roids or did he just have the Costco economy size used for everything?

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    2. I am a huge fan of the Vicks. My rule would be, stop suggesting I take them to the dr every time they sneeze! My Mother in law has for real suggested my son was diabetic because he was going to the bathroom a lot for a few days. She has also thrown around words like cancer for other minor things. Seriously.

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    3. See, for my in-laws, the cure-all is Noxema. They put it on EVERYTHING! "Oh, you have a cut (scrape, zit, bug bite, bruise, flesh wound...)? Put some Noxema on it!" Seriously, that's an actual quote.

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    4. I think everyone has their own miracle cure. My grandpa put Ben-Gay on everything, including skin cancer. My mom; rubbing alcohol. My husband; ice. Me? I say "you're dehydrated. drink a glass of water".

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    5. spymay, I think I just developed a hernia from laughing at your reply!! (I know, I know, put some Vicks on it.) My son was asking me what I was laughing at, and I couldn't even speak to tell him. I haven't had a laugh like that in ages! Maybe not since the Baby Ruth in the pool in Caddyshack. Thanks!

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    6. For my mom, it's Carmex. Puts it on EVERYTHING.

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    7. My Mom's cure all....... zinc oxide.... thick nasty stinky stuff... used it til the day she passed. I found 3 tubes of it in her bathroom!! LOL

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  24. Oh man..when my boys (now 4) are sick and have to stay home from daycare, Nana usually comes to stay with them, and she often brings Poppa. Fine.

    Once, when they were about 10mos old, they got sick with the swine flu. Nana couldn't come that day, so Poppa did. I asked if he was ok with it, he said yes. So I went to work, after leaving a list of exactly what to do and when, and I was able to come home early, thank god.

    Poppa had not changed any diapers over the 6hrs he was alone with baby. (I think it was just one baby home, the other went to daycare) Poppa had not offered any of the solid food I had left out for him. Poppa said he offered a bottle, child wasn't interested. Poppa apparently went into the room a couple of times to check on baby, but otherwise left him there in his crib all day. Granted, baby was pretty ill and mostly wanted to sleep, but really? Really!!?

    I was so angry, and Poppa was never allowed to babysit alone again. Once again, it is fine if Nana is there too, but not by himself. (These are my in-laws by the way, not my parents.)

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    1. You had me at "I went to work" when your kids were sick with swine flu at 10 months old!

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    2. ^I'm hoping that I'm over-sensitive, and this the comment above isn't actually a criticism of another mother.

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  25. #11 Treat all your grandchildren the same. Do not favor my son above his brother and cousins. He IS a great kid but so are your other grandchildren!

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    1. This 1000 times over. My children are the first grandchildren but we live an hour away by plane, 6 by car. Not far really. But my brother's kids are the golden children. My parents didn't even meet my kids until they were 9 weeks old and that was ONLY because we drove THERE for my brother's wedding.

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    2. Yes, yes, and yes again. There are only 2 grandkids in our family, and mine was the only one for 4 years. Now the the other has come along, it's like mine doesn't even exit. Try explaining that to a 6 year old - when she asks why Gramma wants nothing to do with her anymore. But on the very off occasion that my MIL stops by (unannounced of course) and all my daughter does is tell her about the things she did with my parents (whom we see at least one a week) she gets all bent.

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    3. I was my grandma's favorite and my cousins still hate me, I swear.

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  26. Here's one:

    Don't act surprised when your grandkids don't really want to spend time with you when you never visit and when we visit you, you spend zero time on their level playing or interacting with them.

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  27. I identify with #7 the most. Stop giving my kid so much crap! Every year, two sets of grandparents and a set of great-aunt and -uncle give him Halloween presents. HALLOWEEN! And this is on top of the giant bags of candy they give him. Because he's certainly not getting enough from the three hours of trick-or-treating.

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  28. OMG bedtime. This one hurts my brain. Please don't make everything lsat so long their bedtime is delayed over and over again and then ask why they are psychotic the next day.

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    1. Yes! When they visit they try to keep them up all night and then say, "What's wrong?" As long as they get eight hours, it's fine!" (As if children don't need more sleep than adults.) Then when it's time to wake up for school, "Why are they getting up SOOO EARLY?!"

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  29. Ooh! I have another. Do not "forget" my rules, or how things work in my family. We chose to have our son call us by our first names, and all of our relatives were just AWFUL and hurtful about it. Four years later, they still insist on referring to me as "Mommy-oops-sorry-I-just-CAN'T-get-used-to-that-I-mean-Jenn." Really? You've been calling me Jenn since the day we met; how hard is it to just keep calling me that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your rules..your way! Grandparents just need to respect that.

      Just curious though, if you don't mind answering; why did you chose to have your child call you by your first name instead of Mom & Dad?

      Delete
  30. I laughed at #3, because it is so true, my mom always has to have my son in their best clothes and behavior to show him off with her friends. :)

    ReplyDelete
  31. Quote from my MIL: "Well, they're my grandkids and I'll do what I want with them."

    Hubs: "Guess you don't want to see them that often then."

    (cue scrambling apology for feeding them McDonalds/pizza morning-noon-night for an entire weekend....)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your husband is a rock star for shutting that shit down! Gold stars for him! You still should have put the biotch on a mini time out for acting like a twat and to show her who's boss though!

      Delete
    2. I HATE that grandparent reasoning... no, they're MY KIDS. I actually had a grandmother tell me that she would have gone to court and fought to see one of her late husband's grandchildren and that she was so pissed that the mother might not let her see the child anymore. Really? It's not even YOUR grandchild. And that made wary of what she WOULD do if it was a blood-relation grandchild.

      Delete
  32. When my son was 2, my parents babysat him overnight. I left a detailed note of everything. Timings to eat and sleep. Even what he ate when. I even neatly typed it so there was no issue with handwriting. Think it was never even glanced at. When he was about 3, he wouldn't get in his carseat. He pointed to the middle seat and said; "ma's car sit here!" BUSTED!!!!!
    Oh, and Cartoon Network must be banned. My child has come to spend time with you, not Ben 10!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A neatly typed note? If I was their grandparents, I wouldn't even want to take the kid if that's what I had to deal with.

      Delete
    2. My MIL showers praises on me and cites my son's example to her daughter's son regarding my rule about No watching TV while eating. But each time i have left her to feed my son, she insists on breaking this rule! I have never understood it.

      Delete
  33. Don't play favorites, especially with grandchildren who are siblings! It's lots of fun explaining to a 7 year old why her grandma remembered her big sister's birthday, but not hers...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My MIL blew off my younger son's birthday when he was four. My older son's birthday is a month later. She was shocked when she called and we wouldn't let her speak to him. She started crying and handed the phone to my FIL. When we told him what she had done he was livid. They showed up the next day with gifts for the kids and me (she had ignored my birthday too but whatever I am not FOUR). I am glad he did that but what's done is done, she made her feelings clear.

      Delete
  34. This falls under #7, but I feel it deserves specific mention: F*cking STUFFED ANIMALS!! Enough already! They multiply like Gremlins, especially when you bring home MULTIPLE BAGS(MUL. TI. PLE.) of them home from Grandmom's house. Shoot me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate that too!!!

      Delete
    2. I'm worse than the In-laws on this, but there my kids.

      Delete
  35. How about: Please don't discuss my child's personality, hair, clothes, etc., in front of her in the third person like she's not there. She is. And she hears you. So don't be shocked when she asks you to stop talking about her.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Crap. You know my mother, don't you. Because she broke every single one of those rules back in the day. #s 4,6 and 10 are ongoing. Here's a few more for when they're teens:

    *Don't comment on every single one of their facebook posts with phrases like, "...SO proud of this special girl!" &/or with hearts and smileys. It will piss your granddaughter off and she will vent about it to ME which will make me teach her how to be sneaky and make her posts custom and you will wonder why she never posts anymore and will have made liars (again) out of both of us.

    *Don't pat their butts or scratch their backs in public. Funny how teenage girls HATE being treated like they're four.

    *Even though they're older, it's just not real cool to have them refresh your gin and tonic.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I need to send the Facebook one to my mother. More for my posts than my son's. Seriously mom, I'm 33 you do not need to comment "I'm so proud of you, knew you could do it" and other crap on a post that says "made it through another day".

      Delete
  37. I am THAT Grandma!! LOL! Love it!

    ReplyDelete
  38. Why is it that when my kids act like brats, you jump in with excuses for them? If I had acted like that at their age I would have been grounded until the sun burned out. Don't jump in and be the hero on this one leaving me to look like Satan's minion. "Oh, hon, she's just bored." Bored is not a free pass to behave like an untrained monkey in public. Know who taught me that? YOU DID! Suck it up and lay on the threats, people!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I get the opposite. They try to scold my kid when I'm right there. For ridiculous stuff, like being noisy or running. I'll tell him before every holiday, "You don't have to listen to anyone but me and your father."

      Delete
    2. oh god yes--when we are with my parents (and sister) i often have to let my daughter know that mommy and daddy are in charge and that is really all she needs to listen to. if she is at grammi's without us, then yes grammi is in charge, but if mommy is there grammi better step on back!

      Delete
    3. One grandma would NEVER punish my kids and undermines my punishments in front of me. The other grandma scolds before I get the chance and hands out punishments that I don't agree with. My kids are so freaking confused about what a grandma is supposed to be!

      Delete
    4. My FIL has overridden my rules once before- right in front of my daughters! We were going out to eat at a seafood restaurant that I was pretty sure they wouldn't enjoy, so before we left I let them have a small snack of cheese and crackers and milk. He told them "You shouldn't be eating that; we're going out to eat," and I told him I gave it to them and that it as okay. He looked right over me at them and said "You need to stop eating that because I said so." I was irate! I told Husband Dear to straighten that kink out really quickly, or I'd do it in my angered state. He did. :)

      Delete
  39. Two of my biggest pet peeves with my mil: stop passive-aggressively digging at my rules when we are at your house. If I tell my son he can have soda for lunch, he can have the soda and you don't get to take it away and tell him he needs to drink water. He rarely gets soda at home, you're serving it to EVERYONE ELSE and since you have been known to fill the water jug in your fridge from the 50yo hose in the yard, I don't trust that the water you're serving isn't loaded with lead and other crap that's leached into it.

    And stop questioning my educational decisions by quizzing my homeschooled children and saying things like "when you go to school." It's rude.

    ReplyDelete
  40. I didn't know Vicks VapoRub was the cure all. For my grandma it was Luden's cherry cough drops, which she kept the night stand next to her bed. And since my grandparents had bad knees and a two-story farmhouse, that bed was in what most of us would call the living room. . . .The cough drops were a good deal (for me) until she switched to bags of Vicks mentho flavored.

    ReplyDelete
  41. My mom let my almost 3 yr old watch "The Borgias" last summer. You know the part where they burned Savonarola at the stake?

    She talked about how that bad boy got burned for about 3 weeks. THANKS!

    ReplyDelete
  42. How about no political speak around my kids? Mine always spew tons of info about the nasty liberal politicians when they come home. Why? Because of the 24/7 Fox News that Grandma watches. Um, they're 9 and 7. They're just starting to get who the president is, for crying out loud!

    Belladventures.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My ex-husband does this to our child on his weekend visits...It drives me INSANE! Yes our opinions differ, but don't load my child up with your opinions so that he can come home and rattle them off to me & then get mad at me when I tell him that I don't agree with him. My son is 9, he doesn't know enough to have an opinion on politics yet!

      Delete
    2. My mom explained abortion to my nine year old daughter last year at election time! She's never even asked about how babies are made, but she sure knows all about abortion!! GRRRR.....

      Delete
  43. Grandma (MIL), I will not ban you from my children's lives for calling me a bad mother in front of them, you are however banned from mine... FOREVER - and your son is perfectly okay with that.

    ReplyDelete
  44. bahahahahaha I love this. Except I am a stepmother and we have custody of two of our children and I feel the same way when they go to their Mother's homes for the weekend or holidays...... But its even worse.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Couldn't agree more...ex husbands/wives are way worse than Grandparents will EVER be. I could tell you horror stories about the things that my ex-husband has done & said around my child. It has gotten to the point to where I limit the visitations as much as I possible can.

      Delete
  45. The list:
    NAILED IT!

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  46. I would like to add a rule to this... If I am trying to break a bad habit be helpful, don't make it worse. My son and daughter both went through a whining stage where they would carrying on forever if they didn't get something they wanted (ie wanting to be carried or not getting something at the store). Our sitter and I worked on breaking this habit for weeks. The first time we go out with my parents since I start trying to break the habit, my son has a melt down. I'm trying to stop the meltdown and explain to him that he needs to calm down and this is not the way to act and my mother is behind me offering him everything he could want. SERIOUSLY! We just talked about how I'm trying to stop this problem and you're giving into him.

    ReplyDelete
  47. The Dollar Store crap really got me laughing. Addendum to that one: Don't feel like you cannot walk into the house empty-handed. We see you 4 times a week. We don't want Made In China crap that just eventually winds up in the dogs' colons.

    ReplyDelete
  48. My parents need to follow all of these rules...

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  49. This is hysterical. And it's my MIL straight up and down. And she knows she is this way and doesn't care. I laugh at this because it's just so dead on.

    ReplyDelete
  50. New rule: Do not give in to my child's every whim just so he'll stop whining. He only whines because you do. Then I get to spend two weeks breaking him of it. Again. Stop giving in and he'll stop doing this.

    ReplyDelete
  51. last week, i made my m-i-law tell my 16 year old daughter that she was never going to live at her house. really, i called her and told her to tell the kid. you should have seen the look on my kid's face. yeah, you are not going to run to grandma when i say no.

    i just learned to look the other way when they gave her m & m's after breakfest every weekday. they were bringing her to school for me. i just begged that it wasn't the whole container.

    the running joke was: degrandma her. this meant after staying with m-i-law for longer than 1/2 a day meant bringing her back to reality. no means no and no doesn't mean maybe.

    ReplyDelete
  52. Oh my goodness. You have met my mother, haven't you? I love #1 because just this weekend my 8 year old son brought up the time that he watched Transformers at Grandpa and Nana's house. And then there was the month that my mother was convinced that one of my other sons was allergic to milk. She said, "I got to thinking about what he had eaten when he was here and how that could have made him sick. He had eaten macaroni and cheese, ice cream with chocolate syrup, a candy bar, and a grilled cheese sandwich. I think it was the milk that made him sick." Really, mom? If I ate all that I would be sick too. And those are the nice examples of my parents grandparenting skills. I have a ton of not nice ones. All those cutesy memes of how special and wonderful you feel about your mom after you become a mom, do not apply to me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear you, Lynn. You're supposed to understand your mother better when you become a mother yourself. I understand mine less and less every day.

      Delete
  53. Yup, my mom is COMPLETELY in need of this rule book. Ice cream is NOT needed every night. And none of us, adults nor children, complain of a sore throat because you know the whiskey is on the bathroom counter.
    So funny.
    I go to pick the kids up and they are in the middle of GAMBLING! Cards are good thinking games she says... with piles of coins everywhere. My kids knew a good poker hand and how it ranked by age 8! So proud.

    ReplyDelete
  54. An addendum to the bedtime rule: don't tell me my 1-year-old "didn't want to take a nap". Tough. What's going to happen when he says he doesn't want to wear his seat belt or hold your hand in the parking lot or brush his teeth? These things are for his health and safety and they are not negotiable.

    ReplyDelete
  55. So many just like my mom and in laws. One more all car seats must be approved by a parent before allowing a child in them while driving. My mom picked picked up my 5 month son from school. She put him in the infant seat buckled the seat belt and then put the toddler seat on the seat belt and thought that it seat just attached itself to the seat belt. Really Mom? What makes it worse is that my son was the 5th grandchild and she has watched/drove them all before mine. Pretty sad when we taught our 5 year old to clips in his sister at 2 because Nana might forget.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, we taught our 5 year old (at the time) how to buckle in the 2 yo for the same reason... more to the point, it would seem the 5-point harness car seat is reportedly impossible to figure out for adults that are out of child bearing age. Sigh.

      Delete
  56. Thanks, Mom, for introducing M&Ms to our pantry and for taking the extra time to ensure they are at the appropriate height for a toddler to reach. Extra special thanks for not closing the bag.
    http://www.hip-babymama.com

    ReplyDelete
  57. #11 "no mother-in-law you cannot give my baby a chicken bone because he is teething. Chicken bones are not good for dogs either" But she did it anyway! I walked in on my 8month old son sucking on a chicken leg bone! REALLY.

    #12 Please dont feed my child something when I ask you not to, especially when the Dr. thinks she may be allergice to chocolate and I find her eating a chocolate bar on your watch.

    ReplyDelete
  58. I used to call the three days after the over night at the Grandparents the "aftermath" that we got to deal with. I think it's normal. I finally decided I didn't want to know and to let them be Grandparents and us the parents. Now they are 16 and 13 and I pretty much had forgotten about that until I read this!

    ReplyDelete
  59. When my oldest was in elementary school we shipped the kids off to Grandma's for a week. He literally came home unable to fit into the clothing we sent him with. Fortunately, he had a growth spurt a year or two later, plus he's extremely athletic, so he eventually recovered. They haven't gone to Grandma's for a week since then.

    When he was little he went to stay with her overnight. I specifically told her that he would wake very early but if she'd feed him, he'd go back to sleep and take one nap later. Well, Grandma chuckled, she didn't put him back to bed! Haha, here he is and he took two naps, one at 5 p.m. I wanted to clock her.

    Needless to say, the second kid hasn't spent much time with old Grandma.

    ReplyDelete
  60. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  61. The dollar store! I love it. My parents are the same - what's up with all that crap??

    ReplyDelete
  62. #11 Do not let my teething baby chew on foil. Just because your children were "fine" when they did it doesn't mean mine wouldn't be the one to take a chunk out of it and swallow it.

    #12 Stop harping on me about my kid's hair. If I want it cut, I'll cut it. No excuse for you to secretly cut bangs on my daughter and then complain that her hair is in her eyes all the time. I wanted them to grow out for the reason of that not happening.

    #13 Stop taking the tags off of all of the clothing and taking items out of their packages you give our children before you actually give it to them. If we get something close to that item that is better or the clothing doesn't fit, it's impossible to return because it not only is open with no tags, but it reeks of smoke.

    #14 Stop smoking around my kids. My kids were a normal size when they were born because I didn't smoke while I was pregnant. They weren't fat like you say they were because you were used to having 4lb children since you're a chimney.

    All that I put in except #12 refer to my husband's grandparents. #12 is his mom.

    ReplyDelete
  63. 1. If you had children in the era when it was considered acceptable to smoke and drink during pregnancy, you are not allowed to give parenting advice.

    2. Old wives tales are just that....OLD TALES!

    A. The cat did not smother my child.
    B. She did not catch pneumonia from not wearing socks in the middle of July.
    C. She is not bow-legged from standing at an early age.
    D. If second hand smoke is dangerous WTH would I blow smoke in her ear to "cure" an ear infection????


    ReplyDelete
  64. My son never knew his grandparents, they were all deceased long before he was born. I'd give anything for him to have been "spoiled" by grandparents

    ReplyDelete
  65. #1 My dad bought the kids the movie Hangover when they were 6 and 8 years old. He said he watched it and that it was hilarious, and he didn't think there were very many bad words. I turned it on (after my kids went to sleep) and they said Fuck 10 times in the first 5 minutes. Thanks Dad, my hubby and I laughed ourselves silly, but the kids will never see it.
    #7 My dad said that he was just going to give my 10 and 12 year old money for Christmas. I said that was fine, thinking that he would give them $50 maybe $100 dollars. He gave them $350 each. Do you know how much CANDY that will buy. AUGH!
    #8 When my daughter was 2 months old, I came into the room and caught my dad giving her chocolate ice cream. He couldn't understand why ice cream was different than formula.
    When my son was 5 months old, he and my niece, who was visiting from out of town, went out to eat. My Dad filled his bottle up with sweet tea (twice). My niece was staying with me and sleeping on the sofa. At 4am when I was at my wits end, trying to figure out WHY my baby would NOT go to sleep, she mentioned it MIGHT have been the 2 bottles full of sweet tea.

    Don't get me wrong, He is without a doubt the BEST Grandfather in the world. But I could write a book based on this article.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wow!...it's great you can see the good in him, but I agree...you could write a book!

      Delete
  66. My MIL is the worst at adding in her two cents after EVERY discipline we do in front of her. We tell our son he can't just rip toys out of his sister's hands, can't hit, needs to calm down, etc and as the last breath is leaving my mouth she's adding in. I'm dealing with it butt out.

    It's quite funny how a lot of us are complaining about our in laws ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  67. This is one coming from a grandkid, and it may be just my grandpa: Don't come visit and then complain about all the stuff you have to do when you get home. I am the only grandchild who does not live within 15 minutes of your home, and because I am over 1,000 miles away from you I get to see you once every three years. Don't ruin it by making me feel like a burden because you're not back at home with the other 12 grandkids and all my aunts and uncles who can't "take care of the damn house". Let me have my time!

    ReplyDelete
  68. Wanna take my five year old for a spin on the four wheeler? How's about slapping a helmet on him first?

    ReplyDelete
  69. Please don't supply excuses for my kid when I'm in the middle of giving discipline. If she's in trouble for doing something she KNOWS SHE SHOULDNT, then I don't need you standing there saying "oh, she only did that because she thought it would help..."
    Sure as shit, she's gonna nod and say, yep that's exactly what I was thinking!

    ReplyDelete
  70. I would add don't come to my kid's dance recital and then talk through the whole thing, while critiquing the "fat girl" in a leotard. True story this was my father last year and I just wanted to crawl in hole. Needless to say he is not invited this year, lol!! Loved this list and I am not sure when my own parents turned into two oversized children themselves, but seriously I feel like I have to tell them everything twice and still I come home to chaos every time, lol!!

    ReplyDelete
  71. How about, "When telling stories about "The War" leave out the one when you and your buddies were on leave in Thailand".... still gives me nightmares.

    http://stupidityandhydrogen.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  72. When basic cable and lack of bedtime are combined...just because something is animated, it does not automatically mean that it is okay for a child's eyes. When I was single and worked second shift, I went to pick up my son, who was 3 years old at the time from my mother. I will never forget walking into the guest bedroom to see my son's eyes glued to a talking penis on the television! My mom had no idea what it was! But, it was on Cartoon Network, so she thought it was okay.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG. Yes, because the channel is named Cartoon Network everything it shows MUST be suitable for young kids. This was my MILs line of thought. Even though we told her many times to not allow the kids to watch tv, let alone this channel.
      rule umpteen: Don't complain that we wont allow you to babysit the grand-kids when all you do is park then in front of the tv for hours on end rather than spend any time interacting with them.
      #other umpteen: Smoke. I shouldn't have to empty a new bottle of Febreeze on my couch after every visit. And I really don't like having to withhold gifts from grandma because they need to 'air out 'in the garage for a week.

      Delete
    2. And as if TV wasnt enough, now add the tab, YouTub, fb and eliminate any possible grandmotherly interaction!!

      Delete
  73. #11 - If you say you are going to something with/for my children, DO IT! Don't tell them about a trip to the park and ice cream when they come over and then spew some bs about being tired and spend the entire day in your recliner watching golf! I can ignore my kids at home, thank you, and it wouldn't require packing them up and dealing with their disappointment afterwards.

    #12 - Don't undermine me because you think I won't say anything in front of family, I will! When I say no cake bc 'Sally' didn't eat her dinner that is exactly what I mean, it does not mean take her in the other room, sneak her bites of cake and whisper 'don't tell your mom', she told and now we are leaving.

    #13 - If I give specific instructions to not give my child a bath consider there might be a reason, my own mother, who I was not thrilled with leaving my child with in the first place, did this without understanding that I was serious about my daughter's ridiculously sensitive skin and then called me at midnight to deal with her itchy rash, also, dish-soap and body soap are not the same thing!

    #14 When I come to you and ask for your advice do not tell me that you don't want to get involved, you are full of advice I don't ask for but when I really need another opinion you are suddenly considerate of my choices, gee, thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  74. Make my children keep up their personal hygiene at your house too! You made me brush my teeth and shower everyday. Bad breath and dirt do not skip a generation. Oh, and for goodness sake, make them brush their hair. It takes my girls' hair 2.3 seconds to turn into a tumbleweed on top of their head.

    ReplyDelete
  75. Can I one-up EVERYONE here? My FIL was suspected of child molestation (not my kids, thank goodness) and we were not allowing him to see our kids. My mother was watching my 3yo, had strict instructions NOT to allow my FIL to see him, and lo and behold she took him over to my in-laws house and left him there all afternoon because she "felt bad he never got to see the grandkids". WTF?????

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just literally gasped. You win. I'm so sorry.

      Delete
    2. OMG. I think there might be another grandparent who doesn't get to see my children.

      Delete
  76. The Dollar Tree. THE F*&^ING DOLLAR TREE!!

    I SWEAR I'm gonna post a picture of my MIL with the caption "This woman lures children into her house with Rocky Road candy bars and irregular coloring books. VERY DANGEROUS!!"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There is nothing wrong with Dollar Tree coloring books, they are the only ones I buy:) I hate the dollar tree and the GOODWILL stuffed animals. It gives me the damn heebie jeebies. My mil is addicted to thrift stores, which are wonderful for everything except used stuffed animals!

      Delete
  77. Rule #23 - When the whole family is together it doesn't matter who's home we're in, undermining my authority is not allowed.

    Child: Daddy, may I have some candy?
    Daddy: No sweetie, you've already had 8 pieces, no more today.
    Grandma: Oh, it's ok, she can have it, she's at Grandma's house
    Child: Yay!
    Daddy: No, it's not ok, she has had enough and does not get any more. Besides, I said she couldn't have any.
    Child: (crying) Grandma said I could.
    Daddy: Grandma is not the boss, I am and I said no.
    Child: (more crying) Daddy doesn't love me!
    Grandma: Come here sweetie, don't cry, Grandma loves you, here have some candy.
    Daddy: DAMN IT - I said no!
    Grandma: Fine, your daddy doesn't want you to have any, but next time you come over you can have some.
    Daddy: (SMH)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My Grands go NUTS when they have sugar or caffeine, so I know better. I may let them have a small tee-niny bit of tea with supper, but never a whole glass, and only sweetened with Splenda or something similar. I really do try to get them into bed at the appropriate time, but they have a tendency to "play" me LOL. But I would NEVER go against what their parents say they can or can't have. I try to be the same Granna that I wanted my kids to have of my own mother. They do allow me to indulge them a little.....

      Delete
  78. *Grandparents are forbidden to think that everyone else enjoys their grandkids as much as they do, so much so, that 1) others are given calendars with pictures of their grandkids, 2) they insist that their grandkids need to visit you so you can enjoy their company as well (and this is normally done during lunch time when the grandkids are hungry but the grandparents are oblivious), and 3) that their grandkids should also be considered YOUR grandkids.

    * Grandparents are forbidden from inviting their (the grandparents') siblings and extended family over to share Christmas dinner only to be forced to watch the "Grandkids opening their presents show." This is the show where it goes on for more than an hour after dinner and before dessert where nobody but the grandkids get gifts and everyone is forced to oooh and ahhh over the gifts and how cute the kids are. Sorry, I could care less about YOUR grand kids and their endless trail of expensive gift openings. Can't we just enjoy each others' company?

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  79. Grandmas should not buy the same dress for all granddaughters then rave how beautiful one looks and look at the other and say "I should have bought you a larger size". That deserves an immediate ass kicking and if I were the "wicked step-mom" you refer to me as I wouldn't be the one having to explain to YOUR granddaughter that you are in fact a total asshole! I swear my husbands ex in laws are the worst grandparents ever!

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  80. Rule #1 for us (and it was just broken recently). Nobody is allowed to babysit under the influence of ANY alcohol. What does my mother do? Has a glass of wine an hour before we go out, doesn't tell us, and we busted her when we got home when we found a wine stained glass in the sink (and she and her friend had obviously been drinking, how much I don't know). I can't trust my own mother to watch my 1 year old son for two hours. Very sad and disappointing.

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  81. My addendum to this list is: everyone knows my children aren't your "favorite grandkids" - but could you try to hide that fact from them? No one likes being second best - especially to grandparents who are supposed to worship them for the handful of days you see them annually.
    Tracy @ Momaical

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  82. It is not an indictment of you as a parent if I choose to do something differently than what you did for me 30 years ago. Please stop taking my use of a carseat personally.

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  83. Jen's list was freaking hilarious! Maybe I live in a bubble or I'm just damn lucky, but a lot of these comments blow my mind! Playing favorites? Insulted by use of a carseat? Drunk babysitting with friends? WTF?? Both sets of grandparents in our family totally KICK ASS and would never undermine my authority as a parent or any of the other weird shit people have listed. My husband and I CANNOT WAIT for grandparents to arrive...we get a break, kids get to play all the time, grandparents get to see their grandkids. I hope I'm as awesome of a grandparent one day!

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    Replies
    1. I'm with you! I'm taking all of this to heart, and practicing being a good Mimi with my granddog! LOL

      Delete
  84. Wow! A lot of you are pretty hard on your kids' grandparents! I promise that the vast majority of us are just trying to do our best! I know papa and mimi do a lot of things that my daughter doesn't have time to do, and we try to give her a break as often as possible to pursue some of her own interests. We're not perfect, and we weren't as parents, either, but we love our family! However, I DO like the Dollar Tree!!! :)

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  85. When I ground them from tv and video games, I actually do mean it. I don't mean wait till mommy is out the door before completely ignoring what I said. It isn't cruel and unusual punishment, considering you did it to me when I was their age and messed up at school.

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  86. Great list! My mom gave my daughter a hot toddy to treat her cold but she was probably 20 at the time so it was fine.

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  87. Oh my Gosh, I have never read so many pist off comments as I have in this post. Jeezzz people its not the end of the world if Grandparents do things differently or have habits that to you make no sense. I would hope your children respect you,and are bright enough to realize that grandma & grandpa or not mom and dad therefore things are different at their house.Hate to break it to you but your children will have all types of people with all types of influences crossing their paths... No biggy I swear, they will not be scared for life. Darn if I get half the list I read here when I have grandkids, you can keep the little buggers. If you dont want my influence than you dont need my help IN ANY WAY... My parents did everything completely opposite than I would with my own kids and I can assure you they knew the difference. I lost no control, no respect and bedtimes, rules and do and dont did not change when they got back to my house. My children are not scarred they are stable, well educated, courteous not over weight , lovable human beings and simply adore their ever so imperfect grandparents. Get a life people, your lucky you have grandparents that give a rats butt about your kids, and if that is something you do not need then keep them. Good Luck......

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  88. Love this list, love the comments, love it all. Most of all, I totally relate to the comment about not secretly baptizing your grandkids. See, my grandparents secretly baptized me, and when my mom found out, all hell broke loose. It negatively affected the entire extended family, ruined any normal relationship I had with my grandparents, destroyed my parents' trust, and long term, the whole thing resulted in many years of therapy for me. But they made the decision that "saving" me was more important than a family relationship - and any grandparent thinking of doing this will have to make that same choice.

    Thank goodness the only things I have to worry about when my parents & in-laws are around the kids are exercise and eating too healthy (seriously, both sets of grandmas are health nuts. A doughnut wouldn't come withing 10 feet of their lips.)

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  89. I only wish my son had a living grandparent when he was born. He's never known what having a grandparent is...

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  90. Things I have actually had to say to the grandparents:
    "Breastmilk does not go in the MICROWAVE!"
    "With two flights of wooden stairs, you need to buy a safety gate before you let my 8 month old loose in your house."
    "Watching Untold Stories of the ER is NOT appropriate for a 3, 6 & 8 year old. Just sayn..."
    "Coffee for my 4 year old......um not your wisest decision to date Grandma."
    "No, Grandpa, my children can not ride in the bed of your PICKUP TRUCK, and yes they need a car seat!"
    Smh.....

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  91. 4 or 5 laugh out loud moments with those rules. Not only because they were funny but also because our parents do EXACTLY those things with our kids now. You nailed it. Funny

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  92. I honestly couldn't care less what my parents do when they watch the kids, as long as they keep them safe. I will deal with the fallout associated with late bedtimes and too much sugar in exchange for my kids, and my parents, having the best time ever....But then again, my parents live 3000 miles away so it's not like they see them every day.

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  93. Being just the aunt, I sometimes step in to corral our old people. My sisters are several years older than me but I know what they will and will not tolerate. I once cane home from picking my cousin up from college and we had to make sure we were at the right house. It was 11 pm and the kids were still wired. My parents said that my sister's wanted them up when they got home. I reminded my parents that the original time for their plane to land was 7. I said I'll take the wrath if I am wrong but I am fairlycertain that they would rather have sleeping kids than these demons when they get back from vacation. I treat the kids to things when I am around. But I know what my sisters will not have any of. They test me each time because I only see then one or two times a year but every time they discover I don't have amnesia.

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  94. Don't badmouth me to my kids. My daughter told her grandma she liked her cousins swingset and her grandma told her she wanted to get her one but her mom didn't think it was good enough(which I never said) and when my daughter told her grandma she had a pimple she said "just don't pick it and it will go away, I never picked mine. Your mom does that and I hate it. Thats why they never heal and her skin is so horrible.

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  95. Being just the aunt, I sometimes step in to corral our old people. My sisters are several years older than me but I know what they will and will not tolerate. I once cane home from picking my cousin up from college and we had to make sure we were at the right house. It was 11 pm and the kids were still wired. My parents said that my sister's wanted them up when they got home. I reminded my parents that the original time for their plane to land was 7. I said I'll take the wrath if I am wrong but I am fairlycertain that they would rather have sleeping kids than these demons when they get back from vacation. I treat the kids to things when I am around. But I know what my sisters will not have any of. They test me each time because I only see then one or two times a year but every time they discover I don't have amnesia.

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  96. Stop calling yourself Mom to my child. You are her Grandmother!

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  97. This just sounds mean. Besides respecting my elders, I also actually like my parents. lol Sounds like too many people really have major issues and maybe I was lucky. Sheesh! Hope my kids don't treat me like this when I become a grandma especially if they expect me to "babysit" all the time!

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  98. Hmmm. I kind of disagree with most of this. Aside from the carseats, what happens at grandmas stays at grandmas. They can all have their fun while mommy & daddy get a break!

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  99. I'll also add that my husband never had grandparents in his life growing up. I know this makes him a little sad now that he sees how wonderful and special it is when he sees our kids with my parents and it makes him sad that his mom never got to meet our kids. So lighten up & stop being control freaks! Be thankful and feel blessed to have grandparents in your life! Grandparent spoiling never hurt anyone. My grandma used to feed me whole bowls of whipped cream. She was (and still is) awesome.

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  100. I think Bill Cosby nailed it: "there are not the people who raised me. These people are old and just trying to get into heaven now."
    LOL
    2. The TV is to an acceptable baby sitter at times....and don't think I don't know that you have done it to. Clearly you also didn't know that my kids can be bribed to Spill It All with 2 Oreos and a McDonald's toy.

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  101. Your list is funny. A lot of these comments are just plain depressing. Grandparents are family, a set of people BESIDES YOU AND DAD who love your children dearly. That feeling of extended love is such a great thing for a kid. Yeah, there are abusive grandparents that shouldn't have contact with the kids, but serving sweet tea is not grounds for taking your kids away.

    So many of these parents sound like complete control freaks. Good luck with that attitude as your child grows up and starts making his own decisions (gasp).

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  102. Grandma here! Just be happy that your little kiddos have one or two. My grands had NO Grandparents!
    I do realize that it is all in good fun, hopefully, but there are those little guys that do not have grandparents.
    So, with that being said, I will spoil my grandkids with whatever the hell they want and then yes! I will send them back to you.
    Imma gonna sugar them up, let them watch whatever they want on TV and let them choose what is for dinner. Teehee
    Oh, and then you get them back.
    Be happy you have grandparents that you can set rules for. :( I didn't have any and neither do my grandkids. I am it. Gonna do my job proud. LOL
    All in good fun! I do love your blog.

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    1. Chris, I pretty much agree with you on this. The post is all in good fun, and I hope most of the "venting" here is just with the little annoyances we all have when dealing with kids in general LOL. My Mom may drive ME nuts and not follow my "rules" as I'd like them, but the reason I am happy to leave them with her is knowing how valuable a grandparent can be in a kids life (my Nana is still my most favorite person in the whole world), and I know other than me and DH, my Mom and Dad would also throw themselves in front of a bus before letting ANYTHING truly bad happen to them. Am I ticked off when they come home loaded with a bunch of noisy toys and Happy Meal crap after a weekend at their house? Yep. Would I trade the memories they are building and will have with them forever? Nope!

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  103. Meant to say they only have "one" and that is me!

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  104. If my son shows up in pants, please keep then on all day

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  105. Oh, I remember visiting grandmother & papa when I was about 10 & had a vicious cough. You know how when you lay down at night, the cough gets worse. My grandfather apparently got tired of listening. He got me up & gave me a shot of peppermint schnaps. Jeeeeezus. Whoa Betty. I sure quit coughing.

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  106. How about don't introduce them to the stray pit bull you found on the side of the road. I know he seems really sweet to you, but you don't know it's history or temperament, dammit! And I don't agree that he's "play growling."

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  107. If I write out instructions for my 9-month old baby, then they are not suggestions. If I WRITE OUT that he gets 3 bottles in a 10-hour time frame, then do not only give him 2 and then wonder why he's fussy. If I WRITE OUT that he goes up for bath at 7:30, then gets a bottle in the glider in his room, then goes into his crib and put to bed with the lights out, white noise and humidifier on, and door shut, that does not mean that you take him up for bath at 8:15, give him his bottle downstairs in front of the tv, then put him in his crib at 9 and leave the door wide open, lights on, and no white noise or humidifier. Also, if you're watching my child, have your goddamn cell phone ON and ON YOUR PERSON at all times!

    Yeah....this all just happened.

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    1. It sounds like you need to have someone else watch your baby, and just have the grandparents visit.

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  108. My grandparents were the exact opposite about the bedtime thing. They would always be telling us to go to bed earlier than we would during the week at home (we only visited on the weekends). Even when my sister and I were older, probably 10 or so, my grandma would be telling us to go to bed at 8 o clock.

    My grandparents also didnt realize that even if they were speaking in another language to my mom (that I could partially understand) does not mean that we cant hear our own names and know that we are being talked about.

    To the person saying about the bra or tank top, My other grandparents lived by a lake, and after my grandma went for her daily swim, she would strip by the clothesline and wear just a towel to save the effort of going back outside to put the bathing suit on the clothesline. THe clothesline happened to be directly out the window of the guest rooom.

    I'm sure I have other times these things happened to me, but I cant think of them now

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  109. The post is funny and I liked it. However, all you people who are bitching about your MIL or even your own Mom or Dad are a bunch of whining ass, disrespectful bunch of people. You all need to stop and listen and learn from them. You all may be grown ups as far as age but you sound like a room full of 3 year olds who are not getting their way,,,seriously cry me a river!!! Also realize that you are teaching your children that they don't have to treat their elders, with respect. You are showing them that just because you didn't get your way about something then it's o.k. to bitch and moan and talk about that person. I'm 41 with two daughters and 1 teenage step-daughter and if I acted like some of you have to my mother or MIL my Dad at the age of 73 would still whip my ass. I LOVE my Mom and Dad dearly, they are wonderful and I'm thankful they raised to me to love others and show respect and to not SWEAT the SMALL STUFF. I was raised to appreciate things, to stand up for others, to work hard, to change my own tire, build a fire etc... I love to listen to them and don't mind that they tell stories about me....I am honest with my girls and I know that they are learning from them. If you all can't respect your own family then don't expect your children to respect you. You all are the ones that we will be crying about you just can't control him/her, that you just don't understand why they talk to you the way they do etc...You reap what you sow! Also, you all need to relax and stop trying to control every second of every day. Most of the things you all are WHINING about, NOT ALL but MOST are small things and in the grand scheme of things will not effect the outcome of your child's life. SO WHAT if they get do drink a little tea and have some candy and donuts with their grandparents...seriously, stop and think about how stupid you actually sound with that crap. We don't allow our girls to have cokes (caffeine drinks), we don't buy them, they are not allowed when we go out to eat together, but if they have one when they are with their grandparents then oh well....it's a treat. And even when they have one with them it's Sprite or Root Beer, every once in while the 11 yr old will have a diet coke or whatever when she's with them, but honestly who cares....it's not going to stunt her growth, or effect the college she goes to, she is still not drinking them at home and it's a non issue.

    You all need to grow up and realize what's important in life. And if you take your children from their grandparents because of some trivial BS that's what will effect them for the rest of their life!

    GROW UP and RESPECT your PARENTS, IN-LAWS and OTHERS!

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    1. You've obviously never found your parent breaking state law regarding car seat safety. My own mother let my 5 and 9 year old (both still young and not at the right height/weight requirements to be out of car seats) ride over 50 miles on an interstate because she forgot to make sure her sister had moved the kids' seats to the car they were riding in. And, after realizing the error, let her sister-in-law take them even further away without car seats and knowing they were only using seat belts and not thinking twice about it. Did I mention this happened on Father's Day?

      Speaking of fathers, mine refuses to learn how to buckle a 5 point harness. I have used car seats with 5 point harnesses since my daughter was 2. They're not that difficult and the male part of the buckle stays on the strap. The baby is going to b be sitting on it as that part is supposed to slide around when it's unsecured. I have shown him how this style of seat works for the last 3 years. He can figure out Facebook stuff and iTunes but not a buckle?

      Respect is a two way street. It's taken a lot of time to work on rebuilding the respect I had for them.

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