Moms Who Drink and Swear and I Have a Conversation


I can always count on Nikki at Moms Who Drink and Swear to find asshats in the internet. Today is no exception. She sent me a link to this dreamboat who shared his 10 things he finds unattractive in women and then made the mistake of asking me what I think. Well, since I'm a big mouthed, know it all, my first reply was, “Who the fuck does this guy think he is?” and “Damn. I'm like half that list. Am I annoying?” and that started the ball rolling for a conversation between MWDAS and PIWTPITT.

Bookplates Are Arriving!!

I'm hearing from readers that their signed bookplates are arriving!

Yay!

All of the cool kids got one of these.

A few of you are a bit confused as to why you're receiving my autograph in the mail. Well, you asked for it.

That's right. A few months ago I told you that my publisher offered to send bookplates to any reader who wanted one. You signed up. You willingly handed over your address and now you have a sticky thing with my name scrawled on it. You're welcome.

I know that several of you have threatened to Ebay this little treasure, but I warn you: you will be lucky if you get enough to cover the postage. Seller beware.

Now, you're probably wondering, "What do I do with this thing, Jen?" Is it a bookmark? Is it an IOU? Do you owe me money now? No, silly! You pull off the backing and you place this "collector's item" in the book People I Want to Punch in the Throat: Competitive Crafters, Drop Off Despots, and Other Suburban Scourges. If you have the e-book version, I don't recommend putting it on the screen of your device. It won't come off. You need to just get a book. Of course, I'd prefer for you to buy mine, but really I won't know what book you put it in.

Also, there's been some confusion about what the chicken scratch actually says. It doesn't say "For Ham" it says "Jen Mann," but I do love ham, so maybe I was thinking about ham when I signed these? I signed 1,400 of these suckers and my mind did wander sometimes and it caused a few mishaps. There is one lucky person out there with a bookplate that was signed "Jen Mom," because I've completely lost my identity.

Last thing, if you took the time out of your day to sign up for a bookplate, then you must be a big fan of my writing, or you have a lot of free time. Either way, I could use your help. I'm a FINALIST in the Goodreads Reader's Choice Awards. That's kind of a big deal to me. I've been voting in these awards for a long time and never dreamed I'd have a book in the finals. If you haven't already, would you Please VOTE FOR ME!

Caitlyn Ricci

It's like deja vu! A few months ago I wrote about the "adorable" New Jersey girl, Rachel Canning, who sued her parents for tuition. It's happening AGAIN in New Jersey! This time it's a 21 year old spoiled brat who hasn't spoken to her parents in two years who wants them to cough up money for her to attend a private university. A judge ruled in her favor!

Source: Maura McGarvey
That's right! Only the story gets better. So, Caitlyn Ricci (the new girl) has been raised by her divorced parents. Until two years ago when she was thrown out (or moved out -- even that's up for debate with these people) of her mom's house for being rebellious. She moved in with her paternal grandparents. Since that time she hasn't spoken to either of her parents and then the grandparents started paying her legal fees so that she could sue her parents to pay her college tuition. Did you follow all of that?

The Night My Friend Got Scolded for Feeding a Homeless Man


The other night it was pouring down rain, but my friend needed groceries. She left her warm, dry home and ventured out into the cold, wet night to get food for her family. When she arrived at the grocery store, she noticed a homeless man huddled under the awning of the grocery store. He was trying to stay out of the rain, but the wind was blowing and he was still getting wet. She saw a young female employee come out of the store and speak to him and then go back into the store. My friend got out of the car, opened her umbrella, and walked to the entrance of the store. She passed the homeless man who didn't speak to her and she went inside the store. The employee she'd seen before was coming back to the front of the store and she was holding a sandwich in her hands. "Is that for the man outside?" my friend asked.

"Yes," the girl replied. "He's hungry."

"Did you buy it or did the store give it to you?"

Adolpha at Cheerleading Practice

Tonight I entered the hallowed halls of my former high school for the first time since 1990 and I about broke out in hives.  The high school years were not the best for me and I am definitely not one of those people who would love to relive those "glory" days.  Instead, I gave that school the bird as I peeled out of the parking lot on my last day and vowed never to return.  Tonight I had to break that vow.

Not only did I have to venture back into that den of douchebags and dipshits, I went because I was bringing Adolpha to a cheerleading clinic.  The irony is not lost on me.

Some of Adolpha's friends signed up for this clinic and they asked if she'd like to join.  Adolpha has been telling us for years that she'd love to be a cheerleader and I keep re-directing to her to anything but.  I don't know why exactly.  It's not like the cheerleaders were any more horrible to me than the girls' tennis team.  I guess it's because when I think of cheerleaders I think of everything I am not:  girly, perky, bendy, and like totally adorable with soft and silky hair that bounces just right when they jump.  I couldn't avoid it any longer.  I want Adolpha to have fun with her friends and she might as well try cheerleading with some friendly faces surrounding her.  I took a deep breath and wrote the check.

I told a friend today that I was taking Adolpha tonight and that I wasn't looking forward to it.  She replied, "What's so bad about cheerleading?"

Anyone Else Falling Apart Or Is It Just Me?

So I'm pretty sure I'm going through a midlife crisis. I feel like I'm falling apart. I feel like the more I try to keep fro...