Adolpha's Jacked Up Summer Wish List

Today I found Adolpha's Summer To-Do List on my bedside table. We're in Kansas, so school has been out for about three weeks now and she's feeling like we need to get cracking if we're going to get this stuff done! The list never gets done completely, though, because there are always a few random things on there that either can't happen or won't happen (like "buy a dog" or "visit Paris" both of which have been on past lists and have never happened).

Gomer has a playdate today and so I thought I'd take a look at the list and see if there was anything I could do with her so she wouldn't feel left out. There were some easy ones like: "Eat hot dogs" or "Go to Dicks" or "Wear nothing" (What can I say? No one in our family is a fan of pants).

That's when I noticed:

"Burn mattress."

BURN MATTRESS? Whut? I mean, I love to burn shit down, but a mattress is expensive, Adolpha. Let's burn pictures of old boyfriends who dumped me or let's burn Dad's really gross t-shirts that he won't part with or let's burn effigies of our enemies, but not the mattress, kid. I like her enthusiasm to tear shit up, but I'd prefer it if she'd keep the costs a tad bit lower. Once she's purchased her first mattress she'll understand why I hid the matches today.

I'm still not sure what we'll do today, but I'm leaning toward "Take naps."

What's on your Summer To-Do List? Hopefully read MY LAME LIFE or BUT DID YOU DIE?is on there! 

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