Weekly Wrap Up 10.21.12

I just got back from spending the weekend in Omaha celebrating my grandfather's 90th birthday.  Our trip was . . . interesting.  Let's just say stay tuned for a post about that!

Top Read Posts This Week:

At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing - When I wrote this, I didn't even think for a moment that people might suspect I was pregnant until all the questions started coming in.  Let me put everyone's mind to rest (especially the Hubs'):  I.  Am. Not.  Pregnant.  I had a new Mirena inserted and the doctor wasn't confident it was in the right place and so that's why he ordered an ultrasound and no one told me it would be one that they shove up my hooha.  The tech found the Mirena right away and confirmed it was in the correct place, but she couldn't find my left ovary and that's when the fun really began as she explored my wonderland.  She never did find it.

Top 3 Reasons Why I Can't Go to the Gym - Just when I was thinking the gym sucked balls I decided to measure myself and I was so pleased with the results I went back.

Adolpha's Favorite Finger - Hint:  It's mine too.

Sexy Halloween Costumes - I'm a bit horrified how anything, including fruit and sticks of gum can be turned into sexpot Halloween costumes.  As I heard a young woman exclaim the other day, "Halloween is the only night I can get away with dressing like a skank!"  But the question still remains:  WHY?  When did skanks hijack Halloween?

Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies - With about two months now until the big day, the Elf is gearing up for his "season."  I have no idea if this will be as popular this year as it was last year, but I can not get over how many places the Elf is now!  I went to Hallmark this week and it's an Elf explosion and so is Pottery Barn Kids - they have a 4 foot tall one!!  

Book Update:

Nook still is taking its own sweet time getting the book up and running.  I've discovered that this is nothing new.  Some authors are complaining that it has been months and their books are still not available.  I have complained to Nook and I know that many of you have complained to Nook, but it doesn't seem to do any good.  

The book is selling briskly and I'm currently a best seller on Amazon.  Not too shabby.  In fact, at one point this week I was beating J.K. Rowling's new book.  OK, it was the audio version of her book (her hard cover was kicking my ass soundly), but still close enough, right?   I really appreciate all of the reviews that everyone is leaving on Amazon, please keep 'em coming!  

Lots of people have told me that they would like to order signed copies for Christmas presents.  What a great idea!  Be sure to get your orders to me early so that I can ensure they will reach you in plenty of time.  

I've also been invited to be a guest at a book club that has chosen my book for their November selection. How cool is that?  I'm going to go and deface their books with my scrawl and try to keep them on the topic of my book (you know how book clubs get - they never talk about the book).  If you're in the Kansas City area and you'd like me to come to your book club, I am totally available - as long as it's not a cookie exchange too.

My Favorite Comments of the Week (and My Replies if Necessary):

I had one of those to confirm my pregnancy.. The tech said, "you're not far enough along for the regular ultrasound. I'm going to have to use the probe." My reply: "ma'am, I've already been probed. That's how I ended up in this predicament." on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

My husband and I call this "the Bob Barker", had a transvaginal utrasound with all 3 kids. Seriously, we are done having kids because I can not spend more time in an Dr.'s office with one of those up my hooha while hubby repeats "Come on down!" over and over! on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

I am an ultrasound tech and its sooo funny to hear what people actually say about the transvaginal ultrasound. It's no picnic on our end either. I've seen 5 kinds of crotch rot, not to mention the smells! The lack of hygiene.. Oh I can't even go there! But when I confirm a pregnancy of someone who is desperately trying to concieve or find the ruptured ectopic that goes immediately to surgery, it makes a few unpleasantries here and there worth it. :0) by the way, I am so stealing the "Bob Barker!" Hilarious!! on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

First time I had the pleasure of one of these things being rammed into my junk I was 15 and a virgin. They told me the same tampon BS, but I'm pretty sure that thing popped my cherry. Ugh! on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

HAHA! This about made me pee my pants! Between my miscarriages and then infertility issues I have had at LEAST 30 of these in the last 8 years! NO LIE! Half of the techs that have administered them have me insert the wand, half just cram it in themselves. On top of that, my doctor has a new nurse every two months! It has become a common joke with my friends that I have only had one person in my almost 32 years cut my hair but I can't keep count of the number of people that have jammed a rod in me! Thanks for helping me laugh about it! on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

I had one of those stuck so far up me I finally told her that my tonsils had been gone for years so she could quit looking. on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

Had one done with each of my pregnancies, definitely awkward, but not as awkward as reminding them I'm allergic to latex. What no latex free condoms?!?!? Nope, they used a damn glove! Noting like seeing it wave at you just before insertion... on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

I had these every week for my pregnancy. Granted there were four babies, but the first time I was pretty freaked out by the wand. And when you are searching for four babies, it takes a really, really, really long time. As in I brought along a snack and they had to switch technicians half way through, like my vagina was some sort of overnight bus trip and we had to switch drivers. on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

I had this done when I was pregnant with my daughter 14 years ago, and afterwards asked my ob if we should smoke now, which rendered him speechless. on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

I had one pregnant. They inserted it for me. It was so strange - I almost faked an orgasm just because it felt like what I should do. on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

I worked with a nurse who had a transvaginal ultraound to confirm her 2nd pregnancy. The tech was young and pretty new and so she was awkwardly explaining what she needed to do and then pulled out the wand. My friend looks at her with a straight face and says: "Oh honey, that's not bad, my husband is way bigger than that!" LOL She said the poor tech turned 5 shades of red! on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

Seriously just got home from having this done.. The tech asked me if i'd prefer to insert myself or have it done for me, then comes the best slip of the tongue ever.. She says some patients enjoy doing it themselves then she turns red and says I meant prefer.. Not enjoy.. Omg.. Lmao.. At least I had something to laugh about.. Lol on At Least Get to Know Me Before You Stick Me With That Thing

I saw a stack of mail sitting in the garage. I was like, oh, yesterdays mail, blah blah blah, then I spotted a book envelope on the bottom of the pile. My brain instanly clicked, I ran over there, grabbed the book envelope, sending all the other mail flying. I ripped it open like it was my publishers clearing house check (still waiting on that), and saw your book. I threw down the mailer and opened the cover as fast as I could. SMILE! My hubby laughed at me. Then I took the book to nap with me...didn't get to read any of it but it just napped with me. LOL (this sounds creepy, but I intended to read some - I was just too tired). Thanks Jen! on Buy My Book

I'm a great spooner.

OMGosh, Jen: You're freakin' hilarious. I can't believe it's taken me this long to find and read this post! I'm definitely buying you book! I'm sitting at work reading this post and laughing out loud....my coworkers keep looking at me weird! You're funnier than freak! :) Thanks for sharing! on Over Achieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

I'm glad you finally found me and my Elf.  Your co-workers have no idea what they're missing.  Be sure to let them in on the joke too!

When my son was three he told me that the guy on the radio said a bad word. I asked him what word. He said, "It starts with F and rhymes with truck." I was so proud of his phonics skills! on Adolpha's Favorite Finger

Jen -- Sounds like genetics :-) on Adolpha's Favorite Finger

I really need to stop drinking when I read your posts. The appearance of water being shot out of my nose, onto my computer is getting ridiculous. I'm getting weird looks from everyone in the office now. on Adolpha's Favorite Finger

I always love to see a spit take in the comments.  You're almost always guaranteed a place in the wrap up if you spewed all over your computer.  The best compliment I can receive!!!  Thanks.

keep going jen! i swear, you're inspiring me. *i will not eat half a box of cheez-its today in your honor... i will pare it down to 1/3* on Top 3 Reasons Why I Can't Go to the Gym

Can we put that on a bumper sticker or something?  I love it.

Since you've posted this, Yandy now advertises on the side of my screen. I just saw a sexy Tootsie Roll (which I almost get, considering there was a song about "tootsie rolling"...but why would you want to look like a log of poo?), sexy Tigger (just no), and...sexy Black Swan. Thanks for ruining the ballet for me, Yandy. on Sexy Halloween Costumes

Did you know that there are sixty billion places to find me now?  I'm on Facebook, Twitter, the blog message boards, and Goodreads.  Pick one . . . or two and talk to me.


Anonymous said...

Had to comment on the annoying Elf already appearing all over. One of my over-achieving mom friends (she sews ALL her daughter's cute clothes in addition to all sorts of linens, baby gifts and more) has been using the elf since early October because her daughter started back-talking her. Figured she'd tell the precocious daughter that Santa already sent his elf to their house to spy on her for Christmas. SHEESH! Really?

TNMom said...

Woot Woot!! I love making the wrap up! I did not even TRY to! :) Devan

tricia said...

OK. I hate my ipad. I just left a comment on the succes of your very successful CHRISTMAS book on a post you wrote in April. It's the equipment, I swear. Anyway- congratulations on your early book success!!!

Confessions of a PTO Mom said...

The want thing is how they do early ultrasounds now. I have to admit, the thought crossed my mind myself! But I've been pregnant so many times, that's the first place it goes to.

Overachieving Elf on the Shelf Mommies

By now we have all heard of the adorable little Elf on the Shelf . Almost everyone I know has one.  Some people even have two!  (Now I'...

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