No, no, no, no, no!! You can have a birthday party, a graduation party (even from preschool and Kindergarten if you must), a Halloween party, a baptism party, a Christmas party, a Hanukkah party, a Valentine's Day party, a Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah, a first communion party, even a tea party, but I must draw the line at a potty party.
Thank God my kids are no longer in diapers and I've left that stinky road long ago so I doubt I'll ever be invited to one, but if I am, I will REFUSE to go to such an asinine event.
This is absolute madness. No one should ever eat a cupcake with adorable icing underwear on it (I hope it didn't have a fudgy center). Or eat candy out of a toilet mug. I will never be able look at a Tootsie Roll again without thinking of it as a reward for going "Number 2" wink, wink (barf).
I get where the need for this party came from. I really do. Potty training kids is miserable and misery loves company, but did misery need to throw a party complete with a toilet paper wreath? You have got to be kidding me.
Once again, I see that bar being raised by overachieving moms. Why can't they just bribe their kids with new undies, M&Ms and a sticker chart like the rest of us? Why must they feel the need to throw a fucking party for everything?
I'll give the blogger this, she admits that when she throws a party she goes over the top. Well, I'd hate to see a birthday party if this is what she does for potty training. I also realize this is her job and she must be constantly thinking of new, special events in our children's lives that we can memorialize with a party.
I would like to help her come up with some ideas. If there can be a party for potty training, then there should be (and maybe there is and I just haven't found them yet) a party for:
1. Learning to tie shoes: "Are you in the loop? Come help Johannes learn to tie his shoes!" The hostess will provide cupcakes in the shape of tennis shoes and the guests will make fun cardboard "shoes" they can practice their bunny ears on. No Velcro allowed!
2. Eating vegetables: "Veggies Rule! Bring your favorite vegetable in bite size pieces to share. I'll provide 25 made from scratch dips for dunking!" It will be a tasting party for picky toddlers. They can eat their veggies from martini glasses with fun toothpicks.
3. Learning to zip a coat: "Zip it! Zip it real good! Cady is ready to learn how to zip her coat like a big girl. Bring your favorite coat or jacket and let's learn together!" The hostess can record her own "Zip It" song to Devo's "Whip It" and the guests can dance and sing while they learn to zip. Buttoning coats will be another party.
4. Cleaning their room: "Legos and Beyblades and Mighty Beans, oh my! Pop on over and help me teach Landon how to clean up his room." This one will be great, because the hostess can have everyone bring their own bag to fill with the stuff they find under Landon's bed. Goodie bags solved.
5. Getting rid of the pacifier: "Bye, bye, Paci! Dakota is a big boy now and he's ready to say goodbye to his paci! Come help Dakota bid his paci a fond farewell! Bring your binkie, paci, nuk over too and throw it in the ceremonial fire!" The hostess will light a fire in her beautiful outdoor fire pit and throw all of the guest's pacifiers into the fire. The guests will be given lollipops to soothe them when they see their beloved pacifiers go up in flames.
Why let the younger kids have all the fun?
6. Period Party: "Aunt Flow had finally come to visit! Londyn is a woman now and wants to sync up with her besties!" The hostess will provide a jumbo bottle of Midol, a mega-box of tampons and an assortment of sweet and salty snacks.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: Every day is not a party and kids don't need it to be.
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