DFP

FB

Adolpha's Obsession with Public Restrooms

A few months ago I told you about Adolpha's close relationship with the school nurse. Well, tonight I noticed that she's got another strange obsession: public restrooms.

The girl hasn't met a public restroom that she hasn't been curious to try. It's ridiculous. Every time we leave the house she must visit the closest public restroom. It doesn't matter if it's a quick run to Target for socks and underwear, she feels compelled to leave them a deuce. If we take a 30 minute road trip somewhere she needs to stop on the way to check out the filthiest Quik Trip.


It's becoming a real problem, because not only does she have to go into these vile places, I have to go too. The girl can't go alone, don't you know.


Tonight we were heading out for dinner and I insisted that she use the restroom at home before we left, which she did. We were in the car five minutes and I hear this:

Adolpha: Are we close to a bathroom yet? I gotta go.

Me: Adolpha, I told you go to try before we left the house.

Adolpha: I did try, but it didn't want to come and now it does.

Me: Adolpha, I don't understand this. Why can't you go at home? Why do you insist on going in public all the time? The public bathrooms are yucky.

Adolpha: I don't know. I just know I need to get there now, because at the house my pee didn't want to come, but now it wants to come and bring poop with it!

Can someone please tell me this is a phase that she'll outgrow? I am so skeeved out by the number of public restrooms Adolpha and I visit on a daily basis. My mantra is "Don't. Touch. Anything." If we don't catch the flu off the shopping cart at Sam's Club, we'll catch Hepatitis A off the toilet seat.

Follow me on Facebook and Twitter.  You can Subscribe via e-mail as well.

52 comments:

  1. My sister was completely obsessed with public bathrooms when we were kids.She is now 33 and has outgrown it, but that only happened, like, yesterday.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not sure if she will outgrow it, mine is going on 14 and still has to visit EVERY public restroom. We were able to squash her NEED a wee bit after the "Hole in the Floor" toilet in rural Italy ...

    ReplyDelete
  3. When I was her age, I went through a condition (though I forget the name of it now) where I had to make sure there was always a bathroom around. I would have anxiety attacks thinking that I might not be able to make it to the bathroom. It got so bad that I couldn't leave my house at one point because I was so scared that I would go somewhere & there wouldn't be a bathroom nearby. As I got older, yes it went away. However, as a teen & now as an adult, you will not find me pooping in ANY public restroom, not even in a hotel we're staying at. It makes for very long vacations lol I WILL NOT use a bathroom outside my home (not my mom's house either where I grew up.) I will drive home before I used her bathroom. I wonder if they would make a weird show on TLC for me?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yeah, that's the downside of potty training. Have you checked out crappypictures.com's post about public toilets? It's the best.

    Also? I voted. Because you crack me up on a daily basis and I wait for your updates like a junkie waits for their little cup at a methadone clinic. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Yeah, this would be my 10 year old son (who always drags his 12 year old brother into it). The worst was this past year on the way home from deer hunting. We ended up having to stop at a crappy dive bar and walk through an entire room of dirty smelly hunters drinking beer and whisky and watching football to get to the restrooms - which of course was a one-holer with a door you could barely open and then not shut all the way once you were in. AND, my boys happen to be loud and obnoxious so I stood in the dining room staring at the TV pretending not to hear them whoop it up in there. All eyes followed us in, all eyes followed us out. Nice. At least the boy thanked me profusely in the end. :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ah, yes. My daughter's obsession has been well documented. We've been on The Great American Crapper Tour for years. Uugh. The only thing that stops her in her tracks? Her nemesis: The auto-flush toilet. She is terrified of that powerful suction.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I have one of those! He is 11 and is beginning to slack off a bit, but in all fairness, he goes all the time at home too. A friend of mine in medicine told me since he is very thin, his metabolism is high and he makes lots of....you know. So I try not to give him too hard a time about it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Actually, it's probably just become so habitual that she probably DOES have to go. I have a "have to pee as I walk in the door" habit. Doesn't matter if I went pee before I left some place TWO BLOCKS AWAY ... I have to pee when I walk in my door.

    And let me tell you, as I age and my body considers the two children I had ... it is sometimes hard to hold it!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Seriously, my daughter is the same way. She's like a poodle with a nervous bladder!

    ReplyDelete
  10. We too have been on the Public Restroom Tour of the United States for about 8 years now! My daughter must use the public restroom in every skeevy place we go! I am so skeeved out that although I walk in the room with her, there is no way on earth that I will "go", no matter how much I have to!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I was like this too, as a child. My parents used to call me the "bathroom critic." ANYWHERE we went, I had to use the bathroom, and then I'd come back with a full accounting of how many stalls, cleanliness factor, anything cool or out of the ordinary . . . . to this day my favorite was at a funeral home where a lot of our family funerals were held. My mother was aghast when she'd tell me a family member had passed on and would be laid out at XYZ funeral home - I'd respond with an enthusiastic "YES!!!!!"

    I'm 52 years old now and childbirth has made sure I know where every one of the best public restrooms are located. I've cut back on the commentary, however.

    ReplyDelete
  12. If you live in Texas, check out Buc-ees. Best public bathrooms ever!!! We love that place, stopping even if we don't have to go.
    http://austin.ynn.com/content/top_stories/289326/buc-ee-s-voted-as--best-restroom-in-america-

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. not only are their bathrooms great, but the stores are fantastic!!! i always stopped in giddings on my way to visit family in east texas and bought jerky :)

      Delete
  13. That is excatly how my son is, but lucky for me he is a boy so the rule don't touch anything is easier to follow.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Something I'm really proud of is the fact that I know where EVERY EFFING BATHROOM IN DISNEYWORLD IS (that includes EPCOT, MGM Studios and ANIMAL KINGDOM). Keep in mind we DO NOT live in Florida.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I was that way at one time in my life. Drove my parents crazy. My boys do it to a mild extent. Comes naturally I guess.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My husband cannot walk by a bathroom without going in. I wonder if as a child, his mother would make him hold it, and now he's making up for it. I've teased him about this and he gets really upset with me. He doesn't see it as a problem. Yet another quirk I have to live with....

    ReplyDelete
  17. My kids used to rate them. Which one was better, if the bathroom wasn't up to snuff, well the whole store was suspect. Now my g'kids are doing it to me. They especially like the one holers at public outdoor functions. Standing around deciding which one they should use. This one...that one....or the one over there. Then one upping each other over who had the smellier one.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Mine does it too but then refuses to use the public sink. We carry around these antibacterial wipes from my husband's work and she uses those instead. She has no problem with touching a toilet but she says the sinks are "shoowee." It's a battle I am not willing to fight so we use wipes. She used to do it everywhere, even if she has just gone 5 minutes before. Now, she is starting to grow out of it.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thank freaking goodness my child was the opposite of this, but my girlfriend's son was zeroed in on public restrooms from about the age of 5 til he was around 7. He did outgrow it, and never caught the plague, so hold out hope ;)

    ReplyDelete
  20. You got my vote!!

    ReplyDelete
  21. My son was the opposite. He refused to go in any public restroom. I can't tell you how inconvenient this is. Dropping your grocery cart so you can bring him home to go, then going back because you really need the groceries. Leaving the other kids with a friend at little league games to go home. The list goes on and on. Thankfully he outgrew it. You may have hope.

    ReplyDelete
  22. My 13 year old is the opposite...he's always hated to poop anywhere but home. I don't know how many times in his life we've had to run out of a store and race home with him chanting "hurryhurryHURRY" in the back seat

    ReplyDelete
  23. I can empathize with her! It's not that I like using public restrooms or want to experience them, but seriously, whenever I am out shopping or when we are traveling, I have to! My husband says I'm like a dog and need to mark my territory. We have pulled off the interstate and I have pooped in some pretty sketchy areas...It's not something I think about...it just happens!

    ReplyDelete
  24. My now 10 year old daughter did this same thing. She was obsessed with using public restrooms. It grossed me out as well. Luckily, she outgrew this stage around 7!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I think my children are just marking their territory everywhere we go. You know, like dogs. I'm afraid to even share this with you, but misery loves company, right? And your aversion to public restrooms is not quite intense enough: http://wp.me/p2svot-8P
    I build a "nest" on the toilet seat that's so high you can see my girl's head above the stall door. But when she bends down to pull up her pants and her hair touches the toilet seat, well, we're doomed.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Found your blog through your posts on Scary Mommy. My older son does the same thing, except we'll be out walking from a place where he could have gone to a bathroom. So frustrating!

    ReplyDelete
  27. My sister did this when she was little. I swear, to this day my poor mother still knows where the bathroom is located in EVERY SINGLE BUSINESS in our town because of my sister's bathroom fetish! I don't remember exactly when she grew out of it but now she's gone polar opposite and will NOT use a public bathroom.

    ReplyDelete
  28. My daughter is like this. We're about 3 months into potty training, and she has gotten to where she moans and mopes and drags her feet about going at home, but she sees public restrooms as new territory to conquer. Because, you know, toilets are awesome?

    ReplyDelete
  29. I did this as a kid. My mom's constant refrain was, "That kid has to check out every bathroom in town". I read this to her and she laughed herself silly. Rest assured I grew out of it. Now I will do anything possible to AVOID using one of the nasty places. :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. Yep. My 9 year old daughter is the SAME WAY. Every single place we go she has to pee.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Here's some more useless shit that lives in my head. If you are forced to use a public bathroom and there is more than one stall, the first one is statistically the cleanest one in the joint. Think about it, you never want to use the first one. No does anyone else. And if you have a choice between the first one on the right and the first one on the left, go to the right. No one else ever goes in there.

    Hmmm...maybe my odd knowledge about public bathrooms is not so useless after all. And maybe I shouldn't have told all of you because now you'll all be peeing in the first rest room and getting it dirty and it won't be nice and clean when I get there.

    Forget I said anything. We never had this conversation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I never thought about that. But that is so so true. I don't think I have ever used the first stall. Ever.
      Don't worry, I'm in deep east texas so I'll stay far away from your stalls in... Where ever you are :)

      Delete
  32. I have two girls that just potty trained in the last 2 years and will tell you I have visited enough horrible restrooms in my time now. The worst was Burger King for a play date a few weeks ago, when I found pee and blood on the toilet seat. Yup, I high-tailed it out that bathroom so fast and complained to the manager. Seriously grossed me out and am with you on tjust wanted them to use the bathroom at home, especially after that one!!

    ReplyDelete
  33. I wish we could take your daughter and my children, put them into a bottle and shake them together!

    My children WILL NOT use a public toilet. It took them more than a year at their new school before they would use the toilet there. They will use the toilet at my mother's house, but that's about it. They have learned to hold it. And hold it. And hold it. Until it causes a health issue! Vacations are a major headache...

    ReplyDelete
  34. So glad to hear my kid isn't the only one! Walmart is her favorite...In fact, when we were potty training, she would ONLY go there. Ugg! I didn't want to live at walmart!

    ReplyDelete
  35. My 4.5 year old visits every bathroom. I complain and try to get her to go at home, it sort of works. Her 9 year old sister mostly grew out of it, but always volunteers really fast to take the younger sister, so maybe she just hides it better.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Wow! There are a lot of people commenting with similar stories. I have six children and none of them had a fetish with pubic toilets or any of that. Maybe its because I never took them anywhere very often. Hah. When my 2nd son was in jr high he always called from school to pick him up cuz of stomach issues. He would come home, poop and then go back to school. Once he hit HS he loves snappin' off a darky at school and leaving it for observation. Does that count?

    ReplyDelete
  37. Come to Baltimore, she can get crabs by the crotch full !!

    ReplyDelete
  38. My 5 year old is obsessed with public restrooms!!!! The only catch is she doesn't go when we enter the store or restaurant, she waits until we are in the furthest corner of the store and then has to go. Either that or the long checkout line and waits until its almost our turn. Lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  39. I am 35 now, but when I was a kid, my parents called me the bathroom inspector. I always wanted to go check it out no matter where we were. I would cry that I had to go SOOOOO BAD but when I got there, I would look around, smile and say, "OK, we can go." I don't know how they didn't leave me somewhere ala Joe Dirt.

    ReplyDelete
  40. We have to go every time we are in Kohl's, they have a little potty. Kids....
    Devan

    ReplyDelete
  41. My daughter usually only absolutely insists on use the restroom in public if I've decided that we are not going into the store for some reason. We can walk around walmart for 3 hours and she's fine, but I tell her that we're gonna wait outside while so-and-so goes in and all hell breaks loose.
    And if we're at a skeevy gas station store that you just KNOW you don't want to go into the restroom at, we will drive around looking for a clean restroom if need be.
    HOWEVER - When I was a teenager, I went into EVERY women's restroom I could find and took a picture of the little dispenser on the wall. I was amazed at the fact that 90% of them had condom and "sex-kit" dispensers but hardly any had tampons or pads. Drove me nuts. Kept my friends pretty entertained though :)

    ReplyDelete
  42. It never fails that my little girl has to go if we have been in the store for more than 5 seconds even if she went at the house. The day I went with her and found a poop in the middle of the floor in the public toilet was the worst day of my life.

    ReplyDelete
  43. My 8 year old is still a little like this.
    EVERY TIME we went ANYWHERE he would have to go. Every. Time. And in 5 minute intervals. A trip to Wal Mart would take double the time because as soon as we in the door it was "I have to go", so we would take him. Then 5-10 minutes later, "I have to go". In the mall he would wait until we were at the farthest point we could be from the facilities before "I have to go!" was announced. That is when I learned to wait until my Hubs was home to go shopping.
    Also at other people's houses. It was like he was comparing every bathroom he could possibly see. If he doesn't work for Kohler in the future, I'm not sure what the point of this was. He didn't go this frequently at our house.

    ReplyDelete
  44. My daughter's annoying bathroom thing is that she prefers outhouses over regular public bathrooms because she hates the sound of flushing toilets. We spent a lot of time in Yellowstone park in the summer and I would get so annoyed because she'd refuse to use the bathrooms at the visitor centers and then 20 minutes later she'd be dragging me into some stinky outhouse. (Also didn't help that I have an irrational fear of her falling down the outhouse toilet.)

    ReplyDelete
  45. Don't worry, Jen. She'll outgrow it. My daughter did the same thing. She's 13 now and we can make it through most every public place without a trip to the restroom. But when she was little, she had to visit every single public restroom we were near. Worst of all, she preferred to use port-a-potties! Gack!! I was convinced for a while that she was going to grow up to be a construction worker just so she'd have easy access to one.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Ok I'll admit- its me not my kids! I have the smallest bladder known to man. Morning is the worst time, I'll go 5-6 times from 7am - 9am. Last week my kids kept telling me "but mom, you just went". My five year old is the opposite, she won't go just anywhere. Last year for Mardi GRAS we had our own (relatively clean) port o potty and she couldn't go. She held it and was miserable and made me miserable in the process. So let me just say, I'm not sure which problem is worse.

    ReplyDelete
  47. It could be worse, holding til she gets home. Not very healthy in my opinion. My work keeps my on the road all the time so I've used a ton of public restrooms. Most are clean or maybe I've learned to avoid ones I think will be dirty. Truck stops(popular ones like Pilot) are usually clean, Walmart and grocery stores are usually clean. But there are some that aren't. If it's at nite and this happens I just find a place and go i nthe bushes. It's clean anyway. MY husband(building maintenance) sayd women's restroomns are usualy dirtier than men's. Hard to believe. That's bcuz women practically stand to pee....
    http://life990.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  48. I swear that I've read this post before. Recycled perhaps?

    ReplyDelete
  49. My brother (now 52) did the same thing. We moved to Georgia from Missouri and had family in Oklahoma. When we took family vacations to go back to Oklahoma, he begged to stop at almost every gas station he spotted along the way. He always rated them A-F. I guess the only rating system he knew was school grades so that fit. He was really pretty good at his rating each one of them. Drove my Mom nuts!!

    ReplyDelete
  50. I wish I could tell you they outgrow it. I am not sure if they do. My children don't have any issues with this whatsoever. My HUSBAND, however.... Every. Public. Restroom. in the last (almost) eighteen years. If we are in public and there's a restroom, he HAS to visit it. I really think he's part dog. HE MUST LEAVE HIS MARK!! It could be worse, I suppose. Right??

    ReplyDelete