|Photo courtesy of OAM with sense of humor|
My Facebook started blowing up this morning and didn't stop all day. I saw so many cutesy Valentine's that kids did not make.
Do not try to tell me that kids made half the Valentine's I saw today. There's no way. Kids did not take an adorable photo of themselves holding out their arm and the kids did not punch a hole in the picture and put a sucker in there so it looks like they're handing you the sucker from the precious photo. Kids did not make these Nintendo DS Valentines:
Or these dynamite valentines:
Even I had to get on the bandwagon a bit with the overachievers. My own kids gave out store bought cards with included tattoos (The ones that included pencils were all sold out, damn it. I guess that's what I get when I wait until the weekend before to buy my Valentines). I had to sit there for an hour poking those minuscule tattoo corners into the stupid slits on the cards, because my kids lack the patience and dexterity to do it themselves. I would have chucked the tattoos, except the cards say, "Enjoy your tattoo!" and my kids were watching me making sure I included a tattoo for all their friends. They know me so well! They knew if they left me alone to my own devices, I'd throw the tattoos in the trash and call it done. I know how long it took me to assemble those stupid things and they'll never end up on anyone's Pinterest boards. I should have done the damn photo with the sucker thing. It might have actually been faster.
And since when did Valentine's become Christmas and Halloween rolled into one? My kids came home with so much candy and presents today it couldn't all fit in their backpacks. We are still eating our way through Halloween and Christmas candy at this point. We do not need anymore.
I saw the pictures of the overachievers who were up bright and early giving their kids gifts for Valentine's Day. I will get on board with the Easter Bunny bringing you a little something, but Cupid? I don't think so. Not in this house. I believe I just bought a shitload of gifts for my kids not 2 months ago and a fat guy got all the credit, the hell I'm doing that again only now it's a fat baby looking thing getting the credit.
Most of the gifts I saw were Legos or art supplies or things like that. I did see an iTouch though and I heard about bouquets of flowers being delivered to the schools - for kids. I feel sorry for the future husbands of those girls. If they've been getting a dozen roses since Kindergarten, imagine what they're going to want when they're 40! A heart shaped pizza and "Breaking Dawn" on DVD is not going to suffice (thank you, Hubs!!).
It wasn't just the kids either. It was the teachers too. At the class party today there were a few gifts for the teacher. Of course, my kid wanted to know where our gift for the teacher was. How was I supposed to know we were giving gifts?? I didn't realize the teacher was my sweetheart and I should have brought her a box of chocolates.
I tell you, it's amazing how the overachievers can take the simplest holiday and turn it into a production and an event "for the kids." Ha! The overachievers aren't doing it for the kids. They're doing it for themselves. They're doing it so they can have all the other moms say to them, "How adorable! What a cute idea. You're so creative and fun! I would love to be your kid!" I just want them to own it and say it out loud. I want them to say, "I like to make cutesy crafty things for my kids to give out so that people will tell me how great I am. I like to give the teacher a gift because I know that no one else will and I'll stand out and look like a champ." Just own it and I'll leave you alone.
I have lots of annoying and egotistical things I do, but the difference is, I own them. For instance, I will tell anyone, I am a whore for comments on my blog. I love comments. I check my comments all the time. I love to read the comments and I enjoy reading them - even the nasty ones make me happy. At least someone's reading (not as carefully as I'd like sometimes, but reading nonetheless). See? That wasn't hard. Now you try.
Eh, I don't know why I'm amazed every time the overachievers raise the bar and make me look like an ass, but I am. And every holiday it seems to gets worse. I've already noticed St. Patrick's Day trending out there. Oh God, it's coming. I refuse to make green milk and shamrock shaped pancakes and I'll be damned if I ever make this stupid thing:
Yup, it's a fucking Leprechaun trap.