People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Adolpha's Favorite Finger

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Adolpha's Favorite Finger


I picked Adolpha up from school and I heard her ask from the backseat, "Hey Mom, do you have a favorite finger?"

"Ummm . . . no.  I don't think so," I replied as I navigated through the hell that is the elementary school pick up line.

"Really?" she asked surprised.  "'Cause I do."

I figured she'd tell me her favorite finger was her thumb, since she has been sucking it since she was in the womb.  (We've been trying to break her of this habit, so if you have any words of wisdom - don't hold back!)  "Is it your thumb?" I asked.

"No, silly!  A thumb isn't a finger.  It's a thumb!"

"Right."

"No my favorite finger is my pointer finger."
"Guess which one is my favorite?"

"Oh.  OK.  That's interesting," I mumbled as I narrowly missed being sideswiped by a Dolce mom in a minivan yapping on her damn cell phone.

"Yeah, I love my pointer finger.  I use it for everything.  I like to point to people.  Or point to words in books.  Sometimes I just like to point it in the sky.  It's so . . . pointy."

"Uh huh," I said deftly maneuvering around two moms who decided to stop in the middle of the street and have a conversation about (I assume) who packs the best lunch.

"My pointer finger is so great, because it's sooooo long."

"Yup - wait.  What?"  Now I was out of the parking lot and at a stop sign where I could pay attention to Adolpha.  "Your pointer finger is long?"

"Yeah.  It's my longest finger.  See?  I looooove to point with it.  I've been using it all day."

I turned in my seat to see my precious baby girl giving me the bird.

I'll say this, I wasn't pleased, but she does have good form.

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49 comments:

Cheryl said...

Nice. Proud mommy moments there. When Keri was three, her brother (five years her senior) had taught her "the bird." We didn't make a big deal about it, because you know, you're not supposed to and they'll forget about it, right? Maybe. NOT.

We take the charming Santa Train to the antique train museum. They have The. Best. Santa. Ever. there. I mean, he makes me believe.

Charming daughter sits on his lap to recite what she'd like. She's on one knee, Alex is on the other. She promptly shows him her new trick. Alex shouts out, "Oooohh, Keri, you flipped Santa the bird...you are going to HELL!"

And to all, a good night...

Jenn said...

hahahahah, love the stories of what kids do! Too funny :)

RachRiot said...

Oh, Adolpha, this is only the beginning of a beautiful relationship! I find my middle finger is perfect for every day activities, like texting a reply to my mother-in-law, snapping to wake up my Current Legal Spouse when I'm talking to him, and giving someone a double-barreled "fuck you" in traffic. Very handy, indeed.

handmade_mama said...

I LOVE THIS! I wish you could come hang out with me for a day of running errands and going out & about so we could make comments about people we see.

Meredith said...

When I first taught elementary school I was shocked to see how many kids use their middle finger to track. words when they are reading or point things out. It's hysterical because the kids who do it most are the picture of innocence. My eyes got big but I figured it would be worse if I mentioned it. I see their point (no pun intended)...it IS tall and strong!

khoward said...

Yeah, yeah great stories...but, seriously, the thumb thing, how do you stop it???? Please!

melissa said...

My girls suck/sucked their thumbs. It was great, can't lose that right? We now #1 has a lovely appliance in her mouth to widen her palate and is getting braces in a few weeks. So now I'm paying for it. She sucked her thumb until she was about to be 8. Now # 2 ( who is only 5) says she "gets to" suck her thumb until she is 8! Lovely. Anyway we got #1 to stop by (1) telling her she wasn't getting braces until she stopped and (2) putting gloves on her nonstop while she was in the house. Boxing gloves work well and that was what we were going with next but the winter gloves (in June in south Louisiana) worked fine.

Allison said...

Beautiful! (Fix the last sentence though.)

Jen Piwtpitt said...

Thanks! Fixed it.

debrah said...

just snorted coffee out of my nose....thanks for the laugh! Great post!

Stephanie said...

Jen - I live in KC and we took our kid to this lady for thumb sucking - REALLY we'd tried everything else and she was great. Our dentist calls her the thumb whisperer. She never sucked her thumb again after the first visit. http://healthyoralhabits.com/ It's almost hilarious that she can get them to stop doing sucking their thumbs after you have tried and tried to get them to quit. It's worth the money. She's in downtown parkville.

jmfelicity said...

That's my favorite finger too.

Cathy said...

"Sometimes I just like to point it in the sky." hahahah, I can just see your little angel flipping off the heavens...you are so going down, lol

Anonymous said...

My first grader has always always always used her middle finger as a "pointer" it is now a "tracker" for reading. I have yet to advise her on the inappropriateness of it all. I stopped the baby talk and corrected the bad grammar - but the finger, I'm just not ready for her to grow out of quite yet.

Anonymous said...

My boys sucked their fingers, and it was mostly at night. The way we got them to stop was to sew up the end of a long sleeve shirt for bed time. I had them get excited about it by letting them pick out the shirt (a light-weight baseball type of shirt with long enough sleeves) and which color thread they wanted. It was only on one hand, so the other hand remained free. About a week and they were done!

Kp said...

I sucked my thumb for-ev-er as a kid. My parents broke me of it by painting my nails with sour flavored nail polish (it looked pretty so i felt all girly), and it tasted HORRIBLE.

Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 said...

Love the twist ending! It's like an M. Night Shyamalan movie (but I assume a lot more people will enjoy it).

Lindsay Aday said...

I sucked my pointer and middle finger on my right hand. My mom put the nasty nail polish-like stuff on them...the bitter taste was supposed to deter me, but instead, I just put the sheet over my fingers and sucked them like that until all the bitter taste had washed off. I finally stopped on my own in kindergarten because I decided it was too babyish and I was tired of trying to hide it in class.

Joanna said...

Real aloe vera is apparently VERY distasteful. It's the only way my sister got her daughter to stop nursing. Surely it would work for thumbs, too.

Anonymous said...

I really need to stop drinking when I read your posts. The appearance of water being shot out of my nose, onto my computer is getting ridiculous. I'm getting weird looks from everyone in the office now.

Jennifer said...

My daughter is also in kindergarten and uses her middle finger to track when she reads. She has an underbite due to thumb-sucking. We broke the sucking last winter by getting fancy duct tape and taping fancy gloves to her pajamas (that's why it was best to tackle in the winter). She only sucked when she had her detestible blanky and so we had to relegate that thing to bed use only. Also, I sat in her room while she fell asleep for a week (not a usual occurrence) for comfort. We tried a taste test after a month and she was cured. I am a nail biter and I will bite through the bitter nail polish any day. She is a nail biter too. Ah well.

Danielle said...

I have a seven year old little boy and a four year old little girl who both still suck their thumbs, but only at home and only when they're tired. When they're sleeping I can HEAR their sucking. I wasn't a sucker and still needed braces so I figured overbites are heriditary anyway and we'll cross that bridge in a few years.. Right now it comforts them so I don't fight them on it.

Sarah said...

It must be middle finger day. The Bloggess posted a video of Mr.Rogers "flipping people off". haha

Anonymous said...

Clearly she is meant to live in Massachusetts. There are a lot of people here that love that finger!

Anonymous said...

This was too funny. My son decided on his own to stop sucking his thumb, I think your daughter will probably do the same. I truly did see his teeth start to be not aligned correctly but they have gone back to where they should be since he stopped. I also agree with Danielle above - overbites run in my family and if he needs braces, I am not going to blame thumb sucking...

Lostintexasmama said...

Our dentist recommended (and sold us) an all natural nail polish made with an extract of cactus in the hopes it would deter my son from sucking his thumb. I tried it before painting it on his fingers, and oh my goodness, I could not get the bitter taste out of my mouth for hours. My poor baby had some tears when he forgot and put his painted thumb in his mouth. I felt a little bad, but he stopped sucking his thumb and hasn't had to get braces.

debrah said...

I am totally pimping myself and going to buy more books because I SO get you EVEN more tonight after my stupid Fn lunch lady freaking drama. UGH! PLEASE punch a lunch lady in the throat for me! http://mizzymuse.blogspot.com/2012/10/profanity-laced-lunch-lady-rant.html

Rebeccah said...

It's my favorite finger too. The funniest thing anyone said to me while on the phone was, "I gotta hang up. I need both fingers, I mean, hands." HA!

Anyway, I was a chronic thumb sucker until I was 9. One trip to the orthodontist, who explained what I was doing to my mouth and I was cured.

BMC0229 said...

Haha!Too funny! Love it!

Dan in Dallas said...

Jen -- Sounds like genetics :-)

TNMom said...

I am gonna have thumb sucking issues too. Mine is only just about to turn 3 though so I will allow it. (Plus it kinda keeps her a baby to me...) Daddy has already started telling her she can only suck it in bed. She will quietly ask me "mama? Can I suck my thumb?" It's so stinkin cute! She is my clone and I sucked mine till I was 8. She also has a little stuffed bunny with really long, soft ears that I got her for her first Easter, she was 4 months old. She has not let go of that thing YET! She calls her bun-bun and when she is mis-placed, drop everything and search!! I think this thing may be my bigger problem.
Devan

Deanna crazed said...

My son just turned 8 and still sucks his thumb. He only does it when he is tired. He uses one hand to twirl his hair in his fingers and sucks the thumb on his other hand. We have tried just about everything.. the nasty tasting fingernail polish, bribery..etc.. Crazy thing is, we told him that he was going to need braces if he didn't stop.. but after taking all 3 kids to the dentist a few months ago, the dentist said HE is the only one that didn't have cavities and doesn't need braces (his twin sister used to suck her fingers but stopped on her own a few years ago, and SHE needs braces! wtcrap?)

Wendy Wainwright said...

I don't have children (yet, I'm 38 weeks) but I taught for a long time and I would advise ignoring the sucking of the thumb. I've watched so many parents fight so many battles over pacifiers and blankets and thumbs and stuffed animal friends, etc., and I've known some who just let it be and eventually the kids give it up on their own...the battles seem to mostly prolong it. I would just ignore it. At some point some kid will look yours over and be like, "you still suck your thumb???" and that will be the end of the that! And it won't be mean enough to hurt your child or scar them for life or ruin their social standing for the rest of the year in that class. It'll be a two second thing that no one will ever remember!

http://marginalia.wendywainwright.com

Mexmom said...

This is so funny, at leas we know now that the middle finger has many other uses.

Ki said...

Baking bitter works well for stopping thumb sucking & nail biting.

Anonymous said...

Our kids dentist/orthodontist, Dr. Hemberger (in the KC area), put an appliance in my daughter's mouth that prevented her from sucking her thumb when she was in kindergarten or 1st grade. We'd tried everything. She quit right away and we didn't have any issues afterwards.

Anonymous said...

When my son was three he told me that the guy on the radio said a bad word. I asked him what word. He said, "It starts with F and rhymes with truck." I was so proud of his phonics skills!

Anonymous said...

My favorite story is of my nephew in church playing with his glove...my sister-in-law looks over at him and he's got all the fingers held down except the middle finger - which he's proudly displaying to the people sitting behind him!! My cousin was sitting 5-6 rows back and saw the whole thing..everyone got quite a chuckle. Still makes me laugh to this day thinking about it!!

Nancy said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! Thank
s for the laugh!!!!

Unknown said...

I sucked my thumb for ages. Then I smashed it somehow. Mom says I tried the other one and didn't like it. After it healed, I didn't go back to sucking my thumb. Hopefully you guys won't have that!

Anonymous said...

Honestly, I'm 25 and still a thumb sucker. But only if I'm REALLY tired or stressed. The rest of the time I'm a finger chewer. My mom tried everything to get me to stop when I was little. Fingernail polish? I'd lick my nail and scrub it on the blanket until the taste was mostly gone. Gloves I'd take off when she wasn't looking. Some of us just need to do it on our own.

imagia77 said...

I may be late but i must add my bird story. When i was little, probably about 6, i was sitting at the kitchen table while mom cooked dinner. I had my hand, palm down, lifting up my fingers one at a time. (No clue why...i was weird even then!) I got to my middle one and couldnt lift it by itself and it was the only one. So i picked up my hand and decided to practice...i guess my "pointer" finger just wasnt flexible. Finally i managed it and proudly said, "hey mom! Look what i can do!" As if i was the first person to catch on to it. I can still hear her shriek. You will be happy to know those finger muscles are MUCH looser now, courtesy of my husband and slow moving drivers

Tamara Cole said...

Ohmygosh! That was so funny! Sounds like something my son would do!

TaraLee said...

This is great! Now I can give my hubs the finger and tell him I'm just sharing my favorite finger with him, showing him the love!, lol. As for the thumb sucking, my oldest daughter was a terrible thumb sucker, and when she finally stopped that, she chewed her nails until they were a bloody mess. We tried everything, from that awful flavored nail polish, to gloves, etc. Finally, my mom took her for a set of gel nails. They were so pretty my daughter immediately stopped chewing/ sucking on her digits, and that stuff is indestructible, so chewing on her nails was no longer an option. She kept them for about 6 months, loving them and by the time she had them removed (for piano competition), the bad habits were broken. She never again sucked her thumb or chewed her nails again. We did this when she was really too young for gel nails, but it did the trick. Something to think about.

Middle-aged Diva (Carol) said...

My favorite, too! LOL
carol
http://www.carolcassara.com

b said...

Sorry if this is a repeat...but just so you know, studies have shown that kids who suck their thumbs (or fingers) tend to be more secure adults. My second son (of 4) sucked his two middle fingers FOREVER. And now he is 20. And he has the world by the balls.

Courtney F said...

Ha! So innocent, yet so freaking funny!

Kelly said...

I used this for my daughter when she was about 4. Worked wonders. She sucked her thumb all the time. Completely broke the habit within a week.

http://www.mavala-usa.com/mavala-stop/

Rory Bore said...

my kids are all fascinated by this little hand gesture. I don't know...some people do just really give it with some style, ya know?
Not me though - they saw a picture of Norman Reedus and obviously because Daryl Dixon himself does it: it must be cool.
See...this is why we can't have nice fandoms.