Potty Parties

No, no, no, no, no!!  You can have a birthday party, a graduation party (even from preschool and Kindergarten if you must), a Halloween party, a baptism party, a Christmas party, a Hanukkah party, a Valentine's Day party, a Bar Mitzvah or Bat Mitzvah, a first communion party, even a tea party, but I must draw the line at a potty party.

Thank God my kids are no longer in diapers and I've left that stinky road long ago so I doubt I'll ever be invited to one, but if I am, I will REFUSE to go to such an asinine event.

This is absolute madness.  No one should ever eat a cupcake with adorable icing underwear on it (I hope it didn't have a fudgy center).  Or eat candy out of a toilet mug.  I will never be able look at a Tootsie Roll again without thinking of it as a reward for going "Number 2" wink, wink (barf).

The Dads at Science City on Saturday

Saturday was a great day around here.  We had beautiful weather and the Hubs didn't have to show houses so we were looking for something fun to do.

Luckily, I have good friends that I can call at a moment's notice and say, "What are YOU doing today and can we come too?"  That's pretty much what I did to my friend.

She told me that she and her family were going to go downtown and visit the new Kansas City Ballet studio that just opened.  It was a supposed to be a big party with lots of fun (free) stuff for the kids to do.  She is a ballerina and her daughters are ballerinas, so they were pretty excited.

Yes Day - I Really Did It

At the beginning of the summer I wrote about Yes Day.

My sister in law had planned a day for her kids where she'd say "Yes" to everything (within reason).  My sister in law is a planner.  She sat down the night before and made a list of things the kids would like to do the next day that she would say "Yes" to.  At the time, I thought that was crazy.  I thought my kids would go bananas if they knew I'd say "Yes" all day.

Several readers suggested I not tell my kids it's Yes Day and just try to say "Yes" as often as possible in one day.  I thought that sounded better to me.  Ha.

So Friday night after we put the kids to bed, I said to the Hubs:  "FYI, I think tomorrow is Yes Day."

Is This a Bridesmaid Dress You'd Really Wear Again?

A few weeks ago children's book author Tammi Sauer, who is a friend of my sister-in-law, Heidi, commented on Facebook that it was her 22nd wedding anniversary. She posted a picture of the bridal party and as an aside apologized to the bridesmaids for the dresses she made them wear.

Excuse me? A bride should NEVER apologize for the dresses she chose. Because we all know a bride always chooses elegant, timeless gowns that are flattering on all body types and can easily be repurposed for other events. On her wedding day every bride thinks her bridesmaid dresses are ah-may-zing. She's always like, "You can totally wear that again, Suzie!" Meanwhile, Suzie's thinking, "Except it's lime green, strapless, and made of satin, lace, and tulle, but other than that, it's super versatile!"

What's there to apologize for, Tammi? At least you didn't pick lime green!

The A-String for Men (Probably NSFW)

Once I received my new adorable headband slash underwear (i.e., a c-string) and looked so good in it, I noticed that the Hubs was getting jealous. He was overheated too and he wanted his own cool and breezy underwear! He didn't think it was fair that the ladies get to call dibs on all of the great tiny topper undies out there.

Lucky for him there are some choices this summer.

Like the asymmetrical man thong.

From what I gather, you sort of stuff the twig and berries in the tiniest nut sack I've ever seen and then stick the other part of it between the ass cheeks and clench like a motherfucker.

I love the Hubs. I do. But my God, I would laugh my ass off from seeing him in one of these things. Also, I value my eyesight too much. My eyes are still burning from seeing the hot model types who are trying to sell these sling shots.

Yes Day

I was browsing my Facebook feed and a post from my sister in law caught my eye.  She announced that today would be Yes Day in her house.  She's has a boy and a girl close in age to Gomer and Adolpha and she agreed to say "Yes" (within reason) to her kids all day.


It got me thinking:  Oh.  Hell.  No.  and  This is one brave momma!

Adolpha's Jacked Up Summer Wish List

Today I found Adolpha's Summer To-Do List on my bedside table. We're in Kansas, so school has been out for about three weeks now and she's feeling like we need to get cracking if we're going to get this stuff done! The list never gets done completely, though, because there are always a few random things on there that either can't happen or won't happen (like "buy a dog" or "visit Paris" both of which have been on past lists and have never happened).

Gomer has a playdate today and so I thought I'd take a look at the list and see if there was anything I could do with her so she wouldn't feel left out. There were some easy ones like: "Eat hot dogs" or "Go to Dicks" or "Wear nothing" (What can I say? No one in our family is a fan of pants).

That's when I noticed:

"Burn mattress."

BURN MATTRESS? Whut? I mean, I love to burn shit down, but a mattress is expensive, Adolpha. Let's burn pictures of old boyfriends who dumped me or let's burn Dad's really gross t-shirts that he won't part with or let's burn effigies of our enemies, but not the mattress, kid. I like her enthusiasm to tear shit up, but I'd prefer it if she'd keep the costs a tad bit lower. Once she's purchased her first mattress she'll understand why I hid the matches today.

I'm still not sure what we'll do today, but I'm leaning toward "Take naps."

What's on your Summer To-Do List? Hopefully read MY LAME LIFE or BUT DID YOU DIE?is on there!