Weekly Wrap Up 4.7.12

Another week gone!  I don't know about you, but this week went by in a flash!  I got lots of great comments and even a few nasty ones, so let's get to it!

MOST READ POSTS THIS WEEK:

Inside MY Closet - This one is my new favorite I think.  I actually cracked up while I was writing it and I never do that.  I'm a little surprised I haven't heard from her yet telling me off.  I guess I flatter myself to think I have any Tory Burch-wearing JoCo moms with the guts to send it to her with a little note saying, "Saw this and thought it was hysterical - any publicity is good publicity, right?  BTW, you looked ah-MAY-zing!  So jealous of how skinny you looked!  xoxo"

The Angriest Asian Man - The Hubs pissed me off (again) and I documented it for everyone to see the madness that I live in.  I challenged the Hubs to start a blog.  He tried.  For a day and experienced writer's block.  I gave him a button on my blog where I could feature him.  He felt the pressure of the fans waiting for his words of wisdom.  He caved.  He has now retreated back to behind the scenes (where he is wonderful) and admitted out loud that I am the better writer and he doesn't know how I do it.  Ahhh....bliss.  Couples therapy could not have achieved this sort of balance in our marriage.

My Blogging Advice - Pretty much what it says.  I realize this post didn't appeal to the masses, but I know I have a lot of fellow bloggers who read this blog and I wanted to get this info to them.  

My Rules for Playdates -  Playdate rules, PIWTPITT style. 

FAVORITE COMMENTS (AND MY REPLY IF NECESSARY):

I find it hilarious that your comment in another post about giving someone permission to spank your child went untouched, but mention you wear Crocs and you recieve lots of feedback! Love the blog, hate crocs, but to each thier own... on Inside MY Closet

I did get a lot of shit for my Crocs, but I'm not gonna change.  (Actually, summer is coming.  I'll switch out to flip flops pretty soon.)  I think the fact that I could say "spank my child" and no one says anything, but I say "I wear Crocs" and it blows up the comments is a good indicator of how funny my readers are.  They GET sarcasm and they understand the difference between when I'm telling the truth and when I'm being sarcastic.  Yay!!
Are you fucking kidding me? This makes me sick! I just read the article you are referring to, and she needs to take a knee and punch herself in the face repeatedly. First off, her shirt looks like my grandmother's upholstered couch in Florida. It hurts my eyes. Second, her pride in the fact she switch all her hangers to "slimline" is ridiculous. It is definitely something I am sure I would over her a group of OAMs discuss during their afternoon lunch. WHO CARES?! It just baffles me the length some people go to get attention. But hey, to each their own. Maybe I am just jealous I don't have an amazingly beautiful closet to fill. Just like you, Jen, I am glad my closet has a door! It's a mess. Then again, I do share it with my husband... on Inside MY Closet

Why is it so honorable to be a mom who doesn't take time to care about her appearance? Why do you think this person is vapid just because she likes and apparently has the money to buy expensive items? I thought the post was hilarious and I know this is a humor site, but some of the comments judging this person so harshly are sad. Obviously this isn't the forum for women supporting women, but geez... I am a successful, working mom of two who also loves fashion, uses Slimline hangers, would gladly save up for a pair of designer shoes and envy this women who has a closet full of them! And, I absolutely wish I could GTL. Good for her, but not bad for the moms who don't choose that, good for them too. Yeah Team... :) on Inside MY Closet

OK, let me be clear.  I don't think any of us would say that we don't take ANY time to care about our appearance.  What I'm saying is that I don't base my entire existence around what fucking "piece" I should wear today to make the right "wardrobe statement" at the PTO meeting.  I have the money to buy "pieces," but I would never spend that kind of money on clothes.  It just isn't my style.  I think this is what is wrong with a lot of people who live around me.  They are intent upon making people "envious" of their lifestyle.  You admitted yourself that you're envious.  Please, don't be envious of her.  That's exactly what people like her feed on.  If magazines like this did profile "real" stay at home moms they wouldn't sell, because no one is envious of a G,T,L that includes take out the Garbage, Toddler luncheons and Laundry everywhere.  

Wait.....she's a retired physical therapist? Really retired? Or stopped working to stay at home? Don't you usually put in 25-30 years for it to be considered retired? on Inside MY Closet

Jen, Jen, Jen--love you but admitting you have crocs? You have crossed the line. ;) on Inside MY Closet

I could have written the wardrobe description too: black, khaki, tan and brown. Being a fan of Target I'm surprised you don't own any Merona tShirts or Champion yoga pants! $20 vs $100 for that Lulu crap is a big difference. Thanks for blogging, I've been reading since that OAM Elf story. Too funny. on Inside MY Closet

I hope Target reads this.  I HATE anything Merona.  I don't know if it's me or what, but that stuff falls apart.

YOU, my dear, are fucking hilarious! I laughed out loud at forgetting Christmas presents in closet cubbies for two years, I am guilty of this. I also have a rather large collection of blavk v-neck t-shirts in varyng degrees of fadedness (I make up words when it helps get my point across. I wear black not because of my huge boobs, I have the opposite problem, but because black usually goes with everything and every pair of pants I own is either khaki or black so I don't have to make a half assed attempt at trying to coordinate some horrendous outfit that looked decent in my dimmly lit closet. Thank you for blogging about your life and feelings, I cannot tell you how many times I have read a post and yelled "EXACTLY!" at my computer. Keep up the good work! on Inside MY Closet

I'm addicted to your blog and I'm pretty sure that if my job knew just how addicted I am, they'd can me. If your blog somehow became a sitcom, you can bet your cargo pants I'd watch. on Inside MY Closet

You hear that, NBC?  That's ONE person who would watch my sitcom.  Surely, that's enough for us to shoot a pilot, right?  I think Rachel Dratsch would be perfect to play me.  I just read that she's looking for work.  

I'm jealous that you live so close to Target... My husband actually told me the other day that I should start dressing like an adult. Be more professional. He thinks I should be shopping and Chico and Coldwater Creek. I'll be 29 in 10 days... plus I'm 220lbs. and pregnant... Apparently yoga pants and t-shirts aren't appropriate for an almost-30-year-old pregnant SAHM. That already has 2 kids. LMAO! onInside MY Closet

OK, good news first, you don't ever need to worry that your husband could be gay.  A gay man would never send you to Coldwater Creek.  Bad news, your husband has a thing for the "old lady" look.  Haha.  I thought this was the funniest comment of the week.  

OK, wait, um, OK, I'm done barfing after reading that article. Are you like an outcast there? Are they all like that there? OMG, you poor thing to live in that area. When my kids were little, sweats and sneakers were the norm. The color? Whatever looked good with spit-up. on Inside MY Closet

I am not an outcast.  I'm not queen of the ball either.  I have a nice group of regular women and OAMs with senses of humor who I hang out with.  We laugh at ourselves, each other and those around us.  

OMG, the more I read your blog, the more I fall in love with you! I"m going to start stalking you Tina Fey style!! You rock, I laugh my ass off every time I read your blog! Keep up the great work! on Inside MY Closet

Ha! Love it! Glad to have found you & to read the "sometimes you're gonna suck" part - sometimes I'll put something up there that I know sucks - and I've got nothing better because even though I've stared at the computer for a week - I've got nuttin :) Have a great day & thank you!! on My Blogging Advice

Solid advice, Jen. I think the one area where I fail is writing posts that are topical and deal with current events. The rest I'm not too bad at. I just need to find my people!! :) on My Blogging Advice

I don't usually get religious on here, but finding your "people" is like a gift from God.  No lie.  I love my people and I am thankful everyday that they found me and/or I found them.  Keep at it!

Thanks, Jen. I like you because you don't care if I like you. I need to worry less about satisfying my readers. on My Blogging Advice

And I should probably worry a little more, but I just can't.

Nope. I don't care what you say. I ain't doing it. My skin's too thin, and you're fan-f'ing-tastic at it. Plus it sounds like too much work. I'd rather read your blog and hammer down my second (who's she kiddin' -- third glass of wine) while reading your blog. Keep it up, you are truth and nothing but. Atta girl! on My Blogging Advice

Wow. I feel even more humbled that you left a comment on my blog's little Disney story about the hawk, baby ducklings and pool of death! I like your tips, but mostly I just like your voice. And I think that's why people keep coming back. Good for you, and thanks for encouraging all us wee bloggers out there. onMy Blogging Advice

Funniest Disney story I've ever read.  I even read that one out loud to the Hubs (a rarity since he has no patience for me reading out loud).  I'm too lazy to Google it, but please post the link in the comments so everyone can enjoy the horrors that can occur at Disney.

Great advice, thanks! I started my blog at the end of December and have 11 followers! Woo hoo! And I got my first 2 official negative comments from complete strangers, so I think I might be on to something. Remember, all press is press, good or bad :) One more thing: write about what you are passionate about. When I was planning my blog, a friend asked me, "aren't you afraid you are going to run out of things to write about?" I laughed out loud and said, "when have I ever run out of things to talk about?" She knew I was right. on My Blogging Advice

Once you start getting negative comments, you know you're onto something.  You can't please everyone - and you shouldn't.  

Annnnd...the decision to be single for life is validated. Thank you! on The Angriest Asian Man

This could be your funniest blog yet - while I always LOL, I have tears streaming down my face. Thank you for reminding me why I should remain single. No cranky pants in my house! on The Angriest Asian Man

I heard a new one the other day and thought it was hilarious....He isn't "cheap" he is a "cost-sensitive American." I got nothing for him being an ass..an asshole is an asshole no matter how you slice it. onThe Angriest Asian Man

Why does it make me feel so good I'm not alone? I love that I'm not the only one who deals with this man shit too. on The Angriest Asian Man

Ya, the problem in my house is that my hubs "cycle" seems to have synced up with mine. So now we're both super bitchy....this is a good combo for sure. on The Angriest Asian Man

Throw him a bang. That should help. on The Angriest Asian Man

He's gotta earn it and that sort of attitude doesn't work around here.

Wow - or teach your kids to not be judgmental asshats. Skanks. Wow. Maybe *you* should grow up and not take your own negative self-image baggage out on your offspring? I don't think you'll have any luck teaching anyone how to be funny (or a decent writer) and it's kinda sad to see so many "adults" take so much delight in tearing a woman to shreds because of an outfit. You people are gross. Let me pose a question - If you judge a young woman for wearing a revealing outfit to get attention as a crappy person - would that same logic apply to a snarky blog writer who took a bunch of cheap shots to get hits? on Rules for Raising a Boy - 18 (Because 25 Was Too Hard To Come Up With) Rules for Mothers of Sons

I have a negative self-image, because I think that when a girl (and her mother) submit a slutty (yes, it's slutty) looking picture of her to her HIGH SCHOOL YEARBOOK that makes her a skank?!  OK, doctor, I guess I have a negative self-image.  Wait a minute, fuck you, I don't.  Here's the thing.  That kid is an attention whore who has been raised by an idiot.  No parent in their right mind would consider that picture appropriate for anything let a lone a high school yearbook.  If that's a "cheap shot" then fine, I'll take it - every single time.  

Want to hear my assessment of YOU?  I think you're a passive parent who lets your kids call all the shots.  I think you think it's perfectly OK for your daughter to dress like that, because she's "expressing" her individuality or some dumb shit like that.  Be a parent.  Tell your child NO.  Tell your child that when she dresses like that, people will never give a shit about anything she has to say. 

I'll preface this with saying I though most of the "rules" were fairly amusing. I'm a single mother raising three sons aged 10-14, and I'm doing it without any male role models in the picture, so I'm always looking for tips. That being said: I'm disgusted by your number 1 rule. With all the young girls out there committing suicide because they're being called sluts, whores, skanks, etc, how can you post something so irresponsible? In this day and age, slut-shaming is reprehensible and is a seriously degrading way to live your life. Teaching our sons to look at the way a woman dresses in order to judge whether or not she'd be a good life partner is sexist, misogynist, and vile. I hope you don't actually have sons, because they're likely to grow up abusive rapists. on Rules for Raising a Boy - 18 (Because 25 Was Too Hard To Come Up With) Rules for Mothers of Sons

Wow, this post is getting some play again this week, huh?  It must have been posted on a message board somewhere for Women Who Take Themselves Way Too Seriously and Have an Overwhelming Need to Tell About It.

OK.  First of all, thanks for the backhanded compliment with "fairly amusing."  I got your passive aggressive loud and clear.  I would argue that most of the girls who are committing suicide were actually NOT sluts and did not even act or look like one (I'm thinking of Phoebe Prince in particular here).  You can read above about why I called this girl a skank and why I stand by it.

As for YOU calling my son a future "abusive rapist."  Fuck you and your mother.  Holy cow.  You just called me out for calling a girl a skank and called ME irresponsible and then YOU turn around and called my son a future rapist?  My head is spinning.  Truly.  You think my son will be a rapist because I told a girl she dresses like a skank and so I must be raising a rapist?  Your logic is astounding to me.  You have some serious issues, lady.  I am cracking jokes and you're calling a little boy a future rapist.        

People ask me all the time, "Would you really punch someone in the throat?" and I always reply, "Of course not."  Today I would like to change my answer.  If you were standing here and you said that to me to my face (which you would never do, you piece of chicken shit) I would punch you in the throat.  Definitely.  Get off my blog and don't come back.

What I find quit disturbing is the person who shared this fantastic article on Facebook (and those who commented on the post) are parents of children whom we have banned from our homes for the exact reasons listed AND more! They shouldn't be too surprised if and when I punch them in the throat. on My Rules for Playdates

I'd like to give Facebook a nice punch, because I cannot find your page ANYWHERE. I've been feeling so left behind lately. on Got a Punch?

What??!  That needs to be fixed ASAP.  You can join my page through the blog - see the button that says LIKE US ON FACEBOOK - big blue button on the top right hand column.  Or just click here.

The Angriest Asian Man

The Hubs is pissing me off (I know, what else is new).  He has fucking PMS more than I do.  The last few days he has been on a tear.  He is a whiny bitch who must have cramps or something, because every time I say anything he bites my head off.

This morning he finally realized he was in a mood and he said, "What do you think I should do about my anger?"

"Start a blog," I replied.  Duh.  "You should call it Angry Asian Man."

"Fuck.  That one's taken," he said angrily.

"Really?"  Sure enough.  Some POS blog out there is called Angry Asian Man.  That guy isn't even angry, he's boring.  "Well, yours should be called Angriest Asian Man, because you're being a dick."

"I want to call it What the Fuck are You Looking At or What the Fuck are You Doing Here?" he said.

"Ohh, those are good ones!  You should do those."

"No.  Fuck it.  I can't write.  I actually have to work.  Someone around here has to work.  I don't have time to write a blog."

"Well, I think you should, because you're an asshole to live with right now,"  I said.

He replied with a pout and an actual "Hurumph."

Oh my God!!  As I'm writing this, the Hubs just accused me of throwing away a toilet paper roll with "plenty of usable toilet paper on it."  Fuck you, Hubs.  We live with two small children.  Do you think they would never do that?  Also, I'm curious as to know how much toilet paper is considered "usable."  My guess is there was half a square glued to the cardboard and the Hubs thought I could wipe my ass with it.  Fucking cheap bastard.

See, Hubs?  I feel so much better now.  You should totally start a blog - we all know you're too cheap for therapy.

If you want to read a post by the Hubs.

Weekly Wrap Up 4.1.12

It's April Fool's Day and I will not be playing any tricks on anyone.  When I try to play jokes on my kids it ends with someone crying.  "I was just kidding, honey, we aren't going to sell you on Craigslist."

This weekend, Facebook changed my blog page over to Timeline.  A lot you wanted to know when I'd punch FB.  I really don't think I will.  At the end of the day, FB is free (thank you, because I would never pay for it) and I get the bulk of my traffic from FB so I will put up with all their shit.  I will finally get used to the Timeline feature like I did all of the other looks FB has had (I don't even remember a former FB "look") and move on.  It will be a pain for a while, but I'll finally figure it out.

The Top Read Posts This Week:

The Hunger Games Racists Who Can't Read - This was prompted by some racist tweets about one of the characters in the movie.  I had to actually add a spoiler alert to this post, because apparently there are people who will go see this movie who have never read the book.  Huh.  I did not know that people like that existed.

The Parents Who Ruined the Easter Egg Hunt - A Colorado Easter Egg hunt was cancelled due to asshole parents.  Go figure.

My Rules for Playdates - A list of rules that I HOPE my children follow when they go to someone else's house.  I was reminded this morning of another one:  When your grandmother picks you up from a friend's house and asks if you had fun, ALWAYS reply "Yes."  True story, my kid said, "Not really."

I also noticed that this post marked a very special day in the history of the blog.  I wrote something sarcastic about you have my permission to spank my kid and NO ONE flipped out!!!  I believe we have managed to run out all of the humorless people who once read this blog.  Hallelujah!

Recommended Children's Books - I asked for some book ideas on the FB page (BTW, if you're not already there, you should get there.  We have fun over there.) and I got a great list.  I put part of it on Babble.com and the rest here.

Favorite Comments of the Week (and My Response if Necessary):

Sweety, I leave the skin on the apples, because I want you to get fiber. Apparently, I love you more. :) on My Rules for Playdates

I love this response.  I use a variation of this when my kids ask me why their friends all ride in backless boosters and they still ride in 5 point harnesses.  "I want you to be as safe as you can be.  I guess Arlo's parents don't care if he dies in a car accident."

I'll add another. Don't run your greasy/dirty/food covered/fill in the blank hands along the walls. I literally had to repaint our hallway after we had a couple of "friends" over. Scrubbing it didn't work. Scary. on My Rules for Playdates

I will tell anyone who will listen:  Invest in washable paint.  It's more expensive, but it is the best!

Jen, your posts are always right on time! I hosted a playdate for my girls today. They each had a little friend come over and I went over the rules of the roost in the car on the way home! I'm with you on numbers 2, 6,7,8,9 and 13. I have had to add "Our house is not a museum and you are not a tour guide" to the list because a number of my kids friends come into the house and announce that they'd like a tour to which my girls promptly agree. WTH? You're here to play, not take inventory of what's in my house. Part of me feels like their mom puts them up to it, but it happens so frequently, I feel like they think they're doing me a favor by asking rather than just running roughshod through the joint. The other one about the food? Ugh, one kid just opened up the pantry and said stated, "I"m hungry. What do you have." No way, chamanga! on My Rules for Playdates

OK, in those kids' defense, their parents might be Realtors.  Our kids enjoy a good house tour and I wouldn't be surprised if they asked for one.  I want a tour.  As Realtors, the Hubs and I are curious.  I think we need a tour of your home!  If kids are noticing interesting features, it must be ah-MAY-zing.  Do you have Skype?  Could we get a virtual tour?

My favorite playdate moments: Spending 45 minutes talking to a parent while I am trying to make dinner because his kid didn't want to leave and he wouldn't make him!!! Waiting two hours for a parent to pick up his absolutely hideous child because the parent was watching a baseball game and having a few beers after work!!!! And the parent never called and would not pick up his phone. Needless to say, neither of those kids were invited back.... on My Rules for Playdates

I had a household rule that ALWAYS communicated to parents. Am I allowed to spank you child if they need it? If the answer was no, they were not allowed in my house. It ticked some people off, but solved a lot of problems. on My Rules for Playdates

At this precise moment in time I'd like to say PHUCK, PHUCK, PHUCK! My little one, sent home with lice - freaking out like a mental patient. I've stripped all beds and am presently waiting the 10 minutes after step 1 of treatment... Did I say Phuck, Phuck, Phuck yet?????? Scratch, scratch - itch itch PHUCK on Lice


Read the comments section.  Lots of sage advice out there from veterans.  Good luck!

You are my favorite blogger on the Internet.. Please keep keeping it real. I feel like I am turning into my mom with my constant "what is this world coming to comments". I love everything you write. This is important. People suck right now and I hate that I feel that way. on The Hunger Games Racists Who Can't Read

I don't fully believe in the "be color blind" philosophy. Children aren't dumb and they are going to notice that someone is darker than they are, has different shaped eyes, etc. Instead of pretending that those differences don't exist (and therefor some shameful thing of which we do not speak) I tell my daughters that those differences are wonderful. There are no wrongs or rights and we are all just different colored crayons in the same box. on The Hunger Games Racists Who Can't Read

What I would really like to happen is for these kids, and lets face it, its easy to find out who they are these days, to come on TV and explain their comments. I wonder how proud mummy and daddy would be? onThe Hunger Games Racists Who Can't Read

The Hubs would like to put them in an arena and hunt them down a la Hunger Games style.

This is my favorite blog of yours so far. I'm right there with you. This made me cry and hurts my heart. I'm officially starting construction on that bubble to keep my children in. If you want, I'll make one for your kids too. on The Hunger Games Racists Who Can't Read

Please do.  Thanks.

I am glad you punched this because when I read the article last night, I just couldn't believe it. First of all, it doesn't matter how they described that character. I didn't think of ANYONE in this book as a certain race, especially the people at the Capital whose skin was pink, blue, purple, and whatever other crazy color. The book had as little to do with race as it had to do with snails. Nothing. And the fact that was even a concern to some of these people was completely ridiculous to me. Secondly, I was more "outraged" at the fact that they left the hunger aspect almost completely out of "The Hunger Games!" I mean, it would seem that of anything that was different in the movie, the central story line was more of a concern than the race of a little girl that was meant to be symbolic of the evil of this "futuristic" world, not. Her race had nothing to do with it. Call me crazy, but with the attitude of some of these people, we are already living in a world that is this barbaric!!! on The Hunger Games Racists Who Can't Read

The Hunger Games Racists Who Can't Read

SPOILER ALERT:  APPARENTLY THERE ARE A FEW PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO HAVEN'T READ THESE BOOKS AND ARE PLANNING TO SEE THE MOVIE.  I TELL YOU IMPORTANT PARTS OF THE BOOK AND/OR MOVIE, SO READ WITH CAUTION.  JEN


Wow.  I just have to start this post off with that word:  Wow.

I knew there were racist people out there, but I always imagined they were lurking in the background and they covered up their racism with words like "hoodies" and "fumbling at his waistband."  I'm always amazed when racists just come right out and say what's on their minds.  Like these assholes did on Twitter.

Supposedly these dummies read "The Hunger Games," but somehow they missed it that one of the central characters was described as having "dark brown" skin.  Anyone who read the book and actually paid attention imagined Rue as a small, black girl.  Nope, not these idiots.  So when they sat down to watch the movie this weekend and saw that a black actress had been cast to play Rue, these people were shocked and outraged that their beloved tale of youth killing one another in cold blood on live television was sullied.  One guy even tweeted he wasn't as sad when Rue died because she was black and another person called her the "N" word.  Wow.

I don't what I'm more horrified by though.  The fact that they tweeted this racist bullshit or the fact that these fuckups can't comprehend what they read!

Yeah, it's the racism that bothers me the most.

I'm stunned.  WTF, people?  How in the world can the casting of a little black girl cause such an uproar?  This is 2012!  We have a mixed race President in the White House!  We should not be subjected to ignorant and racist tweets from a bunch of dumb white girls and a few stupid whitish (I can't tell from the pics) guys in this day and age.  There should not have to be op-ed pieces warning young black men to keep their hoods down (even in the rain), keep their hands out of their pockets and their eyes on the ground and say, "Yes sir." when confronted by a gun-toting vigilante or a rogue police officer.

This should not be happening, because our country should be better than this.

I would like to think that I live in a country that is color blind, but apparently I'm the idiot.  I'm the one teaching my kids that race doesn't matter.  I'm the one telling my mixed race children that they have just as many opportunities in their lives as their white classmates.  And then I read ignorant shit like these tweets and I realize I'm living in a dream world and I can't protect my kids from everything and everyone who will judge them because of their skin tone and their race.

I can only teach them what I believe.  I believe that they're unique and special and wonderful just the way they are.  Yes, their skin is darker than mine, but their skin is beautiful and amazing.  Their eyes are not as round as mine, but their eyes are intelligent and deep and gorgeous.  They are worthy and intelligent.  They are strong and unafraid.

I will do my best to protect them from people who will judge them and put them down because of their race.  Eventually it will happen and when it does I will be there to pick them up and tell them again how perfect they are.  To explain to them that it doesn't matter what a few people (who don't even know them) think of them.  What matters is what they think of themselves.  What matters is how they're going to take that experience and use it to grow.  What matters is that they can rise above bigotry and hate and accomplish anything they want.

If you haven't done so already, check out what I've been writing for Babble.com.


Photos:  Jezebel.com

Recommended Children's Books

I asked for some favorite children's books titles and this is what I got.  I made a list for Babble.com of books to read out loud and another list for independent readers and the rest are here.  Surely you can find something new to read here.

Goodnight Moon

Runaway Bunny

The Giving Tree

Where the Sidewalk Ends (really anything by Shel Silverstein)

Just So Stories

The Bear Wants More series

The Dot and the Line

Jellybeans for Breakfast

The Polar Express

Red Ripe Strawberry

The Kissing Hand

The Boy Who Painted Dragons

Benny the Breakdown Truck

The Little Mouse

The Napping House

Harry the Dirty Dog

I Love You Forever

Moo Baa La La La

Stellaluna

Have You Filled a Bucket Today?

Pickles the Fire Cat

I Love You Through and Through

Anything by Dr. Seuss

Llama Llama series

Guess How Much I Love You?

I Love You Forever

The Color Kittens

Ferdinand the Bull

"Bear" series by Karma Wilson

Harold and the Purple Crayon

The Pokey Puppy

The Monster at the End of This Book

Bad Kitty series

Blueberries for Sal

Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

I Love You Stinky Face

The Very Hungry Catepillar and anything else by Eric Carle

Frog and Toad Are Friends

Chickens to the Rescue

Lottie Harris Lives Here

Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel

Are You My Mother?

Tickle Monster

Any of the "If You Give..." books

The Big Hungry Bear

Animals Should Definitely Not Wear Clothes

Jamberry

Amelia Bedelia

Pirates Don't Change Diapers

Where the Wild Things Are

Never Tease a Weasel

The Berenstain Bears

One of Each

Lemony Snicket

Peter and the Starcatchers

Ready Freddy series

Junie B. Jones

The Twits

Freckle Juice

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle

How to Eat Fried Worms

Pippi Longstocking

Little House on the Prairie

Little Women

The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank

Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret

Beezus and Ramona

The Secret Garden

The Little Princess

Lord of the Flies

Encyclopedia Brown

Gregor the Overlander

The Giver

The Witch of Blackbird Pond

The Borrowers

Harry Potter

Percy Jackson

Ella Enchanted

A Wrinkle in Time

The Little Prince

Charlotte's Web

Bridge to Terabithia

Charlie Bone

Judy Moody

Beverly Cleary

Junie B. Jones

Magic Treehouse

Roald Dahl

Indian in the Cupboard

Summer of Monkeys

Nancy Drew

Hardy Boys

All of a Kind Family
From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler

Little House Series

Encyclopedia Brown

Choose Your Own Adventures

Brighty of the Grand Canyon

Misty of Chincoteague
Any of the Marguerite Henry books really. (ALL. ABOUT. HORSES.)
Last of the Really Great Whangdoodles and Mandy by Julie Andrews (Edwards)

Ramona

Chocolate Fever

Anne of Green Gables

The Westing Game

Anything by Avi

Super Fudge

Harriet the Spy

The Babysitters Club

Ivy and Bean

Wayside School is Upside Down

Anastasia Krupnik

Where the Red Fern Grows

Boxcar Children

Fear Street series

The Giver

The Witches

BFG

Hoot

Anything by Lois Duncan

Witch of Blackbird Pond

Chronicles of Narnia

A Star for the Latecomer

Tom Sawyer

Huckleberry Finn

Harry Potter series

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

Island of the Blue Dolphin

The Phantom Tollbooth

Secret Series

Nother Story books

Amelia Bedelia

James and the Giant Peach

Esperanza Rising

Mouse and the Motorcycle

Becoming Naomi Leon

The Devil's Arithmetic

Hatchet

Spiderwick Chronicles

After Ever After

Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle

The Velvet Room

Striped Ice Cream

Scarlet Royal

National Velvet

Watership Down

The Cat Who Walked Through Walls

The Trumpet of the Swan

Freak the Mighty

Stand Back Said the Elephant I am Going to Sneeze

Holes

Bruno & Boots

Sweet Valley High

My Side of the Mountain

Gregor the Underlander

Candy Apple series

Black Beauty

A Cricket in Times Square

My Weird School series

Cam Jansen

Baseball Card Adventures

Mike Lupica

Every Soul a Star

The Cay

Maniac Magee

Number the Stars

How to Train Your Dragon series

Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIHM

The Warriors series

Angus, Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging

Trixie Belden series

The Great Brain series

My Friend Flicka

Night of the Twisters

Caddie Woodlawn

Strawberry Girl

Moon Over Manifest

The Girl Who Could Fly

Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life

Sideways Stories From the Wayside School

Julie of the Wolves

Jacob Have I Loved

Hope Was Here

Because of Winn Dixie

A Year Down Yonder

Out of the Dust

Wringer

The View From Saturday

Walk Two Moons

How to Eat Fried Worms

City of Ember

Fablehaven

This Place Has No Atmosphere

Frindle

There's a Girl in the Boy's Bathroom

Scat

Ruby Holler

The Chocolate Touch

Hugo Cabret

A Dog Called Kitty

Hooples on the Highway

To Kill a Mockingbird

Paint the Wind

Tiger Eyes

Lemonade Wars

The Outsiders

The Borrowers

Roll of Thunder Hear Me Cry!

Tuck Everlasting

The Girl With Silver Eyes

Prydain Chronicles

The Guardians of Ga'Hoole

Pippi Longstocking

My Father's Dragon

Anything by Christopher Pike

Mr. Popper's Penguins

Anything by Alvin Ho

Weekly Wrap Up 3.24.12

It's wrap up time!  This week I turned 40 and I had so many nice birthday wishes and comments.  Thank you to everyone who chimed in.  Also, I'd like to wish a special birthday wish to all of my readers who shared my birthday!  I think I saw at least 2 of you!  Happy Birthday!  

So far 40 has been "Meh."  I did not have a big to-do, although I was hoping the Hubs would throw me a Marie-Antoinette themed 40th birthday in Paris, of course.  I guess he's saving that for my 50th.  

Actually, the whole month of March has been "Meh."  I just read that March can put people in a funk because of the rapid change of light this time of year or something like that.  Well, consider me funked.  I am pissed off at everything right now.

Besides my birthday this week, I also won the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funniest Mom Blogs, so that was pretty kick ass.  Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who voted for me.  I'm working on their interview questions right now and I'll send you the link once it's up on Circle of Moms.  CofM has been cool, because we gained a lot of new readers from there.  If you're new:  Welcome.  I hope you stick around.  Here's the deal.  I'm usually funny, but there are times that I am angry and pissed off and ranty, so just hang in there, I'll get back to funny soon enough.  

Top Read Posts This Week:

The Big Kids at Playland - I took Gomer and Adolpha to a school fundraiser at Chick-fil-A and I watched some kids wilding in the playland.  It made me wonder how big is too big for the playland?  This post also started a religious debate in the comments section.  WTF?  The post was about chicken and playlands, not Chick-fil-A hates gay people (even though they do).

Lice - (Scratch, scratch)  Lice is everywhere these days, but I've realized that with a once a month bath policy my kids can avoid lice and just be the stinky kid in the classroom instead of the itchy one.

Top 5 Ridiculously Unbelievable Babies - The Hubs wrote this one.  He drives me nuts with all his Youtube shit he's always trying to show me.  I told him to make a list and so he did.  He thought it was a funny list, but he was surprised when the Shakira baby got skewered in the comments.  (Looks like I'm not the only one in a mad mood, because of the light.)  You guys were kind of harsh on that baby and her rack and the junk in her trunk.  Plus, if you're going to make fun of one of those kids, it should totally be the baby who knows Chinese.  That kid isn't having any fun.  At least Shakira baby is shaking her money-maker and loving every minute of it.  That poor Chinese baby just wants to play and her dad is drilling her on bullshit that no baby should know.  I think she's 6 now.  I sure hope she's in college now or else she's a huge disappointment to her parents.

Gomer Wants a Kindle Fire - Gomer has saved his money and would like to buy a Kindle Fire.  I complained that I didn't even have a tablet yet.  Hubs got me a Galaxy Tab for my birthday (insert foot in my mouth).  We've all been playing on it and it's quickly become the "family tab."  I think I'm going to need to get another one.  I can't put the Shades of Grey trilogy on the family tab!  Thanks for all the advice on this one.  I honestly think we'll use the family tab for a while and then in a few months if the novelty hasn't worn off we'll let Gomer "buy" this one from us and get me a new one of my own.

Top Comments of the Week (and my response):

This is awesome. What a great at work time waster. Thank you for posting! on Top 5 Ridiculously Unbelievable Babies

*sigh* Thank you for pointing out the fact that my kid's a slacker (wonder where he got that from lol.) The only impressive video I have of my kids is my son dipping his forehead in a mud puddle, standing up quick and leaning his head back, then licking the mud as it drips down his face. Oh, he can also smear his mouth with liquid soap and blow huge bubbles while making the sound "Mwaaaaaaaaa." I haven't put those up on Youtube because I don't want to make all the other OAB's and their OAM's jealous ;) on Top 5 Ridiculously Unbelievable Babies

Happy Birthday Jen! Today is my birthday as well even if the hubs and offspring forgot to tell me. The youngest daughter is excused bc she isn't 2 yet but the oldest her bday is tomorrow so surely she should have remembered. It is okay I guess since 7 years ago she highjacked by birthday I don't get any older since no one remembers. My Dad at least remembered even put it up on facebook for me. So I will be making the hubs feel extremely guilty and he will be taking me to Hunger Games now for sure! on Is 40 Going to Blow or Rock? 

My birthday falls right between my parents' birthdays.  Dad is the 19th, I'm the 22nd and Mom is the 24th.  It used to always be during Spring Break.  Once we were on SB with another family and THEY remembered my birthday before my parents did.  That year I got all sorts of crap from the hotel gift shop as my "gifts."  I've never let them forget.  You've got to milk this for as long as you can.
Happy happy birthday hot stuff!! on Is 40 Going to Blow or Rock? 

Anyone who calls me "hot stuff" makes the best comments list.

Forty can totally rock...as long as there is time for a nap every now and then and plenty of ibuprofen for those aches you mentioned. I celebrated 40 last April in Vegas, while carrying around a 6 month pregnant belly and...wait for it...a mouth full of braces. Not quite how I pictured it, but pretty amazing none the less. Happy Birthday! on Is 40 Going to Blow or Rock?

I love the relief in your voice as you proudly proclaim your son's hair is not attractive to lice. Awesome. And I'm proud of myself for NOT scratching during that whole post! I did some mind-over-matter ninja tricks and still feel fine! on Lice

my husband taught at a grade school that couldn't afford a nurse, so hubba had to check all of his students for lice. HORRIFIC. on Lice

Top 5 Ridiculously Unbelievable Babies

The Hubs has been surfing Youtube.  Here is what he found.

I have been seeing lots of videos of babies/kids doing the most amazing or as Jen would say "overachieving" things.  Here are the top 5 in my opinion.  I hope my kids will do some amazing things one day, but they have not done ANYTHING like these kids yet - so who knows?

1. Baby Felicity.  She can not only read at 1 year old, but she can read in both English and Chinese.  If anyone knows anything about Chinese (which I do, of course), it is a very difficult language to read.  Each character has to be memorized and the language has about 80,000 individual characters to memorize.  Felicity seems like a very sweet girl and her parents are obviously working hard with her to start reading at such a young age.  I guess that spot at Harvard will be taken.  Gomer and Adolpha will have to go elsewhere.

2. Baby Makena. She can sing Adele.  Yes, she can sing Adele.  She is cute, has great style, can carry a tune and sings with real emotion!  I wish I could sing as well as this kid.  Hey Makena, when that cute 3 year old breaks your heart, don't worry, just sing about it and make millions.  You don't need a man!

3. Baby Shakira. I think this one is my favorite!  I don't know the baby's real name, but she can shake it like Shakira.  I know my hips can never move like that.  I love the head wear she is sporting.  And I love the fact that the other kid in the video in the background couldn't be bothered to even look up.  She is obviously bored by the whole thing.  Don't be a hater little girl!

4. Baby Myra.  This 20 month old baby is not afraid of heights or water.  She is jumping off the diving board and loving every minute.  Baby Myra is amazing because I still won't jump off the diving board into 13 feet of water.  The thing I really love about the video is that we get to meet BUG and BUNNY.  

5. Giuliano Stroe.  Ok, to be fair, this kid is NOT a baby, but he can do something that I am pretty sure no one else reading this can do.  A sideways pull up or push up.  I can't even hold myself up sideways, let alone do 30 pull ups.  Giuliano holds many world records as the strongest kid.  No doubt.  If you watch all his videos, you will see that his dad works with him all the time and he loves it. Now if they only made a Xbox Kinnect game that can simulate the sideways push up, I bet I can get Gomer and Adlopha to crank out a few.